Hey.  

I need help.

I never thought I would feel so much hurt at on time.

But this time, I went too far.

I'm not in a relationship.

I want to.

But if you're in one, I'm happy for you.

Even you Nathan Smith.

If you ARE dating Cristina Vee. 

Whatever makes you happy.

Whatever keeps that huge smile on your face.

Whatever keeps your amazing music video on point and your gorgeous part Korean hair on fleek.

Not that you'll see this, Nate, but you've kept me happy for at least a year now.  

And you, the reader.

I hope your happy.

I want to be happy, just like you.

Sorry, for drifting off.

Anyway, This was really written for a specific person. 

I don't know if they'll see it. 

They know who they are.

I don't want to give their name away.

 I want to tell them sorry.

For everything I've done.

I want to tell them sorry.

Because I messed up.

You've help me through times, thick and thin.

Even we have only known each other for some months.

I want to tell them thank you.

For helping cure parts of my depression.

I'm sorry I upset.

I wish Nate the best.

The thing is, I don't know what a real relationship is supposed to be like.

My parents aren't together...

My grandpa died, before I was born.

I "dated" this boy, but he only wanted me for my smarts and body...

So, seeing people in a happy relationship is kind of new to me.

Especially if it's some I like.

Not that they'll like me back. 

I really hope you understand.

I really want to talk again.

 So, when/if you see this message,

Know that I'm really really sorry...man.