Sadie's words knocked the wind out of me. I tried to inhale, but the air felt like it was too thick to breathe, like it had turned to sludge.

"I'm sorry," Sadie said softly before she stood up.

All my reflexes fired to life as I started to panic. I grabbed her by the hand, pulling her back down towards me, and she slumped next to me again.

"You're kidding, I mean... this cannot be the end. It can't. It hasn't even begun yet, Sadie. We haven't even given this thing a chance... and now what? It's over before it's begun?"

All of a sudden I had a whole bunch of stuff to say, and I wasn't going to stop talking, not until she understood how much I loved her and wanted to be with her.

"Sadie... you can't walk away now. Our adventure is only beginning..."

Sadie reached up and put her hand over my mouth. I grabbed it and held onto it. Kissing the back of it like it was a long lost lover.

"We have no choice," she said, taking her hand away. "You should go for that scholarship, and I'm going away next year. Which is literally in a few month's time, and in that time I need to put my energy into repairing McKenzie's and I's relationship. This is just the way things are working out right now, Connor."

"But I don't want it to work out like that." I threaded my fingers through hers and held her hand tight.

"Maybe it's the way it was supposed to work out," she reasoned, her fingers traced the inside of my hand, and I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb.

"How can you be so calm about this? So logical?"

"I've had time to think about it. And when you do, you'll also realize it's the right thing, too."

She started getting up again and this time I didn't stop her. But before she did, she grabbed a few extra donuts. She took a bite and smiled at me faintly. I could see she was trying to put on a brave face.

I jumped up. "But this is not supposed to happen like this. This is meant to be your big Hollywood gesture, the one that cannot be refused because it's so romantic and blows you off your feet and—"

"It was perfect. It was the best romantic gesture in the history of romantic gestures."

"But it wasn't enough."

"It was. It was more than enough."

"But?" I wanted for her to add to that, but she just shook her head.

"There is no 'but'. It was perfect." Her eyes looked like they were tearing up again and she began to turn away. The panic from earlier was back. It felt like if I let her walk away now, it was really over. Sadie and I would be done forever.

"Wait! Why don't you stay for supper, we're still friends, aren't we?"

She turned back slowly, "We are still friends. Best friends, but I need some..."

"Time," I added before she had a chance to finish.

She nodded back at me.

I tried to give her a faint understanding smile, but my lips didn't move.

She took a step forward and planted a small kiss on my mouth. I felt her lips linger and heard that familiar breathy whimper. She started to pull away, and I grabbed her and kissed her harder.

For a moment I thought she would pull away, but she didn't. She kissed me right back and wrapped both her arms around me. I didn't hesitate in reciprocating. My hand wandered down her back and I wanted to move them lower. The kiss was different this time. It was hungry, and sexy and hot as hell. My hand tentatively moved further and further down her back, but I wasn't sure I could...

She took my hand in hers and moved it down over her ass. I was shocked, but wasn't going to snub the invitation. I started walking her backwards until her back pressed into the tree. I pushed my body against hers and with my free hand, I started to slide it under her shirt, across her stomach. She whimpered and the kiss grew faster and hotter by the second, until...

As if we were both thinking the same thing at the same time, we both pulled away, gasping for air. I looked into her eyes. Her pupils were big and black and she was looking at me in a way I'd never seen before. 

"We can't do that," she said.

This time I agreed with her. If things got sexual with her, this 'time apart' would be even harder than it was going to be.

I nodded at her and gave her a small smile before she turned and run down the hill. I just watched as she grew smaller and smaller and fading more and more into the darkness until... she was gone.

***

The whole thing hadn't gone as planned. At all. And the kiss had left me reeling. One minute we were breaking up and then the next, she was kissing me like that. Like she wanted more. God, I wanted more. When I got home, I went up to my room and dumped my sorry self on the bed. I took my phone out and saw that the scout had called two more times.

"You should go for the scholarship", she'd said. But I wasn't sure. Maybe, like Sadie, I also needed a break from tennis. To decide if it was really something I wanted to do with my life. I opened Whatap and messaged the scout back.

Connor: Hi, it's Connor Matthews. I'm really flattered by you offer, but I need some time to think about it. Is that okay?

He got back to me immediately.

I understand. You can give me an answer in three weeks? And I hope it's going to be a yes.

I rolled off the bed, walked over to my window and opened it. I sat there facing Sadie's window and wrote her a message. The memory of that kiss was still playing on my mind and my body.

Connor: What are you thinking about?

I waited. It felt like a lifetime.

Sadie: What are u thinking about?

Connor: About you.

Sadie: Me too

Connor: I still love u.

Sadie: Me too

Connor: So why can't we be together?

Sadie: You know why, Connor. And if you think about it for a while, you will also know that I'm right. Its' what we both need.

I bit down on my lip and tasted blood, I'd done it so hard. My fingers were shaking and my stomach was churning as I typed. My heart broke into a million pieces.

Connor: Why did you kiss me like that then?

Sadie: Because I wanted to.

Connor: Open your curtain. I want to see you

I looked up and waited. Finally, a tiny hand peeped out and pushed the curtain aside. She was standing there wearing a totally oversized t-shirt that hung off her one shoulder. Her hair was wet, like she'd just stepped out the shower and I'd never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her. I wanted her in every way possible.

Connor: You're so beautiful, Sadie

Even though we were far away, I could tell she was blushing. She shuffled from side to side and looked coy. I was transfixed by her. The sound of my phone beeping snapped me back to reality.

Sadie: You're not too bad either.

I smiled at her message and started typing. Once I was done, I stared at the words I had written.

Connor: I want to kiss you like that again, and maybe more....

My finger hovered over the message. I didn't know whether to send it or not. If I did, we were crossing a line we'd never crossed before. We had toyed with the line during the kiss, but I had no idea how much longer Sadie and I had left, and it was now or never. I pressed send and her response was instant. She looked up at me and then quickly averted her eyes. It looked like she was trying to type a message, but kept deleting it.

Sadie: Like what?

Connor: Let me come over and I'll show you...

Sadie: I don't know.

My heart sank and I felt bad for taking the conversation there. Shit, I had crossed the line, but just as I was about to type something back apologizing, I got a response.

Sadie: Let me think about it.

My head snapped up and I looked across at her. She was smiling this strange, coy, yet naughty looking smile and it made me crumble. Then she closed her curtains with a flourish.