George's fingers fiddle aimlessly with the curled telephone wire, as he anxiously waits for an answer on the other side of the line. He never expected to spend the final hours of Christmas Day in a police station; but alas, he stands feeling disappointed in himself, with officers examining his every move to ensure he doesn't cause any trouble. Finally, he gets the answer he has been waiting for.

"Hello?"

"Levi," George blurts, thankful that something has gone to plan at last. "I need your help."

"What have you done now, George?"

"I'm in a random police station in Slough. I got stopped for a spot check and the breathalyser came back saying I was over the legal drinking limit."

"Oh, bloody hell George!" Levi sighs, more frustrated at himself for allowing George to drive under the influence, than at George himself. "Have they arrested you?"

"No. They're fining me. Turns out I wasn't too much over the limit. But I need a way of getting home because I'm not allowed to drive tonight."

"Give me the address of the police station. I'll come and get you, and take you home."

"Thank you," George murmurs in relief. "It's on Windsor Road in Slough. Do you know the area at all?"

"No, but luckily my mum has a book with all the maps of England. I should be able to navigate my way around to get to you."

"You're a lifesaver. Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it. I'll see you in a little while."

With no more words spoken, Levi hangs up the phone; the usual beeping sound rings in George's ear, with the familiar noise comforting him just a little despite where he is. He side glances at the officers, noting that they are still watching him cautiously; they know George wouldn't possibly incriminate himself any further, but in a profession such as theirs, they can't take any risks.

"My friend is on his way down to collect me," George finally speaks to them, with little emphasis in his voice. "So all I have to do is pay this fine, and wait for him. What's going to happen to my car?"

"We'll keep it at the station tonight. If you give us your address, we'll make sure somebody gets it returned to you," one officer responds.

"Fine." George decides it's best to leave the subject where it is, as he doesn't wish to express any unsavoury opinions about the situation he's landed himself in. "Did you hear about the two guys who got attacked in a park in Reading a few weeks back by some teenage lads? I think it made the papers."

"Yes. But we can't discuss ongoing cases with anybody," another officer informs him.

"That's a shame. It's not as if my friend and I were the victims or anything," George remarks sarcastically. "I thought you'd have recognised my name on my license, if you'd have been observant enough."

"It isn't our place to discuss the case, as the officers in Reading and East Finchley will be the ones who are dealing with it, Mr Panayiotou."

"I've not heard anything for a good couple of weeks," George comments. "I wonder if they've trialled the bastards who did it to us."

"You'd have to ask your local police department, I'm afraid," the officer instructs, in neither an irate nor sympathetic manner. "How far away does your friend live from here?"

"Just under an hour I think," George answers. "So you'll have to tolerate my shit for a little while longer, officers."

"Funnily enough, we've dealt with worse than you," another officer jibes monotonously. "Think murderers. Rapists. An Average Joe with a minor drink-driving charge is hardly somebody for us to be frightened of."

"No, but it certainly makes things a little more interesting for you — having me talk nonsense — doesn't it?" George comments. "Bet you thought you were getting a quiet Christmas night, didn't you?"

"I can't wait for his mate to arrive," one officer mutters to another jokily.

"I bloody heard that, you cheeky mare," George accuses. "You're not getting off lightly either. I'm going to continue to talk your ears off until he gets here. And none of it will make sense either."

• • •

"I literally can't leave you alone for a single minute, can I?" Levi huffs, as he gets in the driver side of his car. "I suppose it's my fault though, for letting you leave when you'd had a few drinks."

"No ... it's my fault," George sighs, holding his hands up in defeat. "I knew my limits. And I went one or two over. I just didn't think the police would decide to do random spot checks like that."

"They have nothing better to do on Christmas Day," Levi reminds him, pulling out from the carpark. "Because apparently on Christmas Day, murderers and rapists and robbers all decide to take a day off from their usual duties."

"For all they know, I could have been a murderer. They had to raid my car to make sure I wasn't armed or carrying drugs or some shit." He shakes his head at the injustice he feels he's faced. "What a night it's been. I should have been home hours ago. Instead, we're only halfway home and it's already gone past midnight. Steph's going to kill me."

"Well, there's not much that can be done about it now," Levi reminds him. "We'll just get you home, and then you can call me sometime over the weekend to let me know how things have gone."

"I suppose." George doesn't quite know what else to say to Levi about the subject, so he diverts the conversation. "You know, my mind is working overtime lately about this baby. It's what I was thinking about when I got pulled over."

"You already have an attachment to it, don't you?" Levi murmurs; he understands, but it makes him a little sad regardless.

"It's my son or daughter, Levi. In all honesty, it's the main reason I'm struggling to tell Steph the truth now. I don't want her to stop me from seeing my baby once he or she is born. I know what she's like." He moves his eyes down to his lap, frowning at the potential worst-case scenarios that could occur. "She holds grudges for a long time if you do the wrong thing. I hardly think that finding out I've cheated and I don't love her, is going to put her in a favourable mood to let me see my child."

"I suppose you have a point," Levi evaluates. "Really, it comes down to which is more important to you. The baby, or being with me. And that's not me giving you an ultimatum — I'd hate to do that. I'm talking realistically. If Steph does go full-on psycho once she finds out, she may force you to choose."

"I think she'd make the decision for me, really," George states. "I think she'd kick me out of my own home before the day was over."

"And how would that make you feel? If you could be with me, but you could never see your baby?"

A moment of vulnerability comes over George, as he thinks hard about the idea; his face softens, with a few tears clustering in his caramel eyes. "It would break my heart," he admits, his voice giving a delicate vibration as it breaks. "You know I want to be with you, always. But I wouldn't want that to mean I can't see my baby."

Levi observes the fragility in George's expression; realising that confessing the truth is much more than just telling Stephanie about his sexuality now. "You love that child, don't you, George?"

George sniffles harshly, in an attempt to hold back his crying. "It's pathetic, isn't it?" he self-deprecates, forcing laughter. "I'm feeling all these feelings for a human being that's barely a human being yet. You must think you're with a right nutter."

"Not at all. Of course it makes things a little harder, but I could never judge you for loving the child that you are the father to." Levi's summary is a beautiful demonstration of his genuine understanding for his partner's feelings; the kind words are enough to comfort George.

"I'm not with Steph because I'm scared anymore, Levi. I'm not scared of her knowing who I am. I've told Andrew and I've told Mel already, and they've supported me. I'm not scared of being gay anymore like I used to be. I'm with Steph now, because I need to be a part of that baby's life. If it weren't for the baby, I'd have left her by now." He finds a sense of confidence in these words as he speaks them. "I'm not afraid of who I am anymore. I've dealt with too much shit to be afraid of being myself."

"So, what's the next step?" Levi interrogates calmly, ensuring he keeps his eyes on the road.

"I slowly start coming out to my friends and my family. Little by little. I'll take my time, so that I can gather myself. So that I can make note of who supports me, and who doesn't." He nods assertively at his plan. "And then once I've worked out how everyone views me, we'll be closer to baby's due date. And when I feel comfortable, I'll catch Steph when she's in a good mood; and I'll tell her. And she will be the last to know — and I'll feel so guilty for it — but I just need to have my shit together."

"So you think that by autumn next year, you'll be with me for good?" Levi's tone picks up a little at this notion; for he is hopeful.

"Best case scenario, I'll be living with you and I'll get to see my baby regularly," George explains. "Worst case ... I guess would be, Steph forbids me from seeing the baby, or I still haven't told her the truth ... or you and I break up for whatever reason."

"I don't think we'd break up," Levi laughs. "We'll finally get to be ourselves unapologetically. It'll be amazing. And whoever doesn't support it ... fuck them."

"Nothing in life is promised," George comments. "As much as we love each other, it doesn't mean we're destined to stay together for the rest of our lives. Relationships take a lot of work. We might get sick of each other, for all you know."

"Highly doubtful," Levi snickers, removing one hand from the steering wheel to briefly rub against George's knee. "I'm proud of you for finally getting stuff together and working things out. You'll be much happier once you've told the truth to the people who matter."

George nods, acknowledging the compliment he's been given, although still holding plenty of reservations about how things will pan out. "I hope you're right."

• • •

"Thank you for bringing me home. I hope you get back to Goring safely." George kisses Levi once, to show his appreciation. "I'll call you over the weekend. You've been a lifesaver tonight."

"What can I say? I try my best," Levi teases. "Now go inside. Talk to Steph, and get some rest. I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Off you go, now." With a silly smirk, Levi blows a kiss; then, he winds the car window up to keep the late-night chill out of his vehicle.

George waves, a rush of fatigue taking over him all at once as he watches his lover's car drive away. The tiredness causes his body to ache as he fumbles for his keys; he inserts the correct one into the slot in the front door to unlock it. Once inside, he locks up, then slides his jacket off his torso.

"I'm home," he calls out, cautious not to talk too loud in case the neighbours hear. "Steph?" He receives no answer, so he heaves a sigh. "I guess she's asleep somewhere," he says to himself, as he makes his way into the living room. With no signs of her there, he shrugs; then, he trudges up the stairs to the bedroom. Alas, he has no luck there either, which is when worry starts to set in for the mother of his child. "Steph? Stephanie?"

He clatters back down the stairs, to the phone on its usual stand. He picks it up, dialling the number for his sister Melanie's home phone; he allows it to ring a few times, drumming his fingers against the table in front of him.

"Hello?"

"Mel? It's me, George."

"It's nearly one in the morning, Gogos. What the heck are you calling me for?"

"Is Stephanie at your place? Or at Mum and Dad's still?"

"No, she got taken home hours ago. Martin dropped her off for me about seven o'clock. Why?"

"She's not home," George panics. "She's not in the house. Where could she have gone at midnight on Boxing Day morning?"

"Maybe she's gone to see her friends or something. You did upset her, you realise?"

"I know. I wanted to apologise to her for it. I know I fucked up, Mel. But how can I talk to her if I have no clue where she is?"

"Don't you think she had no clue where you were all evening? It works both ways. Please remember she's pregnant with your baby. She's going to be all over the place. I know your situation is tough, but you need to still be there for her until you decide enough is enough. She's relying on you."

"Stop trying to be logical with me," George mocks lightly. "Maybe you're right. Perhaps she's just gone to see her mates for the night. I'll give it until morning, and then if she isn't back, I'll call her friends."

"Alright. I hope everything goes okay. Let me know what happens."

"I will. Thanks Mel. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Gogos."

George is the first to hang up the phone; he places it back on its receiver carelessly as he questions what to do until the morning. He is exhausted after the day he's had; but at the same time, his concern for Steph makes him feel guilty for going to sleep. He slowly paces into the kitchen, spotting the bottle of wine that Yioda gave him for Christmas. Next to it, sits the sweet sipping cup she purchased for the baby. His eyes fill with tears rapidly; with some spilling immediately over his thick lashes, and down his cheeks. With one smooth action, he grabs hold of the bottle, popping the cork seal with his hand without a second thought.

He needs no glass for the amount he plans to drink; he tips the bottle back, pouring the contents straight into his mouth, showing no signs of stopping.

• • •

Chapter forty-one! What are we thinking? xx