"You want me to marry you?" She leans into her chair to observe this man, "Why? I am grateful for your help with my daughter. I don't think I will accept the help if it comes with such a price".

"No". His voice was sharper, "I will help you even if you refuse my request. You can have direct contact with Rohan if you don't want to see me again".

"Then why do you want me to be your wife?"

"Why not?" He challenges, "You are an exceptional woman".

"You mean three failed marriages and a daughter?"

"Especially with three failed marriages and a daughter".

"Why?"

He sighs, "Look, I will tell you the details". He pauses and she can see the hesitation, "I was married to a woman my mother choose for me a long time ago. It was alright. There wasn't much of an issue with the marriage. At least, not until a little later. It started with my wife not accepting any form of affection or intimacy unless I get her something for it. I didn't mind, of course, I had enough of it. She wanted a weekly cheque which was fine for me. Then, she announced she was pregnant. She said she doesn't want a child now because it will ruin her. I had no idea what to do since it is haram to kill a child. We used protection so I wasn't sure what went wrong. I tried to convince her that I will support her as much as I could". He sighs, "It went off the rail. She expects more money and I provided her. Everything was as ok as it could be until the day my baby girl was born. I was beyond happy to have a girl. Her mother wasn't". He grimace, "It was a few days after my daughter came back home that I found my wife choking her".

She gasps, "What?"

"Yeah. It was late at night. I usually wake up to feed my daughter because I know she needs milk and her mother refused to feed her any. Her mother also said she hates to have our daughter in our room because she ruins her sleep. Anyways, I was sleepy so I didn't check if my wife was in the room or not. Just as I entered my daughter's room, I saw my wife with a pillow over my daughter's face". His hands shook, "It was horrifying. I screamed until my throat hurts and remove my wife away from my daughter. You would think she will feel guilty or scared after she was caught in the act. She was laughing". He clenched his jaw, "She was laughing when I was crying, screaming, and was trying to figure out how to help my daughter".

"Where is your daughter?"

"Dead".

"What about your wife?"

"She is in rehab".

"Why did she do that?"

He took a deep breath, "She had issues. She wasn't prepared to be married because she didn't find men attractive in general. She never liked intimacy which was why she declined to marry me, at least, unofficially. Her parents forced her into it. So, as much as I was intimate or affectionate towards her, she was losing her mind. Adding a child as a result of something she hates only made things worse. She said she hated me. She wanted me to suffer how she had been suffering silently, so she took one thing of mine that she knew could never come back".

She didn't feel remorse or anger towards his wife as she imagined. Nor did she feel that he was angry with his wife.

"What do you think about all of this?"

"It shows how much mental health and personal opinion are still taboo. Getting married is still considered to be the endgame for everyone. That you cannot share your mental illness or problems with your spouse. That you can't burden them in any way especially a woman to a man who is responsible for her and will be questioned directly by their Lord. That not being attracted or not liking affection is considered something of a norm. No one teaches you that being married is just another task. That it is important to find your spouse attractive. Without, the attraction it will lose its charm very soon. I know it's famous about heart should be good enough. That doesn't disregard that, some, if not most need attraction. And somehow they are the bad ones".

She nodded, "I understand her. I was forced into my first marriage in similar ways. For me, it wasn't that I didn't want that part. It was just too soon. I had my dream. My wishes. They were all suddenly disregarded because I am a woman and of age. Yes, I was twenty-five which not many will consider a young age. But, I was still developing myself. I was starting to do something for myself. They just didn't understand that I need my peace before I let anyone else in".

"What else?"

"What?"

"What else went wrong for you. I want to know what you need from me and what I need to do for you".

"It was just the same. I was always rebellious. It was in my blood, I guess. While my sisters prefer marriage at a young age, I was fighting everyone, at least until 25 to not be married. I don't have anything against getting married young, ok, it was just that fact that my sister will always glorify and slap it on my face".

"What was the reason for the first marriage to end?"

"Coward. You met the man, right? It isn't hard to see he is not much of a man just another product of society. He couldn't stand by my words or actions. He will always make me bend in front of his parents. He didn't understand his responsibility and my rights in Islam. He will just say I am too liberal and shout at me whenever I prove he was wrong. Then, he will say that he was just angry. No apologies. Nothing".

"Why did you divorce him?"

"For my daughter. First, his parents hated that I am having a daughter. Then the day she was born and I came to consciousness. They were fighting with me over my daughter's name. Suddenly, they had a new tradition of being the first one to name her. And they wanted to name her Parveen". She shudder, "Parveen might be a good name. But, the world is changing some names are now old school. I told them that she is my daughter and that my right to name her. And my daughter has the right to have a good name. Then, they found she was blind and just everything went crazier. They blame me. My liberal habits and so on. Anyways, my husband or whatever didn't support me. Told me to shut up and respect the elder. Of course, I didn't. I move out of his house and my parents didn't accept me so I went to a shelter and filed for divorce".

"Weren't you scared?"

"Scared?" She scoffed, "I was horrified. Every day, I was close to losing my sanity. Every day I look at my daughter and reminded myself why I am doing this".

"I assume the second ended because of abuse?"

She nodded. His jaw clenched.

"What about the third?"

She laughs bitterly, "That bastard. He took my savings to buy a luxury car for himself. He used my daughter's future money to buy a damn car".

He bites on his tongue to not lash out as he wanted. What a bastard.

"Then, everyone proceeds to tell me that I shouldn't be mad. It was a one-time thing. He has a right to my money. He is a good man. He did a mistake. I should compromise since this is my third marriage".

"You didn't".

"Of course, I didn't. The more someone pressures me to do something the more I rebel. I left my daughter's father for her sake. I will never compromise on her".

He understands. He understands why each of the marriages was a failure. They all wanted to bend her to their desires. It is very common actually. In our society, after marriage, a girl (self) is not there anymore. She does everything for the man including losing her identity. Each man, family, or society tries to bend the woman to however they want and the woman bends just like that.

Apparently, not this one.

Maybe that was her charm. Maybe that was what told him that she was the one.

He wasn't the one to not think logically. At least, that's what he believes. He also believed that he will never settle again. That the horror of that night will forever haunt him. The ants that crawl on him to ever think of being affectionate or intimate towards another woman will never allow peace to come. Yet, when he heard about Sudur there was something that clicks. The minute she mentioned her daughter his mind went to Rohan, on its own. It was like his brain was forming a plan without his will.

Somehow, in the months he worked with Rohan to sign a contract and to ask for his help he found a different kind of motivation in him. He was thirty-six and motivation never comes after such a long time. Yet, he wanted to do everything for Sudur. He found everything he could about them (not personal stuff) to work out a good plan.

It was something he had to do for some reason. Then there was this woman who was filled with mystery and sparks his curiosity. She was a woman who had a battle with the world. She was a woman who carries the world on her shoulder, gracefully.

She ignites a need in him.

A need was not a concept he knows about. He always had everything in his life. He had no worries about the future. There was never a need in his life. This woman awakens that. And the worst is the fact that he felt protective of her. When he saw that bastard placing his hands on her. The moment he saw the fear in her eyes, he was barely sane when he witness that. He hated it.

Which was why he made sure that bastard never sees the sun again. Not without boundaries.

"So?"

"So? Why do you want to marry me?"

Should he tell her the depth of his emotions? He will scare her. He knows the intensity. He knows how deep he can feel and project. He cannot scare her yet.

"I want a family. I always adore a family. I know I can have that with a strong-willed woman like you".

"You know I will have demands".

"I know I can provide them all".

"Let's start from the first one, shall we?"

She is not sure why she is doing this. One more time won't hurt, right?

"I want 80lakh as my haq mahr".

"Just 80? I am sure you know how much I make with your research for our contract".

Ok, that is a pleasant shock. Because all the last three men argued on the mahr she wanted. Even when mahr was the first right for a woman. The right our Lord demanded from a woman. Yet, it was projected and made a shame to ask for money. When Mahr can only be an asset, nothing else. Either money, gold, land, or something of sorts.

"I said 80lakh because that bastard stole that much".

"What was the 80lakh for?"

"Sudur. It was for her future in case something happens".

He nodded, "How about I create an account in your and Sudur's name and add 80lakh before you think of Mahr that you want from me?"

"That is not right".

"Why not? If you are marrying me. It means I take care of everything that is yours. Sudur is your child".

She felt a lump in her throat.

"I can do it by the end of today if you agree to marry me".

"I am agreeing. Just after you listen to all my demands".

"Alright".

"I want a separate home. I mean, that place is my sanctuary. It belongs to me. No one, I mean, no family member can come in without asking beforehand. I cannot take care of people and I don't like answering people as to why I didn't cook for the day. I don't like serving people either. I don't like cooking in general. Any hard labor is also out of question".

"Understandable".

"That means that whatever happens in our house remains there. I don't want anyone to know any of our affairs. Even if you think you are saying something small such as I was sleeping late or I was doing something, I don't want you to share about my life or events with anyone. I want you to respect me and my privacy".

He nodded.

Because he knows how it works in our society. Women are to be constantly working and serving. Resting is taboo. Not just for females but males. Sharing things about your spouse with someone (even your closest people/family) may not be precise by them the same way. They don't let things go. They mock and taunt. This is why Allah order you to not share things with other unless you need advice.

"I don't want anyone's opinion on my daughter. I don't care how high you think of them. If they teach me how to treat, cure or do anything for my daughter, I will rip them apart".

"As you should". He agreed, "Anything else?"

She nodded, "I want a monthly cheque in my name".

"That shouldn't be something you have to ask for. I was planning to do so".

Because even when she earns that is her money what she does with it is not his affair. However, he has a responsibility to provide for her need and then for her. The amount that she can spend on herself as she needs. No questions asked.

"You will help in regards to my daughter as much as possible. She never had a man to look upon. As far as I can see she takes a liking to you. So, you will be her role model. Her father never liked her and only come to get the satisfaction of annoying me. By telling me how I am doing everything wrong. And he criticizes everything that Sudur does. That she shouldn't be hearing scientific podcasts because she has no future. Imagine a six years old hearing that. God!"

He can feel the anger radiating from her.

"Some people don't deserve to be parents".

"Exactly! That is all from my side, I guess".

"I will do all the things you just asked. Besides that, you need to know that the house will be as your daughter likes. Which means there is safety applied to all the sharp ends. There isn't anything that can fall and hurt her. Anything such as glass or breakable is not in my place. I will change my house owner's name to yours".

"No. You don't have to do that".

"I want to. If I am not here anymore I want you to have your sanctuary. I know you value it highly".

"Thank you".

"So, will you please marry me?"

"I will".

+++++

Ok, what do you think about this chapter?

There is so much to understand and load here.

It happens to me a while back. I have an arab friend at work who was speaking to me about Mahr. She said that Mahr needs to be very calculated and thought carefully. That the woman needs to decided for herself.

I remember how one woman asked her husband to memorize a surah as a mahr and it was glorified out of context.

Mahr cannot be a Surah or anything that is not an asset. It needs to be either money or something that could be used by the woman in this world (land, jewelery). It needs to hold value. That value should also be calculated according to the currency and rate of the country.

I hate how Mahr is now seen as shameful and selfish thing. We have a right to demand as much as we wish without external interference.

All these shows, dramas and media literally says that they want woman rights and then everything that Islam says is woman right is somehow selfish for a woman to ask. Even books follow the same concept.

Another concept that I didn't speak of was that a woman can ask for money to feed their child milk which makes sense if you actually think. A woman suffers body harm which will never heal, all exhaustion and all late nights for what?

The child is as much a man's as a woman. A woman can demand money for the labor she is putting in. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of.

Anyways, for Mahr we speak to the man beforehand if he can provide what we are asking for. If not, you have two options if YOU want to lower it, ok, if not, do not marry the man. It's that simple. Islam is simple, human sucks.

Beside, everything else that was asked by the FML is all the rights given by ISLAM. You cannot object to any of them. Her husband needs to provide her with them. Also, this chapter shows how exactly you should speak to your future partner. Loud and clear. No compromise. No shame. Nothing.

You are the one marrying and you don't want to spend years in a shitty marriage with shitty expectations.