Clouds

Clouds roam around in
Circles.
Some Neutral , Mostly Dark
Rarely light.
I'm Blinded by Dark Hues
Never Seeing Light.

I'm Tired and Drained and Numb

Constantly Acting to be Okay
When I'm Not.

Depression is a Sick Foreigner :
They don't Greet
They don't Understand
They only Pity

‘Oh it'll go away! It's just a Phase’
No it's not.
It's been here since 2017

Some days
I experience :
Hazy Clouds
Some days Violent Storms
Some days Clear Clouds
And
Some days Darks and Red.

My Head is Under Water
Of Poison and Hate ,
My Eyes are Covered with
Cataracts of Anxiety and Fear.
My Body is Fighting —
On the Edge of Giving in
My Body feels Choked .
Choked with Whips of Insecurities
Chains of Fears
Stones of Depression
And
Cold of Anxiety.

It's Destroying Me
Spilling Onto Me Slowly.
So Slowly , that I can
Taste Each Metallic Sip.
Spilling in Gases of —
Reds
Blacks
Greens and
Blues.

All dark

My Heart is Mourning
Mourning for the Death of my
Long Gone Self and Happiness.
My Mind is Untangling and
Getting Tangled
In Chains and Whips of
Unsaid words
That no one knows about .

I don't know Explanation
I can't talk
All I know is :

My head's Under The Clouds
And I'm Floating in Black Dead Sea.

I try not to think
But I'm continuously Poisoned by
Shadows of Medicine .
I like Pain ,

I like Spilling Maroon Blood
From my Heart onto the Knife.
It's how I Calm Myself
It's Destructive
But it Keeps Me Going.

One day ,
One day I hope I'll Come Out
And Watch the Birds Sing ,

See the Merry and Live and
Not just Exist.

One day ,
I hope the rope of hope ;
Doesn't burn.
One day ,
Maybe my Efforts and Tries
Will Bear Fruits.

One day ,
I'll be Over the Clouds.
In a Land Faraway from the
Palace of Dark Blues.

One day I'll be Happy ,
Till then I'll Keep going.

But for Today :
I'll let the Clouds take over
And
Sink my Head underneath the Water
And
Experience Bittersweet - Painful
Warmness and Comfort.

I'd let the Dark - Shadowed Sea
Comfort and Make me Feel
Home.
One Day I'll be okay ;
Till then I'll keep Floating and
Singing .
 

This poem is a dark poem and it's about my depressive episode . I'll fix the mistakes later.

- Ridhima Joshi