How does time count in an endless spiral of darkness of my grandmother locked memories?

How long have I been trapped in her memories? How much time have gone since I've been here?

Do any of my friends miss me? Try to find a way to bring me back? Is Damian doing okay? He never did tell him he loved me and I would love to hear that one day, that is if I manage to find a way to leave this hell.

To be honest, I really don't know why I'm here, what I'm doing in these memories. They didn't teach anything, all I've seen and seeing is just what made her the person she is today and even without the locked memories she would be way worse than this but seriously how worse can she get. It still baffles me how she can be born evil. She isn't a villain by circumstances, she is simply just a monster and that monster's got my body, using for God knows what.

It's getting pretty tiring, going from door after door with different horrors. Although each door shows and defines some part of her that I've never seen and I don't think I would ever see. She's a force of nature, a creature that shouldn't have been born but she was, she survived and now she's getting everyone around her hell to pay.

I slam the door of yet another memory shut with the hope of never to visit again but I should have known something is up when I didn't let the memory push me out, instead I walked out on my own. I'm supposed to return to the common room but all I see is a long passageway with the black door at the end of the passageway. This has never happened before but then again I don't know what I'm doing, I'm even sure if all this is real.

Sighing, I put my feet to work and Sprint towards the door, it's a long way from where I was standing before. When I get in front of the door, I hear voices, whispers but I can't make out anything. This door is the only one with this color which means whatever that's behind this door is even more worse than the rest which only fuels my curiosity.

Everything I've seen so far is her kicking ass and showing everyone else that she's the boss but I'm yet to see her weakness, which is the only thing I want to know in case I survive.

The whispering stops, and if I haven't seen and heard weird shit in my life, I wouldn't simply accept the fact that it's official and I'm going crazy, but I'm not. The whispering stopped, which probably means something.

I swallow hard and bring my hand to the door handle, I place it on it and the metal handle burn my palm as the whispers begins again this time it's more loud. I remove my hand and press it against my ear.

The ground beneath break and the next thing I know is me falling. I scream because I don't know where I'm going or where I am until I land on the ground of the common room.

I don't feel anything, no pain from the impact of my body colliding with the ground. I don't feel dizzy from the fall, it's just a nice jump and fall.

"Oh damn, there is some weird shit going on here," I mutter, not bothering to stand up from where I'm laying like a star fish on the ground. It's better this way. I've seen so many memories and I haven't eaten or slept or used the toilet since I've been here. Which is cool by the way but it just makes me question my existence at the moment. What am I? Alive or dead or just an entity of nothing.

I can't do anything, not magic, not calling my Ravens, nothing. It just sucks being alone. I miss my friends. I miss Damian. I even miss my fights with Penelope. I never really got the chance to clear things with Jessica before I was brutally murdered and it's the only regret I have. If I do find a way to survive or be alive again, talking to her will be the first thing I'll do. I have so much to tell her, starting with how much of an idiot I've been. We should just forget the–

The room, there's something going on, the room is shaking. The doors breaking and the once above are falling. I quickly get on my feet and look around for an exit but nothing , everywhere is surrounded with broken and opened doors. The room stops shaking and the doors starting changing, each one forming a orb and levitating in the air and slowly flying around me like the planet revolve around the sun.

"It's beautiful, the sight is–"

I spoke too soon.

The orbs cracks open releasing whatever is inside into me. All the memories of Lurytendra finds their way into my head. Everything. All the things she's done which is mostly kill people, destroy countless planet and realms.

If I thought looking into her memories is my hell, then what is greater than hell? Because this is worse than hell and I'm not just seeing them, I'm feeling it too. Having to deal with my emotions is work enough for me but carrying other person's emotions is difficult and madden.

I don't think I can take this anymore, it's too much, I can't see anymore, I don't want to watch.

I press my hands against my ear and shut my eyes as I scream. "Stop!"

Everything goes silent except from the music playing from–wait a second, I know that music, it's from the dancing ballerina music box my dad, my adopted dad got me for my sixth year birthday. It was one of my priced possession. I never fall asleep without hearing the song, it's from Swan Lake and I loved it.

I open my eyes and I realize I'm standing in my childhood bedroom. The dancing ballerina music box is playing in front of me on my bed. I never thought I'd see this room again, I would never see it again because my parents–adopted parents sold it and other people are living there already. The music box was still in my closet when I left for The Vale, it stopped working when I was fourteen and I didn't repair it, I just kept it in my closet for safekeeping.

I watch the ballerina in pink twirling in a place. She's supposed to be Odette. My adopted parents never read me bedtime story, so I kind of grew up watching the ballerina dancing until my sight gave up and I fall asleep and wake up screaming.

"Is this even real?"

"Of course it's not real." A familiar feminine voice answers behind me.

Okay that voice sounded real. I heard it loud and clear.

I spin around to see Lurytendra, my grandmother, the woman who's memory I've spent the last days or is it weeks? Hard to keep track, anyway the woman who's memory I've been watching, she's sitting cross legged here in my room, on my loveseat, in the flesh.

"What the fuck?!"

She smirks, giving me a look that say don't-mess-with-me. She's the only person I know that can make evil looks good on someone. She gives a wicked smirk and still manage to keep the cool look on her face. That is not a talent people have.

"Hello, Camille. I've been expecting you."

And then I remember that I'm only here because she killed me. Bitch.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

She tsks and says, "You've been a very bad girl Camille, poking into my head and surfing through my memories."

She knows. She fucking knows.

"Fuck you!"

If only I had the power to fight her but I know fighting her is stupid, I won't win, I won't even land a blow.

"I thought your adopted parents taught you manners," she shrugs, "guess I was wrong and I'm hardly wrong about these things. You were supposed to die, Camille. I took over your body, you should be dead but somehow you aren't. That is the second time I've been wrong when it comes to you."

I scoff. "You'd like if I'm dead right." Being dead gives her everything she needs.

"I would love it because you being alive is a big problem for me. You can take back control and I wouldn't like that." For a second there I thought I heard fear in her voice, I wouldn't be surprised though if she's afraid because I've learned that she likes to be in control of everything. She challenged her General to a duel because she hates taking orders from people who aren't her father.

The fear isn't enough for me to overpower her and take control of my body.

"We had a deal you fucking bitch! We had a fucking deal and you didn't tell me you were going to steal my body!" I'm angry but it's weird because I don't feel it. Goddamn it. I can't feel anything because I'm not really dead and not quite alive either.

She uncrosses her legs and asks, "does saying fuck make you feel superior?"

"What?"

She shakes her head. "Nevermind, you think it does and that's enough. I honored that deal by saving your friends. You knew the risks when you agreed."

I tsk. "The risk, yeah right," I scoff. "You and your minions have been controlling my life since the day I was born. Everything I've done was exactly the way you wanted it. All this time I thought there was something wrong with me and I was right, there is something wrong with me. I haven't been living the life for myself, I've been living for you! All the goddamn test and task to see if my body is worthy of your soul. Shame on you!"

She lets out a boring yawn and close her eyes as she snores playfully before snorting and straighten herself. "You're done yapping. Good. I thought you were going to talk me to death. Listen granddaughter of mine, I didn't know of your existence until you called to me and I saw a perfect opportunity to strike. So don't blame me for your mistake. You should blame yourself for being weak."

For being– is she for real? Dean asked me to say those words, he lied to me. That bastard.

"Where is this place?" I ask, switching topics because I'm too tired to argue with her.

"Your mind. Your head. It's strange that you chose your childhood bedroom even after everything your so called adopted parents put you through. You had some of your worse moments in this very room."

She isn't wrong. Why did my mind choose this place?

"I've been living through your memories since I got here."

"And I you, yours is fun. I love the way you think. We could have ruled together you and I."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah I'll pass on being a tyrant."

She narrows her eyes as she asks. "You think that is what I am, a tyrant?" She already knows the answer to that. "And you are correct. I rule by fear to keep my subject in line."

"Have tried ruling by love?"

"Love? What is that?"

Lurytendra came to Earth once and something about to her when she did, that thing changed her and made her the worse version of the worse version of herself and she doesn't even remember. In a way, she and I are the same. We haven't really lived out lives for ourselves. We think we're living but it's just others pulling the strings.

"You know I saw somethings about you buried deep inside your memories and I know why you are like this. Let me help you." I think if she knows the truth about what her father and Gaea did to her, she'd act differently.

"What make you think I need help?" She questions.

"I've seen the memories they erased and it was brutal. You need help Lurytendra." One don't know when people are serious unless we call their giving name.

"I could kill you for that," she threatens playfully but the cold and promise is still evident in her tone.

"Calling you Lurytendra? That's your name, isn't it?"

"You say you've seen through my memories and you still don't know why I don't like to be called Lurytendra."

And that is where she's wrong. I haven't seen all the memories but I remember the ones I've seen and I never saw one where something made her hate her name.

"I don't think even you know why you hate being called your name."

She hums and gets up. "Great chatting with you, good bye of now."

"What? No! Wai–" at the snap of her fingers, I return to the common room with the doors.