I was finally alone with my thoughts, turns out it wasn't such a good thing. All this time I thought I was protecting Leah from the monster inside me. The monster I knew deep down, I was. Turns out, her mother is responsible. One thing I kept wondering about was if Leah was involved or not. 

The open window let in a cold breeze that kept me awake. My mind went back and forth. Sweet Leah Freeman, caring and kind. The daughter of a psychotic mad scientist. There had to be another explanation or at least I hoped there was one. I racked my brain trying to remember the woman from the photo Noah had shown me. 

I can't remember Leah's mom for the simple fact that the woman was never around much and Leah didn't talk about her. Aside from remarks about her mother always being absent there wasn't much else. Leah wouldn't even let anyone pass the driveway at her house. 

For as long as I have known her, that never struck me as odd until now. When we were kids, I assumed her mother was very strict and I had left it at that. As we grew up it was a normal occurrence for Leah to spend nights at my house, without me ever having set foot in hers. 

Now all I could think was that they were hiding something, something big. Did Leah know? Was that the reason she was trying so hard to still be my friend no matter how horrible I was to her? 

The moment the neurotic thought took root, I could do nothing to stop the avalanche of ridiculous notions. Leah could not be involved in this there was no way! The fact that her mother worked for Biotech meant nothing. She was still the girl I'd been friends with for years.     

Plopping down on the bed, I threw myself back into the pillows. I just stared up at the ceiling, my brain trying to process all of the events that have happened so far.

I'm a zombie, I hunt and eat animals, I killed a zombie/person, I saw a dead body, my mom thinks I like Noah and now it seems like my best friend's mother is the nutcase behind it all.

Well, at least not the part about my mom thinking I like Noah. That's a topic I don't even want to delve into. Heaven knows I already have too much hay on my fork. Then one question popped into my head and I scrunched my brows together. Why is Biotech doing this? What is their endgame? I mean there had to be a reason why they were turning people into the living dead. How many more were there?

Horror crept into my heart if there was more of those things how would anyone ever be safe?  How would I manage to protect my family and friends? With a new fear slowly working its way through my limbs, I ambled downstairs. My mind kept trying to wrap itself around the bizarre freak-show that was now my life, it tried and failed miserably. 

I put a fresh pot of coffee on and slunk down at the kitchen island. Too many things didn't add up. 

After I had my cup of liquid courage, I blew the steam so it would swirl around in the air. For a moment I was fascinated by the pattern and I kept my breath soft as to not disturb it too much. This was procrastination at it's finest. I knew avoiding the situation wasn't helpful but what was the point of contemplating something I didn't know enough about? 

I finally took a sip, letting the warm liquid slide down my throat and warm me from the inside. I was tempted to take the cup back to my room but mom had a strict 'no food or drinks in bedroom' policy going. Leland had left a bowl of cereal on his floor and for some odd reason pushed the thing under his bed. When a sour smell started traveling through our home mom and I searched for a whole day before we found the mucky and moldy milk bowl under Lee's bed. She was furious, Lee was in trouble and although I was disgusted, I took some joy out of my brother is in trouble.  

I laid my forehead on the cold granite and took a deep breath. With everything going on I hardly had time to miss Lee, but now thinking about his moldy milk bowl, I really missed the terrible twirp. To be fair, I missed quite a lot of things, so much had changed and I didn't like it. 

Sleep deprivation was like an old friend as of late, it curled around my body like a second skin. My lids felt like they were made from sandpaper and all they wanted to do was remain closed. 

I started my morning routine, as usual, my mind now entirely focused on the task. I was on autopilot, just going through the motions to keep up the facade. A cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin helped me feel slightly normal. Aside from yesterday's workload and the huge bomb Noah dropped about Leah's mom, I could pretend that everything else was just peachy. 

I snorted at the thought, yeah right. 

Normalcy didn't fit into my life anymore, chaos had taken its place and it uprooted everything. I was getting tired of sulking, tired of being something that I never wanted to be. And in the place of my complacency a rage, unlike anything I have ever felt before, started to take root.  

I kicked the pebbles that lined our driveway, waiting for Noah to pick me up. When he finally pulled up, I got in without a word except for the normal greeting. 

Unlike me, Noah wanted to talk anyway, "So how are you dealing after yesterday?" 

I sighed, "Short answer is, I'm not. I'm still trying to, you know, process all of it."

"What about Leah? Are you going to tell her?"

I looked over to Noah and snorted, "Tell her what? That her mom is psychotic and she turned me into a zombie? Somehow I don't think that's going to fly besides, Leah and her mom don't have the best relationship."

"Do you think she knows?"

I thought about it, Leah didn't strike me as the type of person who would do something like this or stand idly by while it happened, so I answered truthfully, "No, I don't."

We didn't say much after that and I was thankful, Noah was getting to close for comfort. Over the last few months, I found myself relying on him more than I would like to. We had grown closer no doubt, but I still kept him at arm's length. How long it would hold, I didn't know.

Noah parked his truck in the school driveway and I got out. Kids started filing into the building and I joined the fray. Noah and I said goodbye and went our separate ways. 

Up ahead I spotted Leah and Shawna talking. Shawna had a worried look on her face laced with sympathy and Leah looked close to tears. As if feeling my not so subtle stare, Shawna's head whipped in my direction. Her sympathy turned to anger and I turned on my heel and walked into the girl's bathroom.

By the looks of it, Leah seemed very upset and by the way, Shawna's eyes were throwing daggers at me, I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault. Splashing my face with cold water I stood gripping the sink hard until my knuckles turned white.

The door creaked open and I looked up to see Shawna. My heartbeat stopped as I looked at her. 

I moved around Shawna before her cold voice stopped my feet from moving, "What the hell is your problem, Sydney?"

I turned around and looked at her ignoring her question, I asked, "Is she okay?"

Shawna laughed and shook her head, "You've got some nerve asking that. Is this funny to you, hurting her like this? Or do you just get off on causing other people pain."

Shawna's words were like a physical blow and I felt myself take a step back.

"This has got nothing to do with you, or Leah for that matter," I said gritting my teeth. 

Shawna had no idea that the rage inside me was trying to claw it's way out of my body and rip her apart.   

"You're so wrong about that because Leah is my friend and a damn good one at that. What you're doing it's hurting her and she's already got other shit to deal with."

It stung that Leah would confide in Shawna and not me, but I had to remind myself that I was the one to push her away. I couldn't blame her for talking to Shawna but deep down it still hurt.

Shawna walked past me, knocking into my shoulder, "Leah doesn't deserve what you're doing to her. I don't care what you're going through but you don't need to be a bitch about it."

as she opened the door to leave she turned and gave me one last look, "You, Sydney Walsh, are one hell of a best friend." sarcasm dripped from her words.

I blinked once and Shawna shut the door, leaving me to my own thoughts. To say I felt like shit was an understatement. 

I felt vile, yes I thought I was protecting her but all I had done was make it worse. It nearly killed me that Shawna was right, it didn't matter what Leah's mom did, she had been my friend way before all this.

When my parents went through the divorce, Leah was the only normalcy I had in my life. She supported me and never pushed me to be anything I wasn't.

At that moment, I realized, I wasn't a monster because of what I was but rather what I did. I hurt people I cared about without thinking twice about it. I put my own needs above everyone else and I justified it by saying, I was protecting them.

I knew there was no way to make up for what I had done to her, but I was going to try.

Since the night I was attacked, I have made so many mistakes, I regretted so much. Hurting Leah was probably at the top of the list.

How I was going to say sorry, remained a mystery but I was going to try.