When the vulnerable self feels the rise of sad tidings, the weeping begins in that quiet and desolate way. Tears are natural and strong, for it belongs to those with the courage to show their vulnerable self.
Bondita felt vulnerable...
She wanted to cry out loud, she wanted to hold Anirudh by his collar and shake him, she wanted to tell him, how could he!
How could he even think she would do such a thing? That she would be lured by someone's big promises, that she would want fame and riches over him?
It's wasn't his words that had hurt her, it was the breach of trust that she had felt for the first time in long ten years of their companionship.
How could Anirudh... her Anirudh, mistrust her?
Tears came as if her pain had at last condensed into a deluge of rain. She had locked herself inside their bathroom, sitting under the shower, as jets of water washed the streaming moisture flowing down her red cheeks.
She heard Rudhi crying outside, in her crib, the loud wail slowly subsiding into soft sobs and then into cheerful coos, Anirudh was probably there with her, Bondita thought, as tears rolled down her eyes with a renewed vigour.
She was crying too, and Anirudh knew it very well, but yet he didn't make any attempts of calming her down!
How could he?
How could he just ignore her like this!
She closed her eyes yet again, pulling her hurled up knees close to her breasts as her body shook convulsively.
"How could you not realise how I'm hurting Barrister Babu? How could you not?" Her murmured words were muffled by the gushing jets of water as she finally buried her face in her knees and sat still.
............................................

"Open the door, Shona... Please... Open the door."
Anirudh voice came from outside the latched bathroom door as Bondita sat weeping inside.
"Shona, I promise I won't talk about boarding school ever again..."
Anirudh had kept his head on the bathroom door as his impatient voice rang softly accompanied by gentle knocks.

"Shotti?"
A sobbing voice echoed from inside after a minute of silence.

"Yes Shona... Shotti!"

The door was unlatched promptly as Anirudh saw his little wife sitting on the wet floor completely drenched in water.
Her eyes were moistened and swollen as she continuously rubbed her crimson puffy cheeks to dry off the tears.

"Why did you want to send me to a boarding school in the first place?" She sobbed the words as Anirudh stooped down and cupped her face lovingly.

"Shona... First stop crying... As I promised, I'm not going to send you anywhere... So wipe your tears first." He ran his thumb gently on her cheek to wipe the ever-flowing tear-strain.
"You know who cries? People who are weak. Are you weak Bondita?"

"It's not... It's not in my control... I.. I just can't stop..." Bondita's sobs rose louder as Anirudh let out a long sorrowful sigh and sat down on the wet floor infront of her.

"You'll... You'll get wet... You'll... You'll fall sick..." Her words staggered.

"I know." Anirudh tried to smile. "But so are you... You're soaking wet. What if you fall sick?"

"But, but you don't love me Bar... Barrister ba... Babu... How does it ma... matter if I fall... fall sick."
The intensity of her tears increased as she uttered the last words.
Anirudh closed his eyes. There wasn't anything in the world that could hurt him more than her tears. He took a deep breath and pulled her petite dampened body close to his chest, snaking her in the warmth of his masculine arms.

"Who told you that I don't love you?" He tightened his embrace to reduce the intensity of her quivering.

"You do?" Bondita murmured as Anirudh touched her hair gently running his fingers through her damp hair.

"Yes. I do. A lot." He replied back.

Bondita clutched the back of his shirt and looked up into his eyes.

"Then why did you want to send me to a boarding school? Away from you?" Her eyes reflected the hurt she bore inside, saddening Anirudh further.

"Shona, I want you to do well in life... And for that you'll have to study, which you aren't doing here."
He let out another sigh.

"Oh... Just because I failed in one subject?"
Her eyes fumed up in objection.
"I told you everyone in my class failed... Not just..."

"It's not about that Bondita..." Anirudh tried to reason.
"It's in general. You aren't studying..."

"How can you say I'm not? I'm..."

Aniridh didn't let her complete the sentence.
"No Bondita, you aren't. You are more interested in praying to multiple gods and doing rituals than studying."
He pointed towards the multiple red and yellow threads tied to her left wrist.
"What's all these? This is not my Bondita!"

Bondita's eyes followed his, as she touched the threads and ran her fingers along them.
"They are for your good." She murmured.
"Your good health and long life... And our happy marriage... And sons... And..."

"Are you even listening to what you are saying?" Anirudh stopped her.
"Happy marriage? Sons? Bondita you are speaking as if we've met for the first time.
It's like... I can't recognise you anymore?"
Anirudh looked away, clearly unhappy at her words.

"How is any of these wrong Barrister Babu?" She protested.
"I'm your wife... Can't I pray for your happiness? Our marriage?"
Her subsided sobs gave rise to raging anger.
"When Malati and Parul and everyone can pray for sons, why can't I?"

"Because you are different... Because you aren't Malati and Parul, because you are Bondita... My Bondita." He paused, cupping her face once again.
"And my Bondita is meant to study and shine in life and do big things. My Bondita is meant to make girls like Malati and Parul understand what's right and what's wrong." His eyes bore deep into the big brown orbs staring back at him.
"Bondita, if staying here is distracting you from your goal, then is it not good for you to go somewhere you can focus?"

"Away from you? I'd rather die."
Bondita promptly replied making Anirudh pull her closer to his chest again.

"Don't say that again."
His voice was calm.
"Bondita, this isn't the time to do all these. These threads, you fasting and not studying isn't going to make me happy. If you truly want to make me happy then do well in school. Be a good human being."

"And, what about sons?"
Bondita's words were muffled in his chest.

"Whose sons? What about them?" Anirudh removed the wet strands of hair from her shoulders draining water from them.

"Ours."
She hushed.

A soft curve played on Anirudh's thin lips as he held her shoulder and tried to lift her face from his chest.

"How old are you Bondita?" He asked her gently.

"Twelve."

"Do you think this is the age for you to have sons?"

Bondita nodded her head.
"But, KakaSasurji said it's my responsibility to give you sons." She protested.

"Hm... And, this is also a reason why I want you to go to a boarding school... Away from all these toxicity."

"Toxicity? But..."

Anirudh didn't let her complete.
"Bondita, I want you to listen to me... Very carefully. Alright." His voice was calm and grave.
"You are a small child. Although we are married, but we aren't like the others... You are my....?"

"Student?" Bondita murmured.

"Yes. And much more than that. You are my responsibility, a sweet responsibility that I cherish. And you have given my life a purpose."

"What purpose?" She wiped her tears.

Anirudh smiled lovingly at her.
"I'll tell you some other day. Now that you aren't going to a boarding school, we've all the time in the world to talk about all these."
He took the wet end of her saree and squeezed water out of it.
"And Bondita, always remember that you are meant to do big things, for the society, you aren't meant to have sons... Alright?"

Bondita nodded her head slowly.
"But, why not do big things and have sons as well?" Her voice was low, and her eyes widened in mild protest.
"I want us to have sons." She hugged him even tighter.

Anirudh furrowed his eyes at her confident words.
"Why do you want to have sons again?" He asked her softly trying to gauze the cause of her demand.

"Because, because KakaSasurji and... and everyone says that our marriage won't be complete till the time I don't give you sons." She looked into his eyes expectantly.

"How do you think you can have a son, Bondita?" Anirudh looked into her eyes curiously, his words were measured.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you Barrister babu." She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck.
"We need to pray together, to the gods, all the gods." Her face lit up brightly, water dripping still from her wet locks making her appear angelic.
"Or, you could..." she bit her lips bashfully.

"Or, I could?" Anirudh's jaws stiffened in displeasure as his eyebrows furrowed further.

"You could just buy me one. I'm sure they sell sons somewhere..."
Anirudh couldn't find words for a moment. Her innocence had made him exhale a long held breath of relief.
His baby wife had just asked him to buy her a son from some market, and at that instance he suddenly couldn't fathom whether he should laugh or cry at her words.

"We'll see about that Bondita. But, for now, let's get up. You are sitting here, drenched for quite sometime now, let's get you dried up quickly. Alright?" He got up from the floor and pulled Bondita up by her arm. But, as she tried to stand up, her foot got tangled into the dampened lose end of her saree making her slip on the floor.
"Barrister Babu..."
She had cried as Anirudh's hand promptly reached at the back of her head, forming a sheath to shield her from the probable hurt.
"I got you Shona." He hushed.
Bondita slowly stood upright, pulling his hand slowly from the back of her head. Tiny droplets of blood had surfaced on the knuckles of his hand as it had scrapped on the hard surface of the bathroom floor.

"Barrister Babu...!" Bondita's voice had quivered as she took his name this time.
"Your hand... It's bleeding...!"

Anirudh smiled lovingly.
"That's my punishment for making you cry." He bend down and scooped her wet little frame in his arms.
"This would remind me not to make you cry." He walked out of the bathroom door cradling her gently towards her room.
"And, if I ever make you cry, I shall bled even more. Alright?"

.................................................
"No!!!"
Bondita suddenly cried out as her chain of thoughts broke. She quickly wiped her tears and stood up from the bathroom floor, a strange anger filling her up in place of the helpless sorrow.
"I'm not crying Barrister Babu... I'm not weak."

They say sadness is behind anger, yet anger never comes unless in direct self defence, and so perhaps Bondita could credit this natural passivity with her willingness to cry and feel pain, to let the sorrow teach her more about the true nature and how fragile humans are.
But, this brief reminisce of the past had metamorphosed her sadness into a suppressed anger.
How can her Barrister Babu give up on her so easily?
How can he not... ever once... tried to know the truth?
How?

She unlatched the door slowly and came out of the bathroom.
Her soaked body had left water marks on the dry carpet.

It had taken her quick ten minutes to change into dry clothes as she quickly rushed into their bedroom, hoping to confront her husband and tell him the truth. But alas! he wasn't there... Infact Rudhi wasn't there either.
'Bondita, one should never drag their problems to the bedroom.'
She suddenly remembered his wise words.
Swallowing her apprehensions and slowly walked out of the door, leading her way to the drawing hall.
And, there he was!
Sleeping on the couch, cradling baby Rudhi on his chest, both fast asleep.

"Strike two!" Bondita murmured.