My heart bloomed as he gripped my hand. I bit my lip hard enough to hurt, just to rein in a grin that would no doubt split my face.

Finally, I thought, I can just hold his hand.

His callouses rubbed mine, the warmth of his hand like the most perfect glove. Sure, our hands weren't perfectly molded for each other, but my hand fit in his and we had the same ideals and interests. And we love each other without fault. That's all that matters.

"Where're we going?" We had pulled away from the wagon. Shouldn't we be heading towards the head of the regiment, not back towards the palace?

Legolas answered with a smile.

"Oh, come on, now you have to tell me," I whined. "You can't just smile like that and not explain."

Still, that smiling answer.

I huffed a laugh and settled for silence. But as we continued on, a small seed of giddiness was planted in me, as was a bit of anxiety.

"No need to worry, meleth."

My breath caught as I stopped walking. I turned to him, my eyes searched his face. Meleth.

His thumb ran across the back of my hand as his twinkling blue eyes met mine. "You know my feelings for you, Lum. It shouldn't be much of a surprise now."

I blushed, licked my lips. "T-thank you."

"For what?" he laughed.

I blushed deeper, my face a degree from bursting into flames. "I-I don't know."

"Let's just continue," I said, ducking my flaming face out of sight.

I could feel him refraining a laugh.

After a while through silence, allowing my face to return to its normal temperature, Legolas pulled to a stop.

"The armory?" I asked as I gazed upon row after row after row of weapons and shields and breastplates. Everything in here had a sheen to it, gleaming with the prospect of being used.

He nodded. "I've had something made for you..." his hand broke from mine as he wandered about and went behind a rack of swords. "Here it is."

Through the obscured view I had, I saw his pale fingers caressing something silver—

"My thrandies!" I yelled, running forward and taking them from Legolas' hands. They had the same brilliant gleam, the same awkward length, and the same curve. Perfectly balanced in my hands.

A grin split my face as I looked up at Legolas. "Th—"

His eyebrows were creased and a funny look was imprinted on his face.

"What—oh," I said, tucking hair behind my ear. "I—uh—they remind me of your father's swords so I—uh—named them after him?"

Legolas, after stupidly blinking for a moment, burst out laughing. He gripped the side table as he struggled for breath.

"It's not that funny," I said, returning to my earlier color of red.

"No—no, it's not that. I..." he wheezed, "highly approve of the name."

I cracked an uncertain smile.

"That's just—fantastic," he said, still out of breath as he straightened. "I can only imagine my father's reaction to the name. He might even roar with laughter."

Color drained from my face. "Oh no—please don't tell him!"

That brilliant smile wouldn't leave his face—not that I was complaining—and he shook his head and leaned forward and pecked my cheek.

"Have no worries," he said as he held my hand again.

I tug him toward the halls—so we could go to where the warriors were gathering, just after I gathered my new Thrandies and a back harness for them.

"Thrandies," Legolas muttered with a huff of laughter. He shook his head once more.

*********

The sky was clear—thank Eru. We didn't need rain to slow us as we trekked the long miles. Already, we had traveled many. Legolas had informed me we were a little more than halfway there.

We certainly better be, I had replied. At the time, I was more than tired, and I had hurt. And I also wanted sweet food that we didn't have with us and I just wanted to read a book.

Thankfully, this week I was back to my normal self—well... As normal as a Lumornel can be. I still wanted to chow on food, but weeks and weeks of traveling with the broken fellowship—and then with just Legolas—had trained me to be able to wait until the allotted time to eat.

Although at times I just wanted to tackle whoever carried the food and shove it all in my face.

Just thinking about food... my stomach growled. I almost shushed it.

Instinctively, I peered up at the blistering sun. Not yet dinner time.

Lost amid the sudden blissful silence upon my thoughts, I twirled the bracelet Sunnwyn had made around and around my wrist. Gently tying the reins around the saddle horn, I let my body sway to the horse's rhythm and admired the bracelet. Thrice braided with many beads on individual strands.

Lumornel, Sunngifu, Legolas were three names I found amongst the beads. I even found words: hope, innocent, light. I bit my lip as I saw simple engravings of images: a sword, a star, a helping hand.

I gripped the reins again, not being able to inspect the jewelry piece any longer. It reminded me too much of them—Sunnwyn and Gifu. Did they miss me? Or did I become a passing memory? But then again, just the intensity of my 'relentlessness' would still aggravate Sunngifu fifty years from now. Or so she once stated.

Maybe I'll compose a letter before the big battle and say a greeting. I'll even beg for her baby's name. Not that she'll give it to me. Hopefully, she'd tell me the gender. Little girl or little boy?

"Hiril vuin," Adan greeted, riding up upon his gleaming steed. The captain was one of the guards that actually welcomed me warmly—not coldly with stares. "how does today's fare treat you?"

"Alright, I suppose. A bit dull."

Adan nodded, chin held high as he inspected the landscape before us. Right now, it was our turn to ride ahead. Sort of like scouts, although the real ones were in front of us. We were more like guards, I guess. A second defense to protect the King and Prince who lead the regiment. Who better to 'protect' the royals than the prophecy-written and a Captain?

"The sun is agreeing with us today, weather impeccable for troop movement."

Really? I thought the sun was blistering hot. "The breeze is nice."

The captain nodded.

Then I got a thought.

"You're friends with Uldren? The cook?" I asked, bouncing slightly in my saddle.

"Uldreiyn," Adan corrected with a nod. "What of it?"

"Well, you see..." I licked my lips. "... I use up a lot of energy because... of my thing... and I was wondering... ifmaybeyou'daskyourfriendtogivemeasecondhelping?"

Adan blinked at me.

"Why not ask the Prince? Rumors are that you two are closer than rabbits in spring."

I blushed heavily and looked away.

*********

Legolas's brows rose, the flickering of candlelight bouncing off the tent's canvas walls. "You lied?"

I cringed. "Maybe a little bit."

He laughed loudly, shaking his head as he unbuckled his quiver from around his chest and back.

"I'm sorry," I whined. "I was hungry."

"Still am," I muttered.

Shaking off the rest of his laughter, he asked if I wanted food. I, of course, obliged.

After watching the tent flap flop close, I flopped down on his makeshift bed. A cot really. I wondered if he slept on the ground instead. My first night back in Mirkwood with a soft, comfortable bed available... I couldn't sleep. Ever since, I've forsaken the mattress and stayed where I was most used to being: the ground. A mattress—it's too squishy now. Like if I lie down, it'll engulf me. The floor though—sturdier. More familiar. Trustworthy. All except for the occasional rock stabbing me in the back. But besides that.

His tent was bland—how it's supposed to be, I guess. We're on the move every day, it'd be a burden for decorations to be put up and down, even a desk. The multi-green canvas walls kept out the chilly breeze that gusted over the land at night, kept out most bugs, and only let in the tiniest amount of ventilation through the tent flaps. Just canvas and cot. And his weapons. He didn't have pajamas or a change of clothes. Just like when he and I were traveling, he slept in the same clothing. What if we were ambushed? Then he'd be ready to fight.

I swatted at a mosquito on my neck, scratching where it had tickled my skin. But as I did, my fingernails went over bumpy scars. Scars that still held the screaming proclamation of being recent: they were pink. Pink and red, a glaring sign. I wasn't normal anymore—not talking about the light that could emanate out of me, or even the darkness that sometimes did, but about the canvas of my body being ruined. Under these clothes, where no one could see... pink and pink and pink. Scar after scar. Physical memory after memory.

I could barely stand to change clothes anymore, or bathe, or simply relieve myself... for when I did, it showed what cloth hid. And every time I saw one of those scars, a memory tried popping in my head. Or rather a myriad of ones did, all blurring together as my mind tried deciphering what torture he had used, what terrible day it had been. But sometimes, it wouldn't be a memory, it'd be his face.

Hair devoid of all color, the color of lost souls and forgotten things. The color of drained happiness. And his skin. Pallid and worn, cruelty raging just beneath the surface. But it was those eyes that were the worst. Dark cold eyes, sunken into the features of his face, a frenzy always dancing some kind of crazed dance deep in those eyes. Eyes that would gleam when I was brought into that chamber of his, strapped most often to a metal table. Eyes that would be reflected in a knife, always held in his hand. Eyes that I never stopped seeing in my sleep.

Even blinking, sometimes. Especially when I'm alone for too long or during those long marches during the day, when the moving of feet bled into one sound and allowed my brain to wander.

"Hot, bland porridge, specially made for..." Legolas trailed off, the tent entrance closing. He set the bowl of porridge on the ground and quickly sat next to me, the cot cloth dipping at his weight.

"What's wrong?" I felt his eyes search my face. "What can I do?"

"It's okay," I said, tearing my eyes from the grass, but not being able to meet his eyes. I patted his hand. "I-I'll be fine."

But he continued searching me, seeing something that he recognized all too well. He then gently pulled me into a hug, resting my head on his shoulder with his hands holding the back of my neck and waist. "You don't have to suffer alone."

"But I don't want to weigh anyone down," I muttered into his clothing, wrapping my own arms around his waist.

"Melleth, never be afraid to tell me what's weighing you down. I want to make you lighter, take away your burdens. I know what it's like to suffer alone and don't want you to suffer that way anymore." He said his words softly while holding me firmly in the chill air.

He began stroking my head, my back, letting me listen to his breathing as I thought.

"It's just—" I began, voice cracking. "He keeps showing up in my mind. He invades my sleep and waking dreams. I can't be free of him. I try and try and try but the memory of him never goes away."

I fisted my hands in his shirt, clutching at the cloth. "He haunts me. And I can't make it stop. I'll be distracted during the day, laughing and talking, but then I'll be alone, or I catch a glimpse of one of my scars. And i-it's like a punch to the gut and I just can't breathe."

My throat burned. "I'll wake up from a nightmare convince I'm back in a cell and I start screaming. O-or I'll catch a glimpse of yellowed clothing and I can't move. Everyone says I'm strong or that I have to be strong. But... what if they knew how weak I am?"

Legolas gripped me tighter. "Lumornel, you're one of the strongest people I know. You going through what you did, it's testimony to that."

I shook my head into his shoulder, felt tears prick my eyes. "Legolas, I can't—can't even use the bathroom anymore without thinking of him." A silent sob racked my chest. "I'll pull down my pants and see the angry marks he gave me and turn into that scared girl I was in his tower."

"I hate this, Legolas, I hate it." My lungs quivered as I cried, clutching him close. "I just want it to go away. I wish I could pick out all the memories and forget it all. A-and make all the scars vanish."

"I don't even belong to myself anymore. I belong to him. He's branded me. He made me heat the brand myself." Just talking about it made his mark on my back tingle to life.

Legolas sucked in a breath sharply. "You belong to yourself. Never, never to him."

My arms trembled as I held him. "I can't wear short sleeves anymore or go barefoot. No dresses that might show my legs or have a neckline that goes below my collarbone. I-I'm ruined. He's turned me into a piece of trash, he's made me ugly," I wailed, tears wetting my face, snot dripping oh so gross.

"I'm so-rry," I cried. "I'm sorry I can't be beautiful for you."

I sniffed, burying my face more deeply out of sight. "You deserve better than this. Y-you deserve a girl who has a beautiful body for you to love, not something so hideous and ruined that you can barely look or touch it, not something that brings you displeasure. You deserve so much more than that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"I just—I just want you to be happy," I finished, holding him tight and keeping my face away from his eyes.

Legolas was silent for a moment, but he gripped me tight. "You are beautiful. Elbereth, sometimes I look at you and it's like you've stolen all the breath in my lungs. I see you and I see this woman that has been hardened by evil but has so much good in her. It doesn't matter if you have scars, we all have scars. Yours are just more visible than others."

He pulled back, holding me where he could see my eyes. "And frankly, I think scars in themselves are beautiful. They tell a story, which is sometimes testimony to how strong that person is."

My vision blurred again, but he kept on going.

"One day, I'll see a story written across your skin about how the woman I hold dear became the strong Lumornel I know and love." He smiled softly, using his thumb to brush away a tear.

I choked on a sob and pulled my face out of his hands. "You shouldn't see me like this, I'm all gross now." Indeed, I had snot trying to escape my nose, I quickly wiped it away.

"I say all that, and that's what you have to say?" He laughed. "Come here," he murmured, pulling me into his arms again. "It's okay, when I cry my nose runs too."

I laughed weakly. "At least we have one thing in common."

I felt the rumble run through his chest and shivered, secretly taking delight in it. He blew out the candle, sending a plume of smoke to dissipate in the air, and lay down, taking me with him.

"What are you doing?" I asked quickly, still reeling from what I revealed to him.

"Sleeping, silly." In the dark I could almost make out his smile.

With me? I almost squeaked. "Don't you care what people will think?"

"Nope."

"But when I held your hand—"

"I don't care anymore. They all know I want to be with my Tree-Shade, so I'm going to sleep innocently by your side tonight whether you like it or not."

I stared up at the smothered dark view of him. Then made out the grin on his face. "Oh, you." I shook my head, wiping at my cheeks. "Well, I'm going to sleep innocently by your side whether or not you like it too, and if I have to ally with some of the soldiers to keep you in here, I will."

"Believe me," he said, almost amused. "You wouldn't have any problem with that. They all love you more than they do me."

No, they don't, half of them despise me. "Is someone jealous?"

"Maybe just a little," he said, bopping my nose, then pushing back a strand of my hair behind my ear.

Night descended upon the both of us, with me in his arms as we slept.

And guess what? No nightmares plagued my dreams. And I don't believe any plagued Legolas either.

*********

"Speak, or I will put a dent in your hat that even a wizard will find hard to deal with!"

—Gimli, The Two Towers

So... I gotta say this real quick. In the song 'Yestoday' by NCT U there's a line that sounds like 'I hear you've been looking for my job Nelly' and I just... LUMORNEL. Nelly... like Lumornel? The nickname Sunngifu gave her? No? Okay... *scurries away*

Anyways, where I am in writing this fanfiction (chapter 66) theres only 4 more chapters (including the epilogues). I really just wanna get this done with so I'm struggling not to rush through. Gaahhhhh

Novaer, mellyn
~awatin~