Carissa

He's sitting at the end of the row that he usually sits in, the next day. I'm back in my regular seat. The lecture seems to go on and on that class. We have an exam the end of the next week, so Dr. King is mostly discussing that. I'm trying hard to pay attention and take notes. But Jameson is distracting me. I mean, he's not doing anything. He's not even looking at me, that I know of. But I know he's there and I can't focus.

   I have to walk past him to leave, so I figure I'll just say hi. But he barely looks up at me.

   "Hey," I say quietly.

   He looks at me, finally, and there's a surprised look on his face. "Oh. Hi."

   "I just wanted to... I'm... are you settling in okay?" Awkward. "I'm Carissa."

   He looks confused. "Oh yeah. I'm okay."

   He doesn't seem interested in me at all. Five days ago he was, wasn't he? Or was I making that up? Maybe I was reading way too much into this.

   "Oh good. Okay..." I look away and try to figure out an escape plan.

  "Sorry. I'm distracted. My mom called this morning and I just..." He stops talking and it feels like he said too much.

   I want to ask him about this but I just nod. "I'm heading to the lab."

   "Can I walk you?" he asks, suddenly changing his attitude.

   "Yeah," I agree, because that was what I was hoping for.

   This time we walk the whole way to my lab building besides each other, but not talking. Our arms brush against one another a few times. I know this is not much, but it's something. And I initiated it.

   "See you later?" I suggest, when we stop outside of the building I have to go into. We don't have another class together, so I likely won't see him later. It's Friday, so I won't see him again until Monday.

   "When's your break?" he wants to know suddenly.

   I swallow hard. "1:20"

   He looks around and then I see him smile. "Meet me here at 1:30?"

   "Here?"

   "There." He points to a bench just outside my lab.

   "Okay," I tell him, before I change my mind.

   "Okay," he repeats.

   That day changes everything. Jameson and I become friends fast, after that day. He's there, on that bench, at 1:30P.M. every day. We sit and eat and talk. He tells me that he transferred from Tampa but his is from Pensacola, originally. I tell him I've always lived here. Eating lunch together turns into sitting together in our class that we share. And then it turns into studying together in the library, during our spare. He makes me feel comfortable in a way I haven't felt in a long time.

   After two weeks I can't imagine not knowing him. It's crazy, but I haven't told anyone about him. Not my mom. Not Dana. He's like my little secret, but I want more. He's hard to read so I have no idea if he wants anything else from me, besides the sort-of friendship we have started.

   At home, I'm the same. I babysitting Jeremy on Thursdays. I go to work at the corner store on Friday and Saturday. I spent Sunday at home, in my pajamas and eat junk food while doing home work or studying. My parents don't think anything is different, nor does Dana. But at school, I' like a new person.

   The third week after Jameson and I meet, it's early November, and things change again. We're sitting together on our bench. I have a peanut butter sandwich and I'm wearing capris, which was a bad idea. It's a chilly November day. I wrap my sweater around myself, but I'm still shaking.

   "You're cold?" he asks me.

   "Yeah. Not sure why I didn't think real pants were a good idea today," I tell him, then shrug.

   He smiles but I see him looking at my legs suddenly. His face changes, like he's realizing something. I go back to my sandwich but he starts unzipping his hoodie and pulls it off. As he places it against my lap, it fall down over my legs. It feels good. Warm. It was such a simple gesture but to me, it's everything.

   "Thanks, but... now you're in a t-shirt," I say, and then laugh.

   He grins. "I'm fine. It's Florida."

   I take the last couple of bites and wipe my mouth with the napkin I packed and then look at him. He was eating an apple but has finished it and tosses the core into the nearby can. As he sits back down beside me, he's looking at me carefully. I want to know what he's thinking, and I don't have to wait long.

   "Let me know if this is too personal... but I see the scars on your leg -"

   No. Damn it. I should have worn pants. I don't want him to know about my scars. I have more emotional ones than physical, honestly, but still. I should have made sure he didn't find out. I should have been more careful. I got to comfortable. I let my guard down.

   "Oh. I..."

   "It's fine. Never mind." He looks embarrassed for bringing it up.

    I swallow hard, looking away from him. But suddenly a part of me wants to tell him. It's just this one thing. I don't need to give him any details. "I was in an accident."
He doesn't look surprised, which is weird. Did he already know? "When?" he asks, his voice quiet.

   "I was sixteen," I say, which basically tells him when, because we recently told each other our ages. He's a year older than me.

   Jameson thinks about this for a second and then nods. "I'm sorry. You're okay now?"

   No. Not really.

   "Yeah, generally." I force a smile.

   "Good." He nods again. "Shit. We have to go."

   I glance at my watch. Yes. We are late for our next classes. "Oh shit. " I repeat. "Here."

   He takes the hoodie that I'm holding out and slips it back on. I watch as his gaze returns to me.

   "See you tomorrow?" he asks, like he usually does

   I nod and force a smile. Something happened there between us but I have no idea what it is. I am pretty sure I like it, though.

*

"Ready or not, here I come!" Jeremy yells, from somewhere in the house.

    It's Thursday and I'm hiding in the laundry room, off the kitchen of their house. It's my fourth week babysitting and I'm finding myself looking forward to these three hours each week. Last week, Grace ordered pizza and Jeremy and I had a movie night. He wanted me to watch his favourite movie, Toy Story 3. I didn't tell him I've seen it a hundred times. It's was one of my favourites, too.

   He was apparently sick yesterday and stayed home from school today. Grace said he slept most of the day and now he's obviously feeling better. And he's hyper. So we are playing Hide and Seek to burn off some energy.

   I hold my breath as I hear his feet walk past the door I'm hiding behind.

   "Riss! I looked everywhere!" he yells, his voice a bit further away.

   He's been looking for maybe three minutes. It's been a long time since I've played hide and seek and I don't know the rules that well. But I keep hiding anyway.

   A few minutes later his voice is further away, again. "Riss! Where are you?"

   Oops. I scared him. Pushing open the door, I step into the room and start walking towards the kitchen. My bad leg is weak and sore tonight, but I push through to find him.

   "Hey. It's okay. I'm here," I say, as I see him in the kitchen, sitting on a chair.

   "Oh! You're good at hiding," he tells me.

    "Your turn?" I ask him and his face changes to a big smile.

   The rest of our evening goes quick, like it usually does. Jeremy's still wide away because he napped all day, but at least he's in his pajamas when Grace gets home. He's sitting on the couch with a cartoon on the TV when I wave goodbye to him. He blows a kiss and turns his attention back to the TV.

   "Thanks, Carissa," Grace says to me, at the door as I leave.

   "Of course, we always have fun," I tell her.

   She hands me cash and I say I'll see her next week, before I walk down the path and towards the sidewalk.