"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench fire of love with a fruity drink." — Unknown

The next morning I decided it was time to take the next step with Drax. We were making casual conversation over our cubicles and, per usual, he was clenching his Wendy's drink with both hands. I put my hands on top of his; they were as cold as ever.

"I'm ready," I said.

"Ready?" he asked. "For what?"

"To join you and quench my thirst."

"You want a sip of my drink? Are you thirsty?"

"Yes," I said. "I have a thirst for a new life. With you."

He offered me his drink and I took a sip. It tasted of strawberry and watermelon. I was surprised by how good it was. It was not what I expected. I stood there a moment and looked into his eyes.

"So when does it happen?" I asked.

"When does what happen?" he asked.

"When do I turn? When do you and I spend the rest of our lives together? Forever."

"I'm confused," he said.

"Don't be," I said.

I took another drink from his Wendy's cup. I must not have drunk enough before, but with this last drink, I knew I had officially crossed over into a new world. And I was ready.

I stared at him for several minutes and felt nothing. Not an ache, a twinge or even a tickle. Nothing.

"OK, seriously," I said. "What am I doing wrong?"

"I feel like you and I are not on the same page," he said.

Geez, enough with the innuendo. I had to be blatant with this guy.

"Look, it's obvious. You're a vampire. And the drink gives you your power. You dress it up with the Wendy's cup, but I know what it really is."

He looked as confused as someone can look with sunglasses on.

"I'm a vampire?" he asked.

"Yes, I know," I said, finally feeling like we were making a breakthrough.

"Why do you think I'm a vampire?" he asked.

"Well, for one, your name is Drax. Seriously, who has a name like that unless they're a vampire?"

"It was my great-great-grandfather's name. He was beloved, so my parents gave me his name."

Strike one.

"OK. But what about your pale, cold skin?" I asked.

"My skin is very sensitive to ultraviolet light," he said. "I will break out in a rash if I am exposed to it too much, so I avoid the sun at all costs. And I have an irregular thyroid, which makes my skin cold. I've had it most of my life."

Strike two.

"Well, what about your sunglasses? You wear those inside all the time," I said.

"I suffer from photophobia. My eyes are very sensitive to any kind of light, but especially fluorescent lights, which this office is full of."

I was clearly losing this, but I still had the question about the drink.

"But what about the drink?" I asked. "You seem dependent on it."

He paused for what seemed like an eternity. Bingo, I had finally gotten somewhere.

"It's Wendy's Strawberry Watermelon Fruit Tea," he said. "I really can't get enough of it. It's all natural flavors. It's sweet, but not too sweet."

I felt betrayed. Betrayed by my feelings. There I stood, opposite a man whom I clearly didn't know, my hands on his cold hands. I didn't know what to say, but rather than say nothing, I said "You're right, Drax. This Strawberry Watermelon Fruit Tea is sweet, but not too sweet."