"I—I didn't—" Levi stammers, unable to quite get the words out that he wishes to say.

"You didn't what?" George presses, moving forward to take the diary from his husband. "You didn't what? You didn't consider my feelings when you decided to snoop through my personal writing? You didn't think I'd catch you?"

"I-I only wanted to tear a single page out from the back of it," Levi stutters. "The pages flipped straight to your entries, I swear it, George."

"You're aware that this book is the only shred of privacy I have—well, had? I write the truth in there about everything. One of the main rules I have, is that you don't go through it unless I allow it." George snatches the book from Levi, locking it with the padlock. "What if the kids had have found you reading it, and asked what you were looking at?"

"I'm sorry, George." Levi sits at the edge of the bed, his eyes slowly scanning the room; looking everywhere but at George. "I promise you, I didn't intend to invade your privacy. You know I wouldn't do that to you."

"Hm." The Greek takes a seat by his lover's side, deciding it's best to let the subject go. "It is what it is, I suppose."

"Although, I do want to mention one of the things I read in there," Levi mentions, clearly apprehensive, but knowing needs must. "If that's okay with you."

"So you did snoop?" George accuses. "You actually read some of it."

"Well, you never tell me much about how you're feeling," Levi explains. "I understand that you're upset over your mum's passing ... but that's about as deep as it goes. I used to be the one you told everything to. What happened to that?"

"It's not that simple," George explains, his voice softening. "I wish I could tell you what's going on inside of here—" He taps his head, to emphasise his statement. "—But I can't. Even I struggle to understand anything other than numbness at the minute."

"And clearly ... clearly you understand how little you want to be alive, too." By now, Levi has a small layer of tears in his eyes; the idea of his best friend feeling so bleak about his life and his future breaks his heart. "I need you to be telling me all these feelings, so I can help you."

"It's nothing I've not felt before," George dismisses hurriedly. "I've wanted to die plenty of times before. I'm still here, aren't I?"

"But that was because of something entirely different — something that could be fixed. Your mother's death? You can't change that. It's going to haunt you for the rest of your life ... and I'm so sorry for that."

"I deserve it anyway; it was my fault." George shakes his head, rising from his position on the mattress. "I'm going to see to the kids; read them a story. I'll be back in later."

Levi's response causes George to halt for a moment. "This conversation isn't over, my darling."

"It is for now." With these words spoken, he leaves the room, isolating Levi with his thoughts.

"Kids? It's time to settle down for sleep, now." George enters Kieran's room, where both children are sat giggling about something trivial. "Gem, go back to your room and get your pyjamas on. Kieran, you need to get changed for bed, too."

Both kids follow their father's instructions, while George selects a storybook from the shelf against the wall. He observes as his son nestles into bed, before reading aloud to him. Meanwhile, Levi decides to pay a visit to his daughter in her room — in order to save George time once he's done with Kieran.

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you alright?" he asks her gently, slipping into the room. "I just thought I'd come and say goodnight to you before you go to sleep."

"I'm okay, Daddy." Gemma smiles, patting the space on the bed next to where she lays. "Will you sit with me?"

"Of course." Levi accepts the sweet invitation, sitting down beside her. "Did you have a nice time in London, Gem?"

"It was a lot of fun," she responds gleefully. "And my cat enjoyed it, too. Especially the London Eye."

"Yeah — that was a lovely experience, wasn't it?"

"Are you ever going to talk to that man again, Daddy? The man who saved my cat?"

"Well ... " Levi is unsure how to answer the question at first. "No, I won't be talking to the man ever again. You see, we found out something about him ... and if I tell you what it is, you've got to promise to be a big girl about it, and not tell Kieran. Okay?"

"Okay. I promise."

"So, you see ... when I went to go and get your cat from the man, I found out that he was a very nasty and dangerous man. He tried to hurt me when I got to his hotel room." He gives a nervous chuckle, in the hopes that Gemma will understand him. "But luckily, Daddy called the police, so now the man has gone to the police station. But Steph told me yesterday that the man was actually somebody she used to know years and years back."

Gemma pauses for a moment, to try and comprehend all this new information she has been provided with. "What did he ... do to try and hurt you, Daddy?"

"Well ... he just tried to hurt me. But he didn't manage to do it, and I'm completely fine. Unharmed; unscathed." He rolls up the sleeves on his arms, and pulls his collar away from his neck playfully. "You can give me a full body check if you like."

Gemma erupts into little giggles. "It's okay, Daddy. I'm glad you're okay." She launches herself into his embrace, coiling her petite arms around his neck to pull him in closer. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Never forget that, will you?"

"I won't," she assures him. "But you can't forget either."

"I wouldn't ever dream of it," Levi snickers. "Now, I think it's time for you to get some rest. School tomorrow, Little Missy."

"I know ... " Despite her obvious objections to the concept, she still obliges and lays herself back down on her bed. "Goodnight, Daddy."

"Goodnight, my beautiful little girl." He stands up, blowing her a kiss as he makes his exit from the room; he turns off the light as he goes. As he comes out into the hallway, he spots George emerging from Kieran's room. "George?"

"I might make a cup of tea before bed. Do you want one? Piss-weak?" Without giving Levi a chance to reply, he rushes to the staircase, heading down to the kitchen.

Levi shakes his head in disapproval, despite knowing George cannot see this action; and he follows after his lover until he catches up with him downstairs. "George, I said the conversation wasn't over earlier."

"Well, I think it is." George flicks the kettle on, sauntering over to the cupboard to grab two mugs for the beverages he's making. "Did Gem settle down okay?"

"I'm not letting the subject go, George." Levi remains adamant in his demeanour. "If you're talking about suicide in your private diary, that's not just something I can shrug off, as if it's nothing."

"If it's the entry I think you're referring to, I actually said if I didn't have you and the kids, then I would," George justifies. "But I have you guys, so I won't for now."

"For now?" Levi repeats, in disappointment. "So does that mean that in several months or years, you might just change your mind and go for it anyway?"

"Well, I can't predict the future, can I?" George huffs, throwing tea bags into the cups on the counter. "Who knows whether I'll feel better or worse in the future? I'm not a psychic."

"But there's potential for you to get worse," Levi points out. "And I don't want that potential to become a reality. You mean too much to me, George. I can't lose you after everything we've been through together — after everything we've fought for."

"It's nothing, Levi, honestly. It's just a stupid fifty-something-year-old man who needs to grow up and stop crying over his dead mother."

"Don't invalidate your feelings or yourself in that way ever again," Levi demands, hurt by his partner's self-deprecation. "If you need to do something to help yourself, you realise there are options? If you can't talk to me about certain things, then why don't you try therapy?"

"Therapy is for people who both need and deserve it. I don't fall under that category."

"What? You think you don't deserve it?"

"I don't need it," George corrects, pouring boiling water from the kettle, into the mugs. "They'd never take me seriously. They'd just laugh me out the door as soon as I started talking."

"What makes you think that?" Levi asks. "What makes you so undeserving?"

"Because I'm a middle-aged gay man, Levi. Last time I checked, guys like me got made fun of for having any kind of issues. I'd just get told to 'man up', and sent on my merry way." He adds a tiny dash of milk to his mug, before adding a more generous splash to Levi's. "There's no use in even trying."

"Well, I think there is a point in trying," Levi asserts. "A-And seeing as though yesterday shook me up so much, I was ... thinking of going down that route. Just to get my pent-up feelings out in the open. And to, perhaps, get some advice on coping mechanisms from somebody who knows what they're talking about."

"Do whatever you like, my darling," George encourages. "If it makes you feel better for trying, who would I be to stop you?"

"I just wish you'd try, too." Levi takes his tea, using a spoon to remove the teabag from the mug. "I think it could really help you with coming to terms with your mum's death."

"Would it also help me come to terms with the fact it was me who caused it, too?" George spits, aggressively stirring his drink to brew the tea. "Or is that meant to be saved for a special kind of therapist who is even more qualified to deal with people's bullshit?"

"Hey, come on now." Levi frowns. "I just want the best for you. You know deep down that what happened wasn't your fault."

"So whose fault was it, huh?" George presses, shaking his head in disbelief. "Was it yours? Was it Dad's? Heck — was it Andrew's fault? Nancy's? Steph's? No. It was mine."

"You really need to stop blaming yourself. That's a big part of your problem, sweet. Not every bad thing in life is your fault."

"It's my fault Kieran got bullied for having two dads too," George rants, slamming his mug against the counter; the impact causes a small amount of tea to spill out onto the side. "If his dad wasn't gay he wouldn't have this issue."

"Well, then by that logic it's my fault, too." Levi scoffs quietly. "See how silly you sound?"

"I chose to fall for you," George reminds him. "That's my fault, too."

"Technically, that's my fault ... for being so handsome and charming. You couldn't resist me." Levi strikes a pose, to showcase his self-proclaimed charm. "You just know it."

"You've always been far too brash," George remarks, secretly finding humour in his husband's satirical vanity; his body language, however, says otherwise. "I just have a feeling that the girl in Kieran's class isn't done yet. It's her mum — she's feeding Esme misinformation about the gay community. It's just a load of fucking bullshit."

"You don't have to tell me that," Levi sighs. "I can't believe it's almost twenty-fifteen, and still there's people in the world who can't accept love for what it is."

"It just makes me angry," George explains, defeated. "I'm going to ask Mrs Hall every day, about whether that little brat is bullying my boy because of who his parents are."

"We can't exactly blame the girl," Levi states. "It's her mum, like you said. It has to start with the parenting. Kids learn hate; it's not an innate response."

Feeling hopeless, George finally leaves the subject as it is; instead, he grabs his tea, and heads towards the living room. Levi follows suit, a couple of metres behind his partner until they both take a seat on the sofa. Silently, Levi watches George take gradual sips of his drink; he can't help but feel just a tinge of heartbreak at the notion that George refuses to get help for his intense thoughts on his mother's passing. However, he is just glad he's aware of these thoughts — he evaluates that the unintentional snooping has, in fact, done him a favour in safeguarding his husband in what could be among the most vulnerable states he's ever been in.

The pair remain in peace for a large remainder of the evening, only exchanging a handful of words here and there until they too go up to bed.

• • •

Chapter seventeen! What do you think George should do about his situation? xx