After a long drive, Levi and George finally arrive back in Goring. They pull up outside their own home, sliding the seatbelts off themselves; before getting out the vehicle to walk over to Penny's house. This takes a touch longer than anticipated, due to George's weakened limbs, but eventually they come face-to-face with Penny's front door. Levi knocks harshly twice, stepping back to wait for his mother to answer. Moments pass, in which the men hear the excitable squealing of the kids, until the door is opened ajar. Penny peeps playfully despite knowing who's calling; but then opens the gap wider to greet her sons.

"Hey guys." The sound of Kieran shrieking joyfully causes her to turn her head back to look into the hallway in reflex; but then, she resumes talking. "I haven't really been able to calm them down, I'm afraid. They'd been so quiet until about an hour ago. You may have your work cut out tonight."

"It's no problem," George assures her, his voice hushed due to his consistent migraine pain. "It's the least I deserve after all of this."

"Behave yourself," Penny scolds mockingly, ushering with her head for the pair to enter the building. "I'll tell them to get their stuff ready to go home. They've been very excited about seeing you."

"Thank you so much for looking after them for us," Levi comments, stepping into the house. "It wasn't planned, but I suppose this one needed it." He points to George with his thumb, not intending to be, in the slightest, malicious in his statement.

"I didn't need this hangover," George taunts, rubbing one hand over his face to rid the mild rush of dizziness that has consumed him. "I think I need to have an early night tonight. I think we all do."

"How was the funeral?" Penny asks, to try and take George's mind off his symptoms.

"It was perfect — well, the service was." George shrugs, knowing he deserves every little bit of self-deprecation he gives. "I can't say I remember much from the Wake."

"The Wake was lovely too. George was telling the family some stories about Lesley. Some even I had never heard before." Levi smiles, wanting to put George's mind at ease about the ordeal he's been through in the last twenty-four hours. "It was a very successful day, all-in-all."

"I'm glad to hear it." Penny rotates her body, to head up the stairs. "Kids! Your fathers are here! Come on, now, please!"

"Okay!" Kieran is the first to react, bounding down the stairs to greet the pair. "Hi Daddy. Hi other Daddy. I missed you." He runs to George first, hugging at his waist; for this is the height he reaches on George's torso. George brings his arms down to hold his son, already feeling a weight being lifted from his conscious in terms of his grief for leaving them the day before.

"I missed you too, mate," George answers. "Where's your sister?"

"She's hiding, because she doesn't want to leave," Kieran giggles. "She likes it at Grandma's house."

"Gem!" Levi calls. "Come on now, sweet. We need to get home. Daddy needs to rest."

The sound of Gemma's tiny feet shuffling around upstairs serves as the reassurance the men need, that she is following the instructions she's been given. A few seconds later, her footsteps become a little louder; she emerges from the top of the staircase, sauntering down each step as slowly as she can, to drag out going home.

"Please, darling," George pleads with her. "Daddy's not feeling very well. He needs to go to sleep."

The forlorn expression in her father's face is enough to convince her to hurry up a tad; she finally arrives downstairs, giving both parents a quick hug. "Okay, Daddy. Let's go home."

• • •

"Gem?" Levi calls, not much louder than a whisper due to the fact George is trying to sleep. He cannot, for the life of him, find his beloved daughter anywhere in the house — he is beginning to panic, but doesn't wish to worry George by drawing attention to the issue just yet. "Gem? Where are you sweetheart?" He shakes his head in disbelief that she could possibly go missing; thus, he takes a moment to think logically. Eventually, he works out that the only place he hasn't checked is the back garden; so he makes his way towards the back door. He peers out into the darkness, desperately scanning his eyes along the grass in hopes of finding her. Deciding he cannot get an accurate answer just from looking through a window, he opens the door, treading out into the night. "Gemma? Are you out here?"

"Over here, Daddy." Her sweet voice brings a wave of relief to Levi; he follows the sound of her voice, until he finds her by the water edge.

"What are you doing out here so late, darling?" Levi positions himself on the grass next to her, sitting cross-legged as they both stare ahead at the stream before them. "Are you okay?"

"I was just talking to Grandma," she explains. "I was asking her to make Daddy feel better again. I know he's sad a lot at the moment. I thought maybe she'd be able to help."

"You're so mature for your age," Levi praises her softly, pulling her in to his side for a hug. "You're right: Daddy is struggling a lot at the moment. You know we went to the funeral yesterday, don't you? And you know what a funeral is?"

"It's where Grandma had special speeches and they played her favourite songs," Gemma answers. "But Daddy didn't want me and Kieran to go, because he said it would make us feel sad."

"That's correct." Levi tries to hold back the small tears that are forming in his eyes as he speaks. "Because a funeral is just something we have to do so that Grandma can finally relax in Heaven for good."

"Why didn't you and Daddy come home yesterday after the funeral?"

"Well." Levi pauses, to think how best to respond. "You see, Daddy just needed some time to think about everything. He didn't want his silly head to make him all shouty with you or Kieran. Because he knows that's the wrong thing to do. So, we decided to stay with Uncle Andrew and Auntie Nancy for the night."

"Was Daddy shouty to you or Uncle Andrew yesterday?"

"Well ... " Levi chuckles softly at the question. "I suppose, a little bit. But only because Auntie Nancy gave him a glass of water, and he didn't want it."

"Oh." She seems to have run out of questions to ask, now; so instead, she just sits quietly.

"Why didn't you want to come home tonight, sweet?" Levi interrogates her calmly. "Normally you love coming back home."

"Because ... " Gemma takes a second or two to contemplate her response, but when the idea comes to mind, she withdraws from saying it.

"Because what?" Levi brings himself up into a kneeling position opposite her, resting his large hand against her petite shoulder. "Is there something you need to talk to me about, Gem? How are you feeling?"

"I-I just thought that Daddy didn't want us to be at home," she explains sadly. "Because he didn't want to come home to see us yesterday. And now he's gone straight to bed, so I can't see him tonight either."

"Oh, sweetheart." Levi's heart shatters hearing her innocence; so much so, that he cannot help but bring her in for a hug. "Of course Daddy wants you around. Both of us do. It's just ... " He pulls away from her, to give her a serious expression. "Daddy is missing Grandma a lot at the moment. It won't last forever, I promise. Do you remember when you felt sad because you missed her?" Gemma nods in answer to his question, so he continues. "Well, Daddy is just feeling that same feeling at the moment. And we don't know when it'll go away. So until then, we need to give Daddy as much love as possible. Okay?"

"Do you think he would be happy if I made him a card?" Gemma offers. "I'm really good at drawing pictures. I could make him a card with some flowers on."

"D'you know? I think that's a fantastic idea." Levi beams proudly at his daughter, the action of which she returns immediately. "And maybe we can—" He halts his speech, when he sees Kieran lurking in the darkness a few metres away. "Hey, buddy. Did you want to come and join us?"

Kieran ventures closer to the pair on the grass, sitting next to them. "What are you both talking about?"

"We're just talking about Daddy," Levi informs him. "And I was about to suggest that, maybe, we should do something to cheer him up a little bit. Because he's missing Grandma a bit."

"What are we going to do?" Kieran questions. "What about a party with a bouncy castle?"

"Uh ... " Levi takes a moment to ponder. "I don't think Daddy would appreciate a bouncy castle, but it's a good suggestion."

"How about a picnic?" Gemma puts forward her idea, with logic just as adorable as her brother's. "Picnics always make me happy. Maybe they'll make Daddy happy, too."

"You've both got some brilliant ideas," Levi encourages them. "But I think we need to think outside the box. What do you think about the idea of going to London for the whole of next weekend? I could book us a pretty hotel, and we'll go and see Grandpa and Auntie Mel and Auntie Yioda. And we can see if Cousin Tee is around with Stella."

The children grin enthusiastically at this plan; it has been a while since the family had a break. Granted, they visited Devon very briefly over the Summer holidays, but it was a day trip that ended all too soon. Kieran and Gemma always enjoy spending time with their extended family — particularly Tee, and her wife Stella. The pair met in 2005, the same year as George and Levi's civil partnership. The two women entered a civil partnership of their own, in 2009 — later dissolving it in favour of marriage, around the same time as George and Levi did in 2013. Tee and Stella have always gotten on very well with George and Levi's offspring; this, in part, is perhaps due to how doting George has always been to his niece.

"I can't wait!" Gemma squeals. "It's going to be so fun!"

"But hey!—hey!—you have to keep it a secret." Levi rests his forefinger to his lips, shushing quietly. "It's going to be a surprise for Daddy, so you can't tell him anything. Promise me?"

The children nod, both lifting their little fingers in unison to pinkie promise with their father, as a means of providing a legitimate foundation of trust. Levi interlocks his little finger with both of theirs, satisfied that they won't speak up about their scheme.

"I can't believe we have to go through five whole days of school first," Kieran groans over-dramatically; he covers his face with both hands at such an unfair notion. "I want to go to London now."

"The time will fly by," Levi assures him, with a laugh. "And the sooner you both go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will come. And then you'll be a whole day closer to London."

"I don't want to go to bed yet," Kieran complains. "I want to stay out here and keep talking about London."

Levi shakes his head; he should have known that his children would attempt to stay up as late as they possibly can. "Alright. We'll stay out just a little bit longer, then."

• • •

Dear Diary,

I don't tend to use this silly book anymore, but none of this is getting any easier. It feels as though the whole world is speeding past, and yet I'm stuck functioning in slow motion. Each day ticks by, it comes and goes ... and yet nothing ever changes. I woke up this morning with arguably the worst hangover I've ever experienced, because I evidently couldn't handle my emotions yesterday (or, apparently, the alcohol). I can sense that the kids are worried about me, even though I'm trying my best not to show my emotions in front of them.

I've not hurt this much since the days I was closeted, and I never expected to go back to that dark place again. What I wish to do is not viable, as I have children to be here for. Although, with how low I feel ... I think, if it weren't for Levi and the kids, I'd be gone. My mother was my rock, and my best friend. Nothing feels the same without her.

I want to feel human again. Good god, I want to feel like me. I hope this storm passes sooner rather than later. Someone, somewhere, if by some miracle you can read this ...

Give me something to believe in ... I am frightened for my soul.

A very pained Yog x

George signs off his name on the first diary entry he's written in a long time; then, he puts the lid back on his pen and locks the little book of secrets. He hears the faint sound of giggling from outside, so he crawls across his bed to look out the bedroom window. In the darkness, he can see his dear husband and his children sitting together by the edge of the stream; his heart hurts, as he yearns to be able to feel the small sense of joy they currently feel. But in this moment — in fact, in every single moment since his beloved mother passed — he has been unable to feel anything other than numbness, and the aching of grief. At last, his emotions get the better of him; as he observes what's going on outside his window, he feels a thick cluster of tears forming in both eyes. With a single blink, the droplets come falling down his cheeks; with a single thought of his mother, the silence quickly transforms to sobs of anguish. His cheeks flush red from the turmoil, and his eyes rapidly become bloodshot the more he cries. He has often had what he considers "wobbly moments" since Lesley passed away, in which he has shed a few tears; but this is the most he has ever poured his soul out — and he hopes that doing so will help him vent out the combination of negative thoughts he's been bottling up surrounding her death. He is ready to move on from the constant influx of pain; but alas, his heart and mind have other ideas. George's mournful weeping carries on; knowing that nobody can hear him brings some peace of mind, in the saddest kind of way. After all, he would hate for Kieran and Gemma to see or hear him in such a state.

The poor soul's harrowing sobs continue on, until the horrid mix of hangover symptoms mingles with his intense torment; and after a while, he finally cries himself into a restless slumber.

• • •

Chapter seven! Who's feeling sorry for George right now? I know I am. xx