Warning: Feels may cause crying, arm flailing, involuntary body movements, and mental breakdowns. Again, warning for all fangirls. On a more serious note it mentions suicidal thoughts.

Cas POV

Lost. He just felt utterly lost as he fell to the ground in that warehouse. He didn't know what to do. He wanted his brother back, he knew it was his other brother, Lucifer's, fault for Gabriel's death. All he remembered was the shadows of his great wings as he died. The huge shadows that marked the fall of a great angel.

He began to cry and call out, praying to his Father. He wanted the end, he wanted peace, "Why me?!" he screamed, "Why am I cursed! Everything I touch withers away and dies! Let me go! I don't want to hurt anyone!" All he heard was his own shouts reverberating off the walls of the warehouse. "I want my friends to live! They deserve it more than I ever will!"

His wings appeared, and they sank to the ground is his sadness and anguish. He let them spread out their full length. He was alone. He needed a brother or sister that wasn't dead... Or at least one he hadn't killed. He wanted the end, he wanted death, I don't deserve life, he told himself. He thought of killing himself, then he remembered he couldn't really do that. Sam and Dean sacrificed more for me than I ever could them. They shouldn't put up with me. I'm shocked they even let me around them, he thought.

He had realized, however, over the past few weeks they appeared to be hiding something from him. Dean was never a very good liar and Sam just becomes incredibly sarcastic and lashes out when he's hiding something. He could never figure out what it was. He wanted consolation, and maybe knowing what it was would give him some.

He was alone in the world and was incredibly happy to be able to throw all the stuff in the warehouse around in his anger. He didn't know who he was angry at and he knew that knowing that would be the first step to consolation. I think... I'm angry at myself for becoming this... Thought Castiel. But no matter what- he didn't know how it got there even though he suspected it was Gabriel- there seemed to be a reassuring whisper from his childhood reaching out to him.

"You're a hero Castiel." Was all that rang in his ears every time he was lost, or confused, or angry. He didn't know what made him do it, but he believed the voice. He listened and for the first time tonight, he remembered it as a woman's voice. Maybe it was Anna... Thought Castiel. He didn't recognize the voice though, and that bothered him. What bothered him even more was that he couldn't trace the voice.

Maybe I should consult Sam and Dean, he thought. He made sure his wings had become invisible again then he took off for the Winchester brothers.