"I'm surprised to say this but... I miss this." I looked up at night sky, a breeze running across my face as I lay next to a nonexistent fire.

"The bugs or the grass tickling your neck?"

I turned my gaze from the stars to scowl at Legolas, scowling even deeper when I saw his smirk. He turned that smirk to the sky.

"I understand what you mean. The feel of a cool night breeze blowing stray strands of hair, the way the very air seems to sleep, yet come alive in a mysterious way. It's as if the world changes into something different; a place with different sounds, animals, and feel."

Surprised, although I shouldn't be, I turned my gaze to Legolas. Grass tickled my ear doing so. The moonlight shone against Legolas's pale hair, turning his face into an iridescent illusion with his pale eyes almost glowing. The serene image burned into my mind.

"You have a way with words."

He twisted his neck, pale eyes with smudges underneath regarding me. A ghost of a smile on his lips. "Every prince must be."

"No," I shook my head, "like I said before the battle, it's just a Legolas thing." His hand rested beside mine in the grass. I set mine atop his.

He smiled, but something like pain lit his eyes and he withdrew his hand and turned away.

Something twisted in my heart, burning and painful, and I let myself put my back to his. My now-calloused fingers tangled themselves in the grass, some strands popping free at the tension in my fist. Sunngifu's words rang in my head, but cowardice pushed them out.

*********

Saruman stood before me menacingly, as if a wretched lone tree whose limbs and leaves had gone dead years ago, leaving it to twist hauntingly over passerby, threatening to pull them into his clutches. I was his passerby, a helpless victim to sustain his wicked entertainment.

A cold sweat broke out on my forehead, my mind leaking tears of fear through my scalp. My limbs were frozen in the anticipation of agony, and I knew it was futile to strain against the bonds holding me to the cold, cold metal chair. The very ground beneath me knew this as the evil gleam on its black surface hungered for my blood.

What would sprout from my blood? What did it hunger to grow? Thorny brambles to ensnarl victims.

"Such power you hold, Lumornel. Such a depth it holds. I wonder just how deep it goes." Saruman approached, a dulled butchers knife in hand, ready to hack open my veins and muscles.

"Will your Light vanish when it sees your Darkness? Will it flee when it senses your future? Surely it will want a worthier Host, not a helpless mouse destined to be caught in a snare."

His white hair brushed my clammy cheek as he descended upon me, abys eyes staring pass mine as if he could see the very power at my core. His knife whispered against the soft spot just underneath my eye. Then pushed harder.

"If the Light does not have a window to see out of, will the Darkness consume it?"

A frail, primal whimper rose in my throat.

"Or maybe," he withdrew the knife and cut off my shirt, "a damaged Host will cause it to flee."

His knife sliced across my abdomen, scarlet blood trailing along it.

At my agonized scream Saruman didn't flinch, instead, he moved the knife to the other side of my torso and dug in.

"Gag her," he commanded. A foul-smelling rag was stuffed in my mouth, then tied around my head. Dried blood filled my mouth with a disgusting iron-tanged taste. With the cloth in my mouth, I was forced to swallow the old blood.

"Or possibly... if you were to belong to something else other than the Light, it would abandon you..."

The corners of his mouth tilted up as he stood. "Orc, go get the brand. And you, girl," he said while untying my bounds, "go heat the brazier."

I stared up at him in horror.

"Go, girl. Is your hearing as damaged as your wits?" He nodded behind me to an orc, who then upended the chair I had been strapped to, dumping me to the hard ground.

I didn't move, couldn't move as my eyes locked onto the black caldron-esque container, wood already piled high.

Saruman's booted foot kicked me in the abdomen, right over the fresh gashes. Crying out, I fell to my side. He raised his knife. "Get up and start that fire!"

Crying, I stumble to my aching feet, not daring to look down at my deformed toes. Falling to my knees before the brazier, I cursed Mother for ever teaching me how to start a fire. I cursed her name and her life and for good measure, I cursed her husband—Father—as well.

Fingers trembling, I set the fire that would scar me.

Metal clanged to the ground next to me. A brand, with Saruman's symbol on the end; a crudely made hand.

I whimpered through the gag.

"Heat it," boomed Saruman. His grip on the knife tightened.

I couldn't do it, I couldn't do such harm to myself. Already, my body trembled even more at the pain it would cause. Could I already smell the scent of my flesh burning?

I shook my head.

"Idiot girl!" Saruman lashed out at me with the knife and I raised my hands up for protection. The evil blade slashed across my wrists. "Do as I say, or a brand will be the least of your worries."

And I believed him. With the gag soaking up my tears, I tentatively picked up the iron brand. And... dropped it into the fire. I didn't dare draw attention to it as the end turned from red, to a fiery white.

"Hand it to me," Saruman commanded. My limbs couldn't move.

Instead of a reprimand, he said, "no."

What?

"No!" He shouted, face contorting in pain. But it wasn't his voice that escaped his mouth. "Stop!"

"I'm sorry!" The voice cried. "I'm—"

"Sorry!"

The real world of now came back to me in a jarring halt. The night sky weeks away from Helm's Deep shone darkly and beautifully above me, the quiet breeze whispering against my face, drying terror's sweat from my neck.

Legolas whimpered.

I bolted upright, putting a hand to my head to stop it from swimming, trying desperately to ignore the stinging memory on my back. But Legolas thrashed on the ground, sweat dripping down his face has his eyes sightlessly moved around.

"Legolas..." His normally stoic expression was twisting into something of grief and pain.

"Stop!"

At that moment, I didn't see Legolas as the grown elven prince he is, but as a young elfling who only thought he was doing right. He flinched in his dream, and the fist he had been clenching slowly released. But his frame didn't relax.

Tentatively, I reached forward and touched his shoulder—

He shot forward. And his hand engulfed my neck.

As soon as his wrathful eyes focused on me, he immediately let go. His haunted eyes went wide as he fell back on his elbows.

He opened his mouth to perhaps say an apology but looked away.

"Legolas?" I hesitated to move towards him. I forced my hand not to go to my aching throat.

He situated his body away from me, head bowed, hands in lap.

And then I realized his body was trembling.

With sorrow and understanding in my heart, I stood and made a move towards him.

"I... need to be alone, Lum." Somehow, he was able to make his voice even.

But as Gifu had stated many times, I'm relentless.

I sat down next to him.

I didn't lean on him. I didn't touch him, didn't even look at him. I surveyed the grass, then the hopeful stars that Legolas did not gaze at.

"I have... dreams too," I murmured.

Maybe not dreams of the skin being ripped from a fellow elf layer by layer, then the muscles, or of an elf being picked clean of its flesh down to the bones by hungry orcs. But I did have dreams of an old terror, descending into madness at our every meeting and me fearing every sharp piece of metal, every cold table or chair, and every leather bond.

"I know what it feels like to be afraid to sleep or to wake up fearing that the safety around you is an illusion, that it's all just a good dream and any moment you'll wake up there."

Twisting my bracelet around my wrist, I continued. "I wish I could help. I know you're suffering, and I'm right there with you. Just know... you're not alone."

I continued twisting around the bracelet, gazing off into the darkness. Distant howls became a chorus, joining in on the symphony of grass. What did the wind carry from Rohan, weeks away? I wasn't expecting him to answer but... I sighed when after a few minutes he didn't move—

"Thank you," he murmured, barely audible. In quiet response, I nodded.

"Always," I said softly, knowing it to be true. If he ever needed comforting or help—I'd be there.

I moved off to where I had been sleeping, but I wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight and I knew Legolas wouldn't be getting any either.

After a silent hour, Legolas stood from his stupor with his princely mask on. None could tell he just relived torture but for the slight clench of his jaw.

*********

Seven days later of almost nonstop riding on Rohan's fastest horses, I sat, again, next to a nonexistent fire. My legs and back ached—I thanked the Valar for finally having my leg brace gone. During the day, Legolas and I rode with the wind at our backs, and the pounding of running hooves beneath us, only resting when necessary. But at night we alternated, depending on the day, on our two horses. Last night we used Legolas's horse, letting me sleep against his back while Legolas half-slept. We crossed more land this way.

Today was one of the days when Legolas got real rest—meaning we set up 'camp' and halted our progression to lay beneath the stars. Every time we awoke in the morning Legolas looked as if a heavier weight had been set on his shoulders. He knew every time we stopped it wasted precious time, but he needed the rest. And the horses did too.

During our laborious journey, Legolas and I barely spoke. I knew he was thinking about his people and their need for their King. But I needed my friend back, not this inanimate version.

I wrung my hands from where I sat atop a rock. Legolas lay on the ground, pale golden hair splayed around him while his eyes stared in 'sleep' up at the sky. I could understand why Gimli and the hobbits thought it was disturbing. It was as if he saw everything, even in slumber.

Guilt, shame, and a sense of displacement wrapped around me. Legolas was more distant than he had been before... before I told him to stay away. I meant it, back when I said it, still did. But I had been chewing upon Sunngifu's words.

My eventual death will cause him pain—and that's what I'm trying to prevent. But it seems pushing him away has just caused him pain earlier than he would have felt. I was too late... I should've pushed him away right when I met him in that tree, all that time ago. Then he could've found a nice immortal elleth who would care and love him. But... would I want that?

No, I wouldn't. I would want to be that elleth. I want to be the one who cares for his wounds when he comes back from battle, be the one who helps him work through the latest political problems. I want to be the one who hums our children to sleep, be the one who has a hand in his.

But I can never be that elleth because I'm simply not an elleth. I won't be able to grow agelessly with him as the ages of the world pass by. I'll only barely live for an age. But I can be me, I can be Lumornel the Mortal.

He's already given his heart to me, therefore there will be no other elleth to comfort and care for him. By me pushing him away, I've condemned him to a life without children of his own, a life without a Queen to lean on when the weights on his shoulders get too heavy.

And thinking that, I realized that I didn't want him to live that sad, lonely life.

There is no other Heart for him to claim, for he's already claimed mine. He'll feel pain and fade when I die. But if I keep him at arm's length, then he'll feel pain now—as he most likely has—and only allow himself to fade when I've finally passed from this world.

Which one would I choose if I were in his place?

I'd choose happiness and then feel pain for a short time, and fade.

*********

My new found 'purpose' gave me the energy to stay awake for watch all through the night. And then the sun turned the horizon all rose-like, red and blooming like flowers in the spring.

And who rises up like a spring? Legolas. Wide-awake, as if splashed with freezing water by Gimli.

Not fair, I almost grumble before the butterflies in my stomach stop me.

"Why did you not wake me?" Legolas demanded as he saw me awake. He scooped up his pack and tossed a small package of dried meats at me.

"... You needed rest." I watched as he climbed atop his brown mare. "We're... leaving? Already? Can we rest for a few minutes?"

"Like we've been doing all night?" He shook his head and peered into the distance. Probably in the direction of his waiting Elfdom. "No, we need to move."

"B—" I stopped myself. Making him more upset isn't going to help me.

Sighing, I stuffed a large piece of jerky in my mouth and walked over to my horse. Safely tucking away the food, I took a small swig from my almost empty canteen and swung into the saddle. The Entwash and the Limlight were days behind us now. Hopefully, a new comfort would be coming into sight soon, although it would be days away still. Our resources were dwindling, even though we did our best to conserve them.

The sun moved ahead until eventually, Legolas ordered us to slow to a walk. He urged his mare to move up ahead, forcing me to stare at his long hair.

"Um, Legolas?"

"Asking me about our direction, again?" Although he was tense, I could sense the slight lightness to his voice.

"What? Uh, no... um... I—" I tapped my heel to the horses hide and he ran up to match Legolas's mare's pace.

"I've been thinking. The world is a total mess right now and it's full of pain and sorrow... death. And... I think it's time for some happiness in our lives." I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for the plunge. "Legolas, I lo—"

"What is that?"

"I—" I cut off abruptly. Was he not listening? Legolas jumped down from off his horse and knelt in the grass. Looked up at me.

"Troll."

"What?" Slightly shaking from the almost-confession, I nearly vomited. I got down and stood by his shoulder.

Indeed, a large three-toed footprint had flattened and twisted up a large patch of grass, as large as half of my height.

Near it was a trail of glistening black—red. "Blood."

Legolas knelt next to the crimson and stuck his fingers in it. I cringed as he sniffed it. "Not troll blood."

"Orc?" I asked.

"No," he said, standing up. "Someone is injured."

The breeze picked up and the grasses sang with it. "Are we... going to follow the trail?"

Legolas gave me a strange look as if he expected me to demand tracking down the injured person.

"I just... you don't want to waste time getting back home, sooo..."

He took his bow from his back and nocked an arrow. "Possibly saving a life isn't wasting time."

I nodded, pride for my friend swelling—

A rasping roar sent a hurricane of grass-nesting birds into the sky, screeching and cawing as they went. One bird flew up in a flurry of feathers next to me, making me cry out and stumble in surprise.

Legolas burst out in a sprint, and unsheathing Gorthaden, I followed. The air went hauntingly quiet, the birds' flapping wings now out of earshot and the creature's roar scaring every other thing into silence.

The trail of blood disappeared in the blur of grass, instead, we follow the enormous footsteps of a wandering troll.

Legolas skidded to a halt, forcing me to stumble over my feet to prevent from tumbling into him. "What—"

The troll lay face down in the grass, thick blood starting to pool around the grotesque head. And upon that head sat an elf, silver-blonde hair swirling around her in the ever-growing breeze. Something about the elf...

"...Are you well?" Legolas asked, starting to approach while having his nimble fingers on the string of his bow. A knife was thrown into the air, glistening as it twirled, and the elf caught, then repeated the process. That elf...

Then it clicked.

"Legolas, no!" I reached out for his arm, but he slipped from my fingers.

And then Kaylessa turned around to face her brother.

*********

"Still round the corner there may wait, a new road or a secret gate"

                          —J.R.R. Tolkien

So I ask this every time... Thoughts? Predictions? Comments of any kind??

I can't believe how far I've made it in the fanfic. When starting this, I never thought I'd finish it. But, well, now I know I'm close enough that I can. I would've never have thought I'd reach how many views I have now; 11k! Like, wow! Thank you all!

Novaer, mellyn
~awatin~