"Jake no! It was nothing!" I shouted pulling his arm, "Are you ok?" He turned sweet for a second, "Jake listen to me, don't be a shitty... boyfriend" I whispered, hoping he'd stay calm and just listen, "Who are you!?" Jake bellowed at Shawn holding me back so I couldn't give my input, "Jake stop!" I shouted once more. "I'd appreciate if you let this very kind lady go, I'm sorry about he inconvenience but like she said, nothing happened" he answered nicely, standing up but before he could stand up properly Jake grabbed onto his collar, "Never do that again!"

"Jake!" I had enough, "You're being an asshole! Put him down!" I screamed trying to pull his arm away, "Vanessa please, he was trying to kiss you" he turned nice again before tightening his grip on Shawn. I watched as Jake began pulling his arm farther and farther back while Shawn cowards backwards, waiting for the impact, I needed to do something and I needed to do it fast, my mind was racing with dumb ideas to try and distract him. "You move that arm one more inch and we're over with!" I said sternly, standing my ground, Shawn opened his eyes in surprise. Jake slowly lowered his arm and glared at me, "Come on Nessa?!" He shouted, "I won't let you be a bully! You better fucking get back to the car, apologize to Shawn and you apologize to Jake and then done, you won't ever fucking see each other again!" I lost it, Jake better let it go cause Shawn doesn't have anything to apologize for!

Jake threw Shawn backwards regretfully and stormed back to the car, "Shawn, I'm so super sorry, he was being a dick and I'll make him apologize" I said quickly before storming after Jake, I caught up after turning a corner, leaving Shawn frozen, "Get back here!" I shouted, stopping in my place, Jake barley stopped but new if he didn't there'd be consequences, "What the fuck was that!?" I shouted, we were beside an open window where I could see several students staring. "I saw you two!" He replied angrily, "I don't know why you're so ducked up about this! You're the one that was moving in!" He bellowed throwing his hands in the air, "Come on! You know that wasn't what happened, we were talking and I turned my head and there he was,next thing I know is you storming towards us, now call me crazy but did we do anything? Did you see us kiss? No cause I just met the fucking guy!" I shouted, walking away and leaving the conversation, done with this shit, "if you don't trust me, after me texting you to pick me up than you should find someone else" I said quietly, knowing he heard me.

I ordered an Uber and it came with two minutes, Jake jumped in his car and drove off, he's changed in the space of a few weeks, he's not the guy that would hold your hand and make you feel better, he's now a jealous guy that makes me feel like a pile of shit.

I had nowhere to go or nowhere to be so I just gave the Uber driver the name of the hospital cause that's all I knew.

I trudged into the main doors and flopped back in the waiting area, I looked around only seeing sick people or hurt people, I pulled out my French plates and let my curly hair fall onto my shoulders, I took off my bomber jacket and placed it beside me. Suddenly my phone rang from an unknown caller,

"Hello Vanessa Anderson I mean Vanessa Merrell speaking" I corrected myself, "hi... I wanted to apologize for earlier" the familiar voice rang through my ears, "Veronica!"

"I hung up out of shock, you showed your face and I thought I'd have a panic attack" she laughed nervously, "Am I that ugly" I joked, "no... I just thought my phone broke or something" she replied, "ouch" I laughed sarcastically, "No" she giggled, just give me a minute. She hung up, leaving me with no answer yet again, I had no clue what she was up to so I just waited. Minutes later my phone buzzed with a notification , @VeronicaWhite96 sent you a photo. I opened up Instagram and went into my DMs, I looked at her profile picture which was too blurry and dark to make out.

A screenshot of our FaceTime popped up, which was me and a black rectangle, 'And?' I texted waiting for her reply, 'and look at my account' she replied. I clicked on her name which brought me to her account which wasn't private, @VeronicaWhite96 , 37 posts, 964 follows and following 682, what did she want me to look at? Photos!

I scrolled down and pressed on a random picture which made me drop my phone, What the actual fuck? I put card up my phone and shakily pressed on another photo, trying to convince myself that this wasn't real. I couldn't text her back, I needed air, I felt faint and as if something inside of me had almost been half filled. My phone rang with another call from her number, I didn't know what to do, it rang and rang throughout the hospital waiting area until a lady spoke up, "Are you gonna answer that? Or at least put it on mute" her hand covering her bandages up eye, So I muted it.

'Don't ignore me' she texted me,

'You ignored me' I replied,

'That's cause I thought you were gonna kill me'

'Why would I kill you? I'm 18' I laughed out loud,

'A lot of children from 11-18 are in prison for first degree murder'

'Wtf? Are you super smart or something' I laughed again,

'No a guy in my year killed some drunk guy and is in jail for life...' she replied leaving me in an awkward incident, 'Jk XD'

'My heart'

'Ha gotie!'

'Vines dead...'

'First degree murder?'

I stopped replying so I could stick with my ignoring time but for some reason a smile was glued to my face, I had nothing to do and nothing to think about so as always I went onto twitter.

'So I'm stranded in Kansas, no clue where my mom is and @Jakebuckner is nowhere to be seen, anyone know any good food places near the main hospital?' I tweeted out and as always I had hundreds of likes and several replies, I don't even know. It's gotten to that point again where it feels like my life is just ending, like that night in the park, I accepted death but it didn't want me, no one did, my birth mom, my grandparents, my adopted parents not even my boyfriend. These moments just make me feel like a shitty person. I pulled out my diary from my purse and began writing.

I need help. I don't know what's wrong but the world seems to despise me. I have a feeling of exhaustion always lingering below my anxiety and cover up, I should have gone that night in the park, all of my feelings and problems would simply mean nothing. Jake showed me a different side of him today, he was violent and jealous, everything I expected he wouldn't be but I won't be able to change that about him and he won't be able to change the depressed part of me.

I laughed a lot more than usual today, this boy Shawn made me feel as if everything just floated away as did Jake when we first went out, my sister made me laugh as well, she's funny and surprisingly super nice.

I'm Vanessa Merrell and 'I've always found it strange, how people write in diaries, I just never understood the concept of them' but today I do, this diary will tell people my story, don't ask me who I am, read through my diary and figure me out because who knows, when I'm gone either today or when I'm ninety something this book holds only The Truth.

I closed my diary, for the first time I didn't read over what I wrote to correct myself or to cringe, I knew that I was right, I meant what I said even if it was embarrassing, it's not like anyone's gonna read this.

(I'm super sorry about how slow this book is going! A lot has been going on w/ my family atm so I wasn't active, it's mostly cleared up know and I have about 10 chapters pre written so hopefully I'll be more active! Thanks so much for reading<3)