Seeing his eyes, his smile, I wish 
I could capture that live moment by a 
Camera and store it in my memory for awhile.
He's precious and attracts me to him like lights does to moth - 
Awakens my curiosity and makes me want to know him better,
Deeper in a way that I want more of him.
Yet not want him, I want to know him better yet I don't know 
In what way is it that I feel pulled towards him, 
Unable to hit bull's Eye, nothing is set in stone.
All I've come to realise is that I carry a soft spot for him 
In my heart, how I came to acquire it is unknown to me,
I've a soft spot for him - a concept I was unaware of.

I feel for him, I can see it, 
See my behaviour when he's around,
I'm myself, I'm safe, I feel safe with him In a way 
That felt unattainable, I'm comfortable. 
His energy feels like a piece of home.
Home. 
Except its not my home, Not mine to take, 
Though that doesn't stop me from wanting to be in his company,
I yearn to be around him, I yearn to know him better,
To be around him and I've not felt a want so strong before. 
There's an air of mystery to him - of hidden past and 
Haunting demons clawing at his mind; 
Air of struggle and hardships, you can see it in his eyes 
That give so much away.
I've met him not much yet I miss him so much. 

I miss him even after I told him I hated our 2nd meet,
Even in anger I'm scared he'll leave,
That he'll walk away and lit the roads on fire, 
Abandon me, keeping the doors open once more, 
The air becoming colder again, the passage overwhelming. 

Can't pinpoint what's it that I feel 
There's fear, there's the looming fear of running away –
Of fight or flight igniting again, everytime,
I get close to somebody - new or old.
Fear of abandonment, flinches connected to past, 
Roots & stems of traumatic memories branch out.
Even though I'm healing, In process –
Unlearning, rewiring, learning, relearning & Breaking 
All over again. 
Healing so I know better 
Yet the cracked skin, the unhealed wounds sting, 
Haven't put an ointment on it.
Getting close to people, relationships scare me, 
Especially after what my rec-ex boyfriend did to me,
I get chills on a whole another level.
So this soft spot, me developing softness for this new guy in 
My heart isn't helping, it scares me. I don't want to get close, 
I fear abandonment again. I fear.

Can't shake off the sight of him in a 
Red tee, sleeves rolled up, metal kada on his right hand,
His tall stature and his eyes. 
Can't get his smile out of my mind. 
Unable to get his 'hanji' out of my memory,
All of him is like an imprint on my mind.
Can't forget the roughness of his hands, 
The way he held my hand to cross road, 
The laughs during our first meet.
I can't forget him in that lilac t-shirt.
Can't forget his gentlemanly behaviour at first.
I think I'm falling for him the way I'm writing about it,
Writing about him, pouring my heart out uncensored.
I think I'm starting to develop affection for him 
And that scares me, I don't want it.
Can't allow the SoftSpot to Transcend into 
Something deeper and more affectionate, 
I can't do that. 

-Ridhima Joshi