Hi!

God, it feels like years. So much happened and is happening. My mom had a major surgery, my dad was admitted, my studies were on the edge, full time job, and lastly I found that I have a nerve damage which means I cannot do much with my hand.

Alhamduillah, because everything passes by eventually. And, things are getting better. I am so sorry I couldn't spend time with you all. I miss you all :(

On the side note, I found out recently that in some places a girl (at age 7 or above) vag*na is stitched unlawfully to prevent her from desires and reserve her for her husband, only.

If there is someone you know or if they are reading this note, please please know this is WRONG. Not just in the worldly law but also in religion. Women are not here to provide services to men, only, Islam never oppress in anything. Just like how important being intimate it is for men, it is far more important for women and they have the right to demand it. Please educate yourself from scholar's who are authentic (do not follow any asian scholar). Check your facts against Quran because it basically explained the whole procedure.

Also, please, especially women who live in asia or are born, do not ever agree or accept what someone teaches you. The toxicity added to our religion is bad. Every word, action is culture, NOT religion. We can make the change. We can be the change. Please educate and spread.

I was traumatized when I read a real story on this. How her husband ripped those stitches on first night after marriage while she screamed and bleed. How he raped her after. And yes, husband rapes too. Read about it, please.

The fact that I lose my sanity and remember how grateful I should be to live in a place where I never faced this is so sickening. I don't even want to say Alhamduillah on someone's else sufferings. This is why we are told to look around before we suffocate ourselves by thinking that the world is against us.

That doesn't mean you can't be sad. That just means how you live while being sad. A difference many of us don't know about.

Now enjoy!

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The purest love is that of a father and daughter.

Zahoor believes that there are two things wrong with that statement. The fact that the statement implies that every father's love is pure for his daughter is false. There are countless father who isn't worthy of being one. And, the fact that it implies that naturally a father is supposed to love his daughter. Even when it's a blood bond she believes what strengthen is efforts. Because if a husband and wife relationship is not based on blood bond instead a thread of their creator and the only way it flourishes is efforts so does any other relationship.

Also, if both the parties works on it, not just a single alone person fighting on both sides.

She is not saying this because she has a father who isn't worthy to be one. Instead, her father is the most amazing man to exist in her life. Without his constant support and his encouraging self, she wouldn't have achieved anything in her life. Especially not a sense of what this life is and what she needs to focus entirely on.

"Here is the thing, beti (daughter)". Her father said looking at some drama that was just as horrible as any other with the same plot, "You cannot perceive other men based on how I treated you. You cannot force your beliefs on him. You cannot plead him guilty because he didn't fit the perfect shape you created in your mind. Because he is human and what you should expect is mistakes. However, don't ever mistake my words to believe that any sort of disrespect, anger and abuse is ok from him, no, if he ever so did a little of any of it, you leave the man immediately. No forgiveness and no second chances. You are not raised to baby a man who never thought of growing into a man. If you can grow into a patient beautiful girl, he had enough chance to grow into a real man".

"Baba, honestly, why are you saying this to me?" She asked, raising her head from her laptop she was speaking to her senior with, "I am not getting married".

Her father laughs, "I can't help when all they show in these dramas is discrimination, racism, and that abuse is ok".

She scoffed, "Our society enjoys these dramas and the fact that they support these cases in real life".

Her father sighs, "I can't believe people do these things".

"You have seen it happen enough times".

"I know. I know. Doesn't mean I agree with them. Watching beautiful souls break in front of my eyes is painful". Her father said, sadly

She knows why he is sad. Because just yesterday they were in the market laughing and enjoying their day off when a man started to hit his wife because she bought a thing for herself when she wasn't allowed to waste money on herself especially without permission. 

She was disgusted how people around didn't even step in to stop the abuse instead they all turned around and said 'it their matter' as if the man wasn't abusing in public.

Of course, she didn't stay still. She looks at her bruised hands and she did well for her part. She hates how the woman was apologising at the end of it and was embarrassed when her whole face was covered with bruises.

"Beti". Her father said, taking her out of her thoughts, "I made you into a woman who can't be defined by anyone. Not men or women. No one can define who you are and I want you to promise that you will never crumble to pressure. Never do things because people force you into it and always stand for the right things".

"Even when people force culture over me saying it's religion?" She teases knowing just how much her father hates that

Her father grumbles, "Especially at that time. Religion isn't weak or hard, it's people who made it like that. They do sin because they want to and blame it on religion. They do everything that creates a toxic society and they say it's in religion. You know what I taught you and the difference between what is culture and what is religion. Don't ever put your religion over culture".

"Ji Baba". She said determined, "Ab agar ap ka in dramo per discussion poori ho gayi ho toh kahna kah lain?" (If your discussion on this drama is then let's eat some food?)

"I am not done". Her father grumble  frowning, "Do you see how a new wave is in where they take handsome/popular men who do toxic things such as dragging a woman by the hair, slapping, accusing or forcing her to marry and suddenly they are something a woman are fantasizing about?"

She sighs knowing it's going to be a long discussion. But she didn't mind because her father was a part of her soul and identity. She works for her father to rest and she knows he only speaks to her because he knows people out of their house are all filled with beliefs that they shouldn't have which is why her father was an introvert and never had any contact with people besides the need of it.

When she was born is when her father did break through his ways. People used to think he was someone they can push around and they did for the most part. But, after she was held in his hands, he never once let anyone say or do anything that can hurt her. He would take decisions with her and won't ever let anyone come close to protesting against them. He always let her challenge the norm and fight the bully even when people told him that he needs to shield his girl away. He would always say to them that if they spend more time training themselves and their families, his daughter won't need to be shielded. Whenever she fought someone he would tend to her wounds and tell her how proud he was of her. Never once did he let the world define how he needs to be with her and because of that, she was an army officer.

She wasn't the one who fights on the field, rather, she was the one who build their plans. She was in intelligence profession in army that people said she will be like a prostitute in. Because she will be sent to spy and use her charm on people. Plus the fact that it was a men's profession declared by society there were just too many things they have to say about it.

She did hear them and she didn't really care. Obviously, why will she care about random people's words? Doesn't make sense to her. She can and will only take advice from those who made her what she is and who believed in her. Not random people who were opposed to her since birth. And the only person she ever listens to is her father. No one else.

She heard the doorbell ringing once she wore her uniform and she was working on her hijab who decided it wasn't her day. She heard the voices in the living room which made her groan. She was looking forward to breakfast with her father where they forget the world and just sit in their small garden speaking about nature, creator and a few discussions on religion.

Now there is an external family from her dad's side here, again. They are constantly here since she turned twenty-five which was three years ago.

Why? It should be pretty obvious when she mentioned twenty-five. It is the age where everyone thinks they have the right to say that the girl is past the age of marriage. Any year added depreciate her value.

She rolls her eyes when she enters the room saying her greeting as she sits on her father's side who grins at her. She always loves her father's smiles, they are so warm and soft that her love for him always grows bigger.

She can't help the smile that graces her face and the frown vanishing. If one thing she knows is that her father made it very clear that marriage is entirely her decision. Not that she can hunt down a man. Because her father mentioned if she likes someone, she informs him immediately and he will send a proposal or if someone says they like her, they send a proposal to her. Simple as that. Nothing more or less.

But, what her father meant is if she didn't find someone and she truly wishes to be in a bond, she will inform him about it. Only when she agrees by herself to be in that bond is when her father will ever speak of her marriage. If not, she can do whatever she wants in her life and her father will always be by her side.

Because marriage wasn't a thing that everyone needs to do. No, marriage is just a part of life that whoever wants to embrace can and those who don't want to can do whatever they want. Marriage isn't life, start or the end of it.

"You are heading to your work?" Her aunt asked and she shrug because it was obvious, "It must be tiring to get up early and do all of this work".

"Not really. I like work". She said watching the fake smile disappear at her words, "It must be tiring for you to come this early just to get to me and do your daily activities".

Her aunt gives a tight smile, as she turns to her father, "We just wanted to say that your daughter is well educated and experienced, shouldn't you settle her down".

"Sounds toxic". Her father said, "What do you mean by settle down? She is a human who is doing amazing she doesn't need to settle down that you have in your mind. Those words sound so wrong".

She hides her smile when her aunt continued, "She is of age. You won't be with her forever".

"Which is why I made her capable enough to do everything by herself". Her father replied impassively

"Still. She needs someone who can take care of her. Who can help her".

"And who do you suggest?" Her father asked raising his eyebrows when they both know the answer

"My son, of course, he is earning-".

"So is my daughter. Maybe more than your son".

"Yeah, but she cannot do all the chores that men do".

"Actually she can". Her father said with pride, "She has been doing it and she can do it all".

"But she doesn't have to. My son can take care of her".

"Well, do your son knows how to cook? My daughter has no idea". Lies

Cooking was another one of their favourite activity to do. They have movies night and cooking night. Even when her father doesn't allow her in the kitchen most days and almost most of her life, he did teach her for herself. He said as long as he is alive he doesn't wish to see her in there.

"I-My son works all day-". Aunt started

"My daughter works longer hours". Her father said cutting her off

"Women can manage more burden than men".

"Says who? In the past, the men did all sorts of outer activities (wars) yet they were obliged to work with their wives. Our Prophet used to do everything even when his life was a full-time job. So, what kind of excuse is that? Men can do everything if they want to just like women".

"Of course. They both earn so they can have a maid". Her aunt said

"Sure. But the fact that your son is not educated enough is still there".

"He is an engineer". Her aunt argued

"I didn't say the worldly knowledge. I was speaking of his religious and mannerism. He lacks in those two".

"No. He doesn't. I taught him".

"You taught him how to manipulate his son card however he wants. You taught him where he can use it to his advantage and lower the other person to dust. You taught him everything that wasn't there".

"No-".

"Yes. Do not lie. Your son on many occasions has said disgusting things to my daughter. He had used abusive language, smokes, parties and doesn't value relationships. He continues to disrespect the very being that he is supposed to respect under all circumstances. He insults my daughter thinking it's his right and doesn't care enough to apologize. So, do not tell me your son is some superior being to my amazing daughter because he isn't even human, to begin with".

"I thought you are in the army so you fought your on battle".

Her father was about to speak when she hold his hand, "I do. But I need to tell him about trash so he can take it out".

"You bitch-".

"Do not speak to my daughter like that". Her father roared and she has only seen her father angry a few times, "I swear I will ask her to put you in your place right this moment if you speak another word. You and I both know if I did that you will not be walking home anymore".

"So". Her uncle who is her father's brother spoke after all, "You didn't marry again all your life and now you will do the same to your daughter?"

Her father stilled, "What did you just say? I married and it didn't work. You know why? Because all of you forced me to marry. I understand one thing from it that I will never force my child into something they aren't ready to do. I wasn't taught a thing about marriage besides that I am superior to my wife and such, I made sure my child knows her place before she ever take that step. So, do not come to me and tell me that I didn't do something when you are not ready to accept that what you did was wrong".

"Your wife was-".

"Don't speak another word about her. I will not let anyone disrespect the mother of my child. Whatever she did and whatever that was between us is our private matter. Do not think of ever bringing that woman in between our matter".

"You will ruin your daughter's life just like you ruined your life".

Her father breaks.

Once she threw them out, she went back to her father wrapping her hands tightly around him. She heard him sniffing and she hates how much these people enjoy putting salt on her father's wounds. She holds him tightly as he cries in her arms. She has often heard him crying alone when she was young but when she come to the age she started to sit with him whenever she found him crying.

He was a soul too pure for this world. She was blessed to have him.

"Baba, I love you. I will always love you. You didn't do anything wrong. Just like you said, you cannot expect the next person to be yours. They are their own person before they are something to us. You aren't responsible for my mother's actions. She chooses that life and everything. It wasn't your fault. I will never blame you".

"Promise me". Her father's voice was weak, "Promise me you will never forget yourself. Even when your mother choose herself, it was her right. So, just because of what she did never put yourself last. You are first in my life and you need to be first in yours too".

She nodded, kissing his forehead as she lays him on the couch to take a nap. She decided she needs to take a day off for her father. Even when she knows her father will be mad at her for it. He always says to not leave work for anything. Well, her father wasn't just anything, he was everything to her.

She went to their garden after doing the chores to clean the fallen leaves. The sun was blazing hot and she feel the need to have something cold.

"Hey, neighbour, what you doing out of work?". She heard his annoying voice as she decided to ignore it, "What no reply?"

She continues to clean her garden when he starts to throw more leaves from his own to her. He was leaning against the fence of his garden that separates the two from each other and she wonders why he has to be the one on the other side.

"Aloo, I swear if you throw another leaf I will kill you".

"My name is not Aloo". He said frustrated, "My name is Alom".

"Sounds Aloo to me". She added an extra 'O' to his name just to annoy him and it always works

"Don't you dare call me Aloo-".

"Ok Aloo, why are you out of work? Kicked out?" She smirks watching his eyes narrow at her

For everyone in this neighbourhood, they know they both don't like each other. He didn't have a father and he died in a war. While she didn't have a mother because she didn't like her father and went to marry a man of her choice right after her birth.

People were forced multiple times to get his mother to marry her father to which they always refuse. They didn't want to get married again and people never understand that.

Anyways, they didn't hate each other from the start. Their hate starts when she turned seventeen and choose to study in army school so she can get into further army position and training.

That's when it all started and she never once backed down.

She heard the doorbell ringing and she groan. She picks the bag she filled with fallen leaves dumping it all on his side as he stands there gaping at her. She throws the last smirk before walking to the front door.

Just that her playful behaviour vanishes in the thin air when she saw who was at the door.

Her mother. She is here.

+++++

I honestly don't know how people tolerate their significant others or family smoking. It's a sin and I hate the smell. I would rather leave the boy then bear with his smoking addictions. Ew 

If you can bear it, good for you.

How are you all?

Your author,

Faiqa