Sept-Dec 2000 

Walking through the halls at school now I feel confident, A boyfriend. I have a boyfriend! I wear Gabe's lettered jacket proudly as I walk down the halls.

"Hey Kinz," Shelby surprises me, falling into step with me, her best friend Kelly tagging behind her.

They are wearing their cheerleading uniforms; they wear them to school all season. Until it starts getting too cold, then they wear track pants with their school jackets.

"Oh, hi," I say politely.

"Love your hair like that," Kelly says as she stands beside me.

"Thanks," I say as she flips my long French braid.

"Yeah, it's super cute," Shelby agrees.

"The first game is this Friday; you're going, right?" Kelly asks.

"Of course, she is," Shelby answers for me. "Gabe'll need his good luck charm out there."

I blush at that.

"It's true. He's crazy about you," Kelly gushes.

"When did he give you his jacket to wear?" Shelby asks.

"Just today," I confess. Oh... is this why they're being friendly to me?

"Do you think Billy will give you his soon?" Kelly asks Shelby, whose face scrunches up at the question.

"He better! It's been two weeks now. If he doesn't soon, that's it—"

As we round a corner, we run right into Zoe, literally. Shelby almost knocks the girl over as she rams right into her.

"Are you okay?" I ask Zoe as she stumbles back to balance.

"No! She ran right into me," Shelby answers and then disdainfully looks at Zoe. "Watch where you're going!"

"You and your little prep squad ran into me," Zoe deadpans with a bored look on her heavily made-up face.

"Did not," Shelby huffs back.

"We kind of did," I admit, and Shelby shoots me an irritated look.

"Sorry, Zoe," I add, ignoring Shelby's glare.

"Whatever," Zoe says as she walks off.

"Freak!" Shelby yells at her back.

Zoe keeps walking but holds up a middle finger.

"Why'd you take her side over mine?" Shelby snaps at me, and my cheeks grow warm.

"I... we did run into her," I stammer. Well, technically, just Shelby did, but I don't say all that.

"So what? She's a freak," Shelby mutters.

"I heard she had to leave her last school in the middle of the semester. So, they made her redo sophomore year here," Kelly says in a low voice.

"Really?" I ask curiously. "What happened?"

"Who knows," Kelly says. "Must've been bad, though."

"I bet she got expelled for drugs or something like that." Shelby guesses. "She looks like a hard druggie."

"She so does!" Kelly agrees quickly. "And that outfit? Did you see how tight her shirt was? Like we get it, you have huge boobs."

"Such a slut," Shelby agrees. "I bet that's why she left her old school. Ruined her rep."

"Maybe she banged a teacher," Kelly is saying.

I stop walking with them as an uncomfortable feeling washes over me.

"Kinz, you coming or what?" Shelby turns back.

"Actually, I need to go to find Brandi. I'll catch up with you all later," I say.

They shrug and walk off, still chattering away about Zoe. She may not be my favorite person, but she doesn't deserve to get ragged on behind her back like that.

I don't like those girls and don't see that changing.

*** 

October 2000

**

"This is amazing!" I marvel as I thumb over to the next page. I intend to just glance at the first few lines, but I keep reading as I get lost.

"Kinz, you still there," Olly jokes.

"Oh, sorry!" I laugh. "I can tell this is going to be amazing. How did you find this book?"

"There's this used bookshop in Bellmont. David took me to sell some of my older–"

"Sell!" I ask alarmed. "What books did you sell? Olly, you said every book you own is a treasure."

"Relax, Kinsey. I didn't sell any books." He laughs. "I sold all my old wrestling tapes. They gave me a lot for them!"

"Oh, that's great!"

"But then I spent it all on books."

Of course, he did.

I run my hand over the book he gave me. "This is so cool. Little House on The Prairie is one of my favorite shows."

"I know you'll like it," Olly says. "There's a tons more books. I'm trying to find the rest, but they're rare and hard to find. I am not giving up, though."

"Don't go through a bunch of trouble," I tell him and then arch an eyebrow. As his words settle in, "Wait, there's tons more?"

"She had a long, hard life," Olly nods.

"Actually, go through some trouble," I change my tune. "I really want to read them all."

He grins at that just as a loud collective round of cheering and clapping erupts from all around us. We look down to the field below and see we missed whatever happened, but from the scoreboard, I see it put our team in the lead.

"I still can't believe we're going to football games now," Olly muses.

"You can't? I've been going out with the quarterback for almost a month, and it still seems surreal," I say as I wrap Gabe's jacket around me.

I really enjoy wearing it; there's something so fun about being someone's girlfriend, and Gabe getting the QB position on the junior varsity team officially makes him the most popular guy in our class, so by proxy, I'm now popular too, it's bizarre, and I still don't like any of his friends. Especially the snobby cheerleaders. Shelby keeps trying to pretend she's so happy for Gabe but then makes comments like, 'he sure lucked out that Billy was on an off day during tryouts.'

"Who'd have thought? You and Gabe Rodriguez..." Olly trails off a bit; there's a tone to his voice almost like he's sad...

No, that can't be right. Why would it be? He's got Brandi, and the two of them are inseparable.

"Incoming!" Speaking of Brandi, she runs towards us and sits between Olly and me, setting her camera bag on the ground. "Games almost over. I got some great shots. I even got an action shot of that last touchdown. Wasn't that amazing?"

... since we both missed it, maybe not be as exciting as the Laura Ingalls Wilder book.

"That's cool, B. I'm glad you're having fun with this," Olly says, and she beams. Since she likes taking pictures so much, he suggested that she join the yearbook staff. I thought she'd laugh at him for suggesting it, but she was all about it.

He puts his arm around her as she rests her head on his shoulder, and I can't help that knot that forms in my gut once again. I'm trying so hard to get used to them; I really am. I don't get why it's so hard.

The clock is about to run out, and we're ahead, so now everyone is intently watching, and I do the same. Gabe and Billy work together well on the field, running the clock out when the whistle blows, indicating we won. Everyone cheers.

It takes us a bit to get through the large crowd, but we get there just as the football players are done congratulating each other. We stand on the sidelines, and Gabe beams when he sees me, running over as he takes his helmet off.

"Kinz! Did you see my touchdown?" Gabe asks with wide and excited eyes.

Oh no... That was what we missed.

"It was incredible!" Brandi enthuses, but Gabe is looking at me, waiting for my reaction, and damn it, I suck at lying.

"I'm so sorry I missed it," I confess, and his face falls.

"You missed it?"

"Olly and I were looking at this book and... "I trail off. "I'm really sorry."

"Damn, that was like the best play of the year so far," Gabe mutters.

"I got an action shot of it for the yearbook," Brandi offers, and he gives her a half smile.

"I can't wait to see it," I say softly.

"Yeah, me too, thanks, Brandi," Gabe says as he shoves his hands in his pockets.

All his happiness and excitement is gone, and I feel like crap.

***

Mid- November 2000 

"This is so pretty," I enthuse as I hold the sweater up for everyone to see.

"It's going to look hot on you farmgirl," Gabe winks and I smile at him. Things have been a little tense with us lately. We fight a lot over what to do and whose friends to hang out with, the thing is all his friends want to do is party, and they're all so shallow and annoying. 

Today though I am determined not to worry about anything. It's my sixteenth birthday and we're having a simple and small thing. Mama made food and cake, and it's just Brandi, Olly, and Gabe over. It's what I wanted, just them and no fake friends to keep up with.

I am sad that Hunter can't be here, but he had to work today; they are close to finishing another house. Turns out Zoe is Judd's stepdaughter. That's how Hunter knows her so well; she works with them sometimes. The jury's still out on whether they are friends or something more. But I still don't like her, either way and I know that's petty.

"Mine next!" Olly looks really proud as he pushes a box towards me, and Brandi stands up to snap some photos as I open it, so I know it must be good.

I rip the paper off and open a box of the Laura Ingalls-Wilder books I wanted; the entire box is full of the books and some of these are rare! 

"Yes!"

"It's every single one," Olly says, so proud there are tears in his eyes. "Even some nearly impossible-to-find ones."

"This is incredible!" I squeal as I leap up and lunge at him. "Thank you!"

"Of course. Happy birthday, Kinsey," Olly says as he squeezes me tightly.

"Sixteen years, can you believe it?" I wipe a tear as we part.

"I can't imagine spending them with anyone but you," Olly says.

"Oh, Olly," I'm hugging him again and crying. "Neither could I."

"Okay, okay, open my present sappy pants," Brandi scoffs, I notice a tense look flash over her face and feel bad for clinging on.

Olly is her boyfriend. It's just that he's also my Olly.

"Here goes," I plop back down next to Gabe as I open Brandi's gift next. "Pajamas? They look comfy, so soft." I stroke the soft pink, almost velvety sweatshirt, and with it are matching pants.

"It's a velour tracksuit; you wear it out," Brandi explains.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Briteny Spears has one," Brandi says.

"Okay, thanks, Brandi." She is always ahead of fashion, so I take her word for it.

"Gabe's turn!" Brandi chirps, getting her camera ready as Gabe smiles, reaching into his pocket.

"Kinsey Girl." My dad pops in, and we all look up. "Hunter's here on the back porch with a gift for you."

"He is?" Once again, my eyes well with emotional tears. I didn't expect him to come.

"I'll be right back," I tell Gabe, who sighs and nods.

***

"Hey," I say as I step out onto the porch. Hunter turns to face me, running a hand through his unkempt hair.

"Hey, I uh, this isn't much but," he hands me a CD, and I take it, looking down at it curiously.

"One of my friends knows how to make mixed CDs, so I made him help me. It's got all that girly crap you love on it."

"Oh, my gosh!" I started reading some of the songs written on the back. "These are all my favorites, Hunter!"

He smiles and gives a cute shrug. "Yeah, I caught a little hell for some of those songs, so you better like it."

"I love it, thank you," I say, and once again, I'm lunging at someone, this time, Hunter. His arms catch me easily and being wrapped back up in his embrace again is like being home. I never want to let go. So, I don't, and neither does he.

"Happy Birthday, Darlin," he whispers into my hair, squeezing me tighter.

"Thank you."

When he finally does let go, our eyes locked for a moment, and I nearly gasp at the intensity burning in his gaze. He turns and leaves as quickly as he comes, and tears are raining down my face as I stand alone on the porch.

"Kinsey?"

I turn, wiping my cheeks as Gabe steps out, a concerned look on his face.

"You okay? Did something happen?"

"I'm just an emotional drama queen today, apparently," I laugh at myself as I hold up the CD.

"You know, I kind of wish I'd have given you this earlier," Gabe says as he pulls a box from his pocket. "So, I could see it makes you tear up and get all emotional, but I already know it won't. Not like that anyway, or the books."

"What?" I ask, confused as I look at him.

"Here." he hands it over, and I open it slowly with shaky hands.

"It's so pretty," I say as I lift a gold locket from the box.

"Open it," Gabe says in a hoarse voice.

I finally have a hold of my tears, as I open the locket. One side has a picture of Gabe and me, and the other has the number fifty-seven engraved it in, his jersey number. This is so romantic, and Gabe doesn't do romantic gestures which makes it even more special, and yet it feels like ... something is very wrong.

"Gabe, this is beautiful, and I love it," I say softly. "Why would you think I wouldn't? I don't understand."

"Because it doesn't mean as much to you as what they got you."

"It does," I argue.

"Kinsey," His lip trembles. "I am so crazy about you. I got that a few weeks ago, thinking I'd tell you something, and tonight, I realized it won't matter. I have known for a while in a way, I think, it just finally hit me."

"That's not true, Gabe," I protest.

"It is true," he says softly. "One or both of these guys is why I'm never gonna have your heart."

"Gabe no."

"Then tell me, straight up and honest, that you don't have feelings for either of them."

"I can't tell you that," I confess, and he winces but nods.

"I know you can't, and I know this is the worst day in the world to do this, but I can't keep playing blind when I see how you look at him."

I don't ask him which one he means. I doubt that'll help, I just gulp.

"It's not fair," his voice breaks.

"I know it's not." I don't deny it. I can't deny it. I start to hand him the jewelry box back.

"Keep that, okay? I want you to have it," Gabe says. "Maybe someday the timing will be better, maybe it won't. But either way, it was great, Farmgirl."

"Yeah, it really was," I gulp; all those emotions he wanted? He's got them now. He wraps me in an embrace, and we have that cry together.

Eventually, he slips off the porch, leaving me holding that little box. A part of me considers running after him, telling him he's not wrong about my mixed-up feelings but that I can and will get over them. That I will be able to give my heart to Gabe someday.

... but I don't know if that's true, and I won't lie to him. Gabe may have dumped me on my birthday, but I'm the one who hurt him, and I feel horrible about it.

"Happy birthday, sweet sixteen," I say out loud, my words dripping with sarcasm.

***

December 2000- Christmas Eve

"Kinsey! Mama said one glass of wine," Dad warns as I refill my glass.

"Oh honey, let her have one more. It's Christmas," Mama says happily, her cheeks all pink and toasty. "Hunter, honey, did you get enough food?"

"Yeah, Betsy. Thanks," Hunter says as he returns to the table with a coffee mug and sits down.

An unexpected snowstorm hit around noon today and stopped Shar and Hunter's travel plans, and they ended up here. Shar's drinking and it's still snowing, so they're crashing here.

"Why are you drinking coffee?" Shar asks Hunter. "Is there whisky in there?"

Hunter smirks. "No..."

"Gimme that," Shar reaches for it, but he pulls it away.

"In a second," he gulps down the glass and then hands her the empty mug.

"Little shit," she mutters, and my dad laughs loudly.

"No more of my whiskey, son," My dad looks weirdly amused by it. If it were me, I'd be grounded for a month.

"I didn't– uh, right," Hunter agrees quickly. His cheeks are also rosy, and I wonder how much whiskey he's been sneaking tonight.

"Soak it up with some pie," Mama comments as she gets up to get the pie. Hunter's eyes widen as she starts slicing it up. She made a chocolate cream pie this year, my dad's favorite. He eagerly grabs a slice from her after she dishes it for him.

Once we finish stuffing ourselves to the brim, we go to the living room to chat and watch the snow as it falls. After a bit, the adults head into the kitchen for a card game, leaving Hunter and I alone.

"So, I got you something," I tell him, and he looks surprised.

"Kinz you shouldn't have. I didn't get you anything."

"So what?" I retrieve the gift bag from the tree. "Besides, I didn't get you a birthday gift, so we'll call it even."

He opens the bag, and I see a smile curve over his lips as he pulls it out. "A new hoodie, really? This awesome... Oh!" he opens the front and sees the logo for the Undertaker on the front rather than his image. I thought it would be more discreet, so if he wears it around, no one will think it's immature that he is wearing a wrestler's shirt. "Wow... this is great."

"You like it?" ask nervously. "I know you're not as into that anymore."

"I love it, like a new version of my old favorite shirt."

"My favorite now," I confess before it's too late, wishing the couch would swallow me. Hunter just grins wider, though, as he pulls the hoodie on over his thermal shirt.

"Yeah? Well, this is my new favorite, Darlin. Thank you."

"Merry Christmas," I say softly.

"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't have a gift for you. Didn't think I'd see you till after Christmas."

"I told you it's fine," I assure him again. "Besides, there's only one thing I want for Christmas, Hunter, and that's us."

He looks up with a pensive look, and I realize how my words probably sound, considering, and quickly add. "I mean us as best friends like we used to be. I miss us, Hunter, how we were before I messed it up."

"You didn't mess anything up, Kinz... I–"

"Kinsey!" Mama calls from the kitchen. "Olly is on the phone."

"Okay, I'm going to take it upstairs, Mama," I call back and glance at Hunter. "I can put it on speaker and–"

"No, go talk to Olly, we'll talk later."

***

I end up talking to Olly for over an hour and then, when I leave my room, I get caught up in some story of when Shar and my mama were my age. Once they finally let me go, I go off searching for Hunter, who I assume is outside smoking.

The snow finally stopped, but it's chilly outside, and a light dusting is on the ground. I pull my dad's flannel around me tighter as I look for Hunter.

I find him leaning against the side of the house with a cigarette in one hand and a silver flask in the other.

"Didn't steal your dad's whiskey after all. Shh, don't tell him," Hunter says, and I notice his words are slurring. Figures our parents are all trashed; of course, they didn't notice how drunk he was getting.

"Gross," I comment as he takes another nip off it.

"Ever tried it?"

"Yeah, it's nasty, and so are those," I motion to his smoke, which he drops and grinds out with his boot.

"When?"

"Tried a drag of Gabe's once and almost threw up."

"Not the cigarette. When were you drinking hard liquor?"

"That's all we ever drank at Laine's parties, whatever someone could get a bottle of and soda."

"Fucking Gabe," Hunter scoffs with a weird laugh. "He was getting you drunk at parties?"

"No, I was getting myself drunk at parties," I shoot back.

"Well, Gabe should've been watching out for you," Hunter huffs.

"He did. He always did," I snap, annoyed now. I feel defensive over Gabe. He's a good guy, and I hate that I hurt him; in a way, it's Hunter's fault. I mean, not all of it, but he was the one who had me crying with the CD, which set off the whole conversation.

"Besides who are you to judge? you smoke weed and cigarettes with your girlfriend all the time, and apparently own your own whiskey flask."

"She's not my girlfriend," Hunter says and I look at him with a doubtful look. "She's not. We let people think what they want, it's better, for her that way."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't - not my place, but Zoe would talk to you, I bet. You should try getting to know her, she's cool, Kinz."

"So, if she's not your girlfriend is she your new best friend then?" I can't help how bitter I sound.

"No. Because you are and you always will be, even if things are.... Kinz, I miss us too," Hunter blurts out, and my heart leaps. "I'm sorry about that day in my room... I never wanted to hurt you. It's the last thing I wanted to do."

"Don't," I stop him, I know we should talk about all that, I even planned what I would say, but I can't. I heard the rejection once. I don't need a nicer version of it now all these months later.

"I think if we're going to get back to being best friends, we need just to scratch that day from our brains and never talk about it again," I suggest. "We'll just reset, like go back to where we were before that happened, skip it, and then fast forward to now."

Hunter shakes his head with a humorless laugh. "That what you and Olly did? Just scrubbed the day?"

What Olly? What is he on about?

"Wait!" Hunter's eyes widen. "Is that how Brandi happened? Was that your idea or something so he could move on from you and still be best friends?"

Move on from me..?

Hunter starts pacing around as he lights another smoke.

"It never made sense..." He continues ranting, and I stand there confused. "You don't spend a whole summer planning to confess you love someone and then go out with someone else. And Brandi? Like, what the hell is that?"

"What are you... What did you just say?"

I think I might pass out. Oh God. Is this real? No, he's drunk, he's not making sense.

He stops, and his face pales as our gazes meet, "You didn't know... he didn't tell you... I just did, didn't I? Oh fuck."

Hunter plops down on the ground and buries his head in his knees. "He didn't even tell you? All that, and he never said anything at all? Lies."

I think he said, lies, anyway it could have been why. He's slurring and muttering pretty badly but I keep going back to...

"He was going to tell me he loves me?" I whisper..."when?"

"When he got back from his dad's over the summer, he had this big plan, to talk to you as soon as he got home."

"And he told you? I.... what?" I never understood what shock feels like until now.

"He called me to ask me," Hunter takes a long drag from his smoke, and a painful look crosses his eyes. "And he didn't even ... tell you, he never - after all that and- "

He stumbles again and then looks so confused as he asks. "He really never said anything?"

"No. Hunter, Are you okay? We should get you inside," I say as I gaze over him with worry.

"The hell, Olly. Why'd you lie?" Hunter yells into the air, and I cringe as I look back at the house.

"Hunter... It's not that he lied. He couldn't tell me."

"No, he could, he should've," Hunter argues. He's wobbly on his feet, and I'm getting more worried by the second.

"What's going on out here?" My dad's voice fills the air. "You two smoking?"

"I am, not Kinz," Hunter says as my dad draws closer.

He sighs when he takes in Hunter's wobbly form. "Told you no more whiskey."

"Wasn't yours. I'd never steal from you, Franky," Hunter mumbles as he holds up the flask to show him.

"Yeah, I'll take that." He grabs the flask from Hunter, who looks up with a silent hey. "Go on up to bed, Kinsey Girl. I'll take care of drunk boy here."

"Yeah, okay... night, Hunter."

"Kinz... I should say more."

"You can say more tomorrow, son," My dad says. "Go on, Kinsey."

I turn and head towards the house. I walk inside and up to the room as if on autopilot. I'm not even sure if I've blinked yet.

The day Olly got home... he was going to confess. The same day, I looked him in the eyes and told him I was in love with Hunter. The image of Olly crying after I confessed that fills my head. I went to him with a shattered heart and then I broke his.

"Olly." I whimper as I fall to my knees.

**So, there is a lot of past to cover and some stuff had to be skipped, in The Roots of Our past we will get the full Gabe story and much more, most of these are segments of chapters.