~please tell me I'm not as forgettable as your silence is making me feel~

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and live just a little bit better.

My sister Safina. She's more jovial and lively than I am,Being the eldest. She's my first best friend in the whole wide world. She's always been there for me when I needed her. She's the definition of the perfect elder sister.

She knows everything about Safwan, and she has been by my side through the worst heartbreak of my life.

"You look like hell, I brought you here to cheer you up but you are still moody," Safina whined.

Safina took me for shopping, trying to lighten up my mood. She has been the chatter since our arrival at the mall. She's really a chatterbox. And I love her that way.

She's just two years older, but people say I behave more maturely than her. Even mum thinks so.

Sometimes I envy her a little. The way she live life to the fullest. She's always smiling and happy. She has no reasons to be sad because she never gives sadness a chance to ruin her happiness. She stand atop all. Unique in her own ways.

"Lets go check some shoes, I need new shoes."

We finished shopping after a lot of begging from me to Safina. On our way home we decided to buy some ice cream. Oh i love ice cream, ice cream is my first love. After all ice cream will never break my heart.

We arrived home late afternoon. I went straight to my room without a single glance on my way.

Ever since i fainted or lets say I picked that ring i have been having awkward feelings, like something is amiss, there is something missing in me. A feeling I fail to recognize, A feeling that shake my soul into pieces without realization of what the reason could be.

I shook that though away from my mind and went straight to shower. Lately my thoughts have been too occupied with baseless thoughts.

But the positivity is that I hardly think of Safwan these days. And it is an actual great achievement to me.

At long last I'm moving on, I'm forgetting him gradually. Insha Allah.

No matter how my first love ended it will always be a lesson to me. And I'm learning from that mistake. Trust.

Trust is the first thing I need to remove from my life before I move on.

To trust someone blindly. To hand over your fragile heart to someone expecting it to be loved in return. It's a trust I can't decipher. No one in this world deserves to be trusted blindly. And that a lesson I have learned the hard way.

If the person you love keeps showing you reasons not to love them. It's because they sometimes do not want you to love them.

I cannot keep trying to love a person who doesn't want to be loved. And I cannot try to rescue a person who isn't ready to be rescued. I cannot keep expecting a bird to fly with a broken wings, even after you have fixed them, unless the want to fly again. When a person wants to change, they have to search that change in their hearts. Sadly sometimes you have to stop trying to fix every broken bird. The truth is not everybody will appreciate your love and kindness. Some will insult it, some will appreciate it and some will use it as a means to get what they want, then they leave it.

If he has left me and me still dancing to the idea of him coming back to me or of him being the right person for me.no, he is wrong. He is not for me, he has never been meant for me and he will never be for me. He came and left at his appointed time, it is time to let him go, it is time to free him from my heart and mind. And in time he will return, he will return when he runs into the world, being free from me, free from his Commitment, but will only perhaps stumble across heartbreak and misery, just like I felt. Just like he made me feel.

And when he comes back to me, it will be to late, it will be the moment I am contented without his presences. Till then I will learn to evict this feeling of loneliness, emptiness and the pain that will not sit heavy inside of my chest anymore.

It will be a time in my life when I would understood my self worth.

*~*~*~*~*

Dinner was quite, everyone eating quietly. It is so peaceful having to sit with my family during dinner. That kind of happiness I get when I am with my family, no one can give me such happiness. Indeed I have the best family ever.

One thing is for sure. We will always be united as family, nothing will do us apart,not even the evil uncles and aunties in the village. Those that envy us or perhaps our wealth, those with the evil eyes as it's said.

My plate was almost empty when mama decided to add some more spaghetti into my already used plate. I raised my head and smiled at my lovely mother who always knew what I needed and at what time.

" thank you mama, but if you keep on feeding me this much then I might gain way too much weight I can't handle" I joked and everyone busted into fits of laughter including mum and dad.

"Mama how is the new interior contract you got recently? Is it going good?" I inquired as I filled mouth with some meatballs.

"Oh that!! I will be starting by next weekend, it's a very big contract I most say" mum beamed with full enthusiasm in her voice.

"I Can help you since it's on weekends and I don't have school then, and anyways before you get a new Assistant. I'm really willing to help mum." I begged with a puppy face.

"Oh I don't think you can handle such stress Sab, and anyways you should be relaxing on weekends isn't it?" Mum explains.

"Mama please, I really want to help, please please mama."

" I think you should give her a chance" Dad added with a smile directly to mama.

"Okay then, but once I notice you are unable to handle both school and the work I will dismiss you immediately" mama ordered with a strain look.

" yaaayyy...thank you mum. I promise I won't disappoint you. I love you mama. I stood up to hug her.

Abba clears his throats looking at me with sadness and disappointment in his face, as if he's going to cry.

Oh now I get it.

I went to the other side of the table and hug dad also."I love you to Abba" I said and giggled.

The rest of the dinner went by with chattering, ya Sa'eed and Safina kept arguing about some politics.

~•~•~•~•~

Assalama Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

Hello dear readers.

Another chapter done✔️

When I started writing I actually thought writing is fun and relaxing. Don't get me wrong it is still fun but definitely not relaxing when handling both school works,studying, home chores and still writing. It's exhausting actually, but I still enjoy it.😅

I think I need to schedule my update days, don't you think so?😬🤔

Anyways please do send your opinions.

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P.s I took that photograph up there.😅

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Yours khamee🖤