"there isn't enough of anything

as long as we live. But at intervals

a sweetness appears and, given a chance

prevails."

― Raymond Carver, Ultramarine: Poems

--

Hyunwoo's mattress ended up arriving Saturday night, which meant he got two decent nights of sleep before patrolling quadrant four on Monday.

Quadrant four was much the same as quadrant three. There was the same pervasive sense of the area being run-down, but quadrant four appeared to be more residential, whereas quadrant three was more commercial. It meant that there were less businesses for him to check in with, so he decided to park and take a walk around the area on foot instead. Maybe he'd meet some residents and introduce himself, although he thought that might seem weird. He wasn't sure; he'd make it up on the go.

He'd been walking for several blocks when he came upon the Walour Motel. He briefly considered walking a block out of his way to avoid it, given what Jooheon had told him, but he changed his mind when he saw some activity in the parking lot.

He drew closer but didn't enter the property, just smiling softly as he watched a young boy kick one of the empty cans, two other boys cheering as he sent it skidding across the parking lot.

"Mine's furthest! I win!" he declared quickly over the protests of one of the other boys who claimed that his attempt didn't count.

They bickered for a few more seconds before falling eerily silent, and Hyunwoo realized abruptly that they'd spotted him. No point watching from afar now.

"Hi," he said, approaching the fence but still not crossing over onto their property. He had no way of confirming his suspicions, but he felt that stepping into their world would seem invasive. So he stayed outside the fence but waved through the chain link.

Already, he heard small footsteps fading, and a few other kids who must've been nearby faded into the background, leaving only the three he'd first seen.

"Who're you?" the winner of the can game asked, squinting at him with open hostility.

Hyunwoo put on what he hoped was a nice smile. He was a little nervous, to be honest. He wasn't great with kids. Or maybe it was more accurate to say that they just didn't like him. "I'm Officer Hyunwoo. I'm new here."

"We don't talk to cops," the boy said, crossing his arms, and the other two kids looked at him as though taking cues before crossing their arms as well.

"We don't talk to cops," one of the others repeated, and the third kid nodded.

"We don't have to talk," Hyunwoo said, stalling. Of all the locals he'd met so far, they were the most open with their distrust of him, and he was trying to figure out how to work his way around that. "I just wanted to say hi."

"Hi," one of the younger two boys said. His hair was a soft light brown that matched a pair of eyes that held noticeably less hostility than the other boy, and there were red patches of skin at his elbows. He scratched at one of them absently before the oldest boy – Hyunwoo thought he was the oldest since he seemed to be in command – smacked his hand away from his arm.

"Don't scratch, you'll make it worse."

"Sorry."

"Yeah." The oldest one continued to glare at Hyunwoo, who cleared his throat.

"What are your names?" Hyunwoo asked. He was trying to remember how to make small talk, and he wasn't sure he was doing it right. Normally, in his old precinct, the parents would accompany their kids, and he'd just keep up a conversation with them. Was kid small talk even the same as adult small talk? No one had trained him for this.

"Why should we tell you?" the kid asked.

"Well, you said you don't want me talking to you, but I need to know who not to talk to."

The kid seemed to weigh over the answer while Hyunwoo observed them. He estimated the oldest kid to be maybe fourteen or fifteen, the younger two maybe twelve or so, but it was hard to tell since they were all rail thin. "Kihyun," the boy said after a minute, apparently having decided that Hyunwoo's reasoning was sound.

"I'm Minhyuk," said the kid who had complained about not winning the game. He had a wide smile that stood at odds with Kihyun's crossed arm and glare.

"Hyungwon," the third boy said, head tilted up at the clouds as though he'd already forgotten why they were answering the question. Already, his hand was creeping back up towards his opposite inside elbow.

"I told you to stop that," Kihyun snapped, grabbing Hyungwon's hand to stop him from scratching at his skin.

"Is he hurt?" Hyunwoo asked, genuinely worried. He had a first aid kid in the car, but he was parked a few blocks away. He figured he could be back in five minutes if he ran. But if Hyungwon had an infection from a dirty needle...

"No, it's just eczema," Kihyun said, grabbing Hyungwon's other hand and pulling them together so he could keep Hyungwon contained. "He's fine."

"But it itches," Hyungwon mumbled in a voice Hyunwoo thought only Kihyun and Minhyuk were supposed to hear, and he couldn't restrain a small smile.

"Because you kept scratching at it," Kihyun said, sounding increasingly frustrated.

"He can't help it," Minhyuk spoke up, making Hyunwoo think that maybe he was older than Hyungwon if he was stepping in to defend him.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Hyunwoo asked, and all three kids looked over at him as though they'd forgotten his presence.

"You can leave," Kihyun said sharply. That seemed to be his attitude about everything, so Hyunwoo didn't feel quite as rebuked as earlier. "We don't talk to cops."

"Right," Minhyuk piped in.

Hyunwoo just tried not to chuckle. "Okay, good luck," he said with a wave before walking away. He heard some more general bickering between the three of them before the sound of another can rattling against the blacktop echoed through the area.

--

His afternoon round was uneventful. He took another walk around, but the Walour Motel parking lot was empty. Either they knew he'd stop by again and wanted to avoid him, or it had gotten too hot for them to gather on the blacktop, which had been soaking up the sun's heat all day and was nearly sizzling. If Hyunwoo laid down some strips of beef, he could probably have his own personal barbequing session right here.

Still, he hoped he would run into the kids again on Wednesday. They were the only people in quadrant four who had talked to him for a little bit at least. Most of the residents nearby just gave him cold stares.

Wednesday, he told himself, making a mental note to pick up something for the trip.

--

Hyungwon and Minhyuk were squatting on the blacktop when he strolled by on Wednesday, peering down at something on the ground, when Hyungwon looked up and waved at him.

Minhyuk elbowed him in the side, causing Hyungwon to curl up and fall over onto the blacktop, holding his side so Minhyuk couldn't jab him again. "We're not supposed to talk to cops. That's what Kihyun said."

"But I didn't say anything, I just waved," Hyungwon complained with a sour expression.

"I'm not here to talk," Hyunwoo said, deciding to just go with what the kids decided. "I just wanted to drop something off," he said, holding up a small bag in his hand and setting it on the fence so the loose wires on top held it up on their side.

"What is it?" Hyungwon asked, openly curious. Minhyuk just bit down on his lip, tapping his foot nervously like he wanted to grab it but was worried that Kihyun would suddenly appear and yell at him.

"It's just a little something I picked up for your arms," Hyunwoo said, taking a few steps away from the fence to seem less threatening if one of the boys wanted to grab it. "You don't have to take it if you don't want it. I just happened to see it on my way here today and thought you could use it."

"We can't give you money for it, whatever it is," Minhyuk said adamantly as though this would change Hyunwoo's mind.

It didn't. "That's fine, I don't want any money. It wasn't very expensive anyway, I promise."

Minhyuk hopped back and forth between both feet, shifting his weight easily like an easily excitable rabbit. After a few more seconds of deliberation, he bounded forward, snatched the bag from the fence, and returned to the curb that was lined with their empty cans.

Several small scraps of the plastic bag had torn free when he'd yanked it from the fence, and they fluttered leisurely to the ground as Minhyuk opened the bag from the other side of the parking lot.

"Hydro...hydrocor..."

"Hydrocortisone," Hyunwoo offered up, approaching the fence once more. "It's a cream that's supposed to soothe dry skin. Hyungwon can put it on his arms, and they shouldn't itch anymore. But you have to put it on every day for it to work, at least until the rash goes away."

Hyungwon looked surprised, but Minhyuk just squinted at all the tiny writing on the packaging, trying to sound out the chemicals.

"Hey," came a shout from side of the parking lot adjacent to the motel as Kihyun trotted over, the left side of his face red as though the skin had been pinched recently. But the mark was too big for a pinch. Hyunwoo's smile faded. "What's that you've got there?" he asked Minhyuk before swiping the tube out of Minhyuk's hands.

"It's hydrocortisone," Minhyuk explained, showing off his newly learned word. "It's a cream that'll fix Hyungwon's arms."

"Where'd you get this?" Kihyun asked, frowning as he looked over at Minhyuk. "Whose money did you take?"

"No one's!" Minhyuk denied immediately. "Officer Hyunwoo gave it to us for free. He said so," Minhyuk said, pointing to Hyunwoo, who Kihyun hadn't yet seen.

His gaze snapped to meet Hyunwoo's, and Hyunwoo took a step back, immediately seeing that he'd overstepped.

"We don't want whatever this is!" Kihyun yelled, throwing the tube of hydrocortisone toward Hyunwoo. It clattered against the fence and fell to the ground on their side of the lot.

"Hey..." Minhyuk said, sounding less certain now. "That was for Hyungwon."

"You don't take anything from other people, even if they say it's free," Kihyun said, still glaring at Hyunwoo, who stood still, not wanting to pose a greater threat. "Nothing is ever free."

"I just wanted to help Hyungwon," Hyunwoo said slowly. He realized that he'd been stupid to just try and help them. Some people didn't want to be helped. And they didn't trust him, which was how it should be. If he had kids, he wouldn't want them taking medicinal items from strangers. But it was hard to see a problem and not want to fix it when he had both the money and means to do so.

"We take care of Hyungwon," Kihyun said. "Not you. So take your hydro-whatever and stay away."

"Hey," Minhyuk said again, tugging at Kihyun's shirt. "It's supposed to help Hyungwon," he said, setting his jaw stubbornly. "He bought it for Hyungwon, so Hyungwon should get to decide if he wants to keep it."

Hyungwon looked back and forth between the two of them with worried eyes. It was clear that whoever made the decision, it wouldn't be him.

"How about I just leave it here," Hyunwoo called out, disrupting their argument because he didn't want them to fight over something he'd done on a foolish whim. "And if Hyungwon decides he wants it, it'll be right here." He gave them a wave and walked away to show them that he really didn't want anything in return and that what they did with the hydrocortisone was up to them.

The three kids watched him as he left, and he could feel their eyes tracing him as he left the neighborhood.

--

Hyunwoo decided to avoid the Walour Motel on his second loop that day because he didn't want to anger Kihyun any further, but when he went on his Friday morning rounds, he was happy to see that the hydrocortisone had disappeared from beside the fence.

Even though he heard the clanking of cans from down the neighborhood, he'd already decided to just keep on walking past the motel, but he was stopped by a yell from across the parking lot.

"Hey!"

It was Kihyun. Hyunwoo winced and turned, fully ready to apologize for overstepping his boundaries, but Kihyun didn't look mad, just confused.

He didn't approach the fence, but he neared it, staying a few meters back. "How did you know that cream would help Hyungwon?"

Hyunwoo took a few seconds to respond since he'd been caught off guard. "Oh, I just- I had a little eczema when I was younger, and that's what my mom did for me."

"Oh." Kihyun was quiet for a moment before he met Hyunwoo's gaze again, his head tilted as though he were trying to figure Hyunwoo out. Maybe, to Kihyun, kindness was a mysterious virtue. "Well, he says thanks. It made his arms stop itching. For now, at least. It usually gets worse in the winter for him."

Hyunwoo just nodded, not wanting to say too much and overstep again. "Well, I'm glad to hear that it's working. Make sure he applies it every day so it doesn't hurt again."

"Yeah, okay." Kihyun waited a beat before turning back and hurrying over to the other boys, who watched Hyunwoo with open curiosity but didn't speak up.

"Bye!" Kihyun yelled as Hyunwoo turned to leave.

Again, he was caught off guard, but he just gave a wave and went on his way.

--

A month passed while Hyunwoo switched to patrolling quadrant one, then two and three. Finally, he was back on rotation for quadrant four. He was weirdly excited about it because he hadn't really gotten close to any of the other residents in the area. He had looked forward to patrolling quadrant four for weeks.

"Good morning," Hyunwoo called out, stopping outside the fence and hoping they hadn't forgotten about him in the past month. He shouldn't be surprised if they had, but it would be nice if someone remembered him.

"It's the nice officer!" Minhyuk announced with one of his iconic wide grins. Kihyun and Hyungwon looked up from where they were sprawled down on the blacktop, stomachs flush with the ground.

"What are you guys doing?" Hyunwoo asked, genuinely curious.

"We're watching this one caterpillar," Minhyuk said.

"When you watch it from ground level, it's really neat," Hyungwon said. It was hard for Hyunwoo to see clearly from the fence, but it looked like the insides of his elbows were less red. Hopefully the eczema had been ameliorated by the cream.

"What are you doing here?" Kihyun asked, rolling over onto his back and sticking his arms behind his neck like the parking lot was his personal office.

"I'm on rotation for this neighborhood. I have to rotate every week, though, so I'm only here for one week a month." Hyunwoo realized that it was sort of odd for him to be explaining his work schedule to these kids, but he had been looking forward to seeing them again. Maybe he wanted them to look forward to seeing him, too.

"Only one week a month?" Kihyun repeated, frowning. Hyunwoo didn't know if that meant Kihyun was upset that Hyunwoo couldn't visit more often, or if they just disliked the other officers more than him.

"Sorry," Hyunwoo said even though it was a pointless apology. It wasn't like he could change the schedule.

"That's fine," Kihyun said after a moment as though having decided that Hyunwoo's schedule fit his needs.

"Did you bring us anything today?" Minhyuk piped up hopefully, and Kihyun reached out to smack his leg.

"Shut up, Minhyuk. Just cause he brought Hyungwon something last time doesn't mean he's going to buy you things every time he comes by."

Hyunwoo hesitated, taking in how thin the boys were. He hardly remembered growing up, but he knew he'd never struggled to get food. "I usually come by again in the afternoon. I can bring something then?"

"Yay!" Minhyuk cheered and a rosy smile lit up Hyungwon's face while Kihyun glared at the two of them.

"Hey! I just told you two that-"

"It's okay, Kihyun," Hyunwoo said with a smile. "I was going to get something to eat later anyway. Do you guys have any requests?"

"Chocolate!" Minhyuk shouted.

"Ice cream!" Hyungwon said, sitting up in his excitement and forgetting all about the caterpillar they'd been tracking.

"Wait a second," Kihyun said to Hyunwoo before conferring with the other two in a whispered huddle. After a minute he looked back over at Hyunwoo, the other two looking slightly disappointed. "Bread and a jar of peanut butter, please. And a plastic knife. That's it."

Hyunwoo hesitated. The idea of young kids having to choose between a special snack and whether or not they got to eat a real meal that day was foreign to him and incredibly sad. "I'll see what I can do," he said, not wanting to get their hopes up, but he hoped he could do better than peanut butter sandwiches.

"Thank you nice officer!" Minhyuk cheered, and Hyungwon gasped, wrapping his arms around Minhyuk before he could put his hand back down on the blacktop.

"You almost smushed the caterpillar!"

--

Hyunwoo slung the bag over the fence like before and stepped back so Kihyun could come over and grab it. He said a quick thanks before bringing the bag back over to the other kids, and they huddled around it like they were afraid someone would see and take it away from them. Maybe someone would try, but not while Hyunwoo was standing at the fence. At least, he hoped not.

"Chocolate!" Minhyuk gushed, snagging a chocolate bar from the bag just as Hyungwon reached in and delicately pulled out a plastic-wrapped ice cream bar that was already dripping with condensation.

Kihyun pulled out a packet of M&Ms and stared at it for a long moment.

"I'm sorry, Kihyun," Hyunwoo said. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I grabbed that. But I can get something else if you'd like."

"This is fine," Kihyun said, still staring at them before tucking them away into one of his many pockets. He pulled out the bread that they'd requested and slathered peanut butter on a slice before folding it in half and giving it to Hyungwon. Then he did the same for Minhyuk, and finally himself. Hyunwoo got the feeling like he was trying to make the bread last as long as possible.

"Thank you!" Minhyuk yelled, easily the loudest of the three.

Hyungwon laughed softly and echoed his thanks.

"Thank you," Kihyun said, staring down at the sandwich before biting into it.

Hyunwoo gave them a wave and started walking away, not wanting them to feel like they owed him anything for a simple snack run, but once again, Kihyun's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait! Are you coming back on Wednesday?" He was standing almost at the fence, watching Hyunwoo with anxious eyes. But then he seemed to realize how vulnerable he sounded, and he took a step back, eyes hardening. "I just like to know when things are happening," he said, sticking his hands in his pockets and frowning, his shoulders hunching up defensively.

Hyunwoo smiled. "Yes, I'll be back Wednesday. In the morning and in the afternoon."

"Okay then."

"Okay," Hyunwoo agreed before giving a last wave and walking down the block. He was still glowing slightly from the happiness he'd taken in seeing them eagerly dive into the bag and how they'd treasured the food, but he wondered if there were other hungry kids in this area. Who was taking care of them?

Troubled, he continued his walk, taking care to bypass intersections that would lead him next to congregations of teens. Quadrant four or not, Jooheon had warned him yet again of the high volume of drug transactions in the area.

He could only hope that the kids in the lot wouldn't get caught up in that.

--

"You're on quadrant four this week, right?" Jooheon asked the next day, pushing back in his rolly chair so he could look over at Hyunwoo.

"Uh huh."

"How's it going?" Jooheon asked, tapping his finger against the armrest. "Any activity at the motel?"

Hyunwoo shook his head. "Nothing illegal. At least, nothing in plain view. Usually, I just see the same three kids playing out in the lot, nobody else."

"Probably inside getting high," Jooheon said, seeming to sink back into his chair, distressed by the thought. "Who're the kids though?"

"Kihyun, Hyungwon, and Minhyuk. Kihyun's maybe fifteen, and Hyungwon and Minhyuk are a few years younger, I think."

"Huh." Jooheon tilted his head lightly, back at it with the tapping. "Well, keep an eye on them."

"Why?" Hyunwoo asked, sort of surprised to hear Jooheon's advice. "They're kids. You don't really think they're running heroin or cocaine for someone, do you?"

Jooheon was quiet for a moment while he pondered the question. "Maybe not," he agreed after a moment, "but if they aren't running drugs now, they will be in a few years."

The thought was horrifying to Hyunwoo, but he understood it well enough. Minors received lesser charges than adults did. Still, he'd seen that light of childhood innocence in all their eyes. He couldn't see them ever participating in that sort of a thing.

"I'll keep an eye out," Hyunwoo said to appease Jooheon, "but they're good kids."

Jooheon just nodded but didn't look over.

--

published 01/21/21 (mm/dd/yy)

3654 words