"How is she?"

"Not so good," Mason shakes his head grimly. "She keeps crying for Emily. Says she can't do this without her."

Dad curses, running a hand through his hair and looking as miserable as he probably feels. Hopeless, too. I don't think he ever imagined being at Lizzie's labour delivery by himself, without Mom.

It's been two weeks since she died.

It still doesn't feel real, for any of us. Just yesterday Landon came downstairs, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and mumbling," Mom, what's for—"

He cut himself short, face falling and avoiding the way Dad and I watched him solemnly. He turned on his heel and went back upstairs without another word. Didn't leave his room the whole day.

Dad isn't any better. He's usually in his room and most of the time when I pass by, I can hear crying. It's faint but it's always there. I'm trying to be there for him. I figure it's the least I owe him. I made his life hell when he was going through the shittiest time of his life and now Mom is gone and no fucking way am I going to make it harder. It's hard enough and more than any of us can take. Mostly I just sit close by, nothing more than silent company, but he seems to appreciate it.

Me? Fuck if I know what I'm doing. I always said I'd be lost if Mom died and that's exactly what's happened. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what the fuck happens next. I don't know who I am without her. All I know is who I have now. I have my family and I have Olivia. I'm clinging onto both like I'll drown if I don't. I can't afford to push anyone away anymore, not unless I want to be ruined for good. Luckily, they're all willing to put up with me. I haven't made any of their lives easy by any means but they're still here and that means something.

Lizzie went nine days past her due date. The doctors think it could have been from the emotional distress she's been feeling. Either way, the past couple of weeks have sucked for her. She's hurting mentally and physically and now her baby is finally on its way, but Mom is nowhere to be found. She's not up for it. She's fighting the birth, refusing to go through with it. She's down the halls but I can hear her sobs from here. Everything is such a fucking mess.

We need you, Mom.

"Should I go see her?" Dad asks, face crestfallen. He looks like he has no idea what he's doing and he probably doesn't. I squeeze his shoulder, unsure what else I can possibly be useful for. Fucking nothing.

"Yeah," Mason nods. "She needs to start pushing but she's fighting it."

"Okay." Dad closes his eyes for a moment, his fingers threading through his hair roughly. "Fuck. Okay. Let's go."

Him and Mason head down the hall for Lizzie's delivery room so I tiredly slump in my seat again. I'm exhausted but sleep won't come to me. Now I'm up to four days without being able to fall asleep and it's fucking me up. It's harder to focus on things, to get shit done, to keep up with everything around me. Dad said I should go see a doctor for it but we have enough going on right now.

"Here." A styrofoam cup enters my line of vision and I look up, meeting Olivia's eyes. She offers a small and genuine smile. I don't give one back but she doesn't take offence. She knows how I get.

"Thanks." I take it from her, the smell of coffee immediately invading my senses. "Probably shouldn't be drinking this at three in the morning."

She takes the seat next to me and starts playing with my hair. I finally got it cut a week ago but only because Olivia did it. I don't want to see anyone, or their faces of pity or listen their meaningless apologies. We can't even mourn Mom peacefully because the whole world knows.

Their condolences are fake as fuck. Just a few days, some ass-hat paparazzi was trying to break into Mom's room from the window to get pictures. Dad lost his shit when he caught him in the act, punching him out until we he was black and blue. Uncle Nate sent Sebastian and his team over to double security in case something like that happens again. We can't even goddamn live in our own house peacefully, what's supposed to be our sanctuary. Mom's sanctuary. See what I mean? Fuck the world. I'll never trust it and sure as shit never respect it.

"You'll need it though," Olivia's soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I look at her again and find that same smile on her face. It's not pity. It never is. She just gets me. "You're only on day two."

Case in point. I gently take hold of her jaw and pull her to me, my lips meeting hers. Being with her is the only time I find comfort. I think everyone can see that for themselves. Even Uncle Cam lets her stay over most nights because I can't be alone, not when my mind is constantly battling sleep and leaving me no choice but to sit with my thoughts. They get dark and fucked up, at least until I hold Olivia and can block out the rest of the world. I just focus on her instead — then, now, all the fucking time.

"You're tired," I observe when I pull away. Her eyes are heavy-lidded with exhaustion. "You should go home and sleep."

She shakes her head before I've even finished the sentence, the firmness on her expression not allowing any arguments. "I'm here. I'm staying here. End of discussion."

"Bossy," I mumble but the truth is I'm grateful. So fucking grateful. I hardly go through my days without her. I'm aware I'm probably being clingy as fuck and a small part of me, the asshole in me, wants to give in to my pride and push her away because of it. But I don't because fuck, life is too goddamn short. I'm not letting go of the one person that actually makes it bearable for me.

"You need anything else?" She kisses my cheek, stroking the other one.

"No." I lace our fingers together, my thumb brushing the inside of her wrist in back and forth motions. A deep exhale expands my chest. "Just...stay."

"Of course," She whispers.

I nod without looking at her. That's enough vulnerability. I still have a lot of limits I'm not willing to give up yet.

"Any news?" Zack comes into view, walking over to us. He looks drunk with exhaustion as he rubs his eyes.

"Why'd you come?" I frown. "It's late."

He shrugs and takes a seat in the chair across Olivia and I. His words are barely recognizable through his yawn. "Moral support, I guess."

"It's fine—" I start but he holds a finger up, closing his eyes and leaning back in the chair.

"Shut up," He mutters. "Don't make this dramatic. I showed up and that's that."

I don't bother with a thanks. He knows I'm grateful. Instead I look around. "Your parents are home?"

"With Ava," He confirms. "The rest of the family will be here tomorrow. There's too many kids to wake up in the dead of night and drag over here."

"And another on the way," Olivia adds. "Do you guys think it'll be a boy or girl?"

"Boy," Zack and I say at the same time.

"I say girl," Olivia defends.

My lips twitch. "The boy genes are way too strong in this family, baby. Don't count on it."

"I still say girl."

"Because you just want to argue."

She shrugs, not denying it. "Where's Landon?"

"Bathroom." I check my watch. "Actually, he's been in there for a while. I'm going to see what's up."

I let go of her hand and take off for the restrooms. I can't say I'm surprised when I find him leaning against the counters, his shoulder hunched and shaking just enough for me to tell that he's crying. Fuck. He hasn't been doing so great. None of us are but we never expected Landon to pull away the way he is. I'm usually the one that does that. That's why I know how it feels and that's why I stay by the door to give him a moment. This is hard enough for him without an audience.

It's close to a couple of minutes before he wipes his face with his arm, jolting when he sees me. He clears his throat and quickly looks away, voice all gravelly. "Hey. I'll be out in a sec."

"You good?" I ask instead. He nods but I don't buy it. "Sure?"

"Yes!" He smacks a hand down, whipping a glare at me. "Fuck! Leave me alone, already."

I don't even blink. Damn if it isn't like looking in a mirror. This must be how Dad feels with me. I can't help but think how royally fucked Landon's life is going to be if he goes down this road. Mine was a shit-show but I had the right people to pull me back. So he can yell at me all he wants and be pissy but I'll be the one pulling him back. I won't let him torture himself the way I did for so many years. It's a fucking nightmare and a half.

"You're mad about some things you'd never admit, huh?" I guess, seeing right through him. All I have to do is think like my old self to nail him. "Let me guess — you don't give a shit about your niece or nephew. You don't love Lizzie's baby enough to care. You'd rather Mom be here than Lizzie's kid."

He sucks in a harsh breath, shock and dread swirling in his eyes. It's brief but I catch it before he looks away. "No. That's...that's fucked. Just shut up, Lucas."

"I get it," I say instead, not budging. "A new baby is something to celebrate. What the fuck should we be celebrating right now? It's only been two weeks since Mom died and it feels wrong to be celebrating new life when hers was just taken away."

Landon swallows hard, cheeks growing red with guilt. "I never said that. Fuck off."

"You're fucking human, man." I walk over to him. My back touches the counter when I lean against it, mirroring his stance. "We all have fucked up thoughts we'd never admit. Doesn't make you a bad person. Just makes you real."

"A real asshole."

"You think? Because Lizzie is out there flat-out refusing to give birth to her baby. How much you want to bet she's thinking the same thing? She doesn't want her baby to be born right now. She wants Mom. Imagine how fucked up that is when she's the kid's mother, when her own birth mother never wanted her either. I bet she's crying more over the guilt than the pain."

Landon swallows hard and finally looks at me, fresh tears making his light eyes appear transparent. "You think?"

"I do. So relax and stop fucking punishing yourself. You're not a bad person. You're in pain and dealing with it the best you can. We all are. What the fuck else is there to do?"

My words seem to do something to him because the tightness on his face gives way to grief as he's unable to hold back a fresh wave of tears. "I miss her. So much. All the time. It won't stop hurting, you know?"

Shit. I squeeze his shoulder and pull him into a hug, clapping his back. He hugs me tightly, desperately, and I feel even worse. I don't want him to feel this way but what do I do? I feel the same.

"I know, man." My jaw clenches as a way to stop my own tears. Fuck, I've never cried so much in my life. Never felt pain like this. "I miss her too."

I miss her so fucking much. I miss calling her in the middle of the night, knowing she'd pick up every time. I miss the way she hugged me when she could tell I was in a bad mood. I miss hearing her call me her sweet boy even though I was anything but. I miss our Saturday mornings and fighting over chocolate chip pancakes. Fuck, she was my best friend in every goddamn way. I still can't believe she's gone. I feel so fucking empty without her.

Before I know it my own tears get the better of me. I can't stop them but I don't bother. The hurt is too grave. Hurts even more to hold back so I don't. I bury my face in my kid brother's hair, my grip on him tightening. He does the same to me and then we both cry for the woman we loved so much. The woman who loved us so hard we never doubted it. Emily Cage was everything you wanted in a mother and more. Being her sons was probably the best thing we ever got to do and that's not going to change. Even if she's gone, that'll never change.

"You good?" I ask, voice raspy, when Landon's cries subside.

"Yeah," He nods and pulls away, wiping at his face fiercely. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Talk to me if you feel yourself losing control," I demand. "Don't bottle that shit up. Take it from someone who did it for years. I'm still trying to undo it because I made such a fucking mess of myself. No matter how much you think you're alone or no one's going to understand, just talk to me. Or Dad. We have his brain. He gets it."

"I will," He nods and this time I believe him. "You were right. About Lizzie's baby. I...fuck, I don't want to feel this way but I do."

"Maybe it'll take some time before we get used to the baby," I shrug. "I don't know, bro. But if we struggle to love it the way we should, let's just love it the way Mom would if she were here. For her."

He nods again, looking thoughtful. "Yeah. Yeah, I can do that."

I clap him once on the shoulder. "Come on. Let's see how Lizzie is holding up."

He follows me outside the bathroom, still wiping at his face even though there's nothing there. It's the vulnerability he feels. Just like me. But I want him to be better than me so I'm going to have to be on his ass just like Dad was on mine. Looks like it's my turn to face karma.

Olivia is pacing the halls when we get back. She looks up at the sound of our steps, a frown in place.

"Hey, pipsqueak," She greets gently, going up on her tiptoes to ruffle Landon's hair. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm okay," He mumbles and walks past her without a glance. Olivia blinks in obvious surprise. No doubt she noticed how out of character he's acting.

"He'll get there," I fill in the silent blanks. "At least I hope."

She looks back at me and her frown deepens. Her hand comes up, thumb swiping across my cheek. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"No," I answer honestly.

"Well, I hope you get there too." Her arms come around my neck and she tugs me down until she's able to kiss me. I pull her against me and savour the comfort her touch brings me. It's brief but it's something. When she pulls away, her eyes are alight with something. "I told you."

"Told me what?"

"That Lizzie would have a girl," She smiles.

My heart stutters, breath knocking out of me. "The baby is here?"

"Let's go see her." She grabs my hand and leads me down the hall.

Zack and Landon are gone so I guess they're in the delivery room too. I spot them immediately, standing off to the side. A moment later my eyes land on Dad who has a bundle in the crook of his arms. It's the first time I've seen him smile in weeks as he stares.

"Hi, Bubba," Lizzie whispers. My eyes meet her tired ones. She looks exhausted beyond belief but there's a smile on her face and hers is just as genuine as Dad's. "Want to see your niece?"

Hell. My talk with Landon comes to mind and I can't help but panic. What if I don't love the baby and everyone can tell? I look at Olivia who nudges me forward, mouthing "it's okay."

I swallow hard and shuffle over to Dad. He can't take his eyes off the baby and a second later I get why. As soon as I see her, I suck in a breath. She...she looks like Mom.

"Holy shit," I whisper. It's the eyes. They're Mom's eyes. The rest of her is red and wrinkly but the eyes give away everything.

"Uncanny," Grandpa says gruffly, shaking his head in disbelief. "She looks like just like Em when she was born."

"Really?" I can't help but ask.

He holds an arm out to gesture me forward. I go to him and he wraps his arm around my shoulders, his other hand holding up a small photograph. I would've thought it was Lizzie's baby but the quality and the wrinkled square paper tell me it's an old photo. A knot forms in my throat.

"That's Mom?"

"Sure is." He squeezes my shoulder. "What do you think?"

"Pretty fucking uncanny," I agree. Grandpa laughs softly. He's been keeping a close eye on me since Mom's death. Doesn't take a genius to figure out they were Mom's instructions but I can't say I mind. He's a cool guy. We didn't really have a relationship before but we're getting there now and it's obvious why my father and uncles love him so much.

"Want to hold her?" Dad asks.

Nerves form in my stomach. "I'm okay. Maybe in a while."

No one seems to take offence. Grandpa calls Landon and Zack forward too. They watch the baby with the same shocked expressions. Anyone who's seen even a glimpse of Mom can tell this is her granddaughter.

I go over to Landon, voice low. "Well?"

"She's beautiful," He whispers and swallows hard. "I can't believe I said I wouldn't love her. I...I..."

"Yeah," I agree quietly. We both stare at her and she watches us like she knows we're talking about her. So perceptive already. Just like Mom. My mouth quirks. "Same here."

"Did you decide on a name?" Dad asks.

Lizzie smiles, leaning her head on Mason's shoulder. He's wearing a rare smile too, unable to take his eyes off his daughter.

"Emilia Rey."

We all look at her in surprise.

"Is that...?" Olivia trails off.

"Emily and Laura put together," Mason finishes for her. He kisses Lizzie's forehead. "Yeah."

I don't know who looks more emotional — Grandpa or Dad. Both of them exchange a loaded look, unable to say anything.

"One hell of a name," Zack breaks the silence with his gruff words. Fucker looks pretty emotional himself.

"She's one hell of a baby," Lizzie laughs and pets her daughter's hair gently. Tears form in her eyes. "She's a miracle."

"Your mother is definitely boasting somewhere right now," Dad laughs, his voice catching emotionally. "You did so good, baby. She's beautiful."

And she is. I know I thought it would be wrong to feel happy but it actually feels really fucking right. For a moment I could even swear Mom is right here with us, whispering an I told you so that makes me smile despite everything.

Yeah, Mom. You did.

___________________________

A/N

The last few chapters were too emotional for me to say anything. I cried a lot writing them. I'm sure you all cried a lot reading them.

I'm so sad that Emily, the character that literally started my writing journey, is now gone. I'm sure plenty of you feel bitter about it. That's okay. Me too. But this book was always meant to be the truth about life. Sadness, grief, loss, it's all part of what we go through. Hopefully this chapter showed you beautiful things can come even after the darkest times.

I know you all miss Emily. I do too. But what's so great is that she lives in the hearts and memories of so many of my readers. I feel like her loss only magnifies how deeply her story (and all the FD stories) will now stick with me for life. This book is meant to change lives. It changed mine. I hope it changed yours too.

I have a detailed explanation about why I chose to go this route with the story in the author's note for those who want more closure.

And finally, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE refrain from putting #rr in any of the FD books, Raze, or this story. You're going to ruin the story and the series for so many people. You're going to ruin it for ME. Authors work so hard to make "plot twists" or "unexpected events" as unpredictable as possible, only for two letters to completely undo all their hard work. It baffles me the way readers spoil and then I read comments like "I saw this coming" "I figured when I saw the rr's." So don't do that. I'll delete rr comments immediately and if you see any that I haven't deleted, please point them out to me. It's so obvious when there's a rr on a character that everyone automatically guesses they will die. Don't do it please.

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter.

Happy Reading :)