I'M BACK!!!!

Can't believe I stayed away for so long. Things are still not good and they are still pretty bad. I just hope these months past away soon.

Thank you for all your support ❤

****

"Dalila, your attitude will never get you married". Her mother screamed as she looks at the fish in the large aquarium being caged against their nature and wish

She tilts her head with a fake pout, "But, mom, that is the exact point".

"Why are you like this? I didn't raise you this way?" Her mother cried as she looks around to find something to hit her

She tilts her head to the ceiling as she spoke, "Are you sure you raised me?"

Her mother hits her repeated which didn't faze her, "How can you say that to me? How? I raised you for 27 years. Even your marriage age is past. You won't find a man".

She holds her mother hand, pushing it away as she stands, "Who said I am finding a man? And if a man can't even stay for me or want me just because of my age, he can very well go die. See if I care".

"Why can't you be like you were when you were little? Why can't you be like your younger sister? You used to be a good child"

She halts in her steps, turning to her mother, "I never said I was good. That child you can manipulate was good, not the adult version. Adios, mom".

She sits in the dining room at night watching her father speak softly with her younger sister- Dayna and her mother placing food on her plate. She rolls her eyes, continuing her eat show so she can leave this suffocating place.

"I found a man for you". Her father said sternly

"Are you sure he is a man?" She said, uninterested as she looks at all the vegetables she hates on her plate, she looks over her sister plate where there was delicious food

Her father slammed his hand and both her mother and sister cowered in fear while she remains unfazed.

"Behave yourself". Her father snapped, then he turns to her mother, "I cannot believe you raised her this way".

"Why are you blaming her? I wasn't just hers to raise. You were the one who made me". She snapped angrily

"Don't you dare speak to me like that". Her father said, pushing the chair

She rolls her eyes, "Then, try accepting your mistakes. Don't blame my mother".

"I cannot believe this. She is an embarrassment in my life". Her father said angrily, "Look at my beautiful Dayna, she knows how to respect me and talk politely".

"Hmm, I wonder why". She said snickering

"Appi, don't do this". Dayna said almost on the verge of tears

She shrugged, "Your father is doing it. I never said a thing. Why are you pulling this all on me?"

Her father holds her tightly, "I told you to behave didn't I? Look at Dayna, even when her mother died, she became an amazing daughter. I never once said anything about not having a son, but you make me wish I had a son instead".

She rips her hand out, "I wish for that too. And, it's not like you would have done something better. I would be glad to be a son so I could run around like a madman and you will have to come to my rescue".

Her father slapped her.

She tilts her head, looking at him, "Do you even feel ashamed for raising your hand on a woman? Not even a daughter, I am asking if you feel bad to raise a hand on a woman? Or did no one teach you".

"You-". Her father raised his hand and she holds it

"I don't think so". She said, pushing it away, she turns to her mother, "You are just going to stand there? Not say a word? Not do anything? What did I expect from you? Why did I expect from you?"

She turns around, heading towards the straight when she heard her father voice.

"I want to throw her out of the house". He screamed

"Just say the word and I will leave". She screamed back as she marches to her room

Just before she could enter, her sister holds her hand and she rips her hand away.

"Don't touch me". She said angrily

"Can't you just be nice for a day? All I want is a happy day with my family". Dayna pleaded, "I am so stressed because-".

She raises her hand, "Stop. I didn't ask what is stressing you. Why are you dropping your emotional garbage on me?"

"Why are you like this? Why can't you listen to them? They raised us?"

"And? They raised me so I should bow down?" She said, narrowing her eyes as she steps closer to her sister, "Don't you dare come to me and lecture me on shit you have no idea about. I told you before to make sure, you stay out of my sight so no one gets hurt, didn't I?"

"We live in the same house and same life. Why are you like this?"

"We didn't live the same lives". She mumbles, as she enters the room, banging the door on her face

She feels someone waking her from her deep sleep and she was ready to throw hands when she finds her mother.

Her mother crying. That detail seems to always stick with her mother.

She rolls her eyes, moving her hair away from her face, "To what do I owe you this pleasure?"

"Don't you have shame?"

"Shame for what?"

"For acting like that to your father".

"No way". She said in shock, "He is my father? Please, tell me that's a lie. I was surviving on the fantasy that one day you will say, Dalila, here is the address and number of your birth father. Go, run and live a happy life. You can't do this to me. I dreamt about becoming rich too".

Her mother hit her shoulder and she bites her lips to not wince.

"How can you be like this? How? Why my daughter? Why? I lived such a beautiful life with praises, why?"

"Are you sure you lived a beautiful life?" She asked, leaning on the board, "Or do people make you believe that you were living a beautiful life in a broken castle?"

"Where did you get all these words from? Where?"

"Maybe you should have learned them. Life would have been so much better".

Her mother wipes her tears, "You have to marry this man. I don't care about this anymore. You need to marry. We have to marry Dayna too".

She smirks, "Now I understand. I almost thought you were worried I will die a virgin. Now, I know. Damn, I thought you actually cared. I am such a fool".

"W-What do you mean?"

Her face fell, "There is a proposal for Dayna, isn't it? You want to marry me off so you don't have to answer people questions".

"Yes. That is it. Dayna found a good man. He will ask for her hand soon. What will we say if they ask about why our elder daughter is not married?"

"Um, the fact that she doesn't want to marry? Why do I have to carry the weight of Dayna's marriage and her in-law's unwanted interference in my life? I don't care. Let me sleep".

Her mother slapped her.

She chuckles bitterly, "I shouldn't have defended someone like you".

"What?"

"I shouldn't have defended someone as weak as you. You deserve this. You did this to yourself and me. You deserve this life. Go away. Leave. Go out of my room". She screamed the last part as her mother hurried out of the room, leaving the doll to shatter all alone

**

She sighs.

She rolls her shoulder to relax them after a long day at work. Being a spaceship programmer is not an easy job. She spends days and months on one thing.

She heard sounds from the living room and she enters to find a family of three. She knows for a fact who Dayna's love interest is, so this can't be good.

"She is here". Her mother said overjoyed

She steps back as her mother tries to reach for her. She hates touch. She glares at her mother, watching everyone looking at them.

"What is this drama?" She asked bluntly, "I didn't come from my office to look at this cheap show I didn't even pay for".

Her mother fakes a laugh, trying to reach for her and she pushes her hand away.

"We are here for your proposal". The man (boy's father) said

"I never agreed to be seen by anyone as an item for sale". She snarled, "I am done with this. I am leaving".

Her mother finally managed to hold her hand and she felt her chest tightened.

"You should at least speak to the person we choose for you". Her mother said with a fake smile

She snickers, "Choose for me? Without asking me? I don't think that I am interested in your decisions for my life. They are always worse".

She took a deep breath, ripping her hand away, walking towards the garden to take in some fresh air although staying here, is not possible.

She feels someone presence beside her and she turns to find a man who was inside.

"Don't you have any questions for me?" Haris asked confused, "Are you shy to ask?"

She gagged, "I am disgusted and not interested. I made that clear inside. Take the rejection and go back home".

She starts to take steps away when she heard him say, "What if I can't take the rejection?"

She turns around, "That sounds like a personal problem to me".

"Wait wait". He said, blocking her path

"Get out of my way".

"You don't know who I am?"

She makes a face, "That's the worse line every lead says in the books. What you are is none of my business. I said I am not interested in who you are, what you are, why you are and how you are. Get lost".

"But-"

"One more thing, don't ever appear in front of eyes or I will throw something at you".

"What will you throw?"

"Anything".

She sits in her room, reading a room when the door banged open. She finds her parents entering and she sits upright.

"You insulted me". Her father shouted

"So did you".

He slapped her, "I don't care how, but I will get you married. I am not ruining my daughter's life because of you".

"I am your daughter too".

"No you are not. You stopped being my daughter when you disrespected me".

"It's not like I was your daughter ever. How many years had it been? Oh, right, 25 years".

Another slap.

"She will not leave her room. Don't even think about giving food to her". Her father ordered her mother

For a month.

A month she was locked behind these damn doors. For a month she barely ate a thing or two. Thanks to her clever mind, she managed to stock some snacks in her room which she lived off (before she was locked). It did drove her crazy to be caged in this room. But, all she did was work from home and read. Even if she can't get a physical book, she read online.

This has to be some sick kind of misery and luxury. Because, what seems like a punishment to her parents, seems like a blessing to her.

Did she give in? Hell no.

She wasn't that easy to break. She wasn't that idiot (old self) who would break under pressure. She stopped being that girl once she turned 18. Thank God, she did. Because if not, she would have been fooled.

Marriage. As if.

She doesn't know why people show marriage as an only escape for women because there are better things. Like money, food independence and books.

She doesn't need anything else.

Marriage is a responsibility, unnecessary responsibility. Some are forced and some are expected and she will not be one of them.

Even if she someday marries, but she won't be of that kind.

She heard the door opening and she hides everything away, trying to act miserable when her only misery was whoever was behind the door.

"They are coming to see you again". Her mother said angrily, "Get dressed".

She rolls her eyes, dressing in black pants and a white shirt with a denim jacket. She admires herself in the mirror as she went downstairs.

She heard a gasp from the people and she did a gasp too.

Just for the effect.

"Damn, do I look that thin? I know my parents locked me up, but I can't lose that much of my weight, right?"

"Lock you?" The would-be groom (Haris) asked whose name she didn't care to ask

"Oh, yeah, a good story". She started when her father stopped her

"You should speak to her privately". Her father suggested

She rolls her eyes, going to the garden with a drink that she has been craving and hope she stock in next time with her snacks.

"So, what is the deal with your parents?" He asked casually

"Oh, Your Highness, it's all for your sake".

"My sake?"

"Yeah, I am the sacrificial goat for your proposal".

"I never asked them to do something like that".

"That is ignorance, really. Don't you know the privilege of being a man in our fuc-ducking society? That comes with it. A girl can't reject a guy especially a rich one or she will be punished and she has sinned".

"That is sick".

"Guess who made the society like that?"

"You should sort it out with your parents. If you are not interested then end it".

"Sort it out? You are the reason for my recent problem. How can I sort you out? And what do you mean I end it? I ended it a month ago and I don't know why you are here".

"I didn't want to be here. I have things to do". He said frustrated, "But, I don't know what pact our parents made that they just can't take rejections".

"Obviously. Or I wouldn't have to be locked in a damn room for a month".

"I don't get it. Why did they do something as absurd as locking you in the room?"

"You and me, both. The day I find the answer to why they did all the things to me is the day I will die in peace".

"You are just 27, why are you speaking about death?"

"Is there a set age I should start speaking about death, My Master? If you didn't like it, should I rephrase it for you? I don't care what you want, whatever your name says, I want you to never ever think of being with me".

He sighs, "Wish my parents understand that".

"That's your problem".

She turns around to leave when she stumbles and drop the juice right at him.

"Damn, the juice just went to waste". She said, shaking her head

She didn't wait for any more words as she marches straight out of the house. She doesn't need to be locked again.

"Why are you still here?" Her colleague asked, sitting on the chair beside her

"I love work?"

"Let's get some coffee to work for a few more hours. I can't function anymore".

She shrugged, joining her to the cafe which is a little away from the workplace. She sits on the couch, looking around at the pretty decorations, but she never understands why cafes are always so small and tight?

Small places make her suffocated.

She holds her coffee, hurrying out of the cafe when she bumps into someone, pouring the coffee all over them.

"You did take it personally to throw something at me every time we meet".

And she can't curse her luck enough.

***

How was it? She is pretty savage (if you know, you know)

I did an awesome interview with AbeySallon for their book "Loose talk". Head over to their book and support your sister.

I did talk some personal stuff you might want to read.

Your author,

-Faiqa