There are two things that I undoubtedly know to be constant.

The first are stars. Whether we can see them or not, they are always there. Even when the sky is bright and the sun in shining the stars are still there. They stay in the sky until they eventually burn out but no matter what, they're constant.

The second, as I've come to learn, is my love for Lucas. No matter what I convinced myself of over the past four years, whether it was to hate him or be dead to him, it didn't change the fact that I've never stopped loving him. Not once. From the moment I was born, I was also his.

When I was just a day old and my aunts and uncles came to visit Mom in the hospital, three-year-old Lucas climbed onto the hospital bed and demanded that Mom let him hold me. And when Mom asked him why he wanted to hold me so badly, he'd said "Because she's mine."

I've heard this story more times than I can count. It only made me even more smitten with Lucas than I already was as I grew up. I can remember being as young as five years old and thinking of Lucas as my prince, my hero, my other half. No matter what's happened between us I've always loved him and these past few months have made it unfailingly clear that I always will. It doesn't matter how much he's hurt me. It doesn't matter that he's said and done some things that are hard to forgive. In the end I'll always love him because I belong to him. Not by choice, but by fate.

Maybe that's why I can't seem to escape him. Fate brought me right across the hall from him and has been smacking us together ever since. Not that I completely tried to stay away from him, did I? A small part of me wanted to be part of his life again. A small part of me had even forgiven him for everything that happened. But for the sake of the act I pretended to continue hating him when I realized he still hated me. Anything to avoid admitting how much that hurt.

The thing is, I don't think I can pretend anymore. I don't know how to pretend anymore. I don't think I even want to. But am I willing to put my heart on the line again? Am I ready to let him in, knowing he could destroy me once more? I honestly don't know because in order to do that I have to tell him what happened four years ago. I've never told anyone. Not Lucas or my parents and until I finally say something, I'll never be able to move past this.

"Damn it," I whisper and cover my face with my hands. I think I also dragged out hating Lucas because it gave me a reason to hide the truth about what happened. I wasn't ready to confront it and I could hide it in the storm of our rivalry. Nobody asked questions. Nobody even realized. As long as they kept their attention on Lucas and me, they wouldn't know something else went wrong. So I kept up my hatred for him even though it hurt to hurt my best friend. I was young and a coward but it's time to grow up. It's time to stop being so afraid.

There's a knock on the front door and my head whips up, wondering if it's Lucas. When Grace stands up from the couch I wave her back down. "I'll get it."

I pull in a calming breath as I go to the door. Once I open it I can't help but feel a rush of disappointment when it's Beck that greets me instead. Instantly I feel bad for thinking that way and force a smile into place instead.

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Hey," He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Could I talk to you?"

"Sure," I step aside and he brushes past me into the living room. Lucas will have to wait. When I turn around to face him I find him shuffling from foot-to-foot what appears nervously. "Is everything okay?"

He nods and then lowers his voice. "Could we talk, uh, privately?"

We both glance over at Grace who catches onto the awkward silence immediately. She gets to her feet and holds her book close to her chest. "Huh. What are the chances? I'm suddenly starving so I'm just going to run down to the cafeteria."

I fight a smile as she quickly grabs a jacket and steps into a pair of shoes. Before she can leave I grab my wallet from the coffee table and hand her a few bills. It seems like I'm always getting in her way.

"My treat," I push the bills into her hands even as she tries to hand them back. "Just take it, Grace. Buy me something too if it'll make you feel better."

She finally accepts the cash with a smile and whispers a quick "good luck" before slipping out of the dorm. When it's just us I face Beck again.

"So, what's up?"

He gestures a hand for me to sit and I do, facing him when he takes the seat beside me on the couch. He wrings his hands and looks like he's trying to find the right words so I remain silent.

"Is it weird that I miss you?" He finally blurts out. I blink, having not expected that. "As my friend. I don't know. We clicked, Liv, and it was really great."

"It was," I agree softly. The truth is I've missed Beck too. "And again, I'm really sorry about what happened."

"It's fine," He smiles a little uncomfortably and I realize it was probably too soon to bring that up. "I, um, came to give you something."

I tilt my head in question as he pulls a small box out of his jeans pocket and holds it out to me. Wordlessly, I take it from him and open it up. A small gasp escapes me when my eyes land on the silver bracelet with a star charm on it. "What...?"

"Happy Birthday," He says and my eyes snap up to his.

"How did you know it was my birthday?"

"C'mon, Liv. Sports tabloids and magazines were wishing you worldwide yesterday. Everyone knew it was your birthday."

"Right," I shake my head. I was so sick I didn't even have a chance to go online the whole day. I have no doubt all my social media are flooded with messages. Sometimes it's hard to get used to the world knowing so much about you and having all that access to you. In a way I'm glad I spent my birthday alone. Well, with Lucas is more like it. The reminder of him is startling and suddenly accepting this gift feels all kinds of wrong. Especially because it's something as intimate as jewelry. "Beck..."

"I'm not trying to win you over or anything," He seems to read where my mind is going and quickly jumps in. "Truthfully, now isn't a good time for me to be in a relationship anyways. I have a lot going on."

The grim look on his face makes me curious. I've never seen Beck look anything except easygoing and free-spirited. The look in his eyes is almost chilling.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really," His face remains serious, no semblance of humour left. Just as quick he clears his throat and forces a smile. "I just wanted to give this to you. That's all."

His words give me pause. "Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye to me?"

He looks down at his hands. "Not goodbye. Just...I don't know if being friends is in the cards for us."

"Because of the kiss?"

"Because of a lot of things. The kiss, getting in your family's way, and there's things in my life that just don't...forget it. Will you accept the gift? Please? I'll feel less like an ass."

I smile despite myself. "You have nothing to feel like an ass about. Thank you, Beck."

"You're welcome," He nods. His face still holds that solemn expression I can't seem to look past. He just doesn't seem like himself. He seems dimmer.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" I ask. He blinks in what appears like surprise. "You can talk to me if you need anything."

"Thanks," His smile isn't as genuine as it usually is. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay," I relent, sensing that I'm not going to be able to get through to him. At least not today. Wanting to offer him a distraction of sorts I hold my arm out. "Could you put it on for me?"

He nods again and takes the bracelet out of the box. He wraps the thin silver band around my wrist before clicking the two clasps together. Once it's on, he doesn't let go right away. Instead he holds on to my hand and stares down at it in contemplation.

"Olivia..." He looks up again and swallows hard. I can see in his eyes what he's feeling. It's the same look I saw right before he kissed me the last time. I know instantly that he still has feelings for me and is clearly trying to fight them.

"I can't," I offer with a whisper. And it's not just him. I wouldn't be able to give myself to any guy. My heart is stuck on one person and I can't fool myself anymore. I can't pretend that I can stop loving him or move on from him. It's impossible.

"I know," He agrees. "I can't either. I just...feel what I feel, I guess."

"You're a good guy, Beck," I squeeze his hand. "You could have anyone you want."

His smile is humourless. "Not anyone."

"I'm sorry," I repeat. Maybe in another world Beck and I would have worked out but in this world, I'll always belong to one person.

"Don't be," He nudges my knee with his. "I'm glad I met you, Liv. Honest."

I can't help leaning forward to hug him, especially knowing in my gut he has no plans to remain friends with me for the time being.

Sometimes you come across someone who seems like they could hold an important place in your life but the circumstances just won't allow them to fit into that place. Sometimes it's unfailingly clear that they could fill that place perfectly and yet, no matter what you do or how bad you want it, that place just won't accept them. It sucks but not everyone you meet is meant to be in your life, even if they haven't necessarily done anything wrong. Their presence is nothing but a fleeting memory that you can only hope was meant for some kind of purpose.

"Don't be a stranger," I whisper, rubbing my hand in circles on his back. "It won't kill you to say hi if you see me around, would it?"

"It wouldn't," He releases the first genuine laugh I've heard in weeks and although it's quiet and short, it's something. I smile back.

"Hands fucking off, McCarthy."

We both jolt at the unexpected third voice and simultaneously turn our heads to the front door where Lucas is standing. His eyes flick between the two of us and he does not look happy. I stand up as soon as he takes a step forward.

"Don't do anything, stupid," I warn him. His blazing eyes move from Beck to me and they grow even more accusing. I narrow mine right back. "Are we going to do this again? Really?"

A muscle pulses along his clenched jaw and he turns to Beck instead of answering. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Beck stands too and puts his hands in his pockets. Something tells me his hands are currently fisted and I wouldn't blame him. "I just came to give her a birthday present."

Lucas' brows go up. "Yeah? Did I interrupt said present?"

"Don't," I snap. "For once in your life stop jumping to fucking conclusions, Luc. After everything that's happened between us do you really believe I would get into bed with someone else?"

I can see Beck look toward me in surprise but ignore it. Right now all I can do is stare at Lucas as his face remains passive at my question. He hasn't even thought twice about what I've asked him and continues to stare at me with blank eyes. My chest twists painfully because his silence counts as his answer.

"Nice," I whisper but I know he hears me because his jaw pulses again. Both of our anger is increasingly growing and I can't help but feel a pang of disappointment when I realize we're going to fight again. It's always a fight with Lucas, isn't it? I shake my head at him before looking at Beck. "Thank you for the gift. You should probably get going before you get caught in the crossfire."

He lowers his voice. "Do you need me to stick around?"

"She doesn't need you," Lucas interrupts.

"Shut up!" I practically scream and they both visibly stall in surprise. I'm so fucking tired of being pissed on by men and their stupid fucking egos. Especially Luc's. Did he learn fucking nothing from the thanksgiving dinner? Does he really still doubt me after everything we shared? Did it mean nothing to him? I'm operating on hurt alone when I force my words out. "Beck, you should go now. I can't apologize enough for this."

"It's okay," He says it tentatively, gently, like I'm on the edge and about to jump. Seems fitting. "I'll see you around."

I nod with a tight throat and keep my eyes downward so he doesn't see the tears of frustration gathering in my eyes. I can sense his hesitation and for a few seconds he stays where he is until finally I hear him walking away. There's a grunt, which definitely came from Lucas, and if I had to guess then Beck just shouldered him out of the way. I know it was for my sake. I don't raise my head until I hear the door shut and I'm grateful my tears are no longer blurring my vision. Lucas doesn't deserve them.

"Guess you really meant it when you said you didn't trust me, huh?" I laugh humourlessly. "You were right, Luc — it was a bad idea to go soft for you."

"You can't play that card," He fires back and walks toward me. "If it had been Maya with her arms wrapped around me and you walked in on us, you wouldn't have thought differently. Don't lie to yourself."

"Of course I wouldn't have! You fucked her! You kissed her right in front of me!"

"And you kissed him in front of me!"

"What?" I gape at him. "No, I didn't! How the hell did you know about the kiss?"

"Are you shitting me?" This time it's him who laughs and there's nothing funny about it either. "Right in front of my dorm, Olivia! Right. There."

"You were watching us?"

"I heard the two of you outside. I looked. Just in time to see you two sucking face."

"That is such an exaggeration," I scoff in disgust and shoulder past him. I need space. I need room. Flashes of that day in the library come to mind and it doesn't take long to put two and two together. I freeze as soon as it clicks and turn around on my heel, feeling the way my face falls with incredulity. "That girl at the library...is that why you did it? You saw me kiss Beck?"

He looks away and this is probably the first time in his life that Lucas hasn't been able to look me in the eye. The tears threaten to pool again and I blink fast, urging away the stinging in my eyes.

"I can't believe you," I whisper. My hands curl into fists and I dig my nails into my palm as tightly as I can. The pain serves as a distraction from the need to cry. "Get out. Get out! I'm so fucking done with you!"

His eyes snap back to mine, brows drawing close together. He takes a small step forward but I just take one back and he curses under his breath. "Livvy—"

"Don't!" I grab the first thing my hand lands on — the TV remote — and launch it at him. He ducks away and it clatters to the floor noisily. "Get. Out!"

"Olivia," This time his voice is firm when he straightens up. He wastes no time closing the distance between us with long and fast strides. I back up just as fast but my luck runs out when I hit the counter and Lucas is on me a moment later. I rear my arm back to push him away but he grabs it with a hold that's surprisingly gentle. It annoys me so I go for my other arm but he grabs that too and then his arms come around me, holding me against his chest. He speaks low in my ear. "Stop. Just take a deep breath for me."

His words break the dam I was holding together for no apparent reason. The tears fall faster than I anticipated and in moments the front of his shirt is soaked. I hear him mutter "fuck" under his breath and he holds my head in place, his other arm locked around my waist. And I hate that his touch comforts me even during a moment that I can't stand him. I hate that I lose all my fight and sag against him, sobbing into his chest as he rocks me and holds me together. I hate that only he can hold me together, even if he's the reason I'm falling apart.

"I hate you," I cry through a thick voice. "I fucking hate you."

"I know," He whispers. "I know, Livvy."

I burrow my face deeper into his warmth, my hands fisting the material of his shirt. "I didn't know you were watching. I only kissed him to see if maybe I could feel the same way but—"

"Don't," His hold on me tightens. "Don't explain yourself. Don't apologize. I'm the one that fucked up."

A laugh gets the better of me before I can stop it and I pull away to look at him. His face is hard as stone as he looks over my tear-stricken face. He looks angry but I know it's directed at himself and he wipes my face as I sniff. "Was that you admitting you were wrong or am I imagining things?"

"You heard me," He doesn't miss a beat.

"Oh," I blink. He's not kidding around. He won't even let me joke about it. I swallow hard.

"I know I made you cry right now," He starts in a serious voice, his eyes tracing my face. "But you were going to cry as soon as I told McCarthy to get his hands off you. I thought..."

"That you really were interrupting," I finish for him when I realize what it looked like.

He turns his head to the side and I watch as he pulls in a deep breath. "If you actually feel for the guy...whatever. I'll back off. None of my business to begin with."

"You're so stupid," I whisper and shake my head in disbelief. God, I could fucking strangle him. My earlier anger returns and I grab his face to turn it back to mine, like he's done to me so many times before. One of his brows pushes up. "Why do you think that I want every fucking person except you?"

"I believe what I see, Olivia," He pushes away from me and takes a few steps back. His breathing is heavier now, like he's trying to stay calm. "It seems like I every time I turn around you're caught up in someone else. Fuck am I supposed to think?"

"Nothing, damn it," I close my eyes shut in frustration. This has to happen now. I can't hide this anymore. My secret has come at the cost of losing my best friend and I can't take it anymore. "Lucas. Four years ago...there's a lot you don't know."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know either," He leans back against the wall and rubs a hand over his face. "Fuck. Fuck, Olivia. Did you really think I didn't care about our kiss? Ours was my goddamn first."

"It was mine too, Lucas," My voice wavers. Now or never. "Did you really think I'd go and fucking hook up with someone else the next day?"

"I saw you," His voice is raspy. "That day at the party. You came downstairs with your hair and clothes all fucked up and he was right behind you. He had your fucking lipstick all over his face. I saw it before you ran away from me. And then you went to LA less than twenty-four hours later."

"Luc," My eyes fall shut. I grip the counter behind me tightly because I think I might fall over. Doing this may be the hardest thing I've ever done and it takes all my strength to push the words out. "He tried to touch me. I fought back. I got my lipstick all over him in the process because he kept trying to kiss me. He got his hands between my legs and I knew what he was trying to do but he didn't get the chance to...you know. He only rubbed me there for a couple of minutes until I kicked him off and ran downstairs. He followed me but then we were out in the open and he couldn't do anything else. I know I got lucky because it didn't that far but the experience of it all scared the hell out of me. I just...I had to get away."

When I open my eyes again they land on Lucas. He's standing so still that if he wasn't in front of me, I'd think he was a corpse. His eyes are unblinking and vacant. I don't think he's even breathing.

"What?" He asks. Slowly. Carefully. The malice in his voice sends a shiver down my spine.

"I didn't want to tell anyone," I fill in the tense silence with stumbling words. This is not going the way I hoped. "I thought I'd be making a big deal out of nothing because he didn't actually do anything. He just touched me but I got away in time. I kept telling myself that nothing happened so there was nothing to even talk about. I don't—I don't know, Lucas. Please say something."

He abruptly turns away from me, giving me his back. I watch as his head bends low and he runs his fingers through his hair before tugging on it roughly. Then he gets down on his haunches and he looks exactly the way I did two days ago when I was curled over and trying not to throw up. I approach him carefully. The closer I get the better I can see how his body rises and falls with harsh breaths. I crouch down beside him on my knees and my hand pauses mid-air, wondering if I should touch him. I don't know what to make of his reaction. I don't know what it means.

"Lucas?" I ask softly.

His breathing visibly stops for a moment before he raises his head to look at me. I suck in a startled breath at the sheer grief in his eyes. The openness. The vulnerability. For the first time in four years...he's letting me in again.

And he's wrecked. Destroyed. Completely obliterated.

He lets me see every miserable inch inside of him and my throat lumps at the sight. All of this pain. After all this time.

"I'm sorry, Livvy," He chokes out. My breath knocks out of me and I simply lean against the wall, unable to believe he just gave me the words I've ached for, for so damn long. I close my eyes and feel his forehead touch mine, feel his wavered breath fall across my face. And here, right now, it feels like peace. "I'm so fucking sorry."

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A/N

This chapter had no right being so emotional.

Thoughts on Beck? I'm totally hinting at something.

Before you jump to conclusions and go off about how Lucas should have been there for her, understand he couldn't have known. Olivia didn't tell him anything and he couldn't have guessed something like that. Olivia didn't even give herself time to understand what happened to her so how could she have explained it to anyone else? Plus, his side of the story explains A LOT! Are y'all ready?

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)