The Things That I Know

Started August 13th, 2022.

• • •

Note: this chapter contains some depiction of loss/grief.

• • •

2014

"Just because I'm in my later years now — doesn't mean I can't run around like I could in my twenties. I used to play all sorts of games with your daddy when he was a little boy!" The joyful chirping of Penny's voice fills the living room at Mill Cottage, as she playfully bends down to squeeze her beloved grandchildren in a sweet embrace. "Both your daddies may be able to run fast — but they're nothing on me."

"Play Tig with us, Grandma!" the delightful voice of the adorable eight-year-old, Gemma, demands innocently. "I bet you'll lose!"

"Yeah! Come on Grandma!" Kieran encourages further, touching his hand to her upper arm in repetitive motions. "Tig! You're it! Tig! You're it!" he jibes with childish glee; he then darts away from her, towards the back garden.

"You cheeky little thing!" Penny gasps, making quick work of following the children — for Gemma has since run off, too. "I'm coming to get you, you know! I'll catch both of you!"

The heartwarming squeals of the Panayiotou-Jones offspring fill the cool autumn air of Goring village; passers-by across the stream smile at the purity of such a wonderful sound as they walk their dogs over the bridge. The little game between Penny and her grandchildren continues on; she manages to tag Kieran twice, though he enjoys the notion of cheating and acting as though she misjudged her aim when coming into contact with him. Soon, twenty minutes have passed; almost within the blink of an eye. Gemma and Kieran pause the game to catch their breaths; although Penny is still full of energy, and tags both of them in turn.

"I was on time-out!" Gemma protests. "We both were, weren't we Kieran?"

"Yeah! I was on time-out too!" Kieran adds, backing his big sister up. "You can't tig us when we're on time out!"

"I swear you two just make the rules up as you go along," Penny laughs, giving in and stopping the game too. "Your fathers will be back soon. Should I tell them you've been good for Grandma today?"

"Yeah!" the children respond in unison, almost like clockwork.

Penny smiles as genuinely as she can at them both; as she's ushering them inside, she can't help but frown a little in worry about her beloved son and son-in-law. The reason she has been enlisted to babysit Gemma and Kieran on this fine September afternoon, is because George and Levi have been called back to London due to a family emergency on George's side. They gave very little context when they left the village; they only told Penny they'd be back as soon as they possibly could. Of course, they have mobile phones to contact one another — but Penny has been trying (albeit rather unsuccessfully) to resist doing so, as not to disturb the men when something clearly isn't right. She heaves a near-silent sigh, as she settles her grandchildren in the living room; she switches the TV on, flitting the channel to CBBC for them to keep them occupied.

"I'm just going to try and call your daddies," she announces, as she heads towards the doorway. "I won't be a minute. Be good for me, please." With the nods of approval from the little ones, she dips out of the room, sliding her iPhone from her back pocket speedily. She accesses her contacts, clicking on Levi's name before bringing the phone to her ear. It rings for a few moments, before going to voicemail.

"Hi, this is Levi's phone. Sorry I've missed you. Please leave a message after the tone."

"Hi, sweetheart," Penny begins to talk, rubbing the back of her neck with the palm of her free hand. "I'm just calling to check on you both. I really hope everything is going alright for you down in London. I'm worried. Please call me whenever you get the chance to." Feeling she can't say anything more, she ends the call; then, she slips the device back into her pocket. Her fingers pinch the bridge of her nose as her eyes close; and anxiousness builds up within her. Over the last twenty-five years, she has had the pleasure of getting to know George's side of the family — to the point where they feel like her own family. Of course, she wouldn't have been able to rush down to London with the men; she has responsibilities in Goring to take care of. She shakes her head, trying to dismiss the fear as she re-enters the living room again.

• • •

"I don't think I can drive anymore," George tells Levi, feeling his eyes glossing over with fresh tears. "Can we find somewhere to pull over, so that we can swap seats, please?"

Levi nods rigorously, to suggest his agreement to George's request. "Of course, my darling. I'm surprised you've managed to make it this far without asking." Levi skims his finger over the satnav on his phone, to work out where the next available space is to park up. "In about half a mile, there's a lay-by that you can pull into."

"Thank you," George responds; though his rising emotion causes his voice to fail on him, making his words silent. He tries with all his might to concentrate for the last little section of the road he's driving down; eventually, he reaches the lay-by Levi referred to a moment prior, and he pulls in.

After the vehicle has come to a halt, Levi notices the jitteriness of George's fingers as they hover over the steering wheel. He frowns hopelessly at his husband, wishing that there was something he could do in order to help him. George shakily unplugs his seatbelt, releasing it so it can slip over his body; back into its default space against the wall of the car. Levi observes as George's lower lip trembles; the only sound that can be heard in the painful silence, is the rapid breathing from the Greek's mouth as he tries to maintain his composure.

"Let it out, George," Levi instructs softly. "You know you need to let it out. So do it."

George's body shivers as he moves his gaze to his dear husband; just looking at the comforting expression on Levi's face is enough to send the poor soul over the edge. His quietness rapidly transforms into heartfelt sobs of pure anguish; he buries his face into the palms of both his hands to maintain some modesty as he cries out in a mix of anger, pain and devastation. He presses his head to the steering wheel; the horn pips briefly from the impact, causing Levi to jar from the suddenness. He doesn't care though, for George's feelings are much more important in this moment. It's undeniable though, that George has never felt an agony quite like this one before; never in his fifty-one years has he experienced something as life-altering as he has today.

"It's alright, my darling. Get it all out," Levi speaks lovingly, reaching across to pat George's back. "And if you need to get it all out later on, that's okay too. And if you need to get it all out for the rest of your life ... that's perfectly okay, too."

"It just doesn't feel real," George chokes out, his hysterics showing no signs of stopping. "I-It isn't real. It can't be."

"I wish I could tell you it wasn't real, my love." By now, Levi is beginning to tear up at the poignant reaction his partner is giving. "I wish I could tell you it's all a terrible, terrible dream. I wish more than anything that I could tell you it's all a lie."

"But it isn't, is it?" George asks, despite knowing the answer already. "It's the sick fucking reality that I've got to live with, day in; day out."

Levi need not give an answer to this; for he knows that it will only make things worse. He expels a breath sadly, knowing that he has to be the one to think practically out of the two of them. "We need to get home to Mum and the kids. They've been waiting for us all day. Mum's tried calling me eight times."

"I'm sorry," George apologises, his voice gravelly. "I'm sorry for fucking everything up today with all this."

"Don't you dare apologise for anything that's happened today," Levi tells him sternly — though, with the greatest amount of love. "No part of today was your fault. No part of today was anybody's fault."

George nods in understanding, swiping his arm across his face to dry his tears in one, smooth motion. "We need to get home. You're right." He furrows his brows, still trying to make sense of everything that's happened today. "Plus, I promised Mel and Steph that I'd call them to tell them we got home safe."

"Don't forget Andrew," Levi points out. "He wanted you to call, too."

"I've got plenty of calls to make," George murmurs. "I suppose it'll be the same for a good few weeks, now."

"We'll cross each bridge as we get to it," Levi assures him, opening the passenger side door of the car. "Now let me drive us both home, so we can get to the first bridge."

• • •

"We're home," Levi calls, neatly placing his jacket on the coat rack in the grand hallway of the house. "Mum?"

Penny emerges out of the living room, with a look of nervous anticipation visible on her face. "Hey boys. The kids are in bed; I tired them out with a game of Tig earlier," she informs them, knowing it's a trivial matter compared to what the men have faced today. "I was just watching the television. I've been waiting to hear back from you both. I've been worried."

"Sorry," George apologises softly; just this single word is enough to set him off crying again. He covers the top half of his face with one hand, rubbing harshly to try and gather himself. "Today has been awful."

"Please don't tell me what I think you're going to tell me," Penny pleads, her brows knitting together forlornly as her eyes flit between Levi and George. "Please. Please don't say it."

Levi silently breaks the news to her, via a slow, simple nod of the head. No sooner has she noted this gesture from her son; she turns her attention to her son-in-law, who is feeling the brunt of the situation. Her heart breaks for George; she shows this through an immediate, tight hug. He falls into her arms, leaning his head against her shoulder as he lets out his overwhelming emotion yet again. She holds him the entire time; simply refusing to let her beloved bonus baby go from her grasp until she's certain that he's done.

George sniffles, trying to switch back to father-mode abruptly. "D-Did you say the kids were in bed?" he asks weakly, his eyes shifting to the top of the stairs for no apparent reason. "I-I think I should go and say goodnight to them both."

"They're both asleep, sweetheart," Penny reminds him. "I think it'll be best for you if you let them be. Excitable kids when you're in such a state will probably just make you feel worse."

"Mum's right, George," Levi chimes in, resting a loving hand against George's back. "Maybe you should go and get some sleep yourself. Then, tomorrow morning, we'll go and talk to them both together about everything. We need time to think over the best way to tell them, regardless."

"The best way?" George scoffs, almost seeming to find humour in such wording. "You mean to say, that there's a "best way" to tell my children that their grandmother has just died suddenly, and they'll never see her again?"

"Of course there's no best way," Levi corrects himself. "I-I just mean, we want to let them down as easy as we can. We have to think about their little minds, my darling. What you saw today was something nobody should ever have to see. We don't want to paint that image in their heads, as well."

"Sorry," George replies. "My head's just fucked." He can barely speak these words without having to hold back tears once again; it seems that every sentence he utters triggers his throat to give out. "This has to be easily in the top five worst days of my life."

"And that's understandable," Penny reassures him gently. "Your mother's just passed away, today. It's devastating. You have every right to have a messed-up head tonight." She gives him a sympathetic smile, grabbing her coat from the rack. "I'll leave you to it for now. But if you need me for anything at all — babysitting; someone to talk to; a shoulder to cry on — I'm a call away. In fact, I'm only a few doors away."

"Thank you, Mum," Levi speaks, giving her a hug in appreciation. "Thank you for coming over to look after the kids at such short notice."

"It's no problem," Penny replies. "Next time, I'll have to bring Daniel too. Maybe he'll be able to put a smile on those kids' faces."

"He's always welcome," Levi returns. "Is he doing alright, anyway? I saw him a couple of days ago, but—"

"He's fine," Penny chuckles, in a sad attempt at making the conversation a little more lighthearted. "He went to play golf with some of the guys he met down at the Catherine Wheel, yesterday. He was stroppy all afternoon because he lost by one point, or something."

"Bless him," Levi comments, finding slight amusement in the idea. "We'll have to arrange lunch together at some point — perhaps once everything from today has settled a little."

"Of course." Penny makes a beeline for the front door, opening it wide enough to fit herself through; she turns around one final time to offer condolences. "I'm so sorry, once again. But don't forget — if you need anything, come and find me. I'll see you both later."

"Bye, Mum." Levi watches as she closes the door behind her, before looking at his husband; who has since entered a state of numbness. "Come on, you. Call the people you need to call. Then, let's get to bed. It's been a horrible, long day."

George doesn't say anything in response; instead, his gaze silently follows Levi up the stairs, to their bedroom. As he brings his iPhone from his jeans pocket, he lets the shock take over his mind and his body.

• • •

Perhaps not quite the introduction you expected? But we're back! Hope you enjoyed chapter one. xx