"Okay, class. The top ten students will be announced later. After recess, go to the gymnasium for the principal will make the necessary announcements there. Good luck to all of you!" Mr. Farell said.

Today is one of the days in 6th grade where we are in state of nervousness and anticipation. It's announcement day. This is the day where all our hard work will be recognized. And some, the day the expectations of their parents beat them to a pulp for short, me.

My parents, especially my mom, expect me to be top 2 or higher. That is why I just drown myself in books and notebooks to achieve that but they were not informed that other people were just made to be smarter than me. Hence, being the walls to my parents' goal.

It was never my intention to be included in the top ten. I wanted to make my parents proud. I wanted them to have the same bright smile when I became second honors in both 4th and 5th grade. I love them so much that I don't care if I don't sleep studying.

================================

After recess, our teacher escorted us to the gymnasium and made us sit on the bleachers. Students came piling in as we wait.

Finally, the principal goes up the stage with a microphone on her left hand and a list on the other. My heartbeat goes faster and I begin to sweat. I hate that I'm in 6th grade because the announcements usually start from the Kindergarten up to 6th grade so the anticipation is so long.

After more than twenty minutes, it was finally time for the 6th grade top ten students to be revealed. The principal got to tenth, then eighth, then seventh. 

I was so nervous. What is going to be third or second? First is impossible. Trust me, with the favoritism going around, there was no guarantee that the first spot was ever going to be handed down to us.

I was taken aback when I heard my name be mentioned. I was applauded as I went up the stage to be recognized. I smiled at the crowd who was all clapping their hands. The principal shook hands with me and she said "Okay, so again this is Gray Mitchell. Top six of the 6th grade!" 

Did I just hear that right? No. It can't be.

No.

I think my ears are not functioning!

Am I deaf?

Maybe this is a dream?

No, it isn't. 

Sixth. Sixth? Sixth! Oh no. What on earth!? No, no. I was cheated! I did well on my tests! No. This is not possible. It can't be! I pinched myself so hard and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I realized that this wasn't a dream.

I. Was. Sixth.

I stood there with the other pupils. We were all smiling but the only difference is that I was holding back a waterfall of tears daring to come out of my eyes. I was still shocked but I kept my composure.

I ran down the stage and dashed to our classroom. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried as I ran. I did not wait for the event to be finished. I've just had enough.

I locked the door of the room and ran to the back corner. I sat on the floor and cried non-stop. I am a worthless son! My goal was to be second or third but what did I do? I messed up so much that I fell to sixth! But, why?

I prayed to God all those times to make me top three! Did he not hear? But they said he listens to every prayer! Did he punish me? He knew what will happen if I did not reach my goal! People said all things go according to His plan. He planned this? How could He? I thought He loved me? The world is cruel! He is cruel! I'm such a waste! 

======================================

I did not want to go home that day. Mom and Dad have received the news already. As I am walking towards the front door, I couldn't shake off the fact that I have disappointed them. I couldn't shake off the thought that a purple mark will appear out of my body.

Again.

I entered the house with hesitation. And as expected, they were mad. Fuming mad. My mom gestured for me to go upstairs while dad just shook his head and turned away with disappointment painted on his face.

I followed and once I entered the room, mom locked the door and got the stick.

That stupid stick.

"Sixth? How could you be more of a disappointment than you already are!?" she yelled. I just shrugged. I tried to fight back the tears that wanted to be released. I was shaking. I knew what was coming.

"Answer me! Why!?" she yelled and with that, I felt the stick make contact with my skin. Painful contact. I screamed in pain. She did not care. She repeated whacking my skin with the stick. It hurt when she was aiming at the same spot over and over again. I tried blocking it with my hand, my arm. Even my face.

I cried in agony. I could feel every ounce of pain on the spots that were hit. Every strike I screamed in pain. Every hit left a mark. Every word that came out of my mother's mouth was a hammer to my already broken heart.

She's right. I'm a disappointment. 

The process went on for so long that I couldn't keep track of time. The last strike was at my face then she gestured for me to get out of the room. I ran to my room and closed the door violently and locked it. It hurt. Everything hurt.

Then I looked up. "Are you seeing this? It brings you joy seeing me suffer, right? You love me? Well, you are a liar! I hate you! How could you do this to me!? You're not even real!" I yelled.

At this point, I was devastated. I was broken, shattered even. I took the ointment from my cabinet and began applying it to the bruises I got from the smacking. 

It hurt so bad.

I covered my ears and cried as every bit of that painful memory came flooding in. How could God allow this? How could He put me in a family that doesn't even believe in me? Maybe he does make mistakes. Starting with me.

I regained my composure and opened the door. Tears were still running down my cheeks as I hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen. I did not turn on the lights. I just focused on grabbing the one thing that my eyes targeted when I came down.

The knife.

I grabbed it from the shelf and prepared to pierce through my chest. I wanted to end this. I am worthless. My whole existence has no meaning. I can't even make my parents proud! I can't even take on a trial such as this! I have no place in this world.

This world needs one less mistake of a human being inhabiting it.

I hate my life. I want to escape. I want to get out of this *beeping* thing called reality. I hate it here. After all, mom and dad won't mind seeing me dead when morning comes, right? Since when did they ever care!? They won't realize that they love me! So why was my life still worth living!? 

I closed my eyes as I pointed the sharp knife to my chest, preparing to push and exhale the final breath of life I still have. I pulled it far from me and prepared myself.

"Stop."

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Yaaaaas! Haha! Cliffhanger again! I am so sorry! I love you guys! Hahahaha.

Guys, remember that suicide is not the answer to your problems, okay? Never attempt nor think of it! God put you through every trial that you've been through! Your age now is the proof of all those years that God has sustained and loved you! 

If you have friends who are devastated, build them up. They may need someone to talk to. You can be an instrument of God in that matter! :)

Suicide is never the answer! God is the best answer to all of life's problems. Kneel down and pour down every burden in your heart to Him and trust me, it will all be worth it. I've tried it myself and I can't tell you how satisfying the feeling is when you actually cry out your problems to God.

P.S. Remember on Friday when I told you that there will be times that I will be busy? Yeah, we are currently tasked to create three jingles for three different competitions. One is tomorrow, the other is on the 27th and the last one is on October. Good thing I drafted, right? Hahahaha.

P.P.S. WE ARE CURRENTLY #26 AND WE WERE #16 ON SATURDAY. I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! KEEP ON COMMENTING, VOTING AND SHARING THIS BOOK! THANK YOUUUU!

God Bless you! :)