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-'' Hyung.'' -Jin calls Jisung's attention. - '' I meant what I said. I am sorry for acting the way I do.''

-'' And I say it's fine.'' - Jisung repeats, but Jin cuts in.

-'' Yeah, I know, still...I'm very confused most of the time and I try to understand everything that happened to me. And if some of those intense sexual memories come, I can't help but be affected.''

-'' You and me both.'' - Jisung chuckles which made Jin smile sheepishly.

-'' Yeah, well, there are still so many things that I can't explain. For example, I still can't get over the fact that I speak fluent Japanese, am considered a Shark among poker players and love to drive fast cars. And yes, I'm also a pretty good cook, which is absurd because I didn't know how to fry an egg before all of this started.'' - Jin spoke exasperatedly. - '' What's really baffling, is that I can name and recognize almost every famous brand in high fashion, whether it was clothes, watches or shoes.'' - He looks at Jisung with round eyes. - '' I dress in Gangnam Goto Mall, I had no clue about Armani suits, Gucci slippers and whatnot before this shit started.''

Jisung burst out laughing, holding onto his stomach.

Jin furrows his brows. -'' It's not funny Hyung!''

-'' Yes it is.'' - The man laughed. It was even more fun of Jin's annoyed face, and after a minute, Jisung felt sorry for poor Jin. – '' I can put you at ease about those things.'' - He says and Jin pricks his ears. 

-'' I was the one who taught you how to drive.'' - He says. - '' Joy was a cooking genius and you just loved helping her. Namjoon is responsible for poker and you learned Japanese and high fashion when we moved to Tokyo.''

-'' Well, that clears some things at least.'' - Jin sighs in relief to have some questions answered. He tilts his head to the side in wonder. - '' I always thought that I picked up fashion sense from V, though.'' - He says. - ''He was always into high fashion.''

-'' Who is V?'' – Jisung asks, not knowing that name.

-'' V is my friend. He was the one that found me in Shinjuku.''

-'' Hmm... I don't know him.'' - Jisung says. - '' You met him later?''

Jin shakes his head. - '' No, I knew him before I even knew you.''

Jisung raises his eyebrows. -'' Well, you hid him pretty well then.'' - He scratched his head with his long tattooed fingers.

Jin chuckles. -'' I don't think we hung out that much at that time when I was with you.'' - He says, and then a thought came to his mind. -'' When did we move to Japan? Right after the scandal or?''

-'' A few months after. The gossip, the mean labels filled with disgust were truly uncomfortable, and after your parents moved away, we decided that it was time to leave as well.'' - Jisung stretches his limbs, relaxing his muscles. -'' All of our so-called ''friends'' turn their back on us.''

-'' Even Namjoon?'' – Jin asked in a quiet voice.

Jisung nodded sadly. -'' Yeah, he was mad. He was furious with me, but I believe he was hurt the most by the fact that he allowed himself to have feelings for you, which was a huge deal for him.'' 

He pauses his next words to gather his thoughts. 

-'' His uncle was really homophobic.'' - He says bitterly. -'' Namjoon had to act strong and manly all the time if we were to survive in the hell pit he was forced to live and work. He never teased gay people, but he was ignoring them. His uncle loved to verbally molest any slender and gentle male he sees, calling them names that made the hair on the back of my neck rise in fury. I hated that man. Namjoon hated him as well. Namjoon's tough guy act was only for the show. Deep down he was a gentle, calm and intelligent man, but he was also stubborn and proud. He refused my offer to help him with money, saying that he will manage and that after he turned 18, he was going to leave the bastard. He probably did, but we moved before that.''

Jin remembered Namjoon pretty well now. He was constantly in control, but now and then he would relax a bit and allow his warm personality to come out. That made Jin fall for the boy so hard, and the dimples didn't help either. They were rare to see, but they were the sweetest thing once they sneak out. The flash of vivid memory lightens up in his brain at that moment yet again.

...

They were out at some party, drinking and laughing. Namjoon was always a little touchy when he drank a lot and Jin enjoyed the closeness of the young man. They went to Namjoon's since his uncle wasn't there. He left on a business trip, so Namjoon had the place to himself.

They were wheezing at some awful joke Jin just told, holding on to each other, roaring from laughter only to suddenly become aware of the closeness they were at. Their bodies were touching and at that moment they realized two important things. 

First, they were very close, almost laying on each other. The warmth and mixed scents of their bodies and colognes changed the atmosphere in the room, making it instantly serious. And second, they were all alone.

They stared at each other, slightly nervous, but still aware of the attraction that was always there. Namjoon cupped Jin's cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He shifts slightly closer, not moving his eyes from Jin's lips. He unconsciously bit his, and that made Jin almost whine.

Namjoon took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He tried to calm his racing heart as he put their foreheads together. - '' What are you doing to me, Jin? '' - He murmurs in a deep voice. He takes another breath, breathing out the words. - '' Why do you confuse me so much?''

He moved his face to touch Jin's cheek, nuzzling in it. -'' Why do I always see you everywhere? '' -  He slurred the words slowly. – '' Why I'm I so nervous around you?'' - He buried his nose in Jin's neck, inhaling. -'' Ah...'' - His breath tickles Jin's skin and he shivers. Namjoon's words vibrate in his ear. -'' Damn, you smell so good.'' - Namjoon makes a throaty groan as he inhaled Jin's scent again. -'' It makes me so alive.''

Not wanting to break this spell, Jin didn't talk or move a lot. He just tilted his head slightly so Namjoon would have better access. And then Namjoon's lips were on his neck. Jin moaned.

They both froze.

Jin wanted to say he was sorry, and pretend it was an accident when Namjoon breathed into his jaw.

-'' Fuck. Do it again.''

It was not a request. It was a command. Jin's eyes went wide as his breathing stopped for a moment or two. Not in a million years would he expect this kind of talk from Namjoon. Not to him anyway, and yet, there it was.

Namjoon leans back to look at Jin with his narrowed dragon-like eyes filled with fire and lust. -'' I want to hear you again.'' - He spoke.

Jin let out a needy whine. His body was pulsating, awake and ready. He always wanted Namjoon. There was never a time he didn't want him, but right now, he was salivating.

-'' Kiss me...'' - He says breathlessly, hearing Namjoon gasp, and then adds with a breathless whine. - '' Please.''

Namjoon's lips were at his in the instant. They made a deep throaty groan because finally, they were kissing as they both always wanted. Namjoon's hands were roaming on Jin's body, pulling him tighter.

-'' I wanted to do this for a while now.'' - Namjoon admits breathlessly and then dived in for another kiss.

-'' Me too.'' - Jin murmurs into Namjoon's mouth when they broke apart for a second to catch their breath. -'' I want you so fucking much.'' 

They kissed again, adding a bit of tongue this time. It was tentative at first, but soon the kiss heated and they were both panting, with hard-ons in their jeans.

-'' Jin.'' - Namjoon calls.

-'' Hmm?'' 

Namjoon pulls Jin's hand down to his crotch. - '' Umm... can we? Can you...?'' - He begins, letting out a sexy moan when Jin cupped him with his palm.

Smirking slightly while he observed that reaction to his touch, Jin replied. - '' Yes, everything you want.'' - And went on kissing his neck.

Things began losing control afterwards. Led by raw need and hunger, both men jumped on the train that would lead them to a place of no return. The hunger for each other was huge, too intense. Their clothes were discarded on the floor quickly as they explored each other's desires and pleasures. Heavy panting and moaning echoed in the room as they moved together, connected, steadily building up for the erotic explosion that awaited.

Namjoon never felt like this before. He was so alive, so free. His muscles were tensed in pleasure as he kept ramming himself deeper and faster into Jin's tight embrace. Their lips never stopping from kissing and sucking every part of each other they could reach. They were addicted to one another.

The sex was amazing and Jin felt the happiness and love he craved for so long. In those few moments they were each other's everything, and he was so in love with Namjoon at that moment.  

The quick heating buildup exploded in immense pleasure as they reached their peak. The orgasms were so powerful that they fell into an exhausted sleep in each other's arms.

Jin remembered everything now. He remembered the feeling he had towards the man. What he meant to him. The love and desire he felt. The pain from his denial the next morning.

-'' Umm, Jin, listen...umm...whatever happened last night... it shouldn't.'' - Namjoon said, not daring to look Jin in the eyes. - '' I mean, we are guys. I don't... I mean...I'm not gay. I love women, I always did, you know... it's just alcohol. We were drunk and...'' - He was struggling with words, scratching the back of his head, eyes still cast down on the floor. - '' Could we... could we just forget about it? Please?'' –Namjoon was red, ashamed. His entire form was nervous and worried. It broke Jin's heart. 

Jin fought not to cry by biting his lower lip harshly. The pain was back. It was the same, if not worse than with Hwan, and Jin was so tired of being left down and dumped. He did not deserve that. Why was he always on the giving end and never receiving back the happiness and love he's so readily given? Why can't he be loved? Why can't he be happy? His chin wobbled and he felt his teeth digging deeper into the flesh of his lip, making it almost bleed. 

I will not cry. He thought, curling his fists and standing straighter. At that moment a shadow slid across his eyes and they grew colder like he put on a mask of indifference. He took a deep breath and all desire for crying evaporated.

-'' Oh, Namjoonie, don't worry.'' - He said in a pretentious sweet voice that confused Namjoon completely since Jin never used it before. And when he finally raised his eyes to look at him, he was met with a stranger.

Jin's lips curled in a sneer, while his once-warm eyes, stared at him like he was a disappointment. Pretty much like his uncle always looked at him. It made Namjoon shudder violently.

-'' Of course nothing happened, Joonie.'' - Jin continued with poison in his voice. - '' Of course, we didn't have sex because we wanted each other for a long time, but because of the alcohol.'' - He spoke sarcastically.

-'' Hyung.'' - It was the first time Namjoon used the honorifics on Jin. - '' Hyung, don't be like this.'' -  His voice was so vulnerable and was visibly shaking right now. Jin was so pissed that he didn't care if he was hurting him right now. After all, he was the one in pain first.

-'' Hmm...'' - Jin hummed, observing the hickeys on Namjoon's neck. - '' Uuh... those looks...well, you can always say that some hoe gave it to you.'' - He then pretend that he was just realizing something. - '' Oh, but yes...there's a slight problem. I have them too. Oh, no, such inconvenience.'' 

-'' Hyung...'' - Namjoon almost but cried.

Jin paid no heed. - '' Well, if anyone asks how we got them, we could say we have a threesome with a girl. No homo, though.''

Jin's behaviour freaked Namjoon out. The change in his attitude and character was 100% and he was scary. Namjoon dared not speak.

Jin snorts mockingly at Namjoon and put on his shoes and jacket. Namjoon was just standing frozen, watching, but jumped from his stupor when Jin walked pass him to the door.

-'' Hyung, wait.''

He reached to grab Jin's hand but the speed that Jin used to turn and grab Namjoon by the neck instead was surprisingly fast. Namjoon's breath hitched in his throat as Jin squeezed his windpipe to stop him from speaking.

-'' I don't want to hear your voice at the moment, Joon. I'm sure you understand. You might have topped last night, but I'm in control.''– Jin growled quietly, gritting his teeth as he leans their faces close, watching the tear sliding down Namjoon's cheek. – ''I don't want your denials and excuses.'' -  Jin hissed quietly, making a disgusting face. -'' I never pegged you for being a coward, but I guess I was wrong.''

He let him go and Namjoon gasped air, coughing.

Jin observed him for a moment, before turning around and walking towards the door, but before he walk through them he stopped and glanced back.

-'' Don't worry, Namjoonie. I'll make sure no one knows about this and you can return to your little shitty life filled with denials without me interfering with it. Hyung...'' - He stressed the last word. -''...will take care of it.'' – And with that, he left, leaving Namjoon to crumple on the floor as he began to cry.

...

The memory rushed back fast from that moment until Japan, and he gasped for air, the shadow of the emotional memory from before punched him in the guts and he started hyperventilating. Jisung who was with him as this happened only hugged him tightly.

The images of anger and pain from the past pulsated through his present body, as they came one by one to fill in the blanks. He remembered he ran home, crying, finding the house alone because his parents were at work. He remembered calling Jisung and Joy who came rushing when they heard his teary voice. He remembers vividly how they hugged him and cuddle him while he cried, and responded hungrily when he kissed them. They allowed him to take what he need from them since they already loved him, even then. 

And finally, Jin remembers the moment his father came home and heard the strange noises in his house, and went to investigate, only to discover his son with another man, and some whore, no doubt, moaning from perverted pleasure.

The chaos that came after, the one that changed their lives was too much for Jin at this moment. Crying out aloud, he lost consciousness and fell limp in Jisung's strong arms.

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Dear ones, It's important for Jin to understand and remember his past. To collect his puzzle pieces together. You might think it goes way too slowly, but I feel it's important to properly ease him, and you into it. It's just like good sex. If you rush things it will end too quickly and leave you disappointed, so I take my time with it and I hope you will be patient with me.

Also understand that Namjoon did love Jin, only that his life was so wrong and complicated that he couldn't admit his feelings to himself. Things might be different if his parents were alive since they were wonderful people and Namjoon would never taste the bitterness and cruelty of life. He was scared of accepting himself because he lived with a man who constantly made him feel weak and insignificant.

Thank you for reading and for the comments. Stay tuned for more.