Well, for about a day I was genuinely happy.

Then Mr. Henderson died.

I was fiddling around with my new phone at the dining room table, downloading random games that even sounded remotely interesting from the app store. David was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when suddenly he'd gotten a phone call. I hadn't paid much mind to it, until he hung up and looked in my direction with sorrowful eyes.

Immediately I got a terrible feeling in my stomach, but the words that came out of his mouth sent the pain straight to my heart.

"Robin, Mr. Henderson passed away in his sleep last night." 

I didn't know how to react when he told me the news. I wanted to cry, scream, deny the painful truth; but there was no energy, no sadness left for me to show. I was numb. I stood there looking at David with emotionless eyes. He quickly moved to me, pulled me into an embrace, yet I still made no movement in return. 

As it hurt me knowing the old man was gone, it didn't come as a surprised that he'd passed. I could tell in the last few months before my departure he was getting more and more fragile by the days. But I could have sworn that man would live forever, impossibly like Mr. Magorium.

David tried getting to me, asking if I was okay, what he could do, begged me to say something. I looked him in the eyes, and only replied, "I'm going to bed."

David nodded his head and allowed me to go. I barely remember the walk to my bedroom, but as soon as I walked in my doorway and looked at all my photos hanging on my wall, it hit me. The tears flooded down my face, as I thought about how much that man had raised me.

He was with me before my first day at school, he was supporting me when I started photography, hell the man taught me how to ride a bike! It was as if I just lost a father. All those kids in that foster home lost a father today.

The tears subsided and the numbness swallowed me again, and the only thing I wanted to do was sink into my bed and ignore the world.

So that's what I have been doing for the past three days. Locking myself away from everything. Even David, who persistently came to my door every few hours asking if I would come out. I never replied, never moved. When it came to eating, I didn't want to. But still David would still slide whatever he could under my door for me. Knowing I had to be starving but had no motivation to do anything about it.

On the fourth day of my isolation, David had told me he'd return in a few hours. I didn't ask why, I just let him leave. Knowing the funeral was two days from now wasn't making me feel any better. Then again, I wasn't sure what would. 

My bed was started to feel like a gross nest beneath my body, and I was sure there was some kind of rancid smell about my room that my nose learned to ignore. I finally thought about showering, yet sleep sounded so much better. So that's what I did, until David got home. 

I was jolted awake by a pounding on my door. I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach with my pillow over my head. The loud thumping on the door didn't stop, and it started to give me a headache. Before I could yell at David to leave me alone, the slamming stopped and someone else's voice came through the door.

"You open this door right now Robin! You don't understand how pissed I am at you right now!"

When I knew I should've been overjoyed to hear my best friend's voice, I was instead annoyed. What did he have to be pissed at me about? I almost wanted to move, but still I had no energy. But James continued.

"You're really wasting your days sulking in your bed for a man who wanted you living your best life? Is that anyway to mourn his death?! You selfish brat!"

Suddenly all the lack of emotion I had came back all together as rage. I threw my body off my bed faster than ever and stomped to my door. Finally unlocking it and throwing it open.

"That man took care of me, of US our whole life and now he's dead! What the fuck do you expect me to do?! Frolic around meadows singing Party in the USA?!" I yelled into James' face.

Jame's face quickly went from frustration to a huge smile, completely confusing me. And we all know how I get when I'm confused; angrier.

"Why the HELL are you smiling?!" I continued yelling.

"Because that'd be pretty funny to see." He said calmly in a cheer-tone voice.

I huffed through my nose, my furious mood not budging. James dropped his smile and sighed, he stepped into my room and pulled me into a hug. Completely confused at what was going on right now, I tried to stay angry, but instead I finally broke. I bawled into James' shoulder and held him close as if I were about to lose him too.

"There we go," James whispered as he stroked my hair.

We stood there for a solid five minutes, me crying and James held me. Finally when I had calmed down enough, he pulled away from the hug and wiped my leftover tears with a soft touch. He walked me into my room and we both laid on my bed, facing each other. Tears threatened to come out again, but James calmed me by running his fingers up and down my arm.

"Robin, why would you lock yourself away? You know that's the last thing Eric would've wanted." He questioned quietly.

I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back more tears, "I don't know James. It was just too much for me. He was an amazing friend and an amazing father. To all of us."

"But do you think any father would want to see their kid moping around and not doing anything with such an opportunistic life?

I shook my head slowly, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I understood James' point, and now I was just starting to feel bad.

"I miss him too Robin, all the kids do. Like you said, he meant something to all of us." He pushed more.

Sighing and taking control of my breath, I spoke again, "I guess I am just a selfish brat."

James smiled and shook his head, "No you're not, Robin. I just needed you to open the door.

We shared a laugh, it felt good to smile again. James pulled me into his arms and I rested my head under his chin and moved close to his body. The rhythm of his heartbeat was enough to lull me into another sleep.

"I guess David brought you here?" I quietly asked. My eyes becoming harder to keep open.

I felt James nodding his head above mine, "Yeah, he'd called me last night, said it was pretty severe and I was his last hope."

Hearing that made me smile. David had turned out to be pretty great. I felt bad about hating his guts before I even got to know him. I may have lost a father figure, but at least I had someone who happily took the open spot. Even if he did wait seventeen years.

My life was pretty cracked, but I had a good handful of people that helped me stay together. Maybe not perfectly, but good enough for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David held me close, both for comfort, and so that I stayed dried under our umbrella. My tears fell to the ground and soaked the grass where the rain couldn't. My eyes stung and I wanted to close them, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from the black coffin that came carried through the rain.

James was one of the pallbearers, no one was surprised. Mrs. Henderson insisted it's what her husband would've wanted, and James never denied a request from the man he owed his life to. To many people, it might've seemed odd that a nineteen year old boy was chosen to bear the coffin of a man he had no blood relation to. But to everyone who knew their bond, it made complete sense. Mr. Henderson never said it out loud, but we all knew James was his favorite. It was another thing me and the old man had in common.

Had.

It killed me to have to accept that I would never share another story, laugh, or cup of tea with the person that was the closest to being called my dad. I hated that the man never had kids of his own. Anyone who knew Mr. Henderson would agree that he;d have been the best father a child could ever want.

When the coffin was laid in it's grave, it was time for people to speak. Before we'd even arrived at the cemetery, I knew no words would be leaving my mouth while I was here. Besides, there was nothing I needed to say. Everyone knew the great man he was. The only thing I needed to do was hold on to every memory I had shared with the man.

Mrs. Henderson must've had the same idea as me. She walked frailly up to her departed husbands resting place, and only vowed to watch and love the kids as much as she did. She thanked him for the greatest adventure and dropped in her handful of dirt.

As the other mourners said their words and dropped their dirt. The grip I had on David's hand tightened and I felt the tears leaving my eyes faster.

Suddenly my other hand was grabbed, and James was next to me. He looked up to David, silently asking for me. David nodded his head and let me go. James and I both walked slowly up to the grave and grabbed a handful of dirt.

"Thank you for everything." We said together, my voice shakier than James' strong one.

We dropped the dirt and only one thought was going through my head.

Death fucking sucks.