Dedicated to Kuro_Inori  because I stole your insult. (You'll know it when you read it.)

Waking up is not like how it's shown in movies.

How I would love to say :

I stretched my arms wide as I neatly removed the blanket from me with a smile on my face and hear the freaking birds chirping 'good morning' and get a darn phone call from Mickey Mouse.

But nooo.

I woke up feeling like a piece of garbage as I fell off the bed on the hard marble floor. Just then, my alarm rang and I threw it across the room because I couldn't find the switch.

After I was done giving the floor a hug (hey, I never fall), I decided to check the time as I brushed my teeth.

6:30. My eyes widened. I'm late.

No, not for school - it's a Saturday. I was late for my morning workout.

I rushed to my closet, picked up a random shirt that said: "TOO SWOLE FOR LIFE." I shoved it on and wore my shorts as I was running downstairs. I put on my Nikes and took the house key. 

I glanced down at my phone - 6:40. I'm back on track now so I took my time walking.

"Hi, Ridge." I greeted as I entered and started off with the warm-ups.

—1 hour later—

I peeled off my shirt and squeezed the sweat out of it. Gross, I know. But I have a spare in my bag.

Alex came up to me and gave me a fist bump.

"You coming for the skate competition, Chad?" He asked.

I remembered the poster I saw yesterday.

"Sure, when is it again?"

"In two days. And bring that Fred friend of yours."

"It's Brad, and he's not my friend," I said. "He's like my brother from another mother." I sarcastically added but didn't quite catch that.

"Cool, then I'll see you around?"

"See ya." I returned his bro hug.

Bro rule 1# never deny a bro hug.

I made my way to the showers and freshened up.

•••

I switched on Tom and Jerry in my room as I plopped down on my beanbag and munched on chips. My arms were aching and my legs had run a marathon. My stomach was not in a great condition either.

In other words – I was tired and hungry.

My phone beeped and I saw that Brad texted me.

Brad: Are you ready to lose in the skate competition, stink head?

Me: I'm sorry. Wrong number. I think you were trying to text Brad?

Brad: very funny, Chad. So, are you going to lose day after? Or will you just bow down to my awesomeness now?

Me: I'd like to see you lose in two days, thank you very much.

Brad: your brain must feel brand new because you've never used it. I'm winning. Get it through your head.

Me: the fib that you'd win went straight through my head. I don't believe in sh*t.

Brad: I shouldn't talk to idiots. People may not know the difference.

Now, his insults were getting sloppier.

Me: The garbage man is out of the window. He says he wants all the trash so you can go jump out.

Brad: And visit your house again? No, thanks.

Me: Again? So you do admit that you've been kicked inside a garbage bin.

My brain: can't think of a comeback? Find the mistakes in his insults and ignore the actual insult. Works like a charm.

"Chad!" My mom called from downstairs. Then she texted me.

"Ron is at the door."

My mood perked up and I went downstairs.

"'Sup Ron." I greeted.

"I am absolutely bored. You want to skate around?" He asked with his skateboard in his hand.

"Sure," I said as I grabbed my skateboard. "Bye, mom!" I yelled as I slammed the door shut, probably waking up the whole house.

What? It's 8:00 already, they better be up.

— • — • —
"- and you actually said that?!" I asked, incredulously as I laughed my head off, clutching my stomach as I almost fell off my board.

He made these loud grunting noises as he let out a laugh which made me laugh even harder. Ron has that hippo laugh I mentioned earlier, but this hippo is a good one. It's not annoying.

Once I sobered up, I glanced up at his face and we burst out again.

This is how my sense of humor goes:

Stage1: Stupid, nerdy jokes only some old teachers would laugh at.

Stage 2: jokes that are actually funny.

Stage 3: COMPLETELY CRAZY INSIDE JOKES THAT ONLY YOUR BEST FRIEND CAN UNDERSTAND.

Yes, I'm in stage 3 right now.

Once we sobered up, he asked, "Did you hear about the skate competition?"

Why is everyone talking about that?

"Yeah. You coming?"

"Yep."

•••
It was 11:30 when we got into our car to go to that lunch.

I plugged my earphones in as I tuned out everybody in the car.

I look out of the window the whole ride as if I was in a music video and when we pulled up, I heard my dad say, "–and that, kids, is why the chicken came before the egg."

Thank god I brought my music along.

We rang the doorbell and it was opened sooner than I thought.

Guess who opened it?

Brad Joseph Bond.

It's my natural instinct to slap off bugs and insects, but I behaved myself.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Parker. Hello, Mr. Parker." He said flashing his smile.
"Do come in." He continued making faces at me as my parents walked in first.

As I walked in, I stopped next to his ear to whisper, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Whatever your doing here." He said. Clearly, he hated this as much as I did.

"I'm here to kill this annoying guy called Brad."

"So you were expecting to see me here, huh?" He raised his eyebrow challengingly.

One day, I shall paint his eyebrows in pink.

"Well, actually I –"

"Boys! You know each other?" Mrs. Bond startled us, making our heads bang against each other.

Well, thank you for interrupting my awesome comeback.

I rubbed my head with one hand as I put the other over Brad's shoulder and said, "Of course. He's like my brother!" I plastered a fake smile while squeezing Brad's arm. Tightly.

"Right, best buddies!" He grinned, playing along as he 'pat' my back.

Darn, he hits hard.

• • • • •
I focused on eating rather than chopping Brad's head off. That guy is talented. Seriously. He can piss you off just by existing.

But, really - doing that is very difficult.

I could see knives, forks, red ketchup - which would look like his blood. Everything on the table tempted me to slice off his face.

But, I being the great Kung Fu Panda, resisted the urge and ignored the evil thoughts in my mind.

I didn't even realize how fast I ate until my lunch was over. I looked up to see everyone has almost finished. I politely waited for them.

"Thank you so much for the excellent lunch, Mrs. Bond," I said, getting up.

"The name's Jenney. Jenny Bond." She said. She didn't even do it right.

"Thanks, Jenney." I grinned.

"Brad, why don't you take Chad to your room?"

Great.

"Sure, mom." He chirped, giving her a hug.

Ugh, mama's boy.

Conscience: You big hypocrite - you

Thanks a lot, conscience, I thought you were on my side.

- I am on your side, that's why I told you that.

You're such a goody two shoes.

- look who's thinking, Chad.

Why am I still thinking? Stop talking to me, conscience.

Hmm... I should really name my conscience.

Let's name him Billy.

Me: Get lost, Billy

Billy: Geez, okay. Okay.

I followed him up to his room and made myself comfortable on his bed.

Hey, I've got to get on his nerves.

"Get off my bed. I don't want to catch the disease named Chad."

"It's not a disease, stupid. It would help you fix your brain. I mean – if you have one."

And after five minutes, he says, "You're giving my bed a dent." I raised my eyebrow.

He continued, "You're fat. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too."

Right now, I was beyond pissed. And I can't think straight when I'm in a bad mood.

"I'll eat your head off if you don't shut up. And how long have you been waiting to use that?" He kept quiet and we just sat there for half an hour, both in our own gadgets.

"FLY STUPID BIRD!" I yelled in frustration as I looked at the mocking bird (pun unintended) on my phone.

Somehow, Brad found this funny.

"Give it here." He stretched his hand out. I sighed in defeat and handed it to him.

He started laughing so hard when he saw my score. "Three? That's your best?"

I rolled my eyes.

He started playing the game and after what seemed like ten minutes, he gave it back.

I almost fell off the bed.

"Two hundred and sixty-four?!!" What is this guy, a freaking bird trainer?

"That's not really my best." He shrugged.

He shrugged.

Does anyone know how difficult that game is? It's the Flappy Bird. How can you just casually score 264 without losing your temper over that annoying bird that would rather die than let you win! (There is no winning, but you get the point) And even after he played, he looked as calm as the sea.

Can I throw a brick at his face? A one that's dipped in acid?

I texted my mom, 'When on earth are we leaving this place?'

Mom: Don't be rude. Talk to your friend. I'm busy.

I got an alert that my battery you are low.

"Hello, Brad," I said, trying to start a civilized conversation.

Keyword being tried.

"I'm bored. You're boring." He said flatly.

"No, I'm Chad. Hi, Bored!" Yay, this was getting somewhere. I can finally annoy him.

"I'm serious, dude. Do you want to –"

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" I sang.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens to me when I'm bored.

Mickey Mouse takes control over my brain.

"–watch a movie?"

"As long as it's not Barbie and the princess factory, okay."

Wow, look at us - we're not killing each other!

We started watching this "scary" movie Anabelle but I kept cracking jokes and randomly screaming just to piss off Brad.

I know, scary movies in the day? What are you, baby chickens?

Not really. We had the lights off and the blinds down so it was pretty dark.

When the credits were going on, I made this creepy noise just to scare him. But he just laughed and made those noises with me.

Instead of getting scared, we actually cracked jokes on every dialogue and how funny Anabelle looks.

• • • • •

"Thank you, Jenney. Thank you, Mr. Bond. I really enjoyed this day." I said as I shook their hands.

Surprisingly, there was a bit of truth in my words.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Authors note:

Hey, everyone! This chapter was kind of sloppy because I was really sick when I wrote this. BUT, my sick fingers and bipolar brain did their best and came up with these 1893 words.

Hope you enjoyed this!