I could still taste his lips and the way I felt about him. It was like tasting winter, so tender and sweet like a cold piece of candy. And the way he made me feel...it was like I melted in his skin. He was deep in the core of my thoughts, leaving only the passion of what I felt last night.

I woke up before the sun. It was still dark outside, but there was a lamp with a faded light casting over me as I read a book. It was my escape from the world. Almost nothing but books made me feel freer. I didn't ever want to stop reading.

And without a knock, someone entered my room. "We need to talk."

Sitting up, my heart sank in my chest at the sight of him. "About what?"

"Last night," he replied.

There was a cold shiver that extended up my spine. It was rough on my skin and rough against my heart as the feeling of worry made its way in my head.

He turned towards the door. "I'm sorry for barging in like this."

"Please stay." I reached for his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. The chill of his skin startled me, but he always made things better; he always made me feel safe.

He hesitated before sitting on the bed. I felt the mattress sink beneath me as he looked sadly into my eyes. "Pansy can't know about us or what happened last night."

"W-Why? Aren't you two like best friends?"

"It's more complicated than that."

How complicated could it be? I thought but asked, "What do you mean?"

I removed my hand from his. I felt violated, almost humiliated. I let him in in ways I haven't let anyone in before. How could he kiss me and still have complications with her? It didn't make sense.

He didn't answer. He just sat there; his eyes wandering like he was trying to think of the perfect response. But I didn't care and pointed. "Get out!"

His eyes fell on mine. They appeared like sharp knives, stabbing me over and over again until it hurt to breathe. I never knew love could hurt this much until tears blurred my vision, making everything around me less like a room and more like a prison.

I repeated again. "Get out!"

"I'm sorry," he said before exiting. "I'm really sorry."

Looking away I could feel the tears on my cheeks crawl. It was painful to think that I lost him, but it made me realize I was better off without him, better off alone.

                  ...

The rest of the day was spent in my room. I decided to take the day off from the supernatural world I called my life.

It was for the best, I thought.

But my thoughts didn't match how I really felt. Inside, everything was unfixed, broken, and torn apart. The only one that could make things better was him and he was gone. I made him leave. I made him walk away when I didn't want him to. How could I do such a thing? How could love make me do such crazy things?

But something else was brought to my attention.

Last night was a full moon.

What did that mean?

Werewolf?

I couldn't be a werewolf. I never turned. Don't all werewolves turn on a full moon? I drowned myself with questions, blocking the air that allowed me to breathe.

On the end table next to my bed was my cell phone, something I barely used. It kept ringing so much that I was getting a headache just listening to the sounds. I almost let it go to voicemail...but the caller I.D told me otherwise.

"Hello, sis." His voice so petite had me missing him dearly. I wanted so badly to hug him that more tears began to build up as my eyes pushed for me to weep...and then calm consumed me.

I tried to search for words. "How are you? It's been...so long."

"I'm good. Just wish you were here."

"Me too," I replied, struggling for words.

"When are you coming home?"

Silence.

My eyes hurt.

Stop crying.

But how could a fragile person like me stop crying? It seemed impossible to think of the pain ever going away when it made room inside my brain and also next to my heart.

"I don't know," I replied.

"But you promised?" I recalled that promise I made to him over the phone a year ago. I was settled in Milan, Ohio at the time.

I shouldn't have made promises I couldn't keep. I was stupid. Bones got word in town that I was there, so I split before he found me. I was wrong to leave my brother hanging, but he was too innocent to know what's happening, too innocent to be involved. The truth could put him in danger. I just shouldn't have made him the promise that I would be coming home soon.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I've been on the road a lot. Never had much time to visit."

"Where are you now?"

I hesitated, not knowing whether to tell him or not, but I did anyways. I couldn't keep avoiding his questions. I told him about Anton and the family vacation home. I even told him about hitting someone with a grocery cart and kneeing a guy in the nuts, hoping to get a laugh out of him.

He just seemed so depressed on the phone that I felt bad. I wish I could comfort him; be the big sister that he needs, but I couldn't.

I was reminded of the motels I stayed at. I never had a job, because I was always moving around. It was hard to pay for a living at a young age. But Aunt Cordelia helped me over the years. She would send me money, pictures of Alex, and I eventually found out that she was the friend in my mom's letter who sent Pansy and Deacon to me. She has been keeping my brother safe and guiding me to safety every step of the way. She was the only member of our family left who still cared about Alex and I.
                    
I would stare at the pictures she sent me of Alex for hours. He looked so much like our dad with his dirty blonde locks and blue eyes. It brought back memories I wish would stay buried, but a part of me wanted to remember, let the past in for just a moment.

After hearing Alex talk about school and friends, I grew jealous of him. He was ten years old with a better life than me. I wanted to be in his place more than anything. I wanted his life, a normal life. But if I were to go back, it wouldn't be the same. I would hate to know what I know now: monsters are real and I'm one of them.
                   
He ended the call with an "I love you", but I choked trying to say it back.
                   
The sun had arrived only a few minutes later, little by little. It felt good to feel the sun's beam on my pale skin as I opened the curtains. I looked outside, watching the wind blow against the trees, especially the weeping willows.
                   
I wanted to feel freedom the way the wind did, so I tiptoed downstairs to the front door and opened it. While feeling the breeze on my hair and smelling the freshness of peace, I got a whiff of something dead, something behind me.
                    
Turning around, I saw the pain standing in front of me, my heart breaking in two at the sight of him.

                   
"What are you doing?" Deacon asked, closing the door.

                  
"Getting some air. Got a complication with that too?"
                    
He followed me into the living room, not offended by my raging attitude. "No, I just think it's dangerous. Especially with Bones still out there."
                    
He bit his lip and I almost wanted to bite it for him.
                    
But stepping back into reality, I clenched my fists. "Stop protecting me!"
                    
"I'm sorry," he said. "Please don't be mad at me."
                    
"Why not? You pretty much kissed me, then admitted to liking her," I complained, pointing at Pansy who entered the room.
                    
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on in here?"
                    
"Nothing," he lied.
                   
"Why are you still lying? It's so obvious that you like her!"
                   
"I never said anything to make it obvious."
                    
His calmness was driving me insane. I wanted to slap him, make him feel the pain I felt earlier, and then slap him again.
                     
I recalled what he said and replied, "You told me it was complicated."
                     
Pansy raised a brow. "Can somebody explain to me what the heck is going on?"
                    
"Just forget it. I wish you two never came into my life." And I'm not sure I meant it as pieces of my heart fell to the floor while I stormed up the stairs.
                     
Closing the door behind me, I finally crumbled. I sunk to the ground in tears; my back against the wall and my head in my knees. Nothing was ever going to be okay.