Today is the day when remembrance
Of thee is very strong.
Thou wanted to live for another
20 years but perhaps that wasn't
Meant to be your story.
Perhaps you were supposed to be
A protagonist in a short story and not
A novel.
Papa, I miss thee.
I miss thy fuljhadi smile that
Lit up the rooms.
I miss thy analytical eyes that had
Enough warmth to lit up a
Wooden pyre.
Papa I miss thy voice.
Thy voice, my support system,
My pacifier.
I miss my tranquility.

Papa how I wish you were
Here to guide me.
To be the lighthouse to my ship whilst
I sail away on my journey.
Papa how I wish you were here to
Hold me, comfort me, keep me safe.
Shield me away from the wrath of
The world in a place that I know as
Home.
You are home ; I'm homeless now.
Papa, I wish to hear your voice
Again.
To hear the words " aasman gira toh
Bhi utha lenge".
'Even if the skies fall, we'll lift it up.
We will conquer, we will win'.

I hope that you're around me.
That your soul is with me even though
All I have left is your asthiyan,
Your remains that shall be
Immersed in the holy land of
Trimbkeshvar right next to Shivling,
Like how you wished them to be.
Papa, I miss thee and I love you.
My actions said it enough,
I just wish I could stop time,
Still it, go back to the midnight of
17.11.20.
And be with you in your final
Moments.
Never got to say goodbye;
I dont want to say goodbye but
I have to.
You were the light of my life.
My best friend; the sun to this plant
That is me, your sona.
You were my everything and now
I have no one.
I'm an orphan.
My home is empty, the wind is no more.

Only colour that I spill is the colour
Of my red ink that flows in rivulets
On paper.
Only rivers I touch are the one
Flowing down my cheek,
Covering my canvas in waterfall of
Colours I never wanted.
The only photographs that I have are
Photographs of thee in my memory.
How I wish you were here, papa.

Your body betrayed you by
Giving you up.
Time betrayed me by not giving me
Enough moments with you.
Fate played a cruel game and took
Away the flame of my candle
Leaving only coldness & loneliness
Behind.
How I wish you were here.
How I'd give anything just to hold
Your hand and tell you that I'm here.
Express my love, my gratitude,
My admiration & respect for you.
To tell you how lucky and thankful
I'm to be your daughter & of having
This runan-bandhan of
Father-daughter relationship in this
Life.
I love thee and not even these tears
Can stop the sea of uncertainty that
Lays infront of me.
I do not want to drown.
I dont want to step into the
Valley o' vulnerability.
But I'll have to.
Face the curves of this play we call
'Life'.
I'll wait for what is mine.
What belongs to me and is made for
Me.
Nothing will ever fill this vase of
Void you left behind, I'll always
Miss you.
The light of my life, keep on shining in
Sky as a star next to your God Shankar.
Love,
Sona.

-Ridhima Joshi

12.12.20

Close to a month since you left me. This is an ode to the vulnerability that surrounds me.