Chapter 3: Noticeable Changes:

  Sunlight shown through my eyelids making it hard to squeeze them shut enough to be enveloped in darkness. I just wanted to stay asleep… I pleaded in my mind as I groaned and turned over on the mattress so my face was buried in my pillow. The ponytail that held my air suddenly let my neck be out in the open to be struck by the cool air coming down from the fan that hung off the high ceiling. For some reason there were no blankets on my bed to keep me from getting chilled by it, so I gave up on being able to go back into my slumber.

  Muscles popped as I stretched my arms high above my head, going so far as to brush my fingertips against the smooth oak of my headboard. The bed beneath me was long since formed to my body, having always curled up in the same position every night, despite the way I fell asleep, I always woke up curled into a ball and on my side. Cracking open an eye I glanced at the open curtains on my window, that lead out into a small balcony that was used more than the room itself. It was always easy to just lock myself out there on summer nights and lay under the stars as if I belonged there. The beige curtains fluttered in the light summer breeze, bringing in the sweet smell of sea water from the cliffs and the musty scent of the forests near-by.

  Taking a look around the room, everything seemed in place, just another normal day in the life of me. But as I sat up, a wicked headache was enough to remind me that last night had most certainly been anything but ordinary. I was still in the same clothes that I had gone to the concert in last night, all rumpled up from sleep and my fingers picked off a piece of leaf that was stuck to the hem of them. My heels were laid neatly near my bedside, standing at attention, waiting to be put on. I snorted, there was no chance I was wearing those things anytime soon, my feet were so sore that I wasn’t sure if they could handle just regular sneakers that I wore every day. My mind was struggling with the details of what exactly had gone down last night. Fleeting snapshots of memory reminded me that I had gotten into a fight with Casey, but after that was a blur. Now I was positive I had been drinking something besides ginger ale in the club last night. And they said they were alcohol free…

  The clock was silent, and I was glad that I had shut off the alarm the moment summer came around the corner, or else I would have been woken up a good four hours ago in a much worse mood than I was in now. But at least, good chances were, a nice long cool shower would help clear things up.

  So I peeled off all the clothes, chucking them into the dirty clothes hamper in the corner of the room with accuracy and ducked into my bathroom. The house was big, and considering both Cynthia had no job, and George did some sales thing from home, I don’t know how they managed the money. First idea was that they had money from dead parents and such, but there was just so much of it. We were practically isolated back here in the middle of nowhere, far away from any other houses and any sort of entertainment. It had its ups and downs. The shower was cool to the touch, just the way I wanted it, and felt so good cascading down my back which ached dully. Probably hadn’t slept all that good last night, because my calves were a bit sore too, of course, that could just be because of all the running I did last night. That tidbit came bubbling up in my subconscious; I had been running from something. But what had it been?

  “Mackenzie?” a voice called from the bedroom, and I peeked out of the shower, my head all lathered in shampoo. “Yeah?” I called back over the roar of the water pouring down the drain.

  “I’ll just wait until you’re done with your shower…” It was Cynthia, though I had no idea why she’d want me. Probably to remind me that it wasn’t healthy to stay up that late and sleep in so long. It’d mess up my sleeping habits. She was so a mom.

  Hurriedly I rinsed all of the suds out of my hair, and sleeked it through with the conditioner before stepping out of the shower, wrapping a big white towel tight around me. I walked out of the bathroom while using another towel to shake my hair dry. Cynthia cleared her throat, and I pulled it away from my face, the dark curls falling in my face partly in my eyesight. She was sitting on my bed, relaxed and yet… not at the same time, her hands clasped tightly on her lap. Her blonde hair was pin straight, falling down her back till it reached the middle of it, and her clear blue eyes analyzed me as if I were an experiment.

  “How was your night?” she asked, her voice calm and soothing as always, but something was setting me off on her today, and I took a miniscule step backwards, away from her. She usually minding my personal space, and I don’t remember her even being in my room for the past two years, just staying on the outskirts. But here she was, sitting on my bed, all of a sudden asking intently on my night. “Fine, I guess,” I lied, tightening the towel on me further, afraid it was going to fall off as I inched towards the closet to get dressed. She didn’t object so I quickly spun in there, coming out minutes later in jeans and a white t-shirt, my hair threatening to soak the neckline of the shirt, but I didn’t mind.

  The second time I was welcomed into her presence, I noticed something different. My nose wasn’t clogged with the scent of shampoo and the room seemed to fill with a different type of smell. Strong and seductive it tickled my senses, but in most definitely not a good way, it stank of overused perfume. But Cynthia never used perfume, and I doubt she managed to spritz some foreign stuff on her in the short time I had vanished into the closet. I guess in another sense, it would’ve been mouth watering, but it came off sickly sweet making my stomach churn and my insides twist with each other. Slowly my hands closed into fists as I was overwhelmed with the smell, trying to bite back any remark on it, maybe it was just me?

  She smiled sweetly, her perfect white teeth flashing, “You arrived a bit late last night… something happen?” she questioned further, not letting it go like she’d usually do. But there was a big chance this was just a head-in to the big ‘sleeping-in, staying-up-late’ speech, so I relaxed a bit. I just shaked my head, “Nope, just lost track of time, me and Case,” my mouth lingered on her name, even in nickname form, hoping it didn’t come out like acid. “hung out with the band and had a blast, you know,” I lied again, reaching down to pull some sneakers from down under the bed. They were well worn and starting to fray at the tips, but no matter how many times George offered to pay for new ones, I always insisted these were my favorites.

  Cynthia stayed silent and I looked up to see her glancing around the room, deciphering my words through the appearance of it. Of course my room was always in pristine condition, not like most teenagers, I guess I could say I never felt totally at home either, but then again, I couldn’t remember what home even felt like anymore. With her blue eyed gaze directed away from me, I allowed my eyes to linger on her. Her skin stood out in the morning sunlight, looking strikingly pale in the yellow bath of light. It seemed almost translucent and clear, unblemished and perfect everywhere the paleness of it showed up as the clothes didn’t cover. Then she turned her head back towards me, the swooshing of her hair sending another blast of the scent my way, almost causing me to half-gag, half-snarl. I bit both back, but her eyes widened at the choked sound the emanated from my throat.

  I coughed out I would just be getting breakfast, before bolting out of my room, leaving her there sitting silently on my bed, tracing circles absentmindedly on the sheets. The air seemed to clear once I was away from her presence and I relaxed a ton, allowing myself to take a first deep breath since hearing her voice from the shower.

  It was so unusual, this reaction from being in her presence, before yesterday she had always smelled so good, like lilacs on a warm summer day, the scent wafting in the perfect degree to your nose. And the smile that had always calmed me in the past years I’d been here, suddenly seemed less calming and more animalistic, her pearly teeth predatory in her perfect mouth that curved upwards on her red lips.

  I shook my head once more, it must be just something whack about my senses today, it’d go back to normal soon enough.

  There was a splash as I walked into the kitchen, and milk splattered onto the counter. Jake’s face was in total surprise, his little mouth in the perfect shape of an ‘o’. He heard me walk in and whipped his head around, trying not to look guilty but the cheerios that were littered along with the milk on the table proved otherwise, “I dropped the spoon,” he said quietly and I smiled, unable to stay mad at him, even if I never was.

  I snatched up the paper towels near the sink, ruffling his carpet of brunette curly hair on top of his head as I passed by, “It’s alright, just be more careful next time,” he nodded instantly, and tried getting his spoon out from the depths of the bowl of milk and little cereal life rings. “Here, you can use this,” I handed him another spoon from the drawer, “Just eat and when the cereal and milk are all gone you can get the spoon,”

  “Thanks,” he mumbled, concentrating on his food, so he didn’t spill it again. My stomach growled impatiently and I sifted around the kitchen scouring for my own food. The whole room smelled of campfires and damp wood that seemed to emanate from Jake’s direction, as he stared stubbornly at his spoon, daring it to act out. Decidedly I liked that scent, it reminded me of a distant memory that I connected with the word ‘home’. Home, something I have never really had. Sure this was a good place to live and everything; I was surrounded by a loving couple who had our best interests in heart most of the time. But it could never really be called home, I always felt as if I was on edge in this house. I had gotten used to it of course; you really needed to, to have lived here as long as I did. But I could always pack up and leave. In my definition, home should be where you always wanted to stay; it was supposed to make you feel safe and secure.

  I looked around the spacey kitchen, taking in all the oak doors to the cabinets and the shiny appliances. Yes this was a house, but most definitely not home.

  When I was a bit younger, I’d always picture a future where child services couldn’t bother me for being out and on my own. Not having to depend on someone else to keep me afloat, legally. That when I turned eighteen I’d take Jake and go start a whole new life for ourselves. That was before I’d ever truly warmed up to George and Cynthia.

  Speak, and they shall appear, I thought as George came waltzing into the kitchen, an empty glass in his hand. I gave a tight smile to him, that could easily be mistaken as morning tiredness, but it really was because of the smell he brought into the room. The same scent that had made me nauseas when I was around Cynthia, the same one that made me want to snarl and growl like an animal.

  What was wrong with me?

  “Up at the crack of noon I see?” George commented with a chuckle as he passed stepped onto the linoleum.

  “Yeah…” I croaked out, snatching a glass bowl from a top shelf.

  He ruffled Jake’s hair as he rounded the island, that made Jake perk up, “Hey!” he protested, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice. Sure he said nothing when I did it, but with others he was just a bit more hesitant. I smiled a little genuinely this time.

  But then George rounded further, and he passed me, his arm brushing mine. It was like being shocked, and dipped in a pool of cold water, the touch seeping all the way to my bones. Shivers erupted across my body, and my free hand coiled within itself, nails digging deeply into my skin. It was like I lost complete control and whipped around, a rough snarl ripping from my throat, as the bowl flung from my hand straight for his face. At least that’s where I had predicted it would have gone, but realizing what was happening at the last possible moment, my hand stopped short and the glass bowl shattered against the wall, missing George’s head by a mere inch.

  Then there was silence, my arm caught in mid-swing, frozen in place in shock. Giving a quick glance at Jake to make sure he was alright, I saw his eyes were trained on the spot that the glass had shattered, his spoon clattered into his cereal again as his chin was practically down to the counter. George stayed still for a few moments, before turning around, eyes wide in—was it fear? I would be fearful if I were him.

  “I’m so—“ I started to say, unfreezing and clasping both hands around my mouth. Oh god, what had I done?

  “What the hell just happened?” he yelled, not angry but very loud. I gulped before considering my answer, “I saw a spider…?” I squeaked out from my mouth, muffled by my hands.

  He seemed flabbergasted, “A spider?”

  “Yeah…”

  “So you threw a glass bowl at it?!” he screamed, setting his glass down from semi-shaking hands.

  “…I thought it was going to jump at you?” I lied, his tone seeming to boil my blood and despite my utter astonishment and humiliation of what I had just done—the sound of his voice made me want to do it again. But not miss this time.

  These feelings just made everything worse and I struggled not to cry out how sorry I was, because I’d know it come out in a snarl and probably with a different choice of words. George took a deep breath, leaning against the counter, giving a good look at the shattered pieces of glass that glinted in the sunlight streaming through the window, creating a rainbow dancing across the wall and silver appliances.

  “I guess I better go get a dust pan to clean this up…” George said, sounding better. He’d calmed down, that was good. I’d never done anything to make either one of my adopted parents mad at me, and I was glad that he didn’t have anger issues or anything. “Don’t look for anymore spiders… oh and if you want cereal? Use a plastic bowl,” he said before leaving the room silently.

  I let out a shuddering breath, almost losing my balance and managing to collapse onto the barstool right next to Jake. Closing my eyes I ran a hand through my hair coming up short as always. The kitchen was silent, imitating the way the whole house seemed to never have any real noise in it.

  “Are you alright, Kenzie?” Jake asked a little shakily. I looked up at him through my hands and the serious concerned look on his little four year old face crumpled my heart like paper.

  “Oh, honey… yes. I’m fine,” I cooed, and he wasted no time crawling from his seat and onto my lap. His tiny warm body brought a bit of peace to me as I rocked gently with him in my arms. Jake hadn’t ever seen me be so out of control either, I’m sure it would have scared me to pieces if I had saw something like that at his age.

“You looked mad, real mad,” Jake mumbled into my shirt.

  “No, I’m not mad,” I said softly.

  “Good, because I don’t know what that spider ever did to you to make you so mad…” I laughed, releasing the rest of the tension in my body. George had been gone for a good fifteen minutes before I decided that I better take Jake up to his room, he was already growing tired in my arms. Lifting him up easily, I carried him out of the kitchen and up the stairs like I’d done hundreds of times before, stepping in all the right places so I missed all the creaks and moans of the wood.

  Jake stayed perfectly still in my arms, careful not to jostle me as I pushed his door open with my back. His room was dark except for the light that was partially showing through the closed curtains, it automatically made you want to lay down in the peaceful atmosphere and take a long nap. Smiling softly I laid him down in his bed, his little eyes closed and I pulled the rocket ship blanket over him.

  Just as I walking away to leave him to sleep he sat up, “Kenz?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You didn’t read me a story last night like you said you would… can I have it now?”

  I smiled again, “Sure,” and leaned down to pick up the only book that he liked to be read. You’d think after such a time, a kid would get sick of getting read the same thing over and over again. But no, Jake had always been easy to deal with and always asked for the same thing.

  But just as per usual he fell asleep half-way through the story and I set it back down again. We were both in his bed, me sitting against the headboard and him using my lap as a pillow, his toy teddy bear stuffed under his arm. It was so calm in here, the window cracked open so the chirps off birds and rustle of leaves could be heard. That alone made it more comforting than the rest of the house. Silence got to be too unnerving after awhile.

  An extra sweet breeze blew across the window, carrying the sound of leaves turning over in the wind and all I could think of was the guy from last night. The way I had run down the sidewalk for seemingly forever and confronted by that large wolf animal. He had been my hero and stepped in front of me. The growl that had ripped from his throat had sounded so primal, so animalistic, and yet so protective. It relayed in my mind, each time bringing more comfort to my still body. His deep voice as it had murmured in the dark of the car that I’d be alright, it made it seem like nothing would ever happen bad again to me as long as I was with him.

  But here I was, not even knowing his name. I’d probably never see him again… probably never relish in the presence of that voice again. That voice and that heart-warming laugh.

  Pulling away lightly from our embrace, I set Jake fully on his bed to sleep, suddenly needing to see more than just hear the sounds of outside. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, breathing in his homey scent, “Love you, Jake,”

  In his sleep he mumbled something back, but just turned over to snuggle deeper into the sheets. My sweet, innocent little brother. Most people couldn’t say their sibling was an angel, but Jake truly was.

  After shutting his door quietly I hurried downstairs, wanting to break out into the outdoors. Decidedly, the back door in the kitchen was the closest so I passed through there, the glass had been cleared and it was as if nothing had ever happened. If only I could make myself believe that…

  It was like a breath of sweet relief when I reached outside, the breeze tussling my hair softly and my bare feet nestled themselves in the green grass. A tinge of salt drifted from the sea where we had picnicked yesterday. No matter how I felt in the house, it always seemed like the outdoors was a little bit more like home than the giant mansion, where George and Cynthia could walk through for days without seeing each other. I swear I wondered what they did before having us, but never asked a single question. It was best not to push them too far so they sent us back.

  Glancing back at the empty looking house, I took off down the hill at a running start, blurring through the open field towards the trees. I had a swing out there, that I’d constructed secretly. No one knew about it, not even Jake, he had the swing set by the cliff. This one was mine.

  The further I got away from the property the more I felt like I needed to get there, it wasn’t a want anymore, it was a need. Everything was so intense today, the feelings, the smells, the instincts. My body was running mad, and I was giving into it for now. I guess it was better than smashing either George’s or Cynthia’s face with another glass bowl.

  Getting there, I collapsed into the swing, nudging myself backwards. Two years, and I’d be hopefully out of here. I’d take Jake with me, and we’d have a cabin deep in the woods, just me and him. I’d construct a swing set for the two of us and make sure he he’d never get hurt again, whether I wanted it or not, I was his mother, his father, and his guardian now. But now when I envisioned our perfect home in the woods, I kept seeing wolves lurking in the distant, surrounding the house. But it never seemed dangerous, just cautious.

  Gazing out into the woods around me now, it was empty besides of the normal wildlife. Sometimes it was comforting knowing you were the only human being where you were, no one was there to judge you for anything.

  “Please don’t leave me…” I murmured into the trees, hoping that somehow, someway, my hero would hear me and make the promise to never do so. But I knew also, that he wouldn’t.