Thank you for all the votes and comments I got :) I expect to finish this in 3 more chapters.

I am also planning to write an epilogue of someone else's POV :D so watch out for that!

I really like this chapter, because of, well, you will see :)

(new cover on the side by miri0nna!)

----------------------------------------

Will was already there when I arrived, my heart was beating out of controlled as I made my way towards him. It didn't helped that he looked up from the swing he was sitting on and flashed me a davastatingly handsome smile. And at that moment I knew that no matter how many times I convinced myself otherwise, I still had feelings for him.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, returning Will's smile and sat myself on the swing next to Will. I pushed my feet against the ground and swung back a couple of times, wondering how to begin. Luckily, Will saved me the trouble.

'How have you been?' He asked, his voice carried across the empty playground like a soft whisper. I turned to see that he was looking at me with a sad expression on his face.

'I am okay, could be better.' I replied, he smiled at me before we broke eye contact. I started at my feet.

'I want to say sorry, again.' He said, so quiet that I almost didn't hear him. 'I thought about what you said, and you were right. I should have defended you, should have told my friends to laid off you, and I failed again and again.'

He sounded so sad that I felt as if my heart had been pinched, remembering the hurt and the tears, but it had been three months. 'It's okay now, I forgive you.' I finally said, I had to let go to move on, for him and for me. Just saying didn't bring any relieve, but by saying it out loud and letting him know, I felt much more at ease. Saying it out loud is different than just thinking about forgiving him, and I knew that I would one day really forgive him now, eventually.

'Thank you.' He simply said. We sat there in a more comfortable silence for a while before he spoke again. 'I want you to know that despite all the things that I did, you are still the first girl who I really lo...liked.' He said, pausing at the L word, probably remembering what I told him that day and thought it would be unwise to use that word.

'You made me understand what a relationship should really be like, and all the things that I did wrong me. And I thank you for that.' He continued, and looked at me, I smiled at him. 'And, I know I shouldn't say this, but I still like you, and I probably always will.'

'Always is a long time, Will.' I said, feeling tears filling up in my eyes, but I refused to let them out. I had read about the warning of First Love everywhere, people said that he would be the one you will always remember, and I knew right then that it's true. Feelings could not be turned off like a tap, it doesn't just go away, and just when you think you no longer feel anything, it will jump right back at you. The only remedy is time.

'I don't suppose we could be together again?' Will asked jokingly, but I could hear a hinch of serious in his voice. I choked back the tears and shook my head.

'Too much had happened, and even though you will always have a place in my heart, I don't think it will ever work out between us.' I said, finding some closure. Will gave me a sad smile, we both stood up and hesitantly gave each other a hug.

'Well, thank you for everything.' Will said in my ear, and kissed the top of my head before walking of hastily, as if afraid that he wouldn't be able to. I knew, more then felt that this chapter of my life had finally finish.

I sat back down on the swing, feeling too drained to walk back home. I twist the swing around and around then let it spin, feeling the cold wind against my face and watched the park twirl around me. Talking with Will hasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and yet I was still trying desperately to find an excuse that would allow me to not to try and find Andy and talk to him.

A particularly cold breeze blow by making me shivered, jolting me awake from my day dream state. I decided it was time to head home. No one was there when I got back, my mum left a note telling me that she had gone to deliver something to Gina, who was staying over at her friend's house for a few nights.

I yarned, opening the fridge and poured myself a glass of orange juice before heading upstairs to my room with it. As I entered my room I nearly tripped over the laundry basket that my mum must had left in the doorway and nearly spilled my juice, but managed to grab hold of the shelves next the the door and balanced myself. However, my hand had caused several very large book and albums to topple and avalanched down to the floor.

I silently cursed my mum for putting the basket there and kicked it out of my room angrily after placing my OJ safely on my table. I bended down on the floor trying to sort out the mess when another heavy object fell right on my head.

'OUCH!' I rubbed the back of my head, it was definitely going to bruise. I turned to see that it was a big, dusty photo album, I scrowled and picked it up. It had fall opened and showed photos of me when I was five.

I sat down on my bed, memontarily distracted by the mess on the floor and examined the photos more closely. It was my birthday party, I remembered now, I could see my best friend in kindergarten – Stacey right next to me. We had drifted apart but are still friends, I almost forgotten how close we were. Hannah was in another pre-school, so we didn't know each other then.

And in the corner of one of the photo, I saw Andy, He looked so cute when he was five. I smiled, then flipped to the next page. As I flicked across the pages I felt that one of the photographs seemed to be thicker then others. I turned the page back to see that it was a photo of me and Andy sitting together on a park bench holding ice-creams, Aidan was standing behind bench. We had our arms around each other and were beaming at the camera, this was odd, I didn't remembered this at all.

I slided my fingers behind the photo and felt a folded piece of paper inside. My curiosity peaked and I pulled it out, it looked slightly yellow and I unfolded it quickly, eager to see what's on it.

I immediately recognised the ugly scribble as my hand writing when I was young, it didn't got better until I finish junior school. I smoothed the paper out and saw that it was torn from something.

A heart was drawn on the top half of the page, with the initial JM and AO written in the middle. The date on the top right matched the date of the photograph. Underneath the heart there were writings, My brows burrowed together as I read through it.

Today I went to the park and we ran into Andy. We got ice cream and we sat on a bench. It was sunny. I like Andy a lot, he is very nice to me, unlike Aidan. I told him

The writings ended there. I groaned, what did I told him? Then I saw the cute cartoon bear on the bottom of the paper making my memories jolt, this was a page from the diary book that I kept when I was little! I couldn't believe I forgotten about that!

But where did I put that diary? I turned around and searched through the ground, and spotted my old diary laying on the shelve. It was tiny compared to the other books and albums I got up there, if it wasn't for the rest of it falling down I doubted I could spot it this easily.

I climbed up and got the diary down, mum must had stacked it up there when we redecorated my room. I brushed the dust off the cover and searched the book for any torn pages, and sure enough, I found one near the end.

I inserted the torn page back in the book and looked at the next page.

That I want to be his girlfriend, but he said we were too young. Then I told him why don't we just get married, and he said we should wait till we are older. Aidan said he would marry me now though, but I think he only wanted my ice cream. Aidan is better looking though, but he is nicer, and he likes me. So maybe I will wait.

I didn't know what to make of this new information. I had no memories of this, I didn't recall me having a crush on Andy. Ever. I went back to the beginning of my diary, which dated back to when I first started junior school. I didn't say anything more about liking Andy in any of them, but he was mentioned in there a lot, and most weren't even because we had talked. They were little snippets of the nice things he did to people, to me, or how he ate the peppers that I didn't like in lunch.

The fact that we didn't really interact with each other that much remained true though, it seemed that both of us were too shy to talk to each other (kind of like the situation we were in now, only the reason for not speaking was different). But I honestly did not recall having any of those feelings, and judging from this diary, my feelings ended quite as abruptly as the diary itself.

It's just so sad that my six year old self was a better judge of character than me now.

I slided down onto the floor, pulling my knees against my chest. I rested my head on my knees, and all the things in that diary and from my memories of Andy ran through my mind like a movie. He was always there for me when I was upset, he was always helping me. And I never noticed, I am such a terrible person!

I got up and put everything backed up the shelves, but leaving the diary on my table. It had brought me so many new emotions which were added to the jumble of feelings that I already had towards Andy, making me more confused than ever.

I got my phone and texted Alison and Hannah, telling them to come to my house ASAP, it was time that I finally asked for some help in this situation (Aidan didn't really count, he was after all, a guy), seeing as how it had just gotten a heck lot more complicated.

----------------

Human emotions are a complicated thing, isn't it?

the song on the side is in chinese, sorry about that, but it's perfect for this chapter. It's about a girl who was sad and found a letter adress to her from her young self, quite fitting :)