Kurt Vonnegut once said that the most daring thing a young person can do is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured. Carter didn't know much about creating communities, but she certainly felt as if her loneliness was a disease. Making her sick, filling her with stress and helplessness. She was going to share this insight with Tala, but then decided against it. Tala would probably tell her that she shouldn't be so dramatic. That there are people in the world with actual problems.

It wasn't as if she was alone. Sterling Foster and Dawn were around. Melody Anders made it a point to say hi to her every time they passed each other in the hallways. Even Seth would have random conversations with her during the classes they shared together. But she had convinced herself that being alone and loneliness were two different things. You could have a million people around you, but still be lonely.

A week ago she had welcomed her invisibility, but now the superpower was starting to overtake her sanity. At the moment she felt as if she had some handle on it, but if things continued as they were, she wouldn't be able to sustain it longer. The disease, or curse-like superpower, or whatever it was, would take over.

To make it worse, more anonymous guys had given her awful ratings on that dumb list, and the entire school was obsessing over it. She tried to take Tala's words to heart, to not care, but not caring required a strength Carter never possessed. Not caring required convincing herself that she was over it, above it, when she knew she wasn't.

Whenever someone would call her a slut or a whore, she'd plaster on an indifference glance, but inside she would be crying.

On Tuesday afternoon, she thought she saw Leigh give her a sympathetic look, like maybe she was going to walk up to her, talk to her, but Ashton Rhodes blocked the glance and pushed Carter right back into her state of self-pity.

On Wednesday, Sawyer Devlin finally came up to her and apologized for cancelling on their date. When she smiled and stepped forward,subtly giving him the signal to ask her out again, he stepped back and said he was late for a class. I bet it was a joke, Carter thought bitterly as she watched him walk away. I bet someone dared him to ask me out.

"Lost in another weird thought? Your face is doing that spazing thing again."

"Oh. No. I was just... I was trying to decide what textbooks to take home today," Carter lied to Tala.

"Sure you were. Anyway, I lied to you before."

"About what?" Carter asked as the two of them fell in stride and headed towards the cafeteria.

"About Seth. Actually, I didn't lie, so much as omitted the truth. He isn't my type, but I do like him. A lot."

"Aww really? That's so cute-"

"No, it's not cute. It's nauseating. It's so not me. He's really different from me. He's a Middle America white boy who has never been outside of this town. He's..." Tala bit her lip.

Carter tried to think back. Had Tala ever bitten her lip in such an awkward, ashamed manner before? "And you're a snotty rich girl who thinks she's better than everyone. So what?"  

"How dare you."

"Boo hoo, you know I'm right."

"Fine," Tala said, sounding more frustrated at her own declaration than mad at Carter. "What am I supposed to do now? I slammed the door in his face the other night, after our date, and I've been avoiding him since. I've never had a relationship with someone I've actually liked before."

"But you've had boyfriends before, haven't you?"

"Sure, but I wasn't into any of them much. I was bored, and they were there. They'd buy me things, so I kept them around.""How very noble of you," Carter voiced sarcastically.

"Come on, tell me what to do."

"If you really like him, then maybe you should just give him a chance."

As they walked in silence for a few moments, Carter was overcome with a bit of pride. This was the first time Tala had ever asked for advice. Granted, romance was probably not something Carter should ever give advice on, but the fact that Tala had confided in her made her happy. Then suddenly, pathetically, the happiness turned into loneliness again. Leigh would always ask Carter for tips, thoughts, guidance, words of encouragement. Stop. Stop thinking about Leigh. She's moved on, and so should you.

A hand waved itself in front of Carter's face, snapping her out of her misery. "Carter!"

"Huh?"

"I should seriously start taking photos of your face. Your expressions are amazing. Anyway, I was asking... what's going on with you and Sawyer Devlin?"

"Oh, uh... nothing." Carter had thought it best to not tell anyone about how Sawyer had cancelled on her. She then thought that besides Tala, no one would ask her anyway. "He cancelled. But whatever. I don't care."

"That sucks, I'm sorry. What an asshole."

"It's really no big deal. I met him like two seconds ago anyway. Not a big loss."

"That's a very healthy way of thinking. I'm proud of you. You've come a long way from the girl who would wallow in her own self-pity over every single thing last year."

Carter smiled a genuine smile. "Why thank you, Miss Tala Ansari."

"Oh, before I forget, I got you these pamphlets. There're of all the schools that offer Art History degrees. This one here, after your second year there are options of overseas internships, even ones in Italy. Or you can register at one of their affiliate schools in Italy straight away. Oh, and I also signed us both up for Pottery Club. It's Thursdays after school."

As Carter took the pamphlets and ruffled through them, she wondered what Kurt Vonnegut would say about travelling with your loneliness. If it would make a new home for itself wherever you were, forever in your heart, like it had its own room. Or if it would cower away and give you a chance to find a new state of being. Tear down that room and create a new one.

***

English Literature was the perfect class for Carter. It promised her a world far away, amongst endless characters - some crazy, some wonderful, some mysteriously devilish. There were extraordinary places and twisted plots. You could imagine the whole book in your mind as you read, be whisked away to somewhere better, somewhere reason free from isolation or loneliness. Unless of course you're reading A Hundred Years of Solitude, or something to that effect. But Carter had her preferred genres. She figured there was enough cruelty in the real world, so she would usually throw herself into works of fantasy, science-fiction, or adventure. Stories that promised to make her forget.

Unfortunately, the current novel the class was reading was Wuthering Heights. Carter had seen the movie. Once. Which had been enough of a punishment. Though for the last week she had forced herself to get through as much of the book as she could, without tearing the pages apart.

When she took her seat, she noticed Sawyer wasn't in class yet, and hoped that he wouldn't show at all. If there was one class she could have to herself all year, it would be this one, even if hated one of the books they were to read.

"Carter, hi."

It wasn't Sawyer. No. It was Kiran Jones. He was sitting, or rather slouching, two rows behind her, wearing giant headphones and hoodie. His head was probably down when she entered the class, otherwise she would've turned and ran out. "You're in this class?"

"Yeah, I just transferred in."

"So showing up at my house in the middle of the night wasn't enough, now you gotta transfer yourself into my classes? Are you stalking me?"

"No," he said, taking off his headphones and sitting up. "You know I registered late."

"So? Like you couldn't have a spare or pick another subject." Carter let out a huff, faced the front of the class, leaned back and crossed her arms over chest. She glared at the blackboard and prayed that maybe all of this was happening in her head. She knew she had agreed to take things slow with Kiran, to maybe start being friends again, but she hadn't expected him to show up here. In this class.

"I did have a spare, but the counselor told me I needed one more credit for the semester, or I'd be short one for graduating. And this was the only elective with a spot left."

"Whatever."

"Carter, come on, don't be like that."

Yeah Carter. Don't be so dramatic, she thought bitterly, with the feeling directed mostly at herself than Kiran. Before she could offer a less dramatic response though, Miss Roddery had asked everyone for silence.

"You should all have read through most of Wuthering Heights by now, so today we're going to delve into the story, primarily the character development. I will call on some of you to answer questions about the characters, in your own opinion. Consider this a loose pop quiz. There are no wrong answers, but based on your interpretation I will know if you've read the book or not. So please spare me the silly movie analyses. Describing to me how Tom Hardy looks in a wig won't win you any points."