I wake up to a fuck ton of missed messages. Well, wake up is the wrong term considering I never slept but I did turn my phone off a few hours ago. I'm well aware it's almost noon and that I was supposed to be in class four hours ago, and meet Olivia in the library one hour ago. I was awake through it all, laying down in bed and fuming.

She kissed him. She fucking kissed McCarthy.

She meant for me to see it too. Why else would she fucking do it right in front of my dorm? I'd heard her outside late last night and didn't think anything of it until I heard McCarthy too. I told myself, fucking told myself, to forget it but I couldn't. He ruined everything with my family and Olivia was still hanging out with him? And after she came to check up on me, I thought she was on my side. I thought she cared more about me than McCarthy. So what was she doing with him? I had to look. And the second I glanced through the peephole all I saw was those two sucking face. She kissed him. She fucking kissed him. After the shit he caused at dinner, why the fuck was she kissing him?

I don't know why I was surprised. It's classic Olivia — running into someone else's arms the second I show a little bit of vulnerability to her. She waits until I show her just a smidge of softness and then she throws it in my face, showing me she doesn't care by hopping on someone else's dick instead. I fucking swear she gets off on humiliating me.

Two can play at that game, Olivia.

And I'm going to play that game, alright. I thought we were done but if she wants to play some more, far be it from me to stop her.

I roll out of bed pissed the fuck off. I take my time in the shower, take my time getting ready, take my time grabbing breakfast. By the time I'm actually out the door it's half past one. Chances are I'll catch Olivia at the library where I was supposed to meet her nearly three hours ago. Our project is a lot of work so I have no doubt she's still doing it, all by herself no less. I'm not sorry.

As I walk to the library I go over the messages. I never gave her my personal number so she had to reach out to me through Instagram.

_Liv_West: Are you coming to class or not?

_Liv_West: Class is done so I'll just meet you at the library.

_Liv_West: It's been 45 minutes. Are you going to bother showing up?

_Liv_West: Seriously, Lucas? I'll do it myself. Forget it.

That last one was half an hour ago so there's a fairly good chance she's still there. I have no idea what I'm going to do or if I'm going to bother confronting her. All I know is that I'm riled the fuck up and operating on my emotions right now. It's a bad idea but I've never been known to make good decisions. Fucking whatever.

The library is quiet when I walk inside. I get a few stares as I saunter through and take a look around. In my four years at BU I've never actually been to the library before. It's pretty big but it still doesn't take long for me to spot Olivia.

She's sitting at one of the round tables at the back. It's just her with her headphones plugged in while she bops her head to whatever song she's listening to. She's in oversized sweatpants, a loose crop top, her hair in a bun and no makeup, and still she looks prettier than most girls on campus who dump a shit ton of makeup on their faces everyday. How in the fuck? I hate that I notice it, and I hate that other guys notice it. She's getting looks from all around her and she doesn't even realize it. She's just typing away on the laptop without a card in the world, completely oblivious to what she did to me.

My nostrils flare as I walk over to her. She only notices me when I pull out the chair in front of her and sit, her brows going up and the epitome of unimpressed.

"I'm pretty sure I told you not to bother," She looks to her laptop screen again, dismissing me. My rage doubles.

"I do what I want," I throw back, leaning back in my seat with crossed arms.

Olivia snorts. "We all know that. So why are you here? Don't tell me you want to help with this project."

"I don't."

"So?"

"Not everything requires an explanation," I look away from her. The truth is I don't know why I'm here myself. I don't know what I'm looking for or what's next. I just need to do something and I need to do it quick. Seeing Olivia complete unnerved is bothering me. I'm bleeding open and I'm growing restless because I want her to do the same.

"You're being weirder than usual," She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. I picked our constellation and researched the story, the surrounding planets, and the galaxy it's in. I started writing about all the general information in the essay. I'm about halfway through so all that's left is the other half of the essay and actually creating the star map. We'll have to go for a bit of a drive if we want to see the constellation so when should we do it?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

She closes her eyes and pulls in a deep breath like she's trying to keep her patience. Now we're getting somewhere. I can feel my smirk start to form.

"Is this about this weekend?" She asks quietly and immediately my amusement fades. Why the hell does she always say and do the wrong things? "I heard you loud and clear. I'm pretending like our moment didn't happen."

Yes, she fucking is. So much that she went and fucked McCarthy, the same asshole that ruined everything. Everything was going fine until he showed up. I have nothing to say to her so I keep quiet, my jaw pulsing.

"How's your mom?" She asks after a few silent beats. This time it's me who closes my eyes. Shut up, Olivia. She's going to make me do something neither of us will like. "Have you spoken to your dad?"

"What are you doing?" I finally snap. I lean forward and shut her laptop, breathing hard. "What's with the questions and fucking kumbaya? We're not friends."

"How much longer are you going to bullshit yourself?" She hisses right back. "Cut the 'we're not friends' crap. Maybe not but we're still part of each other's lives whether you like it or not. Say what you want but I'm one of the few people that can understand you and what you're going through so that doesn't make me a nobody. That makes me somebody to you and you can't stand it."

"See, that's the thing about you Olivia," I lean even closer until I'm nearly standing, all up in her face. "All you do is brag about yourself and flaunt yourself in my face. Guess fucking what? You're not perfect. You fuck up too. You hurt me too. So get off your fucking high horse."

I sit back down and have to physically catch my breath. Fuck, she gets under my skin so easily. She's in my head and in my veins like my own personal brand of poison and I'm choking on her, letting her consume me until I go insane. Why is it so easy for her to do this to me? Why can't I stop it?

"I'm not brag—" She cuts herself off, massaging her temples. "You know what? Never mind. If you're here to help then great but if not, I'd rather just go work somewhere you aren't."

Figures. But I'm still not done with her yet so I jerk my chin at her notes. "Fine. What do I do?"

She seems surprised for a moment but quickly recovers, sliding her notebook my way. "If you could draw out how we're going to organize our visual board that would help. Also a rough draft of the sky map."

I take it from her wordlessly and she watches me for a moment with obvious skepticism, like she's waiting for me to chuck the damn thing across the room. I snatch one of her pencils and start drawing. I'm no good but it's a rough draft so fuck it. When Olivia seems convinced that I'm doing my work, she opens her laptop up again and resumes writing the essay.

I try not to watch her. I try not to stare. But my body has a mind of its own around Olivia. Every time she's in proximity I notice things like her body and her lips and how good she smells. Sometimes I stare at her lips and try to remember what it was like to kiss her. I've forgotten the feeling completely, blocked it out of mind, but sometimes I'm tempted to remember. That's why I try to stay away from her altogether — no matter how much I force myself to loathe her, I still want her. I want her when I know I can't have her and watching other guys get her boils my blood like I wouldn't believe. Flashes of her and McCarthy locking lips push at the front of my mind and I grunt in frustration, trying to focus on this stupid fucking drawing.

"What is that?" Olivia asks suddenly, looking at my sheet of paper.

"What?" I scowl. "It's the sky."

"Do you know what the sky looks like?" She's obviously trying to hold back a laugh.

"Fuck is your problem?" I mutter. I point to the page. "Stars, planets, Milky Way."

Olivia slips a hand over her mouth, probably to hide a smile. "That's the Milky Way?"

"Well, what does it fucking look like?"

"It kind of looks like a pizza, to be honest."

I scoff and look at the drawing again. I think she's right. The little specks definitely look like slices of pepperoni. My frown deepens. "Shit."

She covers her face with both hands and her body starts shaking lightly. She's laughing at me. I'm not happy. My mouth pinches at the corners as I watch her put her arms on the table and dig her face in them, her whole body shaking. It's not even fucking funny but I hate that her reaction is starting to amuse me.

"Shut up," I mutter. "Like you're any better at drawing."

"Better than that," She lifts her head and I suck in a breath at the sight of her smile. She's actually fucking smiling at me. I can't take my eyes off it as she grabs her notebooks and starts scribbling on it. She's grinning absentmindedly at the page and I can't. Stop. Staring. Olivia and I have been at each other's throats for so goddamn long I can't even remember the last time she smiled because of me. Seeing it now is like a stark reminder that we were actually friends once upon a time. Best friends, even. "See?"

I quickly look away and bring my gaze back to her notebook. Her drawing is definitely better and I shrug. "Nothing wrong with pizza."

"Nothing at all," She teases. I pause. Is she fucking flirting?

She bites the inside of her cheek and goes back to typing. All too soon the moment passes and it bothers me that it's over so quick.

Like a fucking punch to the face, her phone dings with a notification and my eyes are drawn to it just in time to see McCarthy's name on the screen. My body tightens when Olivia quickly grabs it and reads whatever text he sent, her body sinking with relief. She types something back rapidly and I look away before I lose my shit.

Just like that. Just like that he has her again. What the fuck am I even trying for? Why am I acting so soft for her and continuously letting my guard down? Didn't I learn the first time?

She was the one who kissed me first all those years ago, and I remember feeling on top of the fucking world because I'd been secretly in love with her for years. Then I went through the worst twenty-four hours of my life and I couldn't do anything but drown in my own fear and guilt. I know Olivia tried to talk to me about the kiss but after what had happened, it was the least of my worries. I needed a moment. Just a fucking moment. And in that moment she chose to hook up with someone else, and break me even more than I already was. She never wanted me or she wouldn't have done that. I'm experiencing an odd sense of déjà vu watching her text Beck now. I can't fucking stand it.

I stand up abruptly and take off for the shelves. I don't want her to see how goddamn close I am to losing my shit or how much she affects me. I know I came here to hurt her, do something to her, but shit went in a completely different direction. We had a decent fucking conversation. We joked around for fuck's sake. And like always I got caught up in it. Caught up in her. I'm tired of losing myself in her only to come crashing down all over again.

This is why I'll never be able to forgive her. This is why I'll never stop hurting her, because she won't stop fucking hurting me.

I pass a row of shelves and catch sight of a girl out of the corner of my eye. She notices me too, her mouth parting in surprise. I immediately stop and look at her. She's hot. Long brown hair that's light enough to look almost blonde, lips that are big and inviting, and a fucking amazing rack. I casually walk over to her and she watches me from where she's sitting between the shelves. I don't stop until I'm in front of her and crouch down, our eyes locked.

"Hey," I start and she sits up straighter, pushing her chest out slightly. Hmm. That didn't take long. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yes," She breathes.

I let my eyes drop from her face and openly check her out. When I look at her again she's smiling, pleased. "I'd like to hear you say my name."

Her eyes come to life, sparkling at me. "Lucas Cage."

"That's right," I murmur. "And you are?"

"Demi," She fills in. She flips her hair, tilting her head at me. "Why do you want to know?"

Sassy, this one. She'll do. "I figured it's the least I could do before I kiss you. I do have manners."

I've definitely got her attention now. And her confidence. She leans in closer and her grin widens. "You're going to kiss me?"

"I just said I was. Do you want me to?"

"Definitely."

"So, I have your permission?"

She answers by sitting up on her knees and grabbing my face, her lips meeting mine. I make a noise of surprise in the back of my throat but only hesitate for a moment before kissing her back. It's been well over a month since I kissed anyone, fucked anyone. Olivia and I agreed we'd back off from hooking up with other people but she didn't want to listen so this is on her. And now I'm on Demi.

I stand up and take her with me, pushing her until her back hits the shelf behind her. She moans when I slip my tongue into her mouth and roll it against hers. When she presses her body to mine her tits crush against my chest. This should be turning me on but it's not. She's not who I want to be touching like this and it only pisses me off more that even with another chick on me, I still want someone who doesn't want me back. I grow aggressive, my hands sliding down until I'm gripping her ass. squeezing and pushing her toward me at the same time. Demi takes that as some sort of invitation and becomes just as aggressive. She's frisky.

"Are you kidding me?"

But not as frisky as her.

I pull away from Demi's lips and look to my right where Olivia is standing. She's watching us with so much heat in her gaze it's like she's trying to burn me alive. My firecracker. And that excites me so much fucking more than even a graze from Demi. I want more of that. I want to watch her go as crazy as she makes me.

So I keep my eyes on Olivia's as I grab the back of Demi's head and tug hard. She gasps and I descend my lips to her neck, placing wide kisses with my tongue. All the while I stare at Olivia through heavy-lidded eyes, wishing I was kissing her instead as fucked up as it is.

She makes me reckless. Her defiance makes me want to throw her down and fuck it right out of her. It's like the more I can't have her, the more I want her, and the more stupid shit I'll do in order to get her attention.

She watches me now and she's seething. But she doesn't look away. She's had handfuls of seconds to look away but she remains watching me. Even as I grab the top of Demi's shirt and tug it down, even as I suck on her nipple through her bra and bite down hard, even as I let my hand wander and cup her between her legs. She watches me with heavy breaths but they're not full of just anger. She's turned the fuck on right now because she feels my heat too. I don't have to touch her for that. I know she feels me.

Olivia looks torn. It's obvious that she wants to stop watching but it's like her gaze is trapped on me. I can tell she's trying to figure out what I'm thinking as I'm doing this and why I'm doing this. I've only ever been good at self-destruction so I take it up a notch.

I grab Demi by the waist and spin her around so her back is to me. I don't want to look at her right now because she's ruining the image in front of me. My hands glide up until her tits are in my hands and I squeeze, my thumbs flicking over her nipples. Demi moans but I don't even register it. I lick my lips and watch Olivia, letting my eyes run all over her body. The same body that drives me fucking crazy with desire. When I make it back to her face her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are stormy. She knows good and well I'm imagining her in Demi's place.

"Firecracker," I groan, squeezing Demi's tits harder. Olivia sucks in a visible breath, blinking fast. If she had any doubt about what I doing, I just took care of it.

"Huh?" Demi asks.

Fucking damn it. Whatever fucked up trance Olivia and I were in completely breaks at the sound of her voice. Olivia jerks like she was electrocuted and her eyes flicker. That earlier anger returns but also hurt. A lot of hurt.

It's what I wanted, but it doesn't fucking feel good. When did hurting her stop feeling good?

"You know what?" She starts quietly. "I'm done. I hope you got whatever you needed to out of your system because I'm done."

The fuck? I abruptly let go of Demi and face Olivia, my hands curled into fists. "Fuck does that mean?"

"Fuck you, Lucas," She smiles but it doesn't look happy at all. It looks forced and watery and she quickly walks away before I can say anything else.

"What's happening?" Demi asks, obviously confused. I feel her hand wrap around my bicep. "Come back here. Don't tell me we're already done."

"We never started," I snap, irrationally pissed of her presence. I know I chose to make a move with her but fuck, I still want to blame her for whatever the hell Olivia is talking about.

Demi scoffs. "You're being an ass."

Right. Because it takes one person to hook up. I barely glance at her as I walk away. "You were all over me after we spoke three words. What's that make you?"

She angrily shouts something but fuck if I know. I look around for Olivia but her things are gone from the table. She left. My jaw clenches because this time, I'm well aware it's completely my fault.

_________________________

A/N

Lucas, get your shit together!!!

Let me be the first to say I'm not the kind of author that blindly praises her MCs for everything. I know I've been putting up a huge fight for Lucas the past couple chapters (because I talked a lot about his depression and mental health and it pissed me off that people had the gall to not even TRY and understand why he is the way he is, ugh) but that doesn't mean I blindly praise him all the time. Case in point — home boy did not need to do what he just did. Once again he jumped to conclusions and that's exactly how he's responsible for adding to his own pain.

I'm not going to excuse his behaviour all the time. I literally wrote this story and how he fucks up so I of all people KNOW when he fucks up and admit he makes hella mistakes, holy hell, but that doesn't mean I'm cool with readers coming for his neck as if everything is his fault and he's the ONLY one at fault. Don't overlook how he talked a lot about how Olivia hurts him and it messes with him. So if everyone is going to pop off about how he hurts Olivia, keep that same energy when she does the same to him. I love my queen Liv, but she constantly throws his faults in his face and makes him feel less. And Lucas feels tf out of it because Olivia's opinion about him matters a lot to him. So again all I'm saying is KEEP THAT SAME ENERGY.

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)