[01] watery

she hadn't seen the face of school for weeks now. she hadn't been doing any better, so she guessed education wasn't the priority here for once. but there had never been one bright moment in this time period where she had been positive enough to think that she could make it through this battle to return back to school at all. her mom would tell her she could attend only once she began feeling better. but desert didn't really care about school, no, she didn't.

it was about time that she faced the questions that kept popping up in her mind, how could she actually call what she was going through a battle when it wasn't even a mutual fight? she had been ready from the beginning to give into whatever the hell had been, and was, wrong with her. to let it drown her in her misery, fill up her lungs till there was no space for air, for life. for existence.

she didn't miss school at all, to say in the least. she had transferred schools only that year, and was pretty sure she hated half of the population, except maybe for some hot guys and girls.

she had few friends back in her old school, she had left them all behind, she hadn't been tight with any of them so she didn't miss them either.

they would call each other sometimes, but she'd never update them with any of the shit that'd been going down in her life. god, did she hate existing.

three days later, she had to be back at the clinic, this time without her parents, because she supposedly needed it. she had been feeling like crap.

one thing, that had always been, was, and were to be an unchanging truth of the universe was that she had never been great at expressing her emotions through speech. so she drew. she had made many gore sketches that she wanted her psychiatrist to see, just to show him the amount of pain she felt.

she was sitting in a chair, holding the sketchbook in her hands as she stared through the ginormous window that was facing her, watching it rain, making the green of the trees look greener. she was grateful that such a wonderful phenomenon existed in hell.

time was passing by painfully slow when she noticed a shadow come over me.

it was this victor guy. not a great timing, she could not help but say.

he stared down at her not speaking but expecting her to let him sit by, so she did.

"sup?" he asked.

"why are you even talking to me?" she asked, totally annoyed. one of the features of her sickness, being irritable.

"because this place is dead as hell and i need to kill time to not end up dead too." he told her.

"you've got a point but i'm not someone you'd wanna make friends with."

"why?"

"just as i told you last time, victor, i'm crazy."

"sure." he let out a throaty laugh, her hands were itching to choke herself.

"i'm serious." she looked dead into his grey eyes.

"well, okay then, despacito, i don't really mind talking to a crazy person, if it's you."

"all my mind is able to think at the moment is ways to kill myself or end you for calling me that." she said, letting out an angry sigh.

"how do i make you want to talk to me?" he asked, very amused.

"by not despacito-ing me, for starters."

"ain't happening." he replied nonchalantly.

desert laughed. crazy bitch, that's what she looked like.

"what?" he laughed a bit, too.

"existence is so much pain that it's seems funny."

"relatable."

"so, what disorder are you?"

"some mood disorder shit, you?"

"borderline."

"cool."

"aye, not so much. tell me about your some mood disorder shit."

"constant feeling of sadness and wanting to kill myself, oh, and psychotic behaviour."

desert took a good look at him then. straight and floppy black hair, probably dyed, cold gray eyes, sharp nose and a soft looking mouth, wearing another black attire. black flannel over a black t-shirt, loose jeans and black clown boots.

"woah, dude, you're lowkey scaring me." she commented, not really meaning what she said.

"that's what everyone says."

"i was kind of hoping for you to keep me out of the 'everyone' category, victor."

"so do you want me to lie to you?"

"no, it's cool, i don't really care."

he didn't say anything back, instead he stared into her ocean blue eyes, holding steady eye contact with her. she was a bit confused as to why he was staring but complied any way.

a solid two minutes later, he spoke. "why are your pupils different sizes?"

"what?" she furrowed her brows together in confusion.

"your left pupil is more dilated than your right one."

"oh."

"why?"

"how the heck am i supposed to know, way to embarrass a girl anyway."

"yeah, sorry, but you do sort of lack symmetry in the face."

"oh my god, fuck you." she put the palms of her hands over her face the hide the blush she was sporting at the insult. she definitely hated him at the moment.

he let out one of his iconic throaty laughs and said, "sure."

"you're such a disgrace on the face of earth." desert retorted.

"but with a symmetrical face." his eyes twinkled and he put his arm around her chair, barely touching her but she could still feel his warmth.

"oh please, taserface is prettier than you." she said, staring at the trees outside.

"taserface is flattered, but i sure am offended." he said with mock genuineness.

"miss desert gastelen." a voice of a man sounded from behind the reception counter.

desert felt her heartbeat rush and she got up in a hurry, with her stuff in her hands, to sprint towards the doctor's cabin but not before tossing a careless "later" towards victor.

he sighed and nodded with a smile.

he hadn't felt this light in a long time.