RENEE – NOW.

The car halts to a stop and immediately, I want to run.

Callan turns to me, a half-smile on his face. "See you tomorrow?" he asks.

I lean back, my eyes fluttering shut, already dreading going inside. With Callan, I feel almost as perfect as he is. I feel worthy of the attention he showers me with, of his nice words and alluring smile. Outside all of that, I feel empty. Hollowed out. Like a plastic Barbie who's just putting up an act for the rest of the world. "Can you just take me to Ridges with you?" I groan.

"Aw, babe," he says, his hands reaching out and entwining in mine. He looks at me with his eyes, those icy blue orbs softening just for me. He smiles, soft and sincere, and it takes everything in me to stop myself from leaning in and escaping into his arms. I look at him, with his easy good looks and boyish charm and kindness, wondering what it was I did to deserve him. "You'll be fine, okay? You know how much your parents love you."

"It's not that, Cal. It's not my parents I'm afraid of disappointing. It's me," I murmur.

Callan sighs, shifting as close as he can so that he can plant a small kiss on my forehead. "You are amazing, Ren. And don't you ever forget otherwise."

I find myself looking up at him, so damn perfect that it hurts. "Jesus, Callan. We've been together three months and already, I'm completely, utterly in love with you."

His hand touches my cheek. "And I'm completely, utterly in love with you too."

***

When I finally find it in me to leave Callan's car and enter my home, I feel the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.

"I'm home," I shout into the air, hanging my coat on the rack.

I see my mom sitting on the couch, wrapped snugly in my dad's arms. She turns and fixes her dark eyes at me. "Hey, sweetie," she says. She glances at my body posture, shoulders slumped, a sad smile on my lips and asks, "Now, what's wrong?"

I try to force a smile on my face, perking up a little. "Nothing," I say, walking towards them and giving them each a kiss on the cheek. "Just have some studying to do."

My mom looks torn between believing me and calling out my bluff, but before she can probe me further, my dad catches the look on my face and says, "Well, pumpkin, we left some bread pudding for you. It's in the oven."

"Thanks," I say, that smile on my face wavering, threatening to crumble and break any moment now. I drag my feet up the stairs, trying not to collapse.

And when I finally get to the room, I fall onto the bed and close my eyes. The sadness I feel is painful, almost irrational, a feeling I can't seem to understand the cause of. It's just that here, when I'm completely alone, without my old friends or my new, without Callan, without mom or dad, I feel empty. I feel alone and confused and unsure of myself, with only my thoughts and my failures here to keep me company.

It's almost like I'm a completely different person, one without the smiles or intelligence or humor. It's terrifying – to be alone – and I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I drift off into peaceful slumber.