Twelve years later

The snow crunched beneath my soles. I smiled at the sound. Could you still do that, I wondered? As an adult, I mean? It seemed forbidden, somehow; a right that should be taken away from you once you reached a certain age, once you had dealt with enough hardships in your life.

Maybe, that actually made us more deserving of joy. The hardships we had survived. 

This place was different. A lot more so than what I could have imagined. I hadn't seen much of the world, only my own two corners, so it wasn't surprising I didn't know how different architecture and mood could be in different cultures. I liked this one. As opposed to my own home country, this was more modern, and more clean. Although my own birth country had stepped up after the war had ended, building itself up to match its new state of peace. 

Did I miss it? My birth country? I didn't think so. There was nothing for me there. Not anymore. I hardly thought of it nowadays. 

I looked around me, at the snow. God, I had hated the snow for so long. Still did, in a way. Ever since the war, I had come to associate snow with death and misery.

And loss...

I looked around me on the houses surrounding the street, then down at the note in my hand. I walked until I found the house that match the address I had written down. It was a bit different from the other houses, this one; a bit more worn down. The front door needed painting, and a window needed replacement. But it also emitted a cosy homeliness that the other houses lacked. The windows were lit with a warm orange glow, and a thick smoke was coming out of the chimney. 

I looked down at the address again. How long? How long had I put this moment off? I had waited and waited, in the hope that the feel of need would disappear. 

It never did. 

I sighed, took my knitted beanie off and pulled a hand through my short hair. What if I'm not welcome here? What if he's not even here anymore?

I was frightened, I knew. Frightened of what I would find. In war, it was close to impossible to get any cases of death confirmed. I had heard nobody survived the bombing of the hospital in which my brother was treated, but how could I be sure? I had hard he had been in the plane that crashed into another above my head, but how could I know? What if he hadn't been, and had just never been able to find me again? 

What if he-

I swallowed. This is the reason... The true reason I haven't come here before now.

Because here, I would find out whether he was truly dead or not.

I walked to the front door and knocked. There was a moment of silence before a door was opened. In it stood a tall, lanky boy with red hair and freckles. There was the sound of a television in the background. Something that smelled delicious was cooking on a stove somewhere within; I could smell friend onions and potatoes, perhaps in a soup. 

"Can I help you?" he asked with a deep voice that cracked a little, as if he was still getting used to it.

You would have been so aged now... Over forty. 

"Umm, hi?" I said as if it was a fucking question and felt pathetic. "My name is Izuna. Are you... Umm, are you Tobirama's Godson?"

The little colour the boy had on his cheeks drained. I suddenly saw it, just a little; the hooked nose, the strong jawline. He wasn't Tobirama's biological son, but he was his nephew. 

"Who are you?" the boy asked.

"Sorry", I said. Oh, curse my awkwardness. Tobirama had thought it was cute. I found it only annoying. "Umm, I knew him while he was in war. Before he... I believe he lost his life?"

The boy just stared for a while before he turned.

"Grandma!" the boy screamed into the house. 

An elderly woman who looked very healthy for her age and was almost as fair as Tobirama showed up.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"He says he knew uncle!" the red-haired boy said.

The little colour drained from the woman's face as well. 

And mine. Knew...

"So he's-" I swallowed.

"Oh, dear", the grandmother said. This is Tobirama's mother. "Won't you come in?"

I was sitting awkwardly in a couch when Tobirama's mother came holding a tray of tea. 

"Here you go. We will have dinner in a minute. But until then, please have some tea."

"Oh, I don't want to disturb you", I said.

"Nonsense. I always cook for an army. My husband, Tobirama's father, used to eat like one. I haven't gotten used to cooking less since he passed three years ago."

"My condolences", I said.

"No need, dear boy", she said with a smile. "How did you know our Tobirama?"

"I was his..." I almost choked on my tea. "Umm, friend. I didn't know he was the enemy, but he knew I was. He had a big heart."

"How was he?"

The teenage boy was leaning forwards, his eyes glittering eagerly. I swallowed back tears. God... I'm mourning you all over again, am I not? 

"Brave", I said. "An amazing pilot. Handsome." I blushed. "Considerate. Put everyone else before himself."

"They say he died because his plane broke and he flew into another plane", the boy said. "Is that true?"

"That is true", I said. Why he had gotten into a plane when he was done with war was beyond me, but I had accepted the fact that I would never know. 

We chatted a bit about Tobirama and had dinner; potato and leek soup with bread fresh from the oven. When it was time to leave, I suddenly remembered the alibi I'd used to come here.

"I have something for you!" I said to the boy and held up a paper bag I'd had with me. It was mint green with dark green text; the only one left from my toy shop. 

The boy took it and plucked up the black elephant. It's metallic rainbow embroideries shimmered beautifully in the light.

"This..."

"Is not suitable for your age, I know", I said with a smile. "But your father bought a white one for you in my shop who you were little. I found a black one and kept it for you. It's time you have it."

Two minutes later, I was standing in the doorway.

"Can't you stay over Christmas?" the boy asked.

"Please", Tobirama's grandmother said. "It would be our pleasure."

I smiled.

"I ned to go back to the tropics where I live."

The boy turned and left, leaving me alone with Tobirama's mother.

"Are you..?" She took my hand. "Did you find someone else?"

I swallowed. Someone else... She knew. She knew about me and Tobirama. And she accepted it. 

"Yes", I said, and smiled a little. "Yes, I did."

And so I left this little corner of the world, the little corner that had confirmed Tobirama's death, that was warm and welcoming but where I didn't quite belong. I walked down the street the way I had come, alone, in the darkness that had swallowed the world since I had found out that my lover from the war was well and truly dead. 

It would be so easy. I smiled, my throat shaking as tears fell down my face and froze. It would be so easy. To just lay down and let dread consume me. But I haven't done that yet. And I won't do that now.

I went back to the airport to catch my plane back to my corner in the world, the tropics, where I lived mine and Tobirama's dream out for the remainder of my days.