Note: this chapter contains mention of suicide and poor mental health.

• • •

"I'm going to get George home now," Levi informs Andrew, as he opens the passenger door of his car to allow George to get in. "Thank you for everything tonight. I dread to think what could have happened if it weren't for your help."

"There's no need to thank me," Andrew answers, glancing at his beloved Yog, who is now sat numbly in the vehicle next to him. "I'm just glad we got through to him in time. He really needs this help, and I just hope he listens now."

"Me too." Levi heaves a saddened sigh.

"See you, Yog," Andrew bids farewell. "It was great to see you ... even under the circumstances. I just hope next time will be brighter."

"I'm sorry," George apologises; these two words are the only words he's really uttered since they dissuaded him from doing anything reckless.

"I've told you — no need to be sorry." To ease George's mind a little, he gives his friend a smile. "I'm always here, or on the other side of the phone. Don't ever forget that."

George nods, in acknowledgment of Andrew's words. "Thanks."

"I'll call you when we get back to Goring," Levi assures him. "Just so that you know we both got home safely."

"Thank you." Andrew steps back from the car, as Levi moves to the driver side to get in. "See you soon."

"See you." With these words spoken, Levi ducks down into his own seat, shifting around for a moment to make himself comfortable. He slams his door shut; places the key into the ignition; and then locks the doors from the inside. After completing these actions, he turns his attention to his husband. "I'm not taking any risks. The doors are remaining locked until we get home."

"What did you think I was going to do? Jump out as if I'm James Bond?" George snipes. "I'm not that agile."

"Well, you were agile enough to try and jump off Southwark Bridge a couple of hours ago," Levi retorts; immediately, he regrets his words. "Sorry. That was harsh and insensitive. It's just ... I can't wrap my head around everything that's happened tonight. I'm trying to process it all still. I'm not mad at you."

"Sure." George keeps his eyes fixed on the scenery outside the window, as the car starts to move gradually further away from London city centre.

• • •

"Mum?" Levi whispers, as he enters the front door of Mill Cottage. "Mum?"

Penny hears her son calling her quietly, so she makes her way into the hallway to greet him. "Hi, sweetheart." She looks to George. "Hey, darling. Are you alright?"

"It's been a rough night," Levi explains briefly. "I'll have to explain some other time."

"Don't let me stop you," George interrupts. "Everyone enjoys talking about me as if I'm not a human being, and as if I'm not around anyway."

"Oh, come on, George," Penny frowns. "That's not true at all. We all just love you and worry about you." She moves towards him, resting a comforting hand on the side of his arm. "We're all here for you."

"Thanks," George says flatly, heading towards the staircase. "I'm going to bed. I'd rather be asleep, where I can forget I exist for a few hours."

"George, you don't—" Levi tries to talk him round, but to no avail; for George is already on his way up to their shared bedroom. "Alright. I'll be up in a little bit, then."

"Bless him," Penny sighs. "He's really not right, is he? What happened tonight, baby?"

"I'm sorry I didn't really give you much context before I left," Levi responds. "Andrew called me just before midnight. He said George had ran off out of the blue. Apparently they'd been talking about George's mental state, and Andrew had suggested getting professional help — you know, therapy and stuff. But George didn't take it very well, and he complained that nobody listens to him; that everyone thinks they know him better than he knows himself. He'd already had a few drinks by this point, and he wasn't in his right mind. So he ran off into the streets of London."

"Bloody hell," Penny gasps, already taken aback by what she's heard. "What happened when you got to London?"

"We had to go out searching for him," Levi explains. "It took us over two hours to actually find him. In the end, we realised we could track him using my phone. He was on Southwark Bridge in the centre of London."

"What was he doing there?"

"That's the tricky part." Levi braces himself to divulge his next piece of information. "H-He—not long ago, I found one of his diary entries; one he'd written since his mum died. It said in it, that if it weren't for me and the kids ... he'd have taken his own life by now."

"Oh god." Penny clasps her hand over her mouth, in pure shock at what she's hearing. "S-So was he on the bridge to—?"

Levi nods. "Yes. We caught him as he was climbing onto the edge of the bridge. We just managed to stop him, Mum. And I dread to think what would have happened if we'd have been five minutes later."

"Just be glad you did catch him on time," Penny advises. "You have to think of it that way. All the what-ifs will eat you alive. It's bad enough that you almost got killed in London. There's plenty of what-ifs surrounding that. But now there's going to be what-ifs for George, too. You can't let what never happened consume you. Focus on what has happened."

"You're right," Levi agrees. "This is why I'm in therapy at the moment. This is why I'm trying to push George to go to therapy, too. I just know it would help him like it's helping me."

"It's a very difficult situation for him," Penny points out. "There's the scapegoat element involved with him. He still blames himself for what happened to his mum, doesn't he?"

"He does." Levi averts his eyes to the top of the stairs, despite knowing that George cannot see him. "It's one of the only things he talks about. How it was his fault she died; he did this to her; he did that to cause it—" He rubs at his temple with his fingers, trying to make sense of it all. "I try to tell him he's not to blame. Everyone does. But he just doesn't listen. That's why I want him to try therapy; so that a professional can tell him why he's silly for blaming himself."

"I'm sure he'll come around to the idea eventually," Penny reassures her son. "It's going to take time for things to get better. He's got a lot on his mind. His mum, you, the kids and the issue with the school ... it's a lot. Even with therapy, he won't be right immediately."

"I know that, Mum. I just want the best for him." Levi decides that it's best to leave the conversation where it is; instead changing the subject. "Did the kids stay asleep the whole night?"

"Gemma woke up and said she was thirsty, but then she went back to sleep after having a glass of water," Penny explains. "I did fall asleep for a little while. But she woke me up, coming downstairs. She did look a bit bewildered when she realised I was here and her daddy wasn't."

"Did you tell her where I was?"

"I told her you'd gone to pick Daddy up from Uncle Andrew's in London, and that you wouldn't be too long." She gives a brief flash of a faint smile. "She was fine with it. They've both been a dream tonight."

"Good." Levi brings his dear mother in for a hug, both out of love and appreciation for her. "Thank you for coming over to watch them tonight. I hated the idea of asking, but I knew I had to. It was either that, or dragging the kids out of bed to drive to London at past midnight — with the potential of seeing their father try and take his life."

"Well, when you put it like that ... " Penny chuckles lightly — not out of finding humour in the words; but rather, as a way of dealing with how stunned she currently feels. "But it was no problem. You should get to bed now, darling. It's so late, it's early now. It's almost 8AM."

"I can't go to bed; the kids'll be up soon," Levi reminds her. "They're ridiculous; on school days they don't want to wake up, yet on the weekend they're up earlier than us."

"That's kids for you," Penny smiles. "Tell you what — go wake them up now, and I'll let them spend some time at my house so you boys can catch up with your sleep."

"I-I don't expect you to do that," Levi stammers. "They're our kids. Our responsibility."

"And you're my kid; my responsibility," Penny argues back playfully. "And as your mother, I demand that you wake my lovely grandkids — that's if they're not already awake — and tell them Grandma is waiting for them."

Levi can't help but snicker at his mother's selflessness. "You're the best ... you know that?"

"Anything for you, baby." She nudges him towards the staircase, to encourage him to go up the stairs. "Off you go."

• • •

"George?" Levi pops his head around the door to the bedroom, to check whether his husband is still awake or not. When he finds George laid on his side, staring blankly at the wall, he continues to talk. "I-I just thought you should know, my mum took the kids for the day. So we can get some sleep without worrying about them."

"That's nice." The monotony in George's voice is indicative of just how blasé he is about his entire life as a whole in this moment.

"Look." Levi joins him on the bed, sitting by his side. "I know tonight was eventful. A lot of stuff happened that you probably don't want to talk about. But the fact of the matter is, you need to talk to me about what's going on in there." He gently taps George's head, to accompany the latter part of his statement.

"I don't do the talking stuff," George dismisses.

"Well, you did when we were kids," Levi reminds him; he hates to admit it, but the lack of communication between the pair is starting to get to him. "You used to tell me everything. We faced things together."

"What do you expect to do?" George demands. "Revive my mum?"

"That's not what I'm saying," Levi retorts. "I know nothing can ever bring her back. I know that. And I wish I could do something to bring her back so you could be happy again. But the fact of the matter is, we both know I can't. That's not what I'm saying." He sighs, briefly covering his face with one hand, rubbing at the skin. "What I'm saying is, you used to still talk to me even if you knew you couldn't click your fingers and change whatever was bothering you. I was your confidant, through everything. What ever happened to that?"

"Life happened," George spits. "We grew up. I don't expect my husband to be a therapist."

"No, that's true," Levi agrees. "But that doesn't mean I can't listen. What kind of partner would I be, if I didn't listen?"

"One with half a brain cell," George snipes. "One who actually thought logically and realised it's a waste of time."

"You're never a waste of time, George," Levi asserts. "If you were a waste of time, I wouldn't have driven all the way to London from Goring at midnight, and spent hours looking for you. I wouldn't have bothered at all. But you matter to me, George." He leans back against the headboard behind him, before tugging at George's shoulder; this prompts George to sit up, and forces him to make eye contact with his lover. "I want you to explain to me what happened tonight. All of it. What went through your head."

"I told you, I'm not—"

"I don't give a fuck," Levi interrupts. "This ends now, George. I'm not losing you. You tell me right now, what went through your head. Why you did what you did. I'm not mad at you — good god, I'm not mad — but I need you to co-operate with me so we can help you. Together."

"I know you're serious when you curse," George digs, with the intention of being playful — yet his tone not quite matching this. "I just don't see why you need to know. Shit happened, and I ended up on Southwark Bridge. What more is there?"

"The "more" is what happened to cause you to end up at Southwark Bridge in the first place," Levi answers. "Because that's pretty important, too."

Finally defeated — for he has no other smart answer to give — George talks. "I was ... just with Andrew. In a bar, drinking. A-And he asked me about everything, so I told him. He kept going on about getting help; therapy; all that stuff ... I just lost it. I don't know. I just lost all control. It tipped me over the edge. I've just been getting tired of hearing people talk about me going to therapy. It gets tedious."

"Don't you think people only suggest it because they think it's worth you looking into it?" Levi suggests. "I've said it. Andrew's said it. Plenty of your family have said it. Plenty of your friends. Surely that must mean something?"

"I don't know." George shakes his head subtly, unsure whether to be disappointed in himself, or the situation as a whole. "I just—I lost my cool when he kept pushing. I ran off and ... I think I just went to a local corner shop and bought random alcohol. Beer, vodka, whatever. Whatever I could grab. Just to block everything out."

"I thought you didn't rely on alcohol."

"And I don't," George asserts. "I was just so done. I didn't care what happened to me." His eyes move down to the floor, as humiliation kicks in. "I went and hid down a random back alley. Drank basically the whole lot. I remember vaguely that I was talking to Mum. Telling her how I felt about everything. I don't remember how long I spent down that alley. I just about remember that I punched the wall and knelt down in some glass on purpose to hurt myself. Then I ran out the back alley and wandered around central London."

"And you ended up at Southwark Bridge."

"Yeah." George pauses a moment, to recollect the haunting turn of events. "I-I think I actually nearly got mugged by some guy at one point. But I think I must have thrown a punch or something — didn't hit him, just as a threat — and I think it made him back off. I think I was a little bit drunk, so it intimidated him maybe."

"So, did you intend to go to Southwark Bridge, or was that just a coincidence?"

"A bit of both," George explains. "I was looking for a way to just ... " Shame prevents him from finishing his sentence.

"A way to just end everything?" Levi offers.

"Yeah." George exhales through his nostrils, as a substitute for a sigh. "I didn't care about anything in those moments. I just wanted to die. And I found the bridge, and so I decided ... that was the way to go, I guess."

"Oh, George." Levi brings his husband into his arms, simply wanting to hold him and not let go. "I'm so glad we found you in time. If we'd have been a few moments later ... I dread to think what I'd be doing right now."

"Probably looking for my body," George responds, not seeming to be aware of his own bluntness. "And telling the kids what happened."

Levi parts from George. "But would you have wanted to do that to them?"

George hesitates in his answer; the picture of his two children was what drove him to step down from the edge of the bridge in the first place, so he already knows his answer. Slowly, he shakes his head to signify his thoughts.

"No," is all he says.

"And do you want to risk doing that to them again?"

All at once, George's emotions get the better of him; with a trembling lower lip, he looks to Levi with glistening eyes. "No," he utters, before he chokes out sobs of heartbreak at what he has caused; and for what could have been.

"I love you," Levi whispers; in reality, he is on the verge of tears himself. He pulls George to him again, kissing his temple lovingly. "I love you so much. And we'll do this together."

"How?" George pleads, through his crying.

"You have to let us get you help," Levi begs. "Please, George. If not for you, then for us. We need you here with us. Please get the help you need. Please."

George is extremely apprehensive about following Levi's advice; he has made this opinion very clear in recent weeks. However, after the ordeal that has come from the last twelve hours, he no longer wants to cause his family or his friends any unnecessary suffering.

"Okay. I'll do it."

• • •

Yay, George is going to accept help! Will things get better for him now? Hope you enjoyed. xx