My wide grin splits my face and it's a little insane in the rearview mirror. But if you told me five months ago, that I'd be in a classic muscle car with Asher driving to LA I'd think you were crazy. If you then told me I'd be doing a gig with Asher at the fucking Hollywood Bowl and hang out at his house, I'd tell you, you're mad. But that's my life, and I laughed at the stars reaching my hand up like it's a sea of stars. As if my hand could touch those sea lights and skim over them like a boat skimming water. Air bounced against my palm and snatched my giggles into the wind. It rushed past me and it was like the world outside was in a bubble.

Another sign speeds past us, north to Sacramento or south to Los Angeles on Interstate 5. It was as if the road kept asking are you sure you really want to go to LA? Maybe it knew something I didn't. I-5 Highway brought back so many memories and I was making new ones fast. The night stretched out and speeding stars raced with us to LA. Another round of giggles and more wind to take them away up to the stars.

"I like it when you laugh." Asher interrupts my fun. There's a saying dance like no ones looking and doing it in the car right next to Asher was a little weird. But with the late 90s music blasting as we race down the I-5 in the middle of the night felt good. Only the headlights and coastal views, I couldn't help. We were nearly alone down the highway just California and stars. Finally, I gazed back at him. I wasn't going to hide my happiness from him. My smile didn't slip away when caught. I was comfortable and instead, I started rapping with the line. He came in the other part. Something about that 90s and 2000s music. It had so much bump and hopefulness in the face of the craziness. When the next line came he changed the words a little with a new rhyme counterpoint making the old fun song new. Then I joined him again as the song loop around again a second time. His inky hand slid into my lap wrapping around my dark hand so warm. Asher's leaned back into the seat other hands on the wheel as he drove us down the I-5 into the night. Then he drew my hand into his lap holding it in place.

It's funny you could have all kinds of sex with a man but this was the first time I could remember that we held hands. One of those slow simple moments. How can such a small thing as holding hands make my chest feel so weird? A sharp tug of happiness, and all fluttery when I looked down at us linked together. And when he took his eyes off the road to grin at me that tug became a pull. I get these moments with Asher where I want so much more. All the things that I shouldn't be looking for. The imagines of us have been plaguing me. What if's and what could bes. That little boy's happy grin was the moment I realized how much he meant to me. How big of a space he has taken up in my life.

"All I need is that pusszy." He rhymed it with another line and ruined it. Just fucking banzai that bitch of a moment. Full crash and burn, that hearts and flowers feels I was having. I shook my head, shocked, fucking bamboozled. Stuck between wanting to laugh and slap the fuck out of him. Why the fuck did I have to tell him about Wheelz?

"You are never letting Wheelz go are you?" I tried to pull my hand out of his lap but he kept it. So much side eye I could have fallen out of the car with it. Asher was so full of mischief I was almost disgusted.

"Nope, never. It's forever Birdy. That Pusszy is mine." At his words weirdly that stupid tug was back again. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it then. His deep chuckles with that smile got me right in the pusszy. I shook my head because he knew he was wrong but sometimes you can't ruin the joy. "I have a surprise for you."

"Suprise?" I asked him. I'll admit it, I love getting shit and he caught the attention of my greedy guts. As a kid, I didn't always get to celebrate all my birthdays because of my mom's illness, so I love getting shit. The children I teach at the learning center draw me pictures for my day. It's my favorite part of my birthday adding to my office, it's just walled full of pictures. Almost like my mom used to put walls of photographs up. Every year another wall goes behind all the frame pictures.

"Suprise," he replied without really answering the question. It piqued my curiosity.

"Guesses?" I asked. It reminded me of the Russian roulette from his ride home. I'd promised myself not to do it again with him was broken last time I lost.

"Six guesses." He offers to play the little game again.

"Ok.... so... guess number 1. Is it in LA?" I watch his dancing delighted eyes. Asher loves playing games as always.

"Yes, that's one used up." He reminds me. I didn't need him to keep track, but it made it more pressure-filled with the reminder.

"Will I like it?" That caught him off guard.

"I hope so." He tilted his head and looked at me with this searching expression as if it was important that I liked it. We were having a great day I even traded him pages of my journal and thankfully didn't get bitten by it. I had minor embarrassing moments with the prom story but thankfully he didn't read it to the end. Just what happened at the actual dance. But most of the journal entries were a list of things I wanted to do and writing lyrics. Each time we traded each other's journals it was another chance to learn something.

I wrap the idea around in my mind again. It was important that I liked it. It caught my interest even more after such a fun night so far.

"Does it-" my next question was interrupted by a ring from the speakers. It cut off the 2000s music and with that ringtone, Asher's grin disappeared. The ring tone goes off again and then another time with that same dingingdo sound. Every repeat of the sound the speed of the car increases. My heart beat speeds up thumping in my chest loudly as my gut roils. Every thump was racing faster than speedometer was climbing. The mood completely changed and the beautiful night on the highway turned insidious. Asher's harsh inhalations of air. He stared harder at the road as his foot became heavier on the gas and the engine hummed.

The pleasant 65 miles an hour kept climbing and wasn't so pleasant anymore as the number climbed.

66

67

68

Thump, thump, thump.

The dingingdo sound was so fucking creepy. Almost like a happy ringtone but in that creepy clown way. Asher's teeth clinches, and his hard jaw tilted away from the loud sound.

The v8 engine roared, and my heart missed a beat.

75

76

"Asher?" I say in a calm level voice as his glittering eyes stare into the dark highway. The level of concentration to keep my voice and breathing even was immense. Always with Asher, there's an edge of something waiting. That moment we kissed in the parking lot it was in his eyes. That edge of danger and wrongness. The guarantee of meeting the baddie everyone talked about from his past. A wild rock star out of control with his brother that kept putting hit after hit on the charts. Complete with tumultuous rock hip-hop albums filled with personal stories. The absolute chaos that drew crowds to sold-out arenas. Until at least for Asher his name disappeared from those types of headlines a few years back. I realized the truth quickly. Whatever was happening right now I wasn't in the car with my Asher anymore. The person in the car racing down the I-5 highway at dangerous speeds was Asher Kells. And I didn't know if Asher Kells gave a damn about me being in this wild ride next to him. Because I wasn't a wild ride type. I was a steady sing-along music school teacher who was thoroughly in over my head.

78

80

85

89

90

"Asher," my voice rose in tone but was still calm. My eyes locked on the climbing speedometer and not the world speeding by in a blur. The world becoming so damn small as my stomach churns. His hand around mine tightens. His fast breaths slow down as he takes big huffs of air slowly in and out. He brings my hand up to his lips, and he kisses the back of my hand again. The car slows down and he takes his foot off the gas. His lips on the back of my hand didn't move as we slowed down. 80, he takes a huge breath again, 70, and finally back to 65.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Hell yeah, you shouldn't have done that. It was like he forgot I was in the car with him. What the fuck would he have done if I wasn't in the car?

"Don't do it again... you scared me," I said sinking so much into those words so he would hear it. My heart was still racing but I force my breath to remain normal. I tug my hand out of his hold but he stops it.

"Can I keep it?" He asks me. Asher pulls my hand back into his lap closer to him. I stop tugging my hand out of his hold. I was seconds from questioning more but the creepy clown ringtone hit again. And his hand tighten around mine with every ring. It interrupted again.

"Are you going to answer?" I asked. He nodded at me.

"Airy, pickup Tucker's call," he says to the dash. The Bluetooth speakers picked up the call and Tucker appears on the dash in voice call. Loud music blares behind Tucker as he pulls a random woman into the camera.

"We're waiting for you Kid," Tucker laughed with a big smirk on his face. He had the charm of a used car dealer in the middle of a midlife crisis. Tucker was younger than his brother Paulie but had that preaged look to him. It's like how some men look like teenagers with forty-year-old faces. He couldn't have been more than 35 but he looked the same age as Paulie 47. "Getting the party started you gotta catch up when you get here." Tucker was having a whole conversation about nothing. Why would anyone call and interrupt with this kind of shallow bullshit? Crap about chicks you want to bang while in front of chicks you banged. It was like one of those incel teenage dreams about what being rich and famous is like. Where women are blowup dolls instead of real live people. He just kept driving down the road with a grim stare into the dark night. All the stars I love to see in Asher's eyes couldn't be found and what greeted me when I looked in was darkness.

The bright headlights zoom down the highway reflecting the blacktop with a yellow dash divider line. Thankfully, this time we stayed at a steady speed of 65. Tucker's talking became louder as he kissed one of the girls on the camera. If he did a conga line of women at this point, I wouldn't be surprised. The camera's little frame only showed Asher I doubt that Tucker even knew I was in the car with him. Asher pulled into a rest stop that overlooked a huge pasture. The muscle car's headlights bounced off the eyes of the cows. They moved at us probably mad about waking them up from their sleep. Asher leans over and kissed my cheek. He picks up his phone and takes it off the Bluetooth speakers. Asher's heavy feet walk to the side without a word to me other than flashing a hand signal for fifteen minutes.

I was left in the car with one of the reddest flaggy moments ever. If I was honest with myself I was still scared. I think I was scared of whatever that was from the second I saw it in the parking lot. It wasn't like he tried to sell himself as Mr. Nice Guy. But damn, Asher Kells... the man's got demons. I was frustrated and walking to the back of the car was the only solution. I had to fill my mind with something other than that. Popping the truck and taking out my grandmother's guitar brought the normal warmth to me I needed. Cleaning the guitar before the Hollywood Bowl Gig was one of the things I wanted to do in the car but I got distracted. I'd rather not have it half clean and it be weird. I was in the process of doing everything I could to ignore the conversation going on a few feet away from me. But it was pretty much nearly impossible.

"Paulie wants to make a new deal. He......... he wants more Kid. Sorry." Tucker said over the video call. The way he said he was sorry had a sliminess to it that I couldn't put my finger on.

"I was the highest bidder so far on my masters. They are my albums. And the deal was I do the TV show with Paulie as an executive producer then he excepts my highest bid. It's your job to make sure I get those fucking masters." Asher said harshly over the phone to Tucker. "I stayed with the record label and this... "

I plugged in my headphones as soon as I got back into the car. Washing my grandma's guitar as I watched the heated conversation.

I was reminded again how it always feels like there are so many different Ashers. How some Ashers I liked more than others. But my least favorite Asher was any time he was around Paulie or Tucker. Because that Asher lost all his stars.

A/n: yeah we are still in the parts sections. :) thanks for reading.