The best part about mornings are that you get to start afresh, a better perspective, a clean slate and a renewed reflection. But, again, often humans fail to choose it wisely.

It was early Saturday morning when Bondita opened her eyes, lazily at first and then at once, suddenly aware of how she was sleeping, her body intertwined with that of her husband's.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't what she had intended it to be, but perhaps habitual actions in the unconsciousness of sleep pays no heed to what one has to say in full awareness.

She tried to move her head a little, careful enough not to wake him up, as she saw her baby sleeping peacefully beside her.
This wasn't how it was last night! The baby was sleeping in the middle, then how did...

Bondita sighed softly, and Anirudh moved a little, retracting his arm from below Bondita's head, reflexively, in sleep.
She had made his arm her pillow all night, unknowingly.

Bondita tried to shift her side, but, Anirudh's other hand had snaked her firmly, his palm on her breasts, cupping her softness in his sleep.
Bondita gulped.
The acute feeling of his hardened erection pressing on her waist was hard to ignore, and his right leg was on top of hers, crushing her gently with his weight.

"Barrister Babu..."
Finding no way out of his firm embrace, she finally decided to call him, softly.
"Barrister Babu, let me get up." She whispered.

Anirudh opened his eyes at once.
"How is she? Rudhi?" He strained his eyes at his wife's beautiful morning face, his gaze on the smudged vermillion dot on her forehead.

"She is sleeping." She murmured, and tried to shake his hand off her body.

Anirudh groaned and nuzzled on her neck, his grip tightening further on her breasts, but then, suddenly, like a lightning struck soul, he loosened his hold on her body, letting her break free.

"Sor... Sorry." He murmured.

Bondita didn't reply. She pulled the loose end of her saree from under his body and covered her bosoms with it. Her eyes were lowered.

"It's alright. You don't have to apologise."
She prepared to leave the bed as Anirudh got up and held her hand quickly, drawing her close to him, a little.

"No Bondita, it's not alright." He spoke slowly. "I need to apologise, for that night... I didn't mean to..."

"You didn't mean to what? Push me away?" Bondita spoke firmly.

"Yes." Anirudh was looking down now, his face drawn in an apology. "And, also for imposing my ideas on you."

"So you realised?"
Bondita sighed, and looked away.

"Bondita, I never meant to impose my thoughts and ideas on you. I always wished you good, I've wished you success. I've experienced the potential that you have, Bondita, it's rare, and it hurts me when I see that you aren't utilising it to its maximum."
Anirudh's voice was suddenly a bit restless, as if desperately trying to prove his point, and Bondita frowned at the abrupt change of his apology into an accusation.

"Who told you I'm not using my potential to the maximum?"
She asked coldly.

"Because, I can see it... You aren't studying... You aren't doing..." His voice was climbing up gradually.
"Bondita, in Dehradun you were involved in so many social service activities, you really made a difference, even in Tulsipur... the school you started was an immense success, it changed so many lives, but..." He paused to take a breath, "but, after coming to Calcutta, it seems that you have lost your purpose, you're just interested in playing my wife!"

Bondita glared at him.
"I don't have to play your wife, I am your Wife!"

"But you are a lot more too, I don't want you to be just My Wife, Bondita... Please, try and understand."

"And here I thought someone was apologising for being too imposing."
She scoffed.

Anirudh exhaled loudly and looked away, trying to calm himself down, as he turned towards his wife again, speaking to her in a much more soothing tone.
"Look, Shona... I don't want to impose anything on you... It's just that I don't want us to have another baby now. We have Rudhi, don't we..." He tried to touch her chin, but she moved her head back.
"First complete your degrees, figure out what you want to do with your life, and then we can think of bringing another life in this world, together." He paused, trying to gauge Bondita's expression.
"Shona, I can't bear the thought of losing you for the same reason I lost my mother." He sighed deeply, "I'm willing to not father a child, ever, but I'm, under no circumstances, willing to put you at any risk."

"Again, Barrister Babu, you are imposing your wishes on me. Have you wondered what I want?"

"I know what you want Bondita, and I got a glimpse of what you can do to get what you want... You can't simply force me to comply without my consent!"

"Without your consent?"

"Ofcourse, I was loving my wife that night, placing my trust on her, that she won't take advantage of my vulnerability."

"Your vulnerability? And what about mine?" Bondita's words were getting choked, just a little more and she would burst out into fits of emotions once again.

Anirudh swallowed hard, and closed his eyes, gulping down his pent up emotions.

"Bondita, I've never imposed myself on you... And, I would never... And, hence if this is what you want, to become a mother... Then... Then give me sometime, please... Let me prepare myself to face this fear of mine."

"Fear? Having a baby is a fear to you?" Her hands were now busy wiping the tears from her reddened eyes.
"And, how can you say you haven't imposed anything on me... You have! always?"
Clear sobs were making her words staggered now, and Anirudh sat quietly on the bed, infront of her, his head lowered in an eminent defeat.

"Did you ever ask me if I wanted to learn horse riding like Batuk? You made me read your law books instead." She sobbed. "Did you ask me if I would want a skateboard for my birthday like Batuk? No! You chose a typewriter for me instead. When I wanted to wear jewelleries and be the perfect bahu that KakaSasurji wished for, you made me wear trousers and jog with you! Which girl jogs with her husband, Barrister Babu? Do you even know the aftermath? The bashing I received?" She paused to sniff back tears. "I wanted to learn piano Barrister Babu, like you, and you put me to extra mathematics classes instead, and now you're saying you haven't imposed anything on me."

The sound of her soft weeping was filling up the room with a dull grey cruelty, and Anirudh felt it's strains in his heart.
His arguments suddenly appeared futile and meaningless to the emotional blow that his wife was throwing at him.

"And?" He asked patiently, his hand was now rubbing his forehead, as he finger brushed his unkempt hair twice.

"And, you imposed separation, you didn't even ask once whether I wanted to go to Dehradun or not... You had just sent me away... And then, when I was confident that I'll be able to live a life alone, with your memories, you chose to suddenly appear out of nowhere and woo me off my feet."

"I didn't ask you before sending you to Dehradun because I already knew your answer. And, it wouldn't have been the right decision to listen to you at that time,... you were loosing it Bondita, and so was I." He exhaled, reflectively, his mind back to those dark days he had spent without her.
"I came to Dehradun because I had to, and it was the right time... You are mine Bondita... Where else would I go?"

"Very convenient, Barrister Babu, isn't it?" She huffed.
"Loving me whenever you feel like, as if my feelings doesn't even hold anything!"

"But, I never did anything without your consent, Bondita, did I?"

"You did... You didn't ask me that night, in Dehradun, when I came into your study... You just..."
She looked away.

His eyes were now narrowed.
"But, you didn't stop me either... That night, you came to me, in the dark, wearing the flimsiest gown ever, with those meaningful glances... Weren't those your consents?" He closed his eyes and sighed.
"Sorry if I misread it... And if I have truly misread you, then I've sinned Bondita, you have no idea..."

"You accused me of seducing you inside the tent that night!" Bondita hadn't let Anirudh complete his sentence.
"Was it only me? And, you had no part to play? Absolutely not?"
Uncontrollable tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"That picnic was a mistake Bondita, and hence I had to take the hardest decision of my life... the decision to send you away, but, trust me Shona, my intentions were not wrong... I was already in love with you by then... but, I was just waiting for the right time to make you..."

"You always talk about the right time, Barrister Babu, but, how are you so sure that whatever you do is always on the right time?" Bondita had interrupted again, making him sigh.
"I'm not as good as you in counting time, and hence, I believe whatever is at present, one should always make the most of it... There is no right time, but, you make every time Right!"

Anirudh nodded at her words, somehow this fiestiness of his soft spoken wife was making him proud, and may be aroused a little, in a forbidden way. He wanted to pin her down, right then, and kiss her feverishly, but all the moment offered him was silent agreement.
Bondita continued.
"You are good with numbers, aren't you? And hence you counted, fourteen too young and eighteen too perfect to make me yours, yet not perfect enough for me to conceive... How are you so good with numbers?"
The sharp taunt in her words didn't miss his attention, and looking up in her eyes, Anirudh now spoke in a tone that made Bondita shiver in her spine.

"I've always been good with numbers Bondita, I married you when you were nine, and I have loved you since, and I fell for you, head over heels, five years later, but I waited another four years to make you mine, well a little more than four years to be precise... " He chuckled, "You want to know exactly how many days I have waited? One thousand five hundred and ninety days to be exactly... And, do you have any damn idea how unbearable that wait was?" He exhaled loudly, and slowly got down from the bed, "You are right, I'm good with numbers, and guess what, I have a count of every moment that I've spent in your thoughts."
He picked up a thin brown shawl from the couch and wrapped it around his body.

"Why did you wait?"
Bondita murmured, and Anirudh chuckled.

"Ethics, Bondita, ethics and moral, your husband somehow can't see past these... Apologies again."
He slowly walked out of the room, leaving Bondita alone, yet again, torn between self-guilt and vexation, and as her weeping intensified, growing louder with the remembrance of every word that he spoke, the sound of her agony started to reverberate inside the closed walls of the room...
And, it was then that the abruptly awakened baby too, joined her mother!

...................................................  

PS: Refer to the chapter 'Lip-locked' in Unventured Territory to know the reference that Bondita was making about her consent. It was their first proper romantic encounter.
You can then decide, who here is right.