Hannah

Awkward. Definitely awkward.

  Seb and Sabrina are a freaking cute couple, though. I haven't asked how long they've been together but they sure are sweet. Seb seems to act different when she's around, which I like. She brings out the good in him.

  Karley and Cannon, on the other hand, are seemingly either friends or exes. I am definitely not asking - but Karley is interested in him for sure. She's petite and has dark hair and dark eyes, which is very much the opposite of me. I'm pale and burn easily and my hair is a dark blonde. There's been a lot of flirting and touching from Karley to Cannon.  Cannon is friendly with her but doesn't seem to be as interested. But what do I know? I barely know any of them, even my own cousin.

  After an hour on the beach playing frisbee - I'm pretty horrible at it, it turns out - I sit in the sand and watch as the boys take off a bit further down the beach. Karley and Sabrina hang back and chat and laugh and look at their phones. I feel awkwardly left out. They mostly ignore me, but Sabrina asks me a few questions about myself.

  "Where are you from?"

  "You knew Seb when he was little? What was he like?"

  "How long are you staying?"

  The regular questions, I guess.

     I answer as well I as I can, and when the boys return, they have ice cream cones for everyone. Seb has two and hands one to Sabrina. Somehow Cannon is holding three cones and pops one into his mouth so he can hold out the other two to Karley and I. I thank him, because it's hot as hell as I didn't wear sun screen, and I'm regretting my decision. Then I sit in the sand again and eat it, quickly, before it melts all over me. Before I know it, the boys are dragging over a picnic table from somewhere, so we all go over to sit at it.

  The area where we are hanging out isn't too busy but it's not far from the busiest part of the beach, the main strip. That must be where the boys went to get the ice cream.

  "This is so good," Sabrina says, taking a bite of her chocolate and vanilla swirl cone. Seb grins at her and reaches over to wipe some ice cream off her nose.

  "So many calories," Karley whines, but is eating hers anyway.

  I notice a few times that Cannon is watching me. I'm eating my ice cream and avoiding eye contact with anyone. So far, it's only been slightly awkward. I can handle it. But now they are talking about a party they are going to this weekend and when Seb looks at me, I just look away. I don't want him to think I'm assuming anything or expecting to be invited. 

  "I'm going to walk back," I say quietly, during a lull in the conversation.

  All eyes look at me, at the end of the table. "Okay," Seb says simply.

  Sabrina practically gasps. "That will take you like half an hour."

  I shrug. "I don't mind."

  Karley - who is sitting very close to Cannon by this point, doesn't say a word. Cannon is still looking at me, his eyes pretty much glued to mine. He's questioning something.

  What is he thinking?

  I haven't gotten up from the table yet, so Seb goes back to the conversation they were apparently having.

  "I decided to do the volleyball tournament in July to raise money for the children's hospital," Seb says randomly, looking at Cannon. "My mom is sort of making me. You wanna be my partner?"

  Cannon nods quickly, but is still looking at me. "Yeah."

  I'm still just sitting there, so I take that as my cue to leave. No one really says goodbye, so I just turn away from the picnic table and take a few steps, already reaching for my phone, from my pocket. I'm going to need some help from Google maps to get back to the beach house from here.

  "Hannah, wait." I hear his voice, but I don't turn back, in case I imagined it.

  I do freeze, though. The sand is still warm at my feet.

  "I'll walk back with you," Cannon says, so I glance back at the table and see him standing up.

  He says something to the rest of them that I don't hear, and then he's jogging in my direction. I look specifically at Seb to see his reaction to this, but he seems to be distracted by his girlfriend, who is leaning in close to him. I make sure to not look at Karley, because I'm sure she's glaring at me. 

  For the first five minutes, we walk together but neither of us talks. I don't know what to say. I don't know why he decided to walk back with me. It's not like I can't take care of myself. I don't want to assume anything, so I stay quiet. It's not dark out yet, but the sun is going down. It's almost 9P.M. now and I know the sun will be down before we get back.

  Ten minutes into the walk, we've still barely talked. He asked me if I was cold and I said I was fine. I asked him why he walked back with me and he said he likes walking. By the time we reach the part of the beach that we can cut into Seb's back yard, it's only been twenty minutes.

  I look at the pool house and then the main house. Cannon looks at the beach, the water, and then nods towards the sand, so I turn back and follow him down the beach a bit. He kicks off his sandals and plops down into the sand, his feet in the water just a little. I am a bit hesitant to sit near him because of what he might mean, but I finally slip off my flip flops and bend down to sit beside him.

   "So, you said you don't want to be seen with me," I begin, eyeing him carefully.

    Cannon nods and then looks out at the water. "Yeah, well... I guess I changed my mind."

   "But you said you don't want Seb to know that we... talked, or whatever."

    "Yeah... I mean, maybe I still don't." He shrugs and then glances at me to see my reaction.

     I make sure I don't give him one.

      We sit for another half an hour and we don't really talk at all. When I get up and tell him I'm going to head home, he gets up and walks me to the end of the property, but doesn't come any closer. I wave before turning and heading straight to the pool house.

  I like talking to Cannon, but what I realize pretty quickly is that I like being with him more. Even if we aren't talking, I like knowing he's there. He has a good vibe and it rubs off on me. I'm fully aware that it's nothing more than my cousins friend being nice to me, but it's still nice.

*

"So you haven't heard from your mom at all?"

  Seb asks this question while we are both in the main house kitchen, a few mornings later. Erin is here, too, but she's just waiting for her coffee to brew before she heads out to work.   

  "Three weeks now. Her number's been disconnected. I'm embarrassed to even say I've tried calling her," I answer, then shrug.

     "Aren't you worried about her?" he wants to know.

    "Yeah," I say quickly. "She can take care of herself, though. She wasn't good at taking care of me, but she takes care of herself just fine."

  Erin huffs, but her back is to me. "It's so sad how she thought she had to do it all on her own... after what happened."

      "She thought you hated her," I say, too fast.

    "We did. Because Hunter told us she cheated on him and then she left, with you," Erin says, then covers her mouth as if she shouldn't have said it. "But we found out about a year later that he was the one who threw it all away."

  "This is pretty deep for 8A.M. conversation, Mom," Seb interrupts and then laughs.

 "Yeah," I agree, but smile at Erin anyway.

  Erin, though, seems to want to talk about it for some reason. "Hannah, it was too late by then. Your mom, she wasn't answering calls or-"

  "I get it," I tell her quickly. "I really don't blame anyone."

   "I'm glad you're here now. You loved Florida and the beach, so much, when you were little," she tells me.

   "I think I still do," I smile.

    "I have to get going. Have a great day... both of you," she finihses and gives me a quick hug and Seb a kiss on his cheek before slipping out of the kitchen.

  The deep morning conversation sticks with me for the rest of the day. I don't do much besides some reading, and I can't stop thinking about my aunt's words. She did hold it against my mom for a long time, even though she did nothing wrong at the time. But her wrong doing was taking me and moving across the country. She didn't let anyone in my family have contact with me for the last twelve years.

 Things are different now, but I'm not sure that any of us are really going to be able to forget about the past.