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The Process - Ch.8



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Jin blinked a few times as he woke up. The memory faded into a secluded but secured part of his mind. It was a painful memory, but he was glad it came back to him. One more puzzle piece. Namjoon. The man he truly loved. The feeling was so intense. Even though the memory of him disappeared, the feeling Jin had was true and strong. It was always there. Jin just didn't know what it was, until now. His face was numb and disappointed. Jisung was looking at him with relief.

-'' God...you're awake.'' - He said with a huff, thinking how panicked he was just some minutes ago when Jin collapsed in his arms. The said man wore a confused look at first, but as his memory catch up with him, his eyes became sad. 

Jisung sighed deeply, a knowing look on his face told Jin that he understood. He knew what that expression means. Another memory flashes, but not so pleasant this time.

-''  What was it this time?'' - The tattooed man asked quietly like he was afraid of startling Jin if he use a bigger volume. Jin looks at him.

-'' Namjoon.'' - Jin said, the sadness in his tone made Jisung turn the corners of his mouth compassionately downwards.

-'' How?''

Jin sighs and then chuckles without humour. -'' I remembered some painful things that occurred before my father...'' - He nearly choked again, but composed himself, taking a deep breath. - ''...when he...when he caught us.''

Jisung sighed.

-'' Did you and Joon have had a fight?''

Jin nodded. - '' You can say that.'' - Jin swallows hard. - '' I...umm...I might have been too harsh in the end, but...'' - He stops, thinking of what to say, but then just went with it. - '' But he hurt my feelings more.''

Jisung let a long sigh. - ''Did you two have had sex together?''

Jin was silent at first and then nodded.

-'' I figured as much.'' - Jisung says deeply in thought. - '' In a way, it explains your anger, for starters, then the amount of sadness and tears. If he simply rejected you, you will be moody and sad, but not devastated. I knew it was something bigger, more intimate.'' - He scratches his jaw, eyes still unfocused as he went through his own memories from the past. - '' I know how much you liked him. How much you wanted him. And, you were always prone to lust and boldness when you are hurting. It's like you've needed a physical confirmation that you are wanted.''

Jin curls into himself at that. Was he always this insecure deep down? Jin remembers how careful they were in the beginning, not wanting anyone to know about their three-way involvement. But Jin's pain and suffering caused them to cross the thin boundaries they placed and expose themself to the ridicule, scrutiny and disgust of society. It was a stupid mistake. The mistake Jin, now, utterly regret, but, he would never regret Jisung and Joy.

-'' You always hid your true emotions.'' - Jisung said. - '' Always wearing the confident mask. The only time I saw you with your raw vulnerable emotions was when you talk about Namjoon.'' - He says somewhat bitterly, but not accusatory. -'' You were confused with who you truly are. You had no idea what you wanted from life, and you were hiding something from your past.''

Jin looks at him at that. Jisung continued speaking before Jin could ask more about it.

-'' Something bad must have happened because you were always evasive whenever the past was mentioned. Something way before Namjoon. Before Hwan guy as well. Something bad shook you to the core and you just shut it out.'' - Jisung shrugged his shoulders, hands clasped in his lap. - '' We never pressed for answers, figuring that you will open up to us when you feel ready, but you never did.''

-'' We should have stopped you back then.'' - Jisung continues after a moment when the silence lingered too long. - '' But I don't think either Joy or me were ever able to think straight when you're in question. We were never able to resist your lustful thirst.'' - He says, glancing at Jin with the gentlest look. - '' It was hot as hell, but unfortunately, we were caught.'' - This was said with deep regret. - ''Our precious intimate moment was ruined and I was never able to forgive myself for being so weak to go through with that. I should have stopped you when you started kissing me.'' - He gives Jin a hard, but passionate look. -'' We should have taken you to our place and spoiled you with all the attention we wanted to give you.'' - He sighs. - '' Alas, we were weak.''

-'' Hyung...'' - Jin began but Jisung waves him off.

-'' Nah, it's fine.'' - He says. - '' It's in the past, and besides, it did bring us many great moments since then. We were happy, the three of us.'' - He said it with a soft smile. -'' I loved you both so fucking much.''

Jin looks at him with a plea. - '' Help me remember, please.'' - He asks in a think voice.

Jisung smiles gently. -'' Well, what do you think I've been trying for the past few hours?''

Jin felt the heat rising to his cheeks. He offers a bashful smile. - '' Thank you, Hyung.''

-'' Do not mention it.'' - He gave Jin's hand a squeeze.

-'' So...we were happy?'' - Jin prompts. 

Jisung lean back on the sofa, leaning his head back on the backrest as he grinned. -'' We were.''

He tilts his head to the side to glance at Jin. - '' Even though you've still thinking and talking a  lot about Namjoon.''

-'' I did?'' - Jin asks tentatively.

-'' Mhm...'' - Jisung nods in a matter-of-fact way. - '' Even when we had sex.''

Jin was scandalized.

-'' I caught you a couple of times when we were together, especially when we were face to face, me on top. Your eyes would get glossy and your thoughts elsewhere. The same look you always had when you looked at him.''

Jin covers his face in embarrassment. - '' I'm so sorry, Hyung.''

Jisung laughs in good humour. - '' I would use this apology back in the day.'' - He admits. - '' Call me arrogant, I probably were back then, but it was somewhat bothering me, especially because I really tried to give you everything.''

-'' So, so sorry.'' - Jin still wailed in his hands.

The other man grins wickedly. -'' Good thing was that Joy never caught you, or she would have ripped your balls off.''

Jin take his hands off, his ears were red as a tomato, but his face was still unblemished. 

-''  Joy.'' - He says finally. - '' What was she like? And where is she?''

The shadow of deep regret and sadness passed over Jisung's features. - '' Oh, my Porcelain Doll.'' - He says and Jin pricks his ears at that.

He repeats. - '' Porcelain Doll?''

Their eyes met. - '' Why do you think I called you Baby Doll?'' - He asks suddenly. - '' You thought that I've been seeing you as just a pretty doll without a mind and character of its own?''

That was exactly what Jin thought. He didn't have to say it out loud, because Jisung knew what he meant.

He shakes his head. - '' No, I called you Baby Doll because you were our baby, in the best way possible.'' - He says with a smile. -'' She is gorgeous, with a beautiful milky complexion, but her face was often serious and in deep thought, like those porcelain dolls. So perfect. That's why I called her a Porcelain Doll. So, when you came along, the nickname came naturally.''

Jin smiled, loving the answer. -'' And how did we call you?''

-'' Harlequin. Because I was always inked.'' 

That made Jin laugh. - '' It suits you.'' - He means it, the thought crossing his mind. -'' What a strange Doll family we were.''

The radiant grin appeared on the man's mouth at that. - '' We were the most handsome ones, that's for sure.'' - He pauses and then asks. - '' Do you recall her at least a little?'' 

Jin shakes his head sadly. - '' No. I wish I could.'' - And then, as the thought came to his mind. - '' Do you perhaps have a picture of her?''

The regret was on Jisung face again. - '' I lost all of my pictures when my phone crashed. I lost all the data. I tried recovering it but to no avail. But...'' - He took his phone and started typing it. -'' Maybe I still have it somewhere online, if she didn't delete it all when she left me.''

-'' Why did she leave you?''

Jisung stops for a moment, before continuing while saying. - '' We'll come to that part.''

He manages to find a profile with short videos on it, so he leaned closer to Jin to share the phone with him. In one of those videos Jungkook, Jin and Joy ate together, while Jisung filmed them. Jin could hear his voice and laugh as the camera filmed them. Jin's eyes fell on Joy, she was gorgeous, petite and funny and Jin felt something stir in his stomach.

-'' Oh my God, she is so beautiful.'' - He exclaimed.

-'' Told you.'' - Jisung grins.

-'' I can see why you called her Doll.'' - Jin retorted.

Jisung smirked. -'' Both of you are amazingly beautiful. Sometimes I was wondering why you were with me in the first place, but then again, my ego was so huge at the time, that I thought I'm a God of sex.''

Jin smiled shyly. -'' You were sure close to it.''

Jisung chuckled at Jin's words. They focus on the video again. It was now zooming on Joy, trying to taste some spicy dish and making a hilarious face. Jin could hear Kook's exciting laugh in the background.


Her expression was hilarious, but still very pretty. Jin was suddenly remembering her face being so close to his as she smiled. He remembered the feelings of happiness and warmth, her hands in his hair, caressing him. The feeling of her lips on his, her tongue, her body under his, her hair flipping as she rode him, her sweet moans and gasps. 

He could hear her adorable laugh and see the gentle stares and affection she gave him. He remembered plenty of moments when they cooked together and enjoyed the food. They often would go out to dine and would try something new and exotic each time. 

Jin remembered her joyful screams as they drove fast through the city at night, enjoying the speed and freedom they felt. He remembered her little pouts and how adorable and scary she looked at the same time while angry. How fragile and gentle she was when sad. Jin loved their hugs and the long cuddles under a blanket while watching a movie. He was always melting from her kisses.

Those small memories began pouring back and Jin was more and more excited. It was like he was unlocking a new area in a video game, with a lot of new content to explore. He marvelled at the small puzzle pieces that came to him, so he could store them in the big picture. Right now, he had small groups of pieces everywhere, each time getting some new memory, trying to find the place where it belongs and hoping that in the end, he will finish the entire portrait of his life.

The memories of Joy were warm and happy just like her name was, and Jin enjoyed them so much. The tears came to his eyes as the emotions came with it, filling his chest with love, joy and laughter, together with lust, small bickering and fun.

He remembered how she loved all three of them, him, Jungkook and Jisung, each differently, but each with the same vigour and passion. He remembered how much he loved her. Oh yes, Jin remembered her entirely now. Joy wasn't a woman to be easily forgotten. On the contrary, she was the one that you can never forget for long. She was hanging on the edge of his memory, just waiting to be restored on her throne in his memory core, waiting to rule him once again.

He was so lost in his memories, that he didn't notice that the video had stopped. Jisung, seeing Jin's dazed expression, pressed pause, so Jin won't miss a thing.

-'' She adored you, you know.'' - Jisung said.

-'' Yes, I remember. And I adored her as well...so much...way too much.''

-'' I think she was the only woman you allowed yourself to love unconditionally. You two had a special bond...deeper. The one I could never have with either of you. She and I had a love relationship, we were a couple, but what you two had was something more. You were so similar. Sometimes I wasn't sure if you were lovers or siblings, it was so twisted. She always brought out the best in you and you would both often giggle like little kids about something only you two understood.'' - He chuckles as he added. -'' I would feel a pang of jealousy every time you two were in your special bubble, feeling left out. And you two would always notice and shower me with love and affection.''

He took a deep nostalgic sigh, wishing for those moments to come back. -'' You were like little devils, you drove me crazy sometimes, but I could never stay angry at you for too long, you were way too cute.''

The memory of Jisung's annoyed face at himself when he realizes that he is hopeless was rather amusing to Jin, who decided to tease him a little. -'' Yes, you always had a soft spot for cute things Hyung.''

-'' I did.'' - He admits instantly. -'' And all three of you took advantage of that fact many of times.''

Jin smiled at that. -'' I know. You could never resist us.'' - He said the last part flirtatiously, placing his hand on Jisung's thigh, patting it slowly.

-'' Oh Jin, don't tease or I will bend you over and fuck you senseless, with or without your consent.'' - He threatens with a serious and hungry tone. Jin shivered slightly, already imagining it.

He always loved Jisung's dominance. It always worked on him in the past, and considering how he feels right now, it still works just as well as before. He was turned on now, but the phone in Jisung's hands was still holding secrets for Jin and he wasn't going to miss the chance to explore them thoroughly. 

He nodded towards the camera and the play button was pressed again. The camera moved from Joy to Jin who was watching her with a smile, taking a sip of his drink through a straw. 

He could hear Kook's voice teasing her with a laugh.

-'' I've told you she couldn't handle it. Your tongue was not made for spicy food, Noona. It's too...'' - He pauses, teasingly. -'' Too delicate.''

Jisung roared with laughter and suddenly there was a napkin flying across the table. The camera followed quickly to Jin's right just in time to witness Jungkook catching it and setting it lightly down, still laughing. He was perched at the end of the table, munching fries.

He was so handsome, Jin thought. Way too handsome for such youth, and he was so aware of that. He knew how good he looked. He knew how charming and clever he is. He also knew how to use it to his best advantage. 

How he looked at the camera and Jisung at that moment was alluring. He was teasing him. Jin wondered if there was something between the two when Jisung's voice interrupted him.

-'' If you two were the Devil's twins, then he was the worst one of you all.''

Jin smiled wickedly. -'' Oh yes, he was the worst, but so adorably cute.'' - The sudden memory download gave him more information about Jungkook as well since he spent most of the time with them. - '' You could never resist him. You were too whipped for his adorable bunny smile.''

Jisung shook his head. -'' Oh man, all of those times he nearly gave me a stroke, I swear, I don't know how I survived.''

They both gave a giggle at that.

-'' He was such a force of nature that one.'' - Jisung continues with a fond smile on his lips. -'' He was always like a little annoying brother to me. I adored him, just like you and Joy did. He was very smart and resourceful, mischievous, and so stubborn, but dangerously cute and charming. He drove me insane sometimes, but I could never stay angry at him for too long and the little brat knew that. I might have had his obedience and respect, but you... you had his adoration.'' - He nods towards Jin. - '' You were his role model. He was totally enchanted by you.''

Jin gave a gentle smile. -'' I always thought he had a secret crush on Joy.'' - Jin retorted.

-'' Oh he did.'' - The man chuckled. -'' But he was smart enough not to try anything.''

-'' He was afraid of your wrath.'' - Jin joked, but Jisung shook his head slightly.

-'' No, he was more afraid of her rejection. She never looked at him in that way. He was too young. He knew that.

Jin scratched his head, leaning forward and suddenly remembering something.


-'' But didn't Kook used to date older women? Like, it was his thing.'' 

Jisung gave an exasperated groan. - '' Oh that kid. Yeah, he did.''  - He huffed annoyingly, placing his phone on the table. He took a sip of his drink and settled it on the table. He leaned backwards on the sofa, shifting to sit cross-legged again, but Jin stopped him. Jisung looks at him curiously, but Jin just spread the man's legs apart so he could lie between them, with his back turned. 

Jisung purred delightfully as Jin placed his head on his chest, shifting slightly to make himself more comfortable. Jisung wrapped his arms around him, placing a palm of a hand over Jin's chest, feeling his heartbeat. Another one found a way to his hair, stroking it lightly. Jin hummed in contentment when Jisung gave him a little kiss on the hair. They intertwined their fingers and sighed.

Jin smiled softly when he felt Jisung smelling his hair. - '' You always loved smelling my hair, Hyung. Jungkook picked that up from you.''

Jisung gave a throaty moan. -'' You have no idea how much I missed it. - He murmured in Jin's hair. - '' Even though you changed your shampoo and cologne, there is still one part that it's so uniquely you.'' - He inhales again, humming again. -'' There it is...I love it.''

Jin raised Jisung's hand to his lips to kiss it. -'' I'm glad I have found you again, Hyung. I didn't know what I was missing all this time.

Jisung hugged him more tightly. -'' I missed it too.''

-'' Hyung.''  - Jin called after a pleasant silence.

-'' Hmm?'' - Came an answering hum.

-'' Tell me more.'' - Jin said quietly. -'' I want to know what happened when we moved to Japan. Where are Joy and Kook? Why did we lose each other?''

Jisung sighed, throwing his head back on the sofa, and looking at the ceiling.

-'' Well, back to memory lane again...''


___________________________________________________

Jisung turned out to be a pure gold treasure chest for Jin's memories. I didn't want to make Jin go around and gather small bits of his memories, It would take too long, but I rather give him a treasure map to find his gold. And he did, so he enjoys it while it lasts. There will be another chapter with Jisung and Jin, adding the lasting bits of memories of them being together before Jin returns back to V.

Thank you for reading and for your support. Stay tuned for more =)

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