Okay, you're all probably mad but...

Merry Christmas

And here's some tissue..?

Chapter 63

Jack's POV

I never thought that there would come a day when I'd see one of my best friends be buried -- well, not this young, at least.

And I'm just such a wreck and I feel so numb, and I keep repeating to myself that no, this was not happening and yes, everything was eventually going to be okay.

Okay.

The word seems almost foreign to me. I tried wracking my brain for the last memory of me being okay.

And after contemplating for a few minutes, a small-- almost nonexistent --smile graced my lips. It wasn't wide or anything but still, it was a smile. I smiled ever so slightly because I can recall my last moment of being okay, it wasn't too long ago though, in fact it had only been yesterday. Yesterday, when Elsa was beside me.

Because yes, I am starting to lose my grip of sanity and yes, I can feel my world spinning, my world crumbling, but maybe being with Elsa was enough, maybe it was all I needed, maybe.

You'd probably be wondering why I feel so traumatized. Oh god, Jack, what's with this deep depression?

Well maybe it's because it hurts to feel. I've mostly been a cold person growing up for the fear of being able to feel. I've engraved it in my mind that any spark of emotion would mean weakness and I didn't want that. But not being able to feel made me miss out so much, it never made me truly happy. Yes, I  could joke and laugh around, but everyone was good at that, everyone could put up a facade to trick people into thinking that they were fine. But soon enough though, Elsa somehow broke pass these walls I have surrounded myself with. I don't know if she even tried but hell, she sure did make an impact on me and slowly, I felt myself being able to feel again.

Maybe it was good, maybe it was bad. But then again, it was mostly good. I had never been happier in my entire life and I wouldn't trade a single moment I had with Elsa for anything.

But now as I helplessly watch as they bury my best friend six feet under the ground, I was starting to test that theory.

I was never a fan of funerals--I'm guessing no one actually is-- especially burying the dead. I don't like the idea of placing anyone's body underground and just leaving them there to rot, it's just too much for me to bear.

And so after I whispered my last goodbyes and placed a flower on her coffin as they lowered it down, I sprinted away, wishing that the wind would just wipe my miseries away.

------

Elsa's POV

Jack ran off once he had said his supposedly final goodbye to Venice. He didn't want to do a speech anyway, I don't blame him though. I don't need people reciting empty, unmeaningful words of sympathy. I know not all people are like that but some are.

No, I didn't follow Jack. I know that he needs space and I'm going to give him that. I sighed as they had begun refilling the hole once again as I close my eyes in contemplation as I reminisce Venice's final words.

"Take care of Jackson."

It echoed in my head like some sort of mantra.

"Take care of Jackson."

And the guilt was eating me up alive, for lying to him, for leaving him clueless as to what I was about to say.

I just hate it, I hate the fact that I'm keeping a secret that has been kept too long to prevent any damage anymore.

***

I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, somehow hoping that it would have the answers.

I frowned as I realized that that was impossible. So I looked back at Jack who was standing in front of Venice's Tombstone while I stood near a tree just about a mile away. I felt myself suffocating, the words that had been dying to be released from my mouth are being choked up my throat, rendering me speechless. My mind went blank as I realized that I had walked up to him, and that he was facing me with a sad smile on his lips.

Don't do this to him, Elsa.

But he deserves to know!

But what if you don't move away, then he wouldn't have to he hurt.

But I can't just run away from my responsibilities.

Screw your responsibilities, Jack needs you more.

But mom and the company...

You're too young to handle all that and you know it.

But I'm the only one mom can count on, and I don't want t--

"Elsa?" My inner war between myself was cut off as Jack looked at me with a mixture of sadness, curiosity and concern reflected by his eyes.

"J... Jack," I couldn't focus right now, I almost wasn't able to say his name, which was very unlikely of me.

"Are you okay?" He whispered so quietly that I almost never got it but really, that was all it took for me to explode into a sobbing mess.

"Elsa, what's wrong?" He frowned. I cried even harder because I was the one who was supposed to be comforting him, turns out the tables have turned.

"I'm sorry," And that's all that I could say to him. I kept repeating 'I'm sorry' as though it was a mantra, as though itwas some sort of spell-- a spell that would fix this mess.      

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Shh, Elsa, what's wrong?" He repeated the question.

I rubbed my eyes and looked directly at his "Everything's wrong."

"What do y--" I cut him off, placing a finger to his lips, signaling for him to just listen.

I sighed, "Jack, I would never intentionally hurt you, and you know that. But I can't help but feeled so pressured."

I closed my eyes and blurted everything out, before I cower away again "I... I have to leave. And-no it's not only for weeks, it could be months- years even. And, and when I leave, I don't know when I'll see you again. I don't know if I'll ever see you again, and that-- that thought scares me, Jack."

His face was scrunched up by now, his thumbs wiping stray tears from my cheeks "Elsa, I don't understand... what are you saying?"

"I'm leaving because of the damn company! I'm leaving here to another state just so that I could help my mom with the business, because if I don't, we might lose everything we put up. I don't want to think about letting Anna sleep on the streets, Jack, I don't!" My eyes were squeezed shut, as though it would hurt to open them-- maybe it would, because then I'd see Jack's face, his reaction, and he's probably mad at me.

"Y-you're leaving... me?" He stuttered, and then I did open my eyes, mine meeting his. His eyes were so hollow- so distant, almost like they were dead.

My tears were falling uncontrollably by now, like a broken faucet. "I'm leaving in two days." I breathed out.

And his head snapped back to look at me, "Since... since when did you know about this?"

"Quite a while, I... was g-given a week." I whispered

"A week... a damn week," he brought his hands up to his temple, massaging it.

I expected him to explode- to throw a fit, which he had every right to, but instead he wrapped me in a tight embrace.

"I don't care, Elsa." He said. I felt my breathe hitch... what?

"I don't care how far you are from me, how long we won't see each other, I. Don't. Care. We'll... we'll make it work.."

"Jack.. wha-"

"Do you trust me?" He asked, pulling away from the hug so he could look at me in the eyes.

"Jack--"

"Elsa, do you trust me?" He cut me off again.

"Yes, of course. But y--"

"Then trust me when I say we'll make it through this- distance is nothing."

"But Jack you don-"

"Elsa, listen to me, okay? Tell me tha-"

"I'm letting you go!" I practically yelled to get his attention [A/N: I swear, if I see let it go comments here,]

He looked rather taken a back, "Wha... what?" He asked in disbelief.

"I'm... letting you go," I forced my head down, unable to meet his eyes.

"What-why?" He asked again.

"I don't want to leave you hanging here while I'm gone, I don't want you to be hurting when you could do so much better. I don't want you to feel tied up to me, I want you free, I want you happy."

"What if I told you that you're what's keeping me happy?" He asked, lightly holding my hands.

"I'm... I'm not the only one who could make you happy." I argued back, which was true.

"Nonsense." He said, looking at me dead in the eyes.

He breathed out angrily, pacing back and forth before speaking again, "Y-you know? I asked myself when I was last considered okay, with all this crap going on, and I thought- it was yesterday, with you, I was okay because I was with you." He said.

"But it looks like..." he paused, and I could see the hurt in his eyes, "it looks like you don't want to be with me."   

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[A/N: Okay, now you're definitely mad. I'll update little note here some time, tomorrow, hopefully. I want to share something with you all and explain why I had been gone for months

**space for ranting about how crappy of an author I am**

it's like 11pm? And I'm honestly so sleep deprived that I almost forget my name all the time so I just really squeezed this to my sched but 1.6M READS WOAH. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I honestly understand if most of my potatoes stopped reading this and had lost faith in this book- I'd lose faith in this book as well. but I just wanna say that all 5.79k of you potatoes make me feel so happy and make my heart feel fuzzy and warm... which is good, btw. I'll make it up to you all somehow, just give me time c: Ily ♡♡

-POTATO QUEEN WHO ALMOST FORGOT HER NAME ]