June 21st 2018, Thursday

The first official day of summer 2018.

I didn't have any plans for that summer, but I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to be sat at home preparing for a college which I didn't even want to attend. I was fresh out of high school and I still had no idea what I wanted to be in this world, yet when my parents even mentioned the words 'Lawyer' or 'Family Firm' I was completely certain that I didn't want to be that. 'This world has too many Lawyers who only lie to make money - we don't need another one,' I always thought. 'I'm not even fit for that type of job anyway. I'm a horrid liar and my parents and friends always seem to figure me out when I try.'  And that's a good thing... right?

I wanted to live life freely -- like every other eighteen-year-old who realized they're free from the struggles and suffering which High-School holds. College was never a plan made for myself, but I would never tell my parents that. Some things are just suppose to remain secret; even if they seem really important. As that thought crossed my mind, I paused for a moment. I was getting dressed to go out with my friends, but the walls of thoughts buzzing around my mind aimlessly, has me halting my actions. It's the last summer I have with my parents -- should I still be keeping what happens to be the biggest secret of my life?

I can't even begin to fathom what my parents would think or say if they found out I was gay. I can already picture my mom saying, 'God, Nathan, what did we do wrong?' And my father shaking his head in disappointment or disgust, or in another scenario  where they're both shouting at me to get out of their home because I'm going to hell. I sat one night, all prepared to spill the beans, but that night they both had to work later and I was left alone with my horrifying thoughts. After about a million negative scenes went around my head, they arrived home and I instantly chickened out. I just couldn't.

So, here I am, a closeted gay man in America, getting ready to start my new life as a lawyer, with a total of exactly three friends and absolutely no love interest. My life is splendid, isn't it?

After getting dressed, finally, I grabbed my phone, keys and money, then left my bedroom. To get to the front door to leave this place is like a maze. My parents own one of the largest Lawyer(ing?) Firms in the country -- see, that's another reason why it's so hard to come out. Anyway, they obviously own a large house with two pools and a Jacuzzi in the backyard. One of those eight bedroom places, when there are only three of us (plus the maid). I know it's expected of them to have this huge house and rich living, but honestly, I would have preferred a more simpler house; one which doesn't include a chandelier in almost ever room. They disagree, obviously.

Annie, our maid, passed me on my way down the stairs and she flashed me a kind smile. I flashed one in return then continued to skip down the stairs. Annie is thirty-nine years old, with a son who's in his second year of college, and she's very sweet and loyal. She's basically part of our family. Annie and I can sit and talk for hours upon end. That is until she has to go back to work, but every time we talk she has a story, which obviously has a lesson.

When I got to the front door, I pulled it open quickly so I could reach my friends faster. I don't know if this is expected, but strangely enough, I managed to only befriend guys like me. I have exactly three gay friends - two of which are in a relationship with each other, and two are brothers. High School obviously wasn't the best. Despite my parents' high status and wealth. I guess people just really didn't like us. I was the friend of the group of homos. Yes, I obviously felt insulted also, since I am one. Thankfully, that part of my life, and their lives, is over.

Johnathan Atkins, my closest friend of the three, was waiting for me at the entrance of the theme park, with his arms folded across his chest and a feign scowl painted on his face. He balanced all his weight on one foot and tapped the other impatiently. I began to smile as I neared him. "You took a hundred years just to put on an ugly ass top and a pair of jeans? Really Nate?"

"Sorry," I mutter with a laugh. Jonathan shook his head, but I could see a smile beginning to form on his lips.

"Aubrey and Ryan are already in there, while I had to wait out here for my always fucking late friend. Gosh, you're so lucky I like you." Jonathan turned around then began to walk through the large, decorated entrance. I didn't reply to him because I was too busy taking in everything. I'm not one for going to things like this (or going out on the whole), I prefer to sit at home and scroll through Tumblr or something. However, my friends seem to love them and always drag me to them.

I glance around to the grinning faces, or the stuffed faces and an automatic smile appeared on mine. I like seeing happiness. I'm not completely depressing. I find it relieving, in a way, to see others smiling  and enjoying themselves. Happiness is contagious for me. I followed Johnathan through the vibrant crowds of people to meet Aubrey and Ryan. They are most likely behind a stall swallowing each other's tongue, or right in the middle of the crowd.

That's just how they are -- well Ryan. Ryan is out with his sexuality. He doesn't really give a shit about what others think and how others react. He would literally suck his boyfriend's dick in public and act completely normal about it. I love him for that, and secretly envy him. I know I can never be like that, not even when I come out to the world. I can't be as outgoing as my friends.

Ryan's boyfriend, Aubrey, is somewhat like me. Meaning, he's more closed up and he wouldn't do the things that is boyfriend, nor his brother would do. However, he and I aren't exactly the closest of friends. We talk, obviously, but we can't really hold a long, extremely interesting conversation. I think he dislikes the fact that I haven't came out yet, but he's never actually told me that. We're okay friends, generally. I'd buy him an ice-cream cone once-in-a-while. Friends.

Johnathan and I met up with them, putting all their focus on a stall game, which they failed completely at. The ducks they were supposed to shoot down came and went, but they never fell. I began to laugh softly as I watched them both try to shoot the ducks, and fail. They didn't even notice us looking on. When they lost all their chances, they finally turned around and spotted us.

"Hi Guys," I begin to chuckle. "You're really good at that."

"Fuck you, Nate," Ryan says to me then flashed his middle finger. I began to laugh more and shake my head.

"Doesn't this feel good, guys?" Aubrey breathed out loudly, "We're high school graduates. We're done with school."

"Correction, you're done with school. Some of us have college. Which by the way mom is going to murder you for if you don't go."

"Please, no college talk," I stopped them all.

"Agreed," Aubrey said. "We're going to get some food. Coming?" I watched as their hands automatically found each others, and I couldn't ignore the slight burning feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wish I had what they had. They've been together for two years. It's so commendable seeing as no teenage couple actually lasts that long. It's obvious they love each other. I've been longing for something like that since I can remember.

I need a boyfriend. I obviously couldn't get one in high school. But I think now that I'm out of high school, and the only people who I have to come out to (who actually matters) are my parents, which should be fairly easy (not really), I could start looking for someone. I mean, it shouldn't even be hard. I'm good looking... to a point, and I'm easy to get along with. Why aren't guys flocking to me?

I sighed softly and stared down at my soft pretzel. I don't really like these much, but Johnathan insisted we got soft pretzels, so here we are. They began talking to each other about their love for pretzels, which was a conversation I couldn't take part in, so I turned around slowly to look at the people. My eyes almost instantly went to the duck-shooting stall, and I laughed softly at the people trying. I found a child walking away with a giant teddy bear, and her father next to her grinning proudly. The sight made me smile, although it has never actually happened to me. I don't think I have ever bonded that way with my father.

As bit into the pretzel, I was immediately turned off even more. It didn't taste bad, but the soft pretzel was fucking hard. I bit into it again to at least try to get a piece off, but I failed horribly, I just ended up looking really stupid.

Yet, I tried again.

However, this time, as I was biting and pulling, I heard the click of a camera taking a picture. I instantly looked up, like a deer in head lights. A blush formed on my cheeks the moment my eyes landed on the guy behind the camera. He smiled at me and I smiled back like an idiot. I felt dumb for a minute or two, but then hr stepped a bit closer and began speaking. I could have barely understood what he was saying due to my fantasizing, but whatever he said must have been absolutely perfect, just like him. He had perfect brown hair with it's random curls all over, and his perfect blue eyes, and perfect tall frame. He seemed to have the body of a model under your simple V-neck T-shirt, yet he was the photographer.

"Are you okay?" He chuckled.

"Of course.. uh yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine." I lick my lips slowly.

"Would you like your picture?" 

"No thank you, it's a horrible picture. Do you just walk up to people and take random photos of them?" I cock an eyebrow, but he only laughed.

"No, it's just you." He continued to smile at me, and I continued to slowly die. He was staring at me with so much interest in your eyes, and it confused me. It's a bit shocking that he came to me, that he could possibly be interested in me. It maked me smile.

"Y-you're gay?" I stuttered a bit, but he didn't even seem to mind.

"Yeah," he replied proudly.

"And you're like... into me?" 

"Is that wrong?" He rose an eyebrow.

"No... it's just that.. I don't know... I'm-" 

"Really good looking, and you also seem like a really nice person."

Once again, I began to blush insanely -- so much I had to turn away from him. I saw my friends subtly looking on and I wanted to blush more. When I turned back to him, he looked a bit confused, which is the expression I first expected when he took that picture of me, along with fear and horror. I bit my bottom lip then let out a soft sigh, "Okay. Well, you're really good looking also."

"So, can I get your phone number?" He bit your lip a bit nervously. I never expect someone who's so obviously confident about his sexuality to get nervous when asking for my number. I paused for a moment, not only to keep him in suspense, but to repeat my phone number over and over in my head so when I saw it out loud I don't mess it up. 

I nod quickly and watch as he shuffled around in his pockets, only to pull out a wrinkled receipt and a pen. I dictated my phone number and he took it down at the back of the old receipt. I bit my bottom lip softly, holding back an obvious smile as I watched him scribble it down. He looked back up at me and said, "I'll call you."

I nodded my head, "Good."

"I have to get back to work... But expect my call," he winked at me before stepping backwards a bit and finally, turning around to walk away. The guys almost immediately rushed towards me with pleased grins on their faces. They all nodded their heads in sync as if it was planned, while I just rolled my eyes.

"He's cute," Johnathan gushed, "And he has an accent? Score!"

"He's right," Ryan nodded his head in approval again. I began to laugh softly.

Now that I think about it, maybe I should accept the picture. I could show it to my kids in the future, explaining to them the gorgeous guy who was actually interested in me -- even when I was being the most awkward species on earth.

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