I clutched Stephen's hand tightly as the doctor checked me over. He was still young– about mid thirties– with blond hair and pale green eyes. He wrote something down on a clipboard before turning to us. He smiled.

“Everything looks good, but I’m still worried. I’ve ordered some test that needs to be done. We’ll discuss that once I have the results.” He stepped closer to the bed.

“What caused the miscarriage?” Stephen asked.

“It’s hard to tell. A miscarriage could be caused by anything. You suffered a Placental abruption. The placenta separated from the inner wall of the uterus which caused the bleeding. Commonly this usually takes place before giving birth, but it can happen at early stage. As far as I could tell, you were about seven weeks pregnant,” he paused. “The embryo attached to the uterus but not as it should. If it was detected earlier there might have been a way to save the pregnancy.”

“It would’ve been detected?”

The doctor nodded. “An ultrasound would’ve confirmed it. We would’ve made arrangements then to prevent this from happening.” The doctor gave both of us a small smile. “There won’t be any complications if you want to get pregnant again, but I suggest you wait a few months before trying again. One of the nurses will bring you some information about after care. I’ll see you again once I have the results of the test.”

The room was deadly silent once he left. I slowly turned to look at Stephen. Without saying a word he stood. Stephen started to pace back and forth in front of the bed. 

“I should’ve made an appointment at the doctor the moment I realized. I was so fucking stupid.”
 
“Stephen?”

“I noticed the changes in your body that day we made love Alia. I found the pregnancy tests.” He turned to face me. “I didn’t think any about the tests but then I saw. I was waiting for you to tell me.”

I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. Stephen walked closer and took a seat on the edge of the bed. He took my hands and pressed a kiss against my knuckles.

“Why didn’t you tell me baby?”

“I-I was s-so scared that y-you'd leave me.” “Oh baby,” he whispered, pulling me against his chest. “I’m not a bastard. You should’ve just told me and we would’ve told your parents together. We would’ve worked it all out together. Instead you kept it all to yourself. We’re in it together baby. You and me.”

***

I was released from the hospital two week later. Patrick and Tyler came to visit me whenever they could. I also saw my mom and Sam with Emma. Michael sometimes came with them, but he never said anything to me. I smiled and laughed with them, but inside a part of me still felt dead. The doctor had explained that I might have some complications if I do get pregnant again. It took me a while to understand that it was the reason he ordered the test.

Stephen had sat by my side through it all. He would ask questions at some points and just listen attentively at others. He came to visit me every day but something was different. Stephen was silent most of the time and when he talked, he was trying too hard to act okay.
A part of me knew he was hurting just as badly as I was, but he didn’t want to show that. He had his pride.

My mother had offered for me to come home. She said that she had spoken to Michael and that he had no problem with it. Going home meant that I had to put on a brave face. With Stephen I knew that he would understand if I just started crying. Stephen picked me up from the hospital and drove me home to collect some of my things. I packed a bag of clothes and a few personal items. After having a cup of coffee with my mother, we left again. I expected the house to still be a mess, especially the kitchen, but to my surprise everything looked normal. There was no sign of the shootout that had taken place weeks ago.

“Do you need anything before I leave?”

“You’re leaving?” I asked him as I turned to face him.

He hovered in the doorway looking ill at ease. His green gaze darted around the room before locking with mine. “There’s still some formalities I need to take care of.”

“Oh.”

I turned back around and bent down to unzip my bag on the bed. Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. Stephen pressed a kiss against my shoulder.

“I know you don’t want me to leave, but I need to do my job.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”

He pulled away and took a few steps back. “What does that mean?”

“Well,” I licked my lips. “I just meant to say that there are a lot of work opportunities out there.”

“No Alia,” he shook his head. “You can ask me a lot of thing and I’ll do it but not this. This job is my fucking life.”

“Then what am I?” I whispered. “Is it so bad of me to want you to come home to me every night?”

Stephen silently stared at me. I could see the emotions flashing through his eyes. After a few minutes he stepped towards the door.

“We will talk about this later.”

He was out the door before I could say anything. I walked over to the window to stare down. Stephen had his phone pressed to his ear as he walked to his car. He paused briefly and glanced up at the window. A few seconds later he drove away. Depression hit me hard as I sank down onto the edge of the bed. Things were different between us. I wasn’t ready to let him go.

***

The doorbell suddenly rang which made me jump. I groaned as I slipped the bookmark between the pages. The house was empty except for me. Everything had gone back to normal expect the relationship between Stephen and me. Emily stood on the other side of the door with a bright smile.

“Hey, cutie over there allowed me in,” she said pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

I stared past her at the police cruiser parked across the street. The man inside nodded at me. This wasn’t the first time I saw a car parked outside. Anger rose as I thought back to all the other days a car was parked outside.

“Can I come in?” I stood aside for her to enter before slamming the door shut. Emily was staring with wide eyes. “Damn this house looks amazing.”

“Is there anything you need?” I winced at the harshness of my voice. “Sorry I-“

She held up her hand with a smile. “Don’t apologize. I totally understand why you don’t want to see anyone. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Great,” I muttered, walking back to the couch. “Is there anyone that doesn’t know what happened?”

“Well I suppose only your family would’ve been the only ones to know if it wasn’t for your friend spreading the news.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Kate’s been telling everyone that you had an abortion, but word later got out that you had a miscarriage. I can’t believe that she claims to be your best friend and then goes behind your back to spread lies.”

“What lies?” Emily winced. “I’m just here to drop this off for you. None of your friends wanted to.”

“Emily please tell me,” I begged.

“She’s bragging about sleeping with Stephen behind your back.”

Shock washed through me as her words penetrated my mind. My best friend was bragging about sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back. I went over all the times she came to visit me. She was happy and she seemed different. Whenever she was over Stephen wasn’t home. He was gone almost all the time and then returned home late at nights. When I woke up in the mornings he was already gone. Was he really sleeping with her?

“I should go. You need to read the letter it’s from school regarding the winter classes.”

“Thanks.” 

I walked her to the door before heading upstairs. Emily stood at the police cruiser talking with the cop. I watched as she handed something to him before walking away. A few minutes later the car pulled away from the curb. I shook my head as I turned to stare at the room. Was he sleeping with Kate? Was that why he didn’t touch me?

The hours seemed to pass slowly. I couldn’t focus on the book I was reading earlier. Thoughts of Stephen and Kate tormented my mind. My eyes fell on the brown envelope on the coffee table. I sucked in air as I reread the letter. The test I had rescheduled wouldn’t count. According to them I failed and if I didn’t attend the winter classes they would kick me out.  I dropped the letter onto the table as my phone pinged.
What I saw wasn’t what I was expecting. I stared at the photo of Stephen. He was naked from his waist up and lying in bed with a woman at his side. Her naked body was pressed against his.

Your past always follow you.

***

Stephen got home earlier than I expected him. The moment he walked through the door he stormed upstairs. I hesitated only for a few seconds before following him. Stephen was busy undressing. I leaned against the doorway as I watched him strip down to his boxer briefs.

“How well do you know Kate?” His question caught me off guard.

I blinked at him when he turned around to face me. “We’ve been friends since the schools merged. After four years now,” I said softly.

He nodded as he picked up his utility belt. Stephen removed his gun before dropping the belt onto the desk. The gun was placed in the drawer in his bedside table.

“Why?” He didn’t answer me. “Why is there always a patrol car outside?”

“Because I asked them to watch the house.”

“Why?”

“What’s with all the questions Alia?” he questioned, turning to face me. “I asked them to keep a watch on the house so I know that you’re safe.”

He disappeared into the closet and came out dressed in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Stephen walked to the desk where he started searching through the papers.

“Are you leaving again?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to meet Kate?” He froze and then slowly straightened to his full height. His green gaze locked onto mine. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Kate has been spreading stories about the two of you. Apparently you’ve been sleeping with her behind my back.”

“And you believe that?”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore Stephen,” I whispered. “You said you’d tell me everything I wanted to know about you, but every time I bring it up you clamp up. Not once have you touched me since I got home from the hospital. It feels like you’re avoiding me. You’re barely home for five minutes before leaving again. Is it me? Is it because I lost the baby? Do you hate me because I lost our baby?”

I stared at him through blurry eyes. He muttered something under his breath as he stepped towards me. A sob fell from my lips when he wrapped his arms around me. Lips brushed against my forehead. I allowed him to pick me up and carry me over to the bed. Stephen sat down on the bed and placed me on his lap.

“I don’t hate you nor do I blame you. I’m not mad at you for losing our baby. I’m not trying to avoid you either baby.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” I whispered as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I won’t blame you if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“You have no idea how badly I want to be with you. This case is important for me. We’re getting closer to catching these guys.”

“Is that why you’re never home anymore?”

He nodded and then leaned down to press his lips against mine. He kept the kiss slow and gentle. “The sooner we close this case the better I’d feel about your safety. That’s why I have someone watching the house; to make sure that you’re safe.”

“You’re not sleeping with Kate?” I gasped when he suddenly cupped my sex.

“This pussy is the only one I want,” he said softly. “You’re the only woman I want Alia.”

“Good,” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and then pressed my lips against his.

He groaned. “I need to go baby,” he whispered against my lips. “I’ll be back in half an hour.”