Hannah

Seb knocks on the pool house door, two mornings later. It's Saturday and it's early, so I'm still in my pajamas, but I cross the room and let him in before I notice that he's not alone. Cannon is behind him. He's wearing shorts and a tank top and his hair is that same messy, wavy mop. He looks a bit awkward as he comes in and avoids eye contact with me. I haven't seen or heard from him since we made out pretty heavily on the beach, after I talked to my mom. I don't know what I expect from him. He doesn't have my phone number, but he knows where I live. I kissed him and then he kissed me and then he left, just like that.

  I've been feeling all sorts of things over the last two days, but I've kept it all to myself. Talking to my mom. Kissing Cannon. I don't like holding onto secrets. It feels very wrong.

  "I found you a job," Seb tells me proudly, keeping his eyes on me as he crosses into the pool house and sits down on the wicker couch.

  "Really?" I ask back.

  "Yup. My boy Cannon here works at the bike shop, down the road. It's next to the Insta Quick Shop, which is also owned by the people who own the bike shop. And that man was our high school mechanics teacher, Mr. Colson, and his wife. Anyway-"

  "Hey," Cannon interrupts Seb, finally looking at me.

  I smile at him but then wonder if I'm being too easy. "Hi."

  "Mr. Colson said there's an opening for day time cashier at the Quick Shop. It's like 6am start, if you can handle that," Seb goes on, ignoring the fact that Cannon and I are having a moment.

  "Uh, yeah. I could -"

  "Cool. Well, Cannon's gonna take you down there to interview with Mr. Colson," Seb says casually, standing up again.

  "Um, I am?" Cannon asks him, eyes wide.

  "Yes. That's why you're here. Don't act so weird, bro." Seb laughs, then smacks his friend on the shoulder. "I have to meet Sabrina in ten minutes, were going surfing. Just take Hannah down there and make sure she gets the the job."

   "No pressure," I laugh and roll my eyes at Seb.

  Since I'm not even dressed yet, the boys go back outside and I'm left to get ready for a job interview that I wasn't expecting today. But once the shock wears off, I'm so happy, I can't stop smiling. I was planning on going downtown to start looking for a job this week anyway, and now Seb has already gotten the process started.

  Seb is gone when I go outside a few minutes later, wearing a sundress and my runners. I threw my hair into a pony tail since there wasn't time to shower, and just swiped on some lip gloss before heading outside. Cannon looks at me, then drags his eyes down my body and back up again.

  "You were being weird, when Seb was here," I tell him, as soon as we start walking out towards the road.

  "I'm not good at keeping secrets. Especially from Seb," he tells me, tucking a hand into his pocket of his shorts. "We've been friends since we were eight."

  "Really?"

  "Yes. That's when he moved in here. I live just down the road." He nods up ahead where there's a few smaller houses, but doesn't tell me which one is his.

 "Damn. I don't know anyone I knew when I was eight."

 "You used to live here, in Clearwater?" he wants to know.

 "Yeah. Long time ago. I left when I was five."

  "You're back though... for good?"

 I shrug. "For now."

  "I'm going to Florida State, for college," he tells me, after hesitating slightly.

 "Where's that?"

 "Tallahassee."

 "Oh. How far is that?" I ask for some reason. It shouldn't matter, but I feel like I need to know.

  "I didn't think it was far enough away when I got in. Four hours from here. But I only applied within Florida. I just need to get away from my parents," he explains.

  I'm quiet as we walk for a few more minutes. We're very different too, But not as different as Seb and I are. At least Cannon's family is messed up, too. Not that that's a good thing, but it makes us a bit more equal. He's relatable. He's easy to talk to. He's secretive in ways that I appreciate. We don't talk about our families, and that's okay.

  When we get to the bike shop, I see the sign for the InstaQuick Shop attached to it and my stomach tightens. It's just a simple convienent store but I'm still nervous for the surprise interview.

  Then it turns out it's not really an interview at all. Mr. Colson just wanted to meet me and make sure I'm competent and can work the hours needed. Yes and yes. He gave me the job on the spot, since I know Cannon and Seb, and asked me to start Monday.

  I have a job, just like that. Sure, I have to work four days a week starting at 6A.M. but it's still worth it. I can save money. I can get my own place and not need people to take care of me anymore. And I can't wait.

  On the walk back towards Erin's, I find myself wanting to ask Cannon more about himself. I want to know everything that makes him him. We've only met a few times and I've already almost had sex with him. I want to do it. I still feel the attraction between us, but he has been a lot more cautious with me today. Maybe he regrets it. Seb is not around now and Cannon is not flirting or trying to touch me at all. Maybe I imagined the connection that I thought we had.

  Again, I shouldn't care about this as much as I do, but I just need find out.

  Because I can't seem keep things in, especially when it comes to Cannon, when we're almost back at the pool house, I blurt out, "Do you regret what we did the other day?"

  Cannon looks surprised by the question, like he can't believe I asked him that. "No."

  "Okay. I just -"

  "Hannah, I'm just having a weird day. My morning was rough at home and then Seb was telling me about you needing a job and... now you'll be working right next door to where I work," he interrupts.

  "Is that a problem?"

  "Only because it's going to be hard to keep my focus on my work." He grins and then looks away again. "I'm going to want to come over there and see you."

  "Maybe I'll just come see you working on bikes," I say with a laugh. "That sounds like fun."

  "Yeah?" He grabs my hand and cuts down into Erin's back yard again. We are back down by the pool house a minute later, near the back. Cannon leans against the side of the pool house and sighs.

  "Sure," I tell him, trying to flirt casually. I don't feel like I'm all that good at it.

  He grunts and pulls at my hand, pulling me closer to him. I look at the house to make sure no one is watching us. I don't want Erin to see me making out with Seb's best friend, when I've only been here a couple of weeks. But when I look at the pool house again, I can't help myself.

  "You want to come in?"

  "Yeah."

  Neither one of us hesitates. I don't bother acting shy or unsure, even though I am, a bit. Once we're locked inside the pool house and sitting on the couch next to each other, we both already know what is going to happen. I like the way he's looking at me and the way it makes my body feel. I shift closer to him until I can feel the heat rolling off of him.

  I had sex in high school. I lost my virginity at fifteen to a senior who called me sexy, at a party. I had random hook ups over the next two years. Sex made me feel good and like I had some control over something in my life. And when I dated my ex - the only real boyfriend I ever had - for two months, the sex was good. I figured out what I liked. How I liked it. Sex has never been all that special to me, it's just been a way to comfort my body. Their bodies. To forget about the real world for awhile and to just feel good.

  But when Cannon starts touching me now, I immediately know it's different. There's this connection between us that is undeniable yet quiet, wordless. He moves with intention and slips his hand under my dress, pulling me into his lap. He smiles as he slips one of the straps down my shoulder and then leans in to kiss me there. Sparks start firing off all throughout my body, but especially where we're touching. It almost feels too hot, too much. And we've barely begun.

  When our eyes meet again, I can tell he wants to say something. I'm not sure I want to hear it, so I lean down and kiss him, hard. His hands grip my waist and then he moans into my mouth. I can feel him, hard, beneath me already. It's all moving so fast and not fast enough. I really don't want us to be interrupted - either by someone showing up at the pool house or by his phone ringing - so I pull away and reach down to open his shorts. That's when he freezes.

  "Are you sure?" he asks, breathing heavy.

  "Never been more sure about anything," I tell him, as I'm unzipping his fly.

  "Hey, stop for a second." He words come out rushed.

  I stop, but I don't move my hand away. I can't tell him I want to hurry up so that we don't get caught or interrupted. I force a smile and wait, anyway.

  "Thanks for getting me a job today," I say.

  Cannon bites his bottom lip and grins, his hands still holding me close to his body. "I am looking forward to seeing you there, but I didn't really get you the job."

  "Either way."

  He adjusts a bit under me and I can tell he is just as anxious as I am, but for some reason we are making small talk. Maybe he's still worried about Seb. Maybe he thinks it will mean we're dating or that he has to be exclusive to me, which it doesn't. But I know we aren't going to talk about that right now. I know it because I rub my body against his again and then lean down to kiss him, and he lets go right then. He rises up a bit and pulls down his shorts and boxers. My heart's pounding and my head is spinning as he reaches into his wallet for a condom and then puts it on in record time. My underwear is barely pushed to the side before I slide back on top of him and he pushes into me.

  It's surprising and different and so good. It's new and exciting and scary and every single feeling there is to feel, I'm feeling it. Cannon never takes his eyes off of me. He kisses me exactly when I need it and he lets me take control at all the right times. It doesn't last long but that's okay, too. I can barely breathe when he holds my hips tight and starts moving me up and down faster and faster before he lets out a loud groan. I squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds as we both come back to earth.

  We don't really talk afterwards, but he kisses me and tells me how amazing it was. He goes to clean up and comes back and gets redressed and then sits beside me again, pulling me to his side. I lay my head on his shoulder and we both just sit there for awhile, quiet.

  I don't know his past when it comes to sex. He doesn't know mine. But he kisses and touches me like I'm a broken vase. He doesn't want to hurt me but he wants to cherish me. Hold me. Make me feel good. The eye contact is enough to make me fall for him, but I won't let myself. I can't get too attached to him or to anyone.

  I'm not even a little bit sure about my future or where I'll end up, and I know he's not in Clearwater for long. My time with Cannon is limited and I have to remind my heart that, too.