To be honest, we could have taken the quads. Arthur could have ridden on mine- it would have been quicker, but I couldn't resist temptation. To be riding across the moors, on a quest where we were most likely all going to die, making camp underneath the open sky. I can almost believe that nothing had changed, that the years had taken nothing at all.

It will take about a day to ride to the cave where the silence dwells, but I am unashamedly eager to draw out our journey. The first night, we only travel around 30 miles before the descending shadows force us to make camp. I try to keep watch, but Alaric insists, his endless courage restored. I made him promise to wake me though, before falling into a dreamless sleep.

I wake at the first crack of dawn, mostly from habit. The first thing I register is anger. I get to my feet, glancing around as I do for Alaric. I see him, sitting, still alert, by the spring.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I hiss, as not to wake Arthur.

The infuriating werewolf glances up; cracks a grin.

"Morning, Em!" He calls cheerfully. I cannot help but feel like Gaius as I stand before him, arms crossed over my chest, one eyebrow raised.

Indifferent to my frustration, Alaric tosses me a breakfast bar and a smile, stretching as he does.

"Oops. Think I forgot."

"Idiot." I say, my annoyance fading as I sit beside him. "How'r you doing?" The question is tentative, and he knows it is more than an offhand enquiry about his health. He sighs.

"Considering in the space of 24 hours, my best friend has showed up with a not dead body, discovered the freaking listener, announced that he's actually Merlin- you know, bloody Merlin, before revealing the tag-along is actually Arthur freaking Pendragon, nearly burnt my entire hand off, before dragging us off on an adventure to lose our souls on horseback- seriously man, what is with the horses?- and hunt some demon spawn? Yeah. I'm just dandy."

I breathe out, half a laugh, half a cry. "I'm sorry, Alaric, I really am. I should have told you, I know. But I- I..." I try to find words for the emotion roiling within, some way to express the weight bearing down on my back, but there no words. "I'm just... sorry." I trail off lamely.

Alaric gives me a chastising shake of his head, as if I'd just just said the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. I pull my knees up to my chest, guilt tearing at me, and bracing myself for Alaric's departure. All the words, all the explanations I can provide, they're not enough. They would never be enough.

"Em, you idiot." He says softly. My eyes snap up to meet his, confusion making it hard to think. "Do you remember, hmm, when was it... 1700's, I think, when we'd known each other a century or so, during our tirade against the Easy India Trading Company: I saved your life. You saved mine. Twice, I think. Then, with Jack and Nickolai we did make that vow. Do you remember, Em?" His voice slips lower, into the quietest murmur. "A brothers blood is my own, as are their failures and their joys. And as yet others fade into the night, we few shall endure. We band of brothers. For he who sheds his blood with me today..."

"Shall be as my brother." I finish softly, quickly wiping the solitary tear from my cheek. He gives me gentle punch on the arm, letting out a soft laugh as he does.

"And back in 1812, when, you know, you started a bloody war-"

"Why must you always bring that up?"

"I fought with you there, not even knowing the reason you're such a stubborn prick... and I fight with you here. No questions asked, brother mine. No questions asked." I get to my feet, my smile wobbling only slightly.

"Well then." I say. "I do believe we have some demon spawn to hunt."

There is something sharp in Alaric grin. "Hell yeah we do."

~~~~~~

I go to wake up Arthur, who still lies dead to the world against his pack. His face is soft, his mouth hanging open just slightly; so innocent; so peaceful. I cannot help but marvel as I glance between the two. Arthur and Alaric. Alaric and Arthur. What on earth did I do to deserve them?

"Rise and Shi-i-ine, sire!" I sing, straight into Arthur's ear. His blurry eyes flutter open, landing on my face, an inch from his. He yelps and jerks away from me, but I have already stood up, laughing as I do. He places his hand on his chest, as if to calm his heart rate, and glares at me.

"I would have opened your curtains in a big dramatic gesture, but unfortunately Dartmoor is all out of those, so just pretend I opened your curtains, alright? Time to get up."

He groans into his pack, muttering incomprehensibly. I lean a little closer. "What was that sire?"

"It's too early for your drivel." He mumbles, burying his head against his make shift pillow.

I grin, happiness buzzing like caffeine through my veins.

"Ah, it's never too early, or too late for drivel. I am an equal opportunistic driveller. C'moooon. Evil monsters to hunt! People's lives to save! Titles to reclaim!" At that, Arthur lets out an animalistic grunt, and lumbers to his feet- his hair is a bird's nest, and there is mud plastered across his cheekbone where it has been pressed into the dirt. I suppress my smile, but point towards the relative privacy of the spring.

"You can wash off in there."

"Urugh." He grunts, then pushes past me.

"Charming as ever!" I call out after him, not expecting an answer. Arthur doesn't disappoint, but I still can't wipe the grin from my face. Me and Alaric clear up all traces of our passage, munching on tracker bars as we do.

"Where exactly are we going?" Alaric asks, stomping out the last sparks of the fire.

"Um... big cave. That way." I gesture vaguely southwards with my free hand, then saddle my horse.

"Come on Arthur!" I call, pulling myself into position.

"Ugh this is so weird." He mutters, emerging from the bushes. I frown- it is the exact opposite. For once everything is as it should be, perfectly in place. I have my family- my brothers, filling in the pieces of my heart that were taken by Gwaine; Gwen; Robin; Little John; Viola; Jack; Nickolai, and more. So many more. Each life I've outlasted, each life I've taken, all those I have loved and all those I have lost, finally set at rest within me.

"It's not weird. It's brilliant." I tell Arthur as he swings himself up behind me.

"That's the point."

"Alright. Explain that."

He shrugs, looking out across the moor, and watching Alaric climb onto his mount. "Just weird. You, looking like Gwaine at last call. You, being on time to set off. You, being eager to hunt stuff. Normally, you hate killing anything."

I turn his words over in my head, then shrug myself. "Well, anything isn't usual a soul consuming monster. I reserve the right to not cry over its body. And to be honest..." I hesitate, knowing the teasing about to commence. "I do feel good... better than I've done in a very long time. I feel... whole." I glance up fearfully, but Arthur only nods, biting his lip.

He throws me a distracted smile, then looks around.

"Aren't we meant to be going somewhere?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah." I fumble for my reins, but Arthur is already setting off at a fast trot. Me and Alaric catch up, and we ride side by side for hours, into the late hours of the afternoon. As we ride, we talk; mainly Arthur and I retelling our various escapades to an incredulous Alaric.

"And how did he not realize that she was a troll?"

"Tranesvel enchantment."

"Ah, of course."

By about half four, we reach the cave: partially built into the hill side. We stop a half mile away, to case it and sort out our attack plan. We throw up a make do camp behind a ridge, about four feet high, providing good cover.

"Well." I say, sitting down. "Any ideas?" Arthur, caught off guard, raises his eyebrows.

"Why is my job?"

"Because you are obviously the 'battle hardened warrior, and you trained for twenty years, as you are so fond of telling me."

"You've had a thousand!" He hisses, looking at me through panicked eyes.

"I haven't trained for a millennia! For some reason, I've had better things to do!"

"How's it my fault if you've sat around for your whole life?"

"I have not sat arou-"

"Girls, girls." Alaric interrupts, shoving me playfully with one hand. "Shut up. We have a soul destroying monster to kill, and you're really not helping."

Me and Arthur both pull a face at the same time, then catch each other and grin reluctantly.

"So commander Tsraeyal." I say to Alaric. "What do we know?"

"Alright then, Em. So this this has one main bit of mass, which physically can't move, surrounded by this kind of storm of darkness, as the book put it, though that's probably exaggeration. We kill the bit that can't move, and the rest of it dies. It's connected- a bit like satellites, to the other silences. We kill it- the entire network goes down. Its 'storm of darkness' has lots of tendril things which reach out, spreading across the country as it grows in strength. It plucks its victims at random, like that guy you found. So if you see a vision, ignore it, kill the monster, and we all go home and have a cuppa. Capeshe?"

"Sounds good. Can we get this over with?"

"But-" I start, just wanting to delay.

"Merlin." Arthur says, placing both hands on my shoulders and forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Yeah?" I say slowly, expecting a pep talk.

"Will you man up?"

I knock his hands away from me, then shoot him a glare.

"I'll work on it, sire." I put as much sarcasm as possible into that one word, then stand abruptly, causing them to quickly follow.

We ride to the cave in tense silence, before dismounting a few metres away from the entrance. Ignoring the fact that the monster didn't have any senses, we crept forward. I frown as Arthur joins us.

"Hang on!" I hiss. "You... guard the horses or something!"

"Me? Merlin, you might not have noticed, but you're not exactly a fighting machine."

"Yes, but I can't actually die. There are perks from being unable to stuff it."

"But... Can you become... a lost one?"

I pause to consider this, then let out an impressed hum.

"I don't actually know. Probably."

Arthur folds his arms across his chest. "Well if you're going in, I'm not going to sit back and watch!"

"Arthur." I say, knowing exactly how brutal I'm going to have to be. "If you go in there, and lose yourself, you lose Gwen too. You can't go back to Avalon- you won't ever die. You'd never see Gwen, Leon, Gwaine, ever again."

Arthur swallows, looking a little sickened by this knowledge, but stubborn none the less.

"Are you going in?"

I nod.

"Then I am too." I push back the terror fighting to consume me, then stretch out a hand. An unconscious and angry Arthur is better than a lost Arthur. His eyes widen in horror as I begin to mouth the spell, and his hand flashes up to clamp onto my wrist with bone-breaking strength.

"Merlin." He hisses. "If you knock me out, and face that thing without me, I will never forgive you." My heart twists in my chest, but I continue speaking the spell anyway. He stares at me, his eyes full of betrayal and helpless rage. As I look at him, I suddenly can't take it. My voice trails off, and my arm falls limply to my side.

"Thank you." He says sarcastically, releasing his hold on my wrist. "And know, if you ever try to do that again, I will feed you to my dogs."

"What dogs?" I reply numbly. "You don't own any dogs."

"Then I will gut you in your sleep!" That said, he yanks Excalibur from its sheath, then stalks into the cave. I hurry after him, Alaric following just behind.

"A thousand years?" He mutters, as we pass through stone corridors and twisting paths. I ignite a sphere and hold it up to light our way, chasing the shadows back into their corners.

"I know what it seems. But he's just angry." Alaric shrugs, conceding it's none of his business. As a unit of three, we reach an chamber hewn straight from the rock, about half a football pitch long. It is fairly dark, the only illumination coming from the fires burning in the touches set at regular intervals along the wall, and the globe held in my upraised palm. It is a ragged circle, with ours the only recognisable exit, and a ceiling the height of a cathedral. But right now, none of that matters. All our attention is focused on the bubbling, seething creature in the centre of the room.

About my height, it has no body, no distinguishable figure, just a wriggling knot of darkness. In the very centre, you can see nothing at all, just a gaping abyss. Around it, you can vaguely see the light from the torches reaching through the accumulation of reaching tendrils of darkness. They lurch forwards like tongues of flame, flicking and swirling, beckoning me closer. My feet respond before I can stop them. Maybe they can release me from this life. No more hurt. No more losing people. I stretch a hand longingly towards the creature, desire surging through me, as I shuffle forward.

"Merlin!!!" Arthur's scream breaks me from my trance, jerking me back to reality. I glance at my hand in horror. What was I doing?

I force my attention back to where Alaric and Arthur are fighting the creature, while I've been here completely spaced out. Snapping into action, I launch a fireball the size of my head at the creature, expecting it to crumple into ash. Instead, the darkness billows around the inferno, drawing it into its depths. My eyes widen as the blaze explodes outwards from the creature, the fireball rocketing straight towards me. I throw myself to the side, and the conflagration passes over me, trailing a line of fire across my left hip. Alaric has his claws out, and is playing cat and mouse on one side, trying to get close enough to strike at the heart of the thing.

Arthur is battling away on the other side, slashing with Excalibur, yet the blade passes through the blackness as if it is as insubstantial as smoke. It is all he can do to keep dodging the flailing whips. Every few seconds, one of the two gets this far away look in their eyes, a distant smile finding its way onto their faces. They snap out of it, much quicker than I did, propelled into reality by the battle around them.

I help as much as I can, trying out various spells on the creature; some of which I am forced to dodge. It is then it happens. I send an arncae curse towards it, hoping for some effect, preferably incineration. It reels from the spell, seeming to turn towards me. It is then that Arthur skilfully sidesteps one lashing tendril, slashes through another, and plunges his blade, directly into the creatures heart.

There is a moment of complete and utter silence, as if none of us can believe it. Then hell descends. Every scrap of darkness is pulled inward. The smoke is dragged towards the heart, like blood through a man's body, as if to preserve itself. For a single moment, we see the creature in its pure form- complete darkness, no sign of light or goodness. I understand that old saying then, as I stare into the abyss, and the abyss stares back at me.

Within one heartbeat and the next, the thing vanishes, and from the echoing screams in my head, I knew the other silences just went the same way. Just gone, with no sign it existed at all.

Arthur and I look at each, blank astonishment on our faces.

"Is that it?" Alaric asks, surprised.

I shrug, a little uneasily. "I...guess."

We stand in silence for a few seconds, unable to quite believe it. Arthur suggests we head back to the surface, not liking the reticence enveloping the place. We readily agree, and wind our way back the way we came, already anticipating the clean air.

What greets us at the surface takes my breath away. The White Goddess, in all her glory, stood in a world of white, waiting to welcome us home.

Wordlessly, she extends a hand to Arthur. Clearly confused, he glances around at me for reassurance. I swallow. Arthur's leaving me. His task complete, he needs to return to Avalon, to the people who need him. It is a thousand mangled barbs twisting within me, but is also necessary. Pain pulses through me, but I nod.

Arthur takes the offered hand, and rises to look at me from beside the goddess. And stands there for a moment, utterly bewildered. Aren't they meant to disappear now? I think But instead, the white goddess gestures for me to join them in this white wonderland.

"I can... go to Avalon?" I ask in a choked voice. She nods, and gestures again to the spot beside her.

Elation courses through me, and I turn to Alaric. "I'll see you in a few years, alright?"

He laughs, as if mocking my stupidity. "I've lived a long life, Em. A very long life."

I smile, and together we jump up beside the goddess. A white mist tumbles around us, but all I am conscious of its the pressure of Alaric's arm on my wrist, and the smile on Arthur's face meant only for me.

~~~~~~

It is everything I hoped it would be. It's Camelot. It's home. But within its walls are everyone I have lost. Alaric and Robin have become knights, as have Little John and Jack. Nickolai has turned to cooking, of all things. Viola is a lady of the castle, and there are others fitting so naturally into my old life. Gwen is queen, and I still serve Arthur, but he knows who I am now. Daniel is a stable hand and Frances is a blacksmith.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember Daniel's soul was consumed by a sriptres- a monster of the old religion- in the early 13th century, and he can't be here, but I don't dwell on it. Everything's perfect now.

I still visit my mother and father- they have been reunited, and have moved into the lower town. It is Freya I am happiest to see- we run to each other, clutch each other tight, as if we'll never let go.

Everything's perfect. So why does it feel so wrong? There is this constant itching in the back of my skull, this persistent feeling that it is all about to come crashing down. Nonsense, I tell myself. Everything's perfect now. Everything's perfect. Too perfect. A voice whispers. I push it aside. I know what Arthur would say. Are you ever happy? He'd laugh. Everything's perfect. Don't worry.

My fears appeased, I relax, settling into my routine. Serving Arthur, spending my time with Freya, with Arthur and Gwen- they have a child in the way- and Morgana. Morgana? I question, fear cutting through my hazy utopia.

Yes, I tell myself. She's a good person. After I helped her control her magic, combining our gifts, we defeated Mordred in the final war. The thought flows seamlessly, and I relax. Of course she's a good person. How could she be anything else?

Days bleed into each other, each filled with bliss, contentment, and a dutiful ignoring of that voice, now screaming in the darkest recesses of my mind. Everything's perfect.

One day- I don't remember when, I vaguely recall meeting someone. They had a mutated face, twisted by a thousand mirrors; a grotesque parody of the white goddesses grace.

I remember politely introducing myself, then everything comes into perfect clarity. The humanoid has Arthur's eyes then- that burning shade of azure. I start, but he is speaking already, with my father's voice.

"Wake up, Emrys." It says quietly. "Wake up." His voice draws me, an irresistible force tugging me upwards. In the distant, there is a faint glare, seeming to pull me from the depths. Perplexed, I let myself be dragged towards the light, entranced by the soft beauty of it. I reach out a tentative finger, then gently press a finger to the source- an orb radiating what seems like pure sunlight.

I gasp as life floods back into my limbs, a drowning man breaching the surface, as I jerk back to consciousness. I glance wildly around, taking in the scene with horror filled eyes. I lie on my back, in the cave. Arthur lies motionless opposite me, and Alaric is still on the other side of the chamber, blood trickling across his forehead. But between us is a beast, a vortex of pure darkness surrounded by a hurricane of black fire, tongues of flame snapping and cracking like whips. It looms over Alaric, so utterly defenceless, and although it has features, no body, I could have sworn that it smiled.

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The oath thing I nicked from a Pinterest thing, so credit to whoever made the edit.