Note: this chapter contains descriptions of poor mental health and heavy depiction of a suicide attempt.

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Dear Diary,

The days have turned to weeks. The night before my 24th birthday, I finally told Steph the truth. I lost everything in those 48 hours, and I've tried my hardest to come to terms with it all. Although it still hurts, I've accepted that Alex is not my son. I still can't face going into his nursery, though. It's still too much for me. It's still trashed from when I broke down that day.

I've tried to call Levi every single day since he left me, and he still doesn't want to answer. Every time the phone rings, I rush to it in hopes it's him, only to be disappointed. I wonder what he's doing with his life, now that I'm not a part of it.

I suppose, the main point of me writing this diary entry is to say goodbye. This has happened once before, but Levi was around to save me back then. This time, I'm truly alone. My parents still don't know I'm gay, in fact they're the only people left who I've yet to tell. But I suppose, now it won't matter anyway.

The plan I had last time, only failed because Levi intervened. This time, it's impossible. Luckily, there is nobody else living here other than myself. It could take a while for anybody to notice I'm gone.

I can't do this anymore. I lost the two most important people in my life, two days apart. Nobody can ever replace my darling Levi, not a single soul. And I can never have a child of my own, because the law says no. I've got nothing else left, now. As much as I love my family, and they've been supportive of me ... it just isn't enough to motivate me to stick around, now.

I know that I have come far since the last time I felt this way. I've come out to almost everybody who matters, and so I know I can take that with me to the grave. I'm proud of myself for that, but it won't matter anymore.

This will be my final diary entry, for real this time. Thank you for serving me well, dear diary.

A tired, defeated Yog x

With a drawn-out, slow breath, George concludes his diary entry. He tears a single sheet of paper from the back, and closes the book, securing it with the padlock as usual; then, he places the lid back on the pen. He tosses the diary to one side, as he forces himself out of bed. For the last few days, he hasn't even made the effort to attend work; for he has decided it is no longer worth his time. He takes a hold of the piece of paper, and the pen; then, he trudges down the stairs to come to the living room. Carelessly, he takes a seat on the sofa, leaning forward so that he can rest against the coffee table as he writes out the final words he wishes to say, to whoever should be unfortunate enough to find him later on.

To whoever should find this note,

Perhaps this should have happened a while back. Perhaps I should have seen this coming. But regardless of the what-ifs, the time has finally come. As I write this note, I can't help but feel guilty for the person who is first to read it. I'm unsure as to how long it'll take for anybody to find it — but when you do, please read every word carefully, and understand me.

Please know that I have made this decision for myself, and that I will be happier, having done this. The last time I wrote a letter like this, nobody knew my deepest secret — that I'm a gay man. Now, I'm lucky enough to have come out to so many people who have been supportive. The only people who haven't been told, are my parents ... and I'm so sorry for that. To tell the truth, I was scared after watching a news broadcast not long ago, in which a young woman was murdered by her father for being gay.

What some people may not have known, was that I found a man who I adored beyond words. We cherished one another for the eight or nine months we had one another. I had never been happier in spite of the many hardships I faced. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I let him down, and he left me be. I suppose I don't blame him, because I let myself down, too. If he should ever see what I've written here, then I want him to know how sorry I am for messing with his heart in the way I did. He is still the love of my life, and I can't imagine a world without him. This is one main reason why I'm doing what I'm about to do.

A few weeks ago, I was shattered by the revelation that Alexander was not my son. I had spent months preparing for his arrival, because I adored him so much. To find out I have no blood relation has torn me apart. Although I accept it now, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'll always wonder about what could have been.

To my family and friends, thank you for everything. I couldn't have asked for better and more supportive people. I'm sorry that I have to do this, but I really feel like I have no choice, now. Don't cry for me, for I will be in a much brighter place.

To whoever finds this letter, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. All I can say is, thank you for checking up on me, even if it takes a while. I'd also like to instruct you not to go into the bathroom — instead, call the police and tell them what this letter says.

I feel no fear as I write this. I'll be free, now. And it feels good to be free. I have nothing left on this planet, anymore. Away I go, to rest eternally.

Love from Yog/George/Gogos/Georgios/Uncle Yoggie xx

He signs off the multitude of names, wanting to cover all bases; for he wishes for everyone he cares about, to feel included in the love he has tried to share in the letter. He leaves the note on the little telephone stand in the hallway, before starting to make his way up the staircase. He stops halfway, thinking for a moment; this leads him to turn back around, approaching the telephone once again. He picks it up, dialling Levi's number, before holding the phone to his ear. It rings over and over; with no answer, it directs him to voicemail yet again.

"Levi, it's me," he speaks shakily. "I-I'm not ringing to try and make amends anymore. I'm just ringing to let you know that you don't need to ignore my calls; or listen to my self-pitying messages after this one." He swallows, to rid the dryness in his throat. "Um, but yeah. I've lost everything, Levi. And I feel terrible for how much I've put you through. I never wanted to be the crazy ex, but I guess that's how it goes when you're delusional from being in love." He forces the lightest laughter he can muster, just to bring the tone of the call up a touch. "So, uh, this is going to be my final call, now. I suppose seeing as I'm on the phone, I may as well let you be the first to know: this time, I'm really letting go. I've just finished writing my letter, for whoever discovers me later on. I-I guess maybe you could contact somebody for me. I think you have Andrew's number. Don't let them leave me too long. I want some form of dignity, even if I'm dead." A melancholy expression settles across his face, as he concludes the voice message. "Anyway, enough of me harping on. Thank you for all the memories we shared together, my darling. I'm sorry for how things have turned out. Just know, that even when I'm gone, I always have loved you. I'll take that with me. Please keep it with you. Bye, for now, Levi." He softly presses the phone back onto the receiver, before making a beeline for the stairs once again.

George makes it up the staircase, heading straight for the bathroom — where he said he'd be in his letter. He decides spontaneously that he will go one step further than he did the last time he attempted anything like this; he has numerous packets of paracetamol, and a host of other over-the-counter medications — and he doesn't care what's what. It's a horrific sight to behold; he glances around the room, as the chilling realisation sets in, that this is the last sight he will ever see. Before he even touches the pills, he seals the drain in the bath with the plug, then starts to fill the tub with water from the taps. He doesn't care how hot or cold it ends up — as long as it's deep enough for his needs. As the volume of water starts to rise, he reaches for his glass with trembling fingers. He takes a hold of two pills, knowing he won't be able to swallow any more at once; he places them on the back of his tongue, gulping down a large amount of his drink to wash them down.

"Don't do that," he scolds himself, shaking his head in disapproval of his actions. "The more water you drink, the more diluted the tablets will be. Are you trying to fucking survive this?" he adds sarcastically.

Two more pills get popped out from the plastic packaging they come in; he puts them in his mouth, but as he lifts the cup to take a small sip, he hears the phone ring downstairs. The sound startles him; in reaction, he chokes on the pills he has yet to swallow. He splutters, thumping his chest to try and unblock his airways. He knows deep down that the call won't be from Levi; but still, he wishes to know who still remotely cares for his existence. Finally, the tablets fall from out his mouth; he catches his breath as he turns off the taps and exits the room to go downstairs. The ringing is consistent; George almost feels sorry for the caller, because they seem to be too interested in a man who won't be around for much longer. He grabs the phone, placing it to his ear.

"Hello?" he greets emptily, making no attempt to hide how hopeless he feels.

"Sweetheart?" It's Penny on the other end of the phone.

"Why are you calling me, Penny?" George asks, with the slightest hint of curiosity evident in his otherwise-monotonous tone.

"I heard your voice message. We heard it," she answers in a hushed panic. "I was calling to make sure you didn't do anything stupid."

"Thanks for the concern, but it's alright," George tells her. "I'm assuming be "we", you mean yourself and Daniel."

"No — myself and Levi," she corrects him. "He's heard every single message you've sent since you guys split. I've been begging him to call you back, but he's been too stubborn to do it. I see the pain in his face every time you call. I know deep down, he still loves you. He's just trying to prove a point."

"It's a bit risky, talking about him as if he isn't there," George jibes dejectedly. "I bet he's begging you to come off the phone right now, isn't he?"

"I am talking about him as if he isn't here," she acknowledges. "Because he isn't."

"Then where is he?" George questions. "Or am I not allowed to know, seeing as I no longer matter to him?"

"Of course you still matter to him," Penny assures him. "He's the reason I'm on the phone, talking to you right now."

"Because he didn't want to talk to me himself?" George is becoming weary by now; he wants the call to be over, so that he can resume what he started before she rang.

"That's not the case, George," she informs him. "I'm staying on the phone to you for the next hour or so. I'm making sure you don't do anything regrettable."

"Why only the next hour?" George scoffs. "There's nothing stopping me from doing something the second the call ends."

"You asked where Levi went, didn't you?"

"It's not my business. You aren't required to tell me."

"The reason I'm staying on the phone for the next hour, is to make sure you're still alive by the time Levi reaches you. He set off the second he heard your voicemail. There was no chance he was going to risk you doing anything like this, when he's capable of preventing it."

"There's really no need—"

"Well, you better get comfortable in that hallway of yours," Penny interrupts him warmly. "Because while we wait for my darling boy to reach you, you're going to talk to me about everything and get it off your chest."

• • •

"It really broke my heart, Penny. I loved that boy, thinking he was my son." George pours his heart out, having not expected the conversation to go on as it has. Penny has stuck to her word, and remained with him on the phone for over an hour so far. "A-And I know it can't be changed. But I just wish I at least had that baby to cling to. Even he would have been enough to keep me going."

"I understand," Penny replies gently. "And I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"George!" Harsh banging against the door mingles with the desperate shouting of Levi's voice from outside. "George, let me in!"

"L-Levi's here," George tells her. "He's trying to get into the house."

"Go and let him in," Penny instructs. "And let me know how things go with him. I love you, bonus baby."

"I ... love you too," George responds uncertainly. He hangs up the phone, setting it down on the receiver; before sheepishly walking to the front door a couple of metres away.

George opens the door, not even being able to look up at Levi before he is suffocated by a tight embrace. In this moment, George can't help but break down into tears of relief; he sobs loudly into Levi's shoulder, his fingers clawing up at the feel of his beloved's touch once again. Levi cries too; for he is happy to have made it to George before anything irreversible has happened.

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Penny and Levi to the rescue! Hope you liked this chapter. xx