Hannah

It's a big party on the beach, just outside of a huge house. It's even bigger than Erin's house. The back has a massive deck and there's teenagers everywhere - it feels like I stepped right into a movie. It's been awhile, but I've been to plenty of big parties. But here, I don't know anyone except for Seb and Sabrina. And this feels so different from parties back in North Carolina.

  We showed up around 8PM and it's an already pretty packed beach. People are drinking beers from cans and standing around a big bonfire, laughing, talking, playing Frisbee. It's all very casual and loud and it should be fun, but I feel a bit out of place.

  Still, I try to look like I'm having fun because Seb actually invited me, after something pretty traumatic happened to me.

  Cannon shows up about an hour after Seb and I get there. I didn't know he was coming, so I'm surprised to see him about ten feet away, talking with some girls. Seb has stayed pretty close to me for the hour so far, not exactly introducing me to people but also not ignoring me. But almost as soon as I spot Cannon, I notice that Seb seems to have disappeared. Sabrina was hanging off of him, asking him to go get her a drink, so I assume that's where they've headed off to.

  Cannon looks a bit tired but he smiles slightly when he sees me, after a few minutes. Seb is still close by, even if I can't currently see him, so I know I can't greet Cannon how I'd actually like to. After the afternoon I had, I want to hug him and tell him all about it. But he and I don't talk about stuff like that anyway. I don't tell him about stuff like that, even if I wish I could.

  I do move closer to Cannon as he's walking towards me, and that's when I see he's got a bruise on his cheek and his lip is puffy. It's almost fully dark outside now, but we're not far from the bonfire and I notice his face right away, whereas other may have not.

  "What happened?" I ask him, loud enough so he can hear me over the noisy party.

  He touches his lip instinctively. "It's fine."

  "Cannon, what happened?" I want to know, raising my voice a bit.

  But he just gives me a look, basically asking me to stop asking about it. I know if Seb saw us talking right now, he wouldn't think anything of it. But I don't ask about Cannon's family the same way I likely won't tell him that my mom showed up today, and then eventually cut  me out of her life for good.

  But I still want to know why Cannon's face is all beat up. I want to know what happened, because I care about him.

  I step even closer and ask him again, "What happened in the time that you left me at Erin's house this afternoon and now?"

  Cannon swallows hard and waits, but finally looks me in my eyes and answers, even though I can tell he doesn't want to. "I went in to work for a bit and when I got home, my dad was drunk and beating on my mom."

  I suck in a breath. I don't know why, but I wasn't expecting that.

  "I got in between them but he just hit me instead," he goes on.  "I'm fine."

  "Cannon." I reach up and touch his cheek with my hand.  I don't even care who sees us at this point. "It looks bad."

  He steps back though, after I barely touched him. I see him glance behind me, where I know Seb and Sabrina are, somewhere in the crowd of people. He's still nervous for Seb and his other friends to see him interact with me. We've had sex twice and made out plenty of other times and suddenly I'm a bit offended that he is pulling away from me now.

  I shake my head and look back and find Seb, who is clearly a bit drunk and laughing, his arm around Sabrina's shoulders. He's not looking at us or paying any attention to us, at all. Instead of getting mad at Cannon though, I reach for his hand and pull him away from the crowd. He follows, but pulls his hand out of mine after a few steps. We haven't gone very far away from the main party, but we're a bit closer to the water now.

  "Seriously," I say to him, staring right into his eyes. "You need ice or something."

  "I appreciate your concern," he says, his voice quiet. I can tell he wants to go on, but he doesn't.

  For some reason, I can't control what I say to him. As a general rule, I've spend my teen years being very careful what I say. I don't want to upset anyone or piss off my mom or her boyfriends. I have always tried to please the people around me, but with Cannon everything feels different. I feel comfortable enough to say what I'm thinking, for the first time.

  "Is this... something that happens often?"

  Cannon looks away right away, and turns his body away from me. He's embarrassed or angry or something, and I don't understand. He's wearing a white t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and black shorts and flip flops and I really want to just wrap myself around him and support him, but he's pulling away. He doesn't want me to know this part of him.

  "Sorry," I say, stepping back. "I... I shouldn't have asked that."

  Cannon wrings his hands together and then drops them back to his sides. He's looking at the house or the people at the party, or anywhere but me. I hate that I made him feel uncomfortable in any way.

 "It's not... you didn't do anything wrong... it's just..." He can't seem to form a proper sentence.

 "Cannon, it's okay. You don't have to-" 

 But then he's right there in front of  me again, so close I can smell him and feel his chest brush against mine. "It feels better now that I'm with you."

  I'm speechless, and I'm frozen in time. I want to be even closer to him but I should be further away and I have no idea who can see us here or who would even care that we're together.

 Instead, I hold up my barely drank beer that Seb gave me. "Drink?"

 "I don't drink. My dad is a mean drunk and I'm afraid I would be, too."

 "Oh. Sorry, Cannon." I bite my lip. "I'm an asshole."

 "It's okay. I'm just happy to be here with you," he tells me and I'm happy to have the Cannon that I know back with me.

  I smile at him and lean in closer, so my mouth is close to his cheek. I kiss him lightly and then pull away, but he grabs my waist and keeps me close, pressing his mouth to mine. I get lost in it for a second but then remember where we are. Somehow over the last two weeks, we've been secretly seeing each other. But this is out in the open. This is at a beach party where Seb is.

  "Cannon-"  I pull away, after a minute.

  "Shit." He looks around quickly.

  I don't see Seb anywhere, thankfully, but it doesn't mean someone didn't see us kissing. And Cannon seemed panicked now.

  "Why don't you want him to know about us?" I ask, almost yelling over all the noise and people around us.

  Cannon is not the only one who has wanted to keep this on the down low, though. I'm not exactly looking forward to Seb and Erin finding out about what I've been doing with Cannon.

    "I..." He lets his voice trail off, then grabs my hand and pulls me away from the crowd a bit more.

  It's only slightly quieter down the beach, but we sit in the sand and I drop my head to his shoulder. We've had sex and made out and I feel things for him that I've never felt before. I know he's leaving in a few weeks. I know it's just a summer thing because it happened fast and we're still hiding it from my family, for some reason.

   "I don't have a good track record with girls," he finally admits.

 "What does that mean?" I look up at him for a second to see if he's looking at me.

 He's not. "My high school nickname was 'heart breaker'. I hurt people."

 I laugh because it sounds silly coming from him. He's sort of dorky and cute but strong and tall. I have no idea if he played sports or did drugs or played in a band. I don't know much about him from before a month ago. He has most unkempt hair, yet he usually dresses nice. He's intense and opinionated but he can be quiet and reserved. I feel like I know him somewhat, but I don't really at all. It's only been a few weeks since we met.

  "I'm used to being hurt," I say, too honestly.

  "Hannah."

 "I mean, you know, my mom... she didn't really love me the way moms should love their daughters. And I let guys walk all over me in high school. I didn't know that I deserved to be treated well."

  "Oh my god..." He spins me so I'm right in front of him. "I know we don't know each other that well, but I also know you deserve everything. Love. Kindness. Respect."

  "Cannon-"

    "Shut up, Hannah," he grins and pulls me close, his mouth on mine a moment later.

  It's the best kiss I've ever had, even though it's not even our first. Not even close. It's filled with promise and desire and truth. It's how he's telling me he'll treat me well, even if it's only for a short time.

  Our tongues tangle and his hands come up my back and under my bathing suit top. I'm too wrapped up in our kiss to stop him and I slide into his lap, my hands running through his hair. He grunts and adjusts himself and then leans back so I can come down on top of him.

  I don't care where we are or what's happening around us. Cannon is my lifeline tonight. He's my hope for the future. He's why I feel like I might actually be okay.